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Are new year's resolutions futile?

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

I want to resolve that in the new year I will transform into a new me.

How many resolutions have I made and broken in my lifetime?

The fact is that every morning I wake up is a new day and an opportunity to improve myself.

The fact is I am who I am and zebras don't change their stripes.

I want to be a better person than I am. I want to set goals and achieve them. I have failed myself so often I wonder if I still have what it takes to be successful.

How do you maintain your resolve day in and day out?

How do you move forward without constantly beating yourself up over the past?

How do you accept and embrace the fact that you are the architect of your present and future?

As I am such a cat lover, I came up with the philosophy, "Life is like a litter box. When it stinks, change it."

How come I can't embrace my own philosophy?

It ocurred to me today that I have gained a lot of wisdom in my lifetime. I wish I could apply all of it on a regular basis.

I have realized that when I encounter adversity, I jump to the worst case scenario and act accordingly. Whoa! How many times has my worst case scenario ever come to pass? And if it turns out to be the worst outcome, has it ever been the end of the world? NO!

So, I think I will try to adopt "new day" resolutions. I will consciously make an effort to be the best person I can be by acting, and not automatically reacting, appropriately in all situations. Each day, each moment, I will adapt, improvise and conquer. I will become water that over time can erode the hardest stone. Given that, my resolutions will be fluid, not static. I will keep striving to be my best, and I will hold myself accountable.

So how do I achieve indefinable goals? Any suggestions?

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOVEY63 12/12/2012 4:56PM

    I also agree with Linda. We all have faced what you are going through and can beat ourselves up yet it serves no good purpose. I wish there was magic answer to learning better from our mistakes and downfalls. All we can do is wake up in the morning and say "I will do my best today."

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OPALMOON 12/12/2012 5:27AM

    I think Linda summed it up very well. You are trying to achieve wellness for a lifetime. Some days will be better than others. Tracking food and exercise and using whatever other resources help - either through Sparks or elsewhere - are good tools to use. Perhaps keeping a diary of what you do on a daily basis might help. I keep a daily pain diary and record things I have managed to do, however small, even if it has just been a load of laundry. it helps to remind me that some days are not a total loss. The main thing is to just keep doing the best you can every day!

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_LINDA 12/11/2012 11:12PM

    You have to look at it this way. There is no goal here. Every day you do your absolute best to live healthy, in all ways, mentally and physically. If you are fairly consistent with this, you will eventually see results. Why is there no goal? Because its a LIFETIME commitment. There is no quick fix. There is no end of the road. This is forever. If you want to be fit, healthy and happy, you have to work at it. Every day. No time off for good behavior. Your reward is how your body will respond when you treat it well. Sure, we all will have blow outs, slip ups, binges. But the key is to not let them totally derail you and get back on track when the episode is over.
Right now I am not dealing too well with being shut in, in extreme pain and not being able to get to my fitness classes and the bone chilling cold every time I go out, I wonder if something will freeze before I can make it to the club :P Also not being able to see and stay with Mom because of all the busyness at the club and also, the snow is preventing them from getting out of their court as their car can't handle the ruts in the road from all the snow (their street doesn't get cleared), even the high SUV's were getting stuck. Its also dangerous driving, so slippery, I saw three accidents in the short time my club's treasurer and I were driving around getting club supplies :(. They can't keep up with all the snow clearing and sanding doesn't work in very cold temperatures. So I am not in a good place right now. but I will survive because I must and I will get back on track because I like how I feel when I am fit and thin.
You can do this Judi!! I have faith in you!
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ITSMATT 12/11/2012 10:16PM

    Hi there - I'm not sure what an "indefinable goal" is, honestly.

I have a long term goal - to become healthy and I make daily decisions to move myself toward that goal. I track all my food, I make rules to counteract the things that I'd want to do that are contrary to my goal - like eating fast food.

Make it a great day!
Matt

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I lost Hope, but I gained Joy

Monday, December 10, 2012

Last night it got really cold here. It didn't dawn on me to adjust my aquarium heater, as I am a relatively new aquariast. When I got out of bed this morning I found the female angel fish, one of a mating pair, named Hope, dead. More than half of my community tank was in distress.

I quickly diagnosed the crisis was caused by a low water temperature as we had the coldest night of the season last night. I set up the aquarium late in the spring, so I hadn't dealt with dropping temperatures until now. Sad lesson learned; I lost a beloved angel fish.

After the temperature was regulated, I went to the tropical fish store and found my remaining angel fish, Bliss, a companion. As soon as I floated the plastic bag containing the new angel in the tank, Bliss was right there showing a great interest. Bliss and the new introduction, Joy, have bonded. If I chose wisely, they will become a mating pair.

Is there any moral to this story? I am extrapolating this to all of life: Hope was lost, but in the end Joy was found. It just took a calm head in a bad situation and a little persistence.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OPALMOON 12/12/2012 5:14AM

    Hi Judi, sorry to hear you lost one angel fish, and hope all goes well now for Bliss and Joy.

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-POOKIE- 12/11/2012 9:42AM

    oh thats a shame, I do hope it works out x

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MSLZZY 12/11/2012 7:39AM

    Minor adjustments in life translates to success. Sorry
you lost Hope but you seem to have taken it all in stride.
HUGS!

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_LINDA 12/11/2012 12:47AM

    Tough lesson learned, but appears to have turned out okay with the new angel fish. What will you name her? My Mom lost a fish to her cat. I am really not a fan of cats at all. We have always had dogs in our family up until Mom rescued this cat from my sister's farm a few years ago.
May the rest of your week go better and with no more migraines..
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MATER88 12/11/2012 12:45AM

    I agree that it was not what I expected either but I'm glad it had a good outcome. Very interesting blog to read! emoticon

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NDTEACHER1 12/10/2012 10:22PM

    Not at all what I expected but how much fun was this to read and enjoy!!

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BETWEEN THE PROVERBIAL ROCK AND A HARD PLACE

Tuesday, December 04, 2012

The Moral of this Story: Never loan money to family

It's nearly 3am and I can't sleep. My past life is wreaking havoc on my present one.

My no-good ex and I had a broken down SUV and no money to fix it. My mom put the repair on her credit card with the agreement that we would be responsible for paying it off. Trying to make a long story short...we end up divorced before the loan is paid off, he keeps the SUV, and it is put into the divorce decree that my slimeball ex is responsible for this debt.

Fast forward to more than 7 years later. Slimeball has eaked by making minimum payments on this credit card debt, being late on a few occasions. So, he missed the last payment and I tried to email him to receive no response. I sense something is amiss. I had not kept track of him, no phone number, address, or employer information. Have been monitoring his Facebook page for a few days and a notification reveals he is in New York now. Now what do I do?

I feel a moral obligation to my mom to assume this debt. My husband says that legally she is responsible because she allowed the use of her credit card despite any risk of default. Yes, that is correct as to point of law...but morally? No! This is ripping my heart out!

My husband says that my moral and spiritual obligation is to him. He views it that my ex is screwing my mom over, not me. I don't think my mom should suffer as a result of my bad choices. We are not made of money, but we are better set to assume this debt than my mom is. My husband says that the amount of the debt is nothing. If that is so true, then why is he forcing the debt on my mom? Why is he jepordizing my relationship with both him and my mom, because I feel trapped in the middle.

I have been dishonest about my finances and spending with my husband in the past. I could have just quietly started making this credit card payment without my husband ever knowing. But I don't want to lie to him by omission. But I just can't hang my mom out to dry...nor do I want to destroy my marriage.

WHAT CAN I POSSIBLY DO? THIS IS TEARING ME APART!

Oh, yeah. And this is all happening on the night before I go to orientation for my volunteer position at the aquarium. That sounds lame, but this is a very important event to me. I don't want to struggle through it, I want to enjoy this experience. How will I be able to if I am stressed, anxious, and have a migraine from lack of sleep?

OMG! This has triggered a self-destruct response. I want to eat everything and anything that is sweet, salty, or ladden with fat.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OPALMOON 12/5/2012 2:02AM

    Hi Judi, I am so sorry to hear that you and your mother are in this situation. Previous posters have already made a lot of the same comments i would...

In the first instance your ex is responsible so if he can be tracked down without too much hassle or expense he should be made to somehow make good on the debt, whether by direct deduction from his pay or repossession of the SUV. After all, this is covered by a legal document.

The situation otherwise is tricky as you say. I imagine your DH views that on principle he is not responsible for the debt, even though the amount owing is 'nothing'. Meanwhile, you are understandably feeling responsible for the loan being made to your ex, and also standing up for your mother's right to recoup her money, so it is no wonder you feel caught in the middle.

If getting your ex to pay proves too difficult, then I hope your DH can see that this isn't about where your moral obligations lie, but more that as a daughter you also have every reason to be concerned about your mother and wanting to help her any way you can, which is only natural in this situation. I agree with Linda about doing whatever you can to help your mother out, and I hope DH can come around to this, especially since he says the amount owing is 'nothing'.

i've come to this email a day late, so I hope you had a wonderful orientation day at the aquarium.

Most of all, take care of yourself, Judi.

Love and hugs, Nattacia

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MATER88 12/4/2012 7:14PM

    I have to agree with what the others have said. I agree that you may be able to hunt your ex down and make him pay. Unfortunately that might incur legal expenses for you and you don't want to do that. If you can locate him you might be able to take him to small claims court.
This is terrible for you. Let some time pass before talking to DH again. I liked the suggestion from MSLZZY about making very small payments. But I would wait a little while before bringing it up again.
Try to understand DH. I think he is being a little harsh but I can see where he wouldn't want to take over a payment for an ex.
See what you can do legally. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BOVEY63 12/4/2012 7:01PM

    So sorry you are being put in this position. It would be a most awful spot to be in. Is there any legal recourse you or your mom have due to it being in the divorce decree. Maybe if he finds out he would lose a court case and have to pay your mom's legal fees, he (the ex) might make good on the payments.

Hope all goes well for you at orientation!
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_LINDA 12/4/2012 4:43PM

    Oh no Judi, this is horrible :(( What a nasty thing your ex did skipping out. Is there no legal way to make him repay this debt? A garnishee on his paychecks? Repossessing the vehicle?? You hear about them hunting down people to repay their debts. In this day and age of electronics, its not hard to do -he will be found the moment he uses any plastic.
Your husband is being rather cold hearted about this considering its his mother-in-law. And you being up front about this instead of sneaking behind his back should be worth something too. Unfortunately, mothers are so gullible when it comes to their love of their children and wanting to do whatever they can to help them out. She doesn't deserve to be burned like this :(( Judi do what you have to do to help your Mother out.
Good luck with the orientation tomorrow -once you are there, you will lose yourself in the excitement of everything going on and will do fine. Don't beat yourself up over this -the factors were beyond your control.
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FRAN533 12/4/2012 1:21PM

    I agree you need to pay your mom back and you present husband needs to step and think how he would feel it it were his mom out the money. You mom has been very understanding about the all the time that has pasted since she loaned you the money. You might want to worek something out between the three of you your mom new husband and your self . explain to her it causing you stress physical and on you marriage and work out a way to pay her 1/2 the money that way she gets half plus what the ex husband has paid this way maybe you husband would be more understanding that he is not responsible for what your husband but your bill. hope you get things work out soon for your healths sake.
Enjoy your new job sounds like it will be fun.

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-POOKIE- 12/4/2012 8:33AM

    This isn't about moral obligations to your current husband, its everything to do with the woman who raised you and I assume has some relationship with your husband now?

I think he needs to understand you are doing this for your mothers sake, nothing else.

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MSLZZY 12/4/2012 7:09AM

    Shame on your ex for putting you in this position and DH
is not helping. Try to talk to him about making very small
payments in good faith. Explain kindly that this is not
about the ex but about your relationship with your
mother. He may see that this is best for all of you.
HUGS!

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Christmas creep is creeping me out!

Saturday, November 24, 2012

How dreadful! As soon as the political ads were over the Christmas ads began. Some stations started playing Chritmas songs BEFORE Thanksgiving. Decor and gifts for the season are appearing in the stores earlier than ever. Seasonal treats like eggnog are being served up early as well. It seems like Halloween is becoming the new start to the holiday season. I feel like Thanksgiving is being overshadowed and disrepected by commercialism. Is holiday shopping so important that it has to break families apart on Thanksgiving to staff retail stores on a cherished family holiday?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOVEY63 11/25/2012 11:30AM

    Boy do I agree with you. It has gotten beyond ridiculous.

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MISSM66 11/25/2012 8:41AM

    so true,that is why I stay home with my Hubby, emoticon emoticon

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MSLZZY 11/25/2012 8:38AM

    Sad but true!

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OPALMOON 11/25/2012 1:08AM

    I agree with you too, Judi. Unfortunately consumerism takes over everywhere and in Australia the Christmas merchandise has already been around for some time. We don't celebrate Halloween officially over here in Australia yet there was a certain amount of Halloween merchandise for sale which in my opinion not only is retailers just trying to make money any way they can but also a disrespect for the meaning of that festival. I don't know if the same thing happens in North America but over here as soon as Christmas is over, Easter eggs are on the shelf!!! When it comes to people working at traditional holiday times, the retail and hospitality industries are under extra strain with longer and extra hours. The shops close here on Christmas Day but hotels open as a lot of people like to eat out - and that includes Mum and I, since it is just the two of us it gives us a day off from cooking and we can just relax on that day and enjoy ourselves - so we are thankful for that opportunity.

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JANTWO 11/25/2012 12:59AM

    I agree!!!!

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FRAN533 11/24/2012 7:00PM

    I agree with you we just rush though everything now days. Soon you will find Valentines out and we have not even entered into December as yet. i think we as a society need to remind the stores that we want to enjoy each holiday. If we didn't support them in being open 24 hours a day or line up at 2 PM in the afternoon for a midnight opening they would not do it. I need to now get off my soap box as my BP will go up. this a hug issue with me and has been for years. Growing up my family would not shop at K Mart since they were open on Thanksgiving Day. I am one person but it made us feel better kind of like Hobby lobby being closed on Sunday. so the workers can be with family and they seem to do great income wise. thanks for the reminder to enjoy each holiday and their meaning emoticon

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LINWASH23 11/24/2012 4:43PM

    You are right. emoticon

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JANETTEB553 11/24/2012 4:36PM

    so true emoticon

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Woohoo! Good News.

Tuesday, November 06, 2012

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Just received the phone call I have been waiting for. I have been accepted as a volunteer at the Denver Downtown Aquarium. I do my orientation on Dec. 4. Can't wait!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MATER88 11/8/2012 4:27PM

    I am so happy for you!!!!! All good things come to those who wait. emoticon
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SLIMLILA 11/7/2012 4:27PM

    emoticon I just asked you that.. guess I should have read your blogs backwards, and I would have known the answers... Enjoy!

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BOVEY63 11/7/2012 1:22PM

    I am so happy for you Judi ~ and for the aquarium too. They made an awesome choice!
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MSLZZY 11/7/2012 7:20AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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-POOKIE- 11/7/2012 2:44AM

    wonderful!

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KPETSCH 11/7/2012 2:37AM

    So AWESOME! Congratulations!

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_LINDA 11/7/2012 12:58AM

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I am so happy for you Judi!! That is fantastic!!!!
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THEBLONDEGENIUS 11/6/2012 10:27PM

    Oh, I'm so happy for you!! Yesssss!!
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OPALMOON 11/6/2012 9:49PM

    Hi Judi,

I am so glad to hear this positive news! That is just fabulous - I am so pleased for you!
Have a great week - hugs and blessings, Nattacia

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LAINYC 11/6/2012 4:59PM

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