Wednesday, November 02, 2011
Blue stars for walking this month. I need to get another activity going here. Winter is fast approaching!
Goal: Drop 5 pounds • Actual: 0 lbs (0%) Sighs.
Goal: Walk 72 miles per month • Actual: 38.66 miles (54%) Sighs again.
Goal: Exercise 2880 min. month • Actual: 653 min. (23%) I'm suppose to be doing better each month, not worse.
Goal: Walk 27 times in 31 days. • Actual: 22 times (82%) Not bad, but not goal.
I like seeing my percentages and knowing where I stand toward my annual goal. I've started focusing on November goals and am doing much better but this is only Nov. 2nd. I have to keep it up for the whole month so I can be proud of the numbers I post at the end.
Monday, October 31, 2011
So, I've been having trouble with my internal brat. She isn't listening to me at all. Eating things I've said we don't need, refusing to workout to burn those extra calories... It's getting old, quick.
Today when I went to the mall, the words from CRAZYDOGLADYBO blog, "Well guess what, I am in charge of me..." Rang in my head over and over.
As I got ready to walk, my walking buddy said she wasn't able to go so I started another dialog with myself (Am I the only that does this???) about completing two laps at the mall. I've been getting my walks in but my brat has been refusing to push the limits and I'm not doing as good as I could. She argued all the way there and the first .25 of lap one that she only wanted to do one lap. Then, to quiet her down, I started doing intervals. I'm not a very fast walker but I challenged myself to walk as fast as I could to... and picked some store. (Our mall doesn't have a food court you can just avoid. The food is scattered throughout the mall. Hence the reason my money stays in the car.) I did this over and over through out the first lap. She can't argue with me when she's panting. LOL
Lap one complete. My inner brat began to beg, plead and cajole me into stopping when we passed the store by which we parked. Nope, come on lil' girl. Keep going. You don't have to walk fast this time but you do have to walk. She was not happy and pouted the whole second lap. The really cool thing is she apparently can't whine and pout so it was a lovely, quiet second lap.
In the words of Bo, "Well guess what, I am in charge of me... and we, my little brat and I, did two laps at the mall at lunch, because I said so!"
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Wow. Turns out we're on the same team. The battle has been cancelled.
Where to start??? My fingers are hovering over the keys trying to decide how to tell this. I'm so excited!
We got to the office and I weighed Toby. He's down 5 lbs since March. His partial vegan diet is really working. Even without much activity, he's still losing. I would like to stable him at this weight so have to figure that out.
The vet came in and sat across from me with copies of Toby's tests and a giant book. I was nervous because I was full of questions and was determined to get answers. I expected to have a battle for that result... in that, I thought the vet would just expect me to listen to what he said and nod my head in agreement like a "good little girl." I've been there (for years) done that and I don't need the t-shirt. I was not in that state of mind at all.
He read from his book, helping me to better understand how amyloidosis works and what we have to watch out for in the process. There is no test that they can run that says, "hey watch out, Toby's about to get amyloidosis." The test that they run that comes back positive for the disease is the beginning of the end for Toby. "Our goal," he says, "is to prevent that test ever coming back positive, hence the meds." They are horribly expensive and have some side effects we'll have to watch for but what it does is prevent the protein enzyme created by the liver from getting out of control. It's when the protein enzyme gets out of whack that the problems begin and that test comes back positive.
After answering a million of my questions, I felt much better and felt that he was in this to win it. I even asked him if he thought my questions were disrespectful, like I wasn't believing him. (Which I had thought the vet tech had conveyed but didn't tell him that part.) No, he said he loved that we were talking about it and that it was going to be up to US to decide the best route of treatment for Toby. I liked that. We're going to approach this as a team.
He seemed quite surprised that I was so well read about the topic and that made me feel better. The tech didn't respect my need to know but he encouraged it. He talked to me for over an hour. The staff actually left and locked the doors and we continued to talk.
Here's what I know now. Toby's kidney numbers are good. That's a great sign because it means that nothing has begun attacking them. This is the first place that amyloidosis strikes in most Shar Peis. The preventative meds are not any good once the attack begins.
Toby has swollen hock syndrome. A very common Shar Pei problem that involves leaky legs. Compared to the pictures I saw online, Toby's is very mild case but still very weepy and not very pretty. This can be one of the first signs of amyloidosis. The other problem he has is a very inactive thyroid and very high cholesterol, which I learned go hand in hand. He'll have to be on thyroid meds too and they'll have to do blood work to keep track of what the meds are doing to and for him.
The vet is going to call a couple pharmacies to see what prices he can find on the Colchicine. It's a human med so has to come from a regular pharmacy. I've read online that it's incredibly expensive. One guy said he had to pay $300 for a months supply for his Shar Pei. I'm trying to be patient to see what the vet can find.
I feel so much better. We have a game plan and I understand the importance of the path chosen. That's what I was hoping for and am pleased to have that result.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
I left work a few min. early to stop by the vet to pick up pain pills for Toby. They had the pills ready and a bill printed out. Yikes. $235 so far and we have no firm diagnosis nor a plan of action. The pills for a 10 day prescription were $38. I tell you this because it lead to those old feelings of inadequacy that have played into the weight gain in the first place.
I had volunteered to go pick up something for a co-worker's b-day (she does all the b-days and I do hers) so I went to the store afterward. I walked up to the donuts and began picking one. I thought to myself, "why in the world are you picking a donut?" And the conversation began...
: I need one.
: No you don't. Why do you say that?
: It'll make me feel better.
: No it won't.
: See? It's only $.79. I can afford a bit of happiness for $.79.
: Oh so you're feeling bad because of all the money you paid to the vet?
: Yes, I can't afford to keep Toby well. This is out of my budget and I'm a loser.
: No you're not. The donut will not make you or Toby feel better, so just walk away.
And I did. I went and found the pumpkin cookies, the b-day girls' favorite, and put them in my cart.
And went back to the donuts.
: What are we doing here again?
: Oh, shut up.
Now the saddest part of all, at least to me, is that my old self still really, truly believes that the solution to those icky feelings is a sugary treat. I bought the donut, took it home and ate it with a cup of hot tea.
I will never, ever tell myself that I can't have __________. (fill in blank) So having a donut is not a problem. Having a donut to fix an emotional upset is a big problem. That is not ok. And the worst of it was, it was not even a good donut. I have always stuck to the rule that if I really want something, I can have a bite and see how good it is. If it's good then by all means, enjoy it. This donut, was barely mediocre and I wolfed it. I didn't savor it. I wolfed it. My old self trying to medicate the feelings again.
Disaster. I'm not beating myself up today. It's over. It's done. But it's an eye opener. No matter how many miles I walk a month, no matter how I work on my meal plans, my inner self still believes food is a fix for feelings. That, my friends, is dainty delicacy disaster.
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