Tuesday, December 11, 2012
I want to resolve that in the new year I will transform into a new me.
How many resolutions have I made and broken in my lifetime?
The fact is that every morning I wake up is a new day and an opportunity to improve myself.
The fact is I am who I am and zebras don't change their stripes.
I want to be a better person than I am. I want to set goals and achieve them. I have failed myself so often I wonder if I still have what it takes to be successful.
How do you maintain your resolve day in and day out?
How do you move forward without constantly beating yourself up over the past?
How do you accept and embrace the fact that you are the architect of your present and future?
As I am such a cat lover, I came up with the philosophy, "Life is like a litter box. When it stinks, change it."
How come I can't embrace my own philosophy?
It ocurred to me today that I have gained a lot of wisdom in my lifetime. I wish I could apply all of it on a regular basis.
I have realized that when I encounter adversity, I jump to the worst case scenario and act accordingly. Whoa! How many times has my worst case scenario ever come to pass? And if it turns out to be the worst outcome, has it ever been the end of the world? NO!
So, I think I will try to adopt "new day" resolutions. I will consciously make an effort to be the best person I can be by acting, and not automatically reacting, appropriately in all situations. Each day, each moment, I will adapt, improvise and conquer. I will become water that over time can erode the hardest stone. Given that, my resolutions will be fluid, not static. I will keep striving to be my best, and I will hold myself accountable.
So how do I achieve indefinable goals? Any suggestions?
Monday, December 10, 2012
Last night it got really cold here. It didn't dawn on me to adjust my aquarium heater, as I am a relatively new aquariast. When I got out of bed this morning I found the female angel fish, one of a mating pair, named Hope, dead. More than half of my community tank was in distress.
I quickly diagnosed the crisis was caused by a low water temperature as we had the coldest night of the season last night. I set up the aquarium late in the spring, so I hadn't dealt with dropping temperatures until now. Sad lesson learned; I lost a beloved angel fish.
After the temperature was regulated, I went to the tropical fish store and found my remaining angel fish, Bliss, a companion. As soon as I floated the plastic bag containing the new angel in the tank, Bliss was right there showing a great interest. Bliss and the new introduction, Joy, have bonded. If I chose wisely, they will become a mating pair.
Is there any moral to this story? I am extrapolating this to all of life: Hope was lost, but in the end Joy was found. It just took a calm head in a bad situation and a little persistence.
Tuesday, December 04, 2012
The Moral of this Story: Never loan money to family
It's nearly 3am and I can't sleep. My past life is wreaking havoc on my present one.
My no-good ex and I had a broken down SUV and no money to fix it. My mom put the repair on her credit card with the agreement that we would be responsible for paying it off. Trying to make a long story short...we end up divorced before the loan is paid off, he keeps the SUV, and it is put into the divorce decree that my slimeball ex is responsible for this debt.
Fast forward to more than 7 years later. Slimeball has eaked by making minimum payments on this credit card debt, being late on a few occasions. So, he missed the last payment and I tried to email him to receive no response. I sense something is amiss. I had not kept track of him, no phone number, address, or employer information. Have been monitoring his Facebook page for a few days and a notification reveals he is in New York now. Now what do I do?
I feel a moral obligation to my mom to assume this debt. My husband says that legally she is responsible because she allowed the use of her credit card despite any risk of default. Yes, that is correct as to point of law...but morally? No! This is ripping my heart out!
My husband says that my moral and spiritual obligation is to him. He views it that my ex is screwing my mom over, not me. I don't think my mom should suffer as a result of my bad choices. We are not made of money, but we are better set to assume this debt than my mom is. My husband says that the amount of the debt is nothing. If that is so true, then why is he forcing the debt on my mom? Why is he jepordizing my relationship with both him and my mom, because I feel trapped in the middle.
I have been dishonest about my finances and spending with my husband in the past. I could have just quietly started making this credit card payment without my husband ever knowing. But I don't want to lie to him by omission. But I just can't hang my mom out to dry...nor do I want to destroy my marriage.
WHAT CAN I POSSIBLY DO? THIS IS TEARING ME APART!
Oh, yeah. And this is all happening on the night before I go to orientation for my volunteer position at the aquarium. That sounds lame, but this is a very important event to me. I don't want to struggle through it, I want to enjoy this experience. How will I be able to if I am stressed, anxious, and have a migraine from lack of sleep?
OMG! This has triggered a self-destruct response. I want to eat everything and anything that is sweet, salty, or ladden with fat.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
How dreadful! As soon as the political ads were over the Christmas ads began. Some stations started playing Chritmas songs BEFORE Thanksgiving. Decor and gifts for the season are appearing in the stores earlier than ever. Seasonal treats like eggnog are being served up early as well. It seems like Halloween is becoming the new start to the holiday season. I feel like Thanksgiving is being overshadowed and disrepected by commercialism. Is holiday shopping so important that it has to break families apart on Thanksgiving to staff retail stores on a cherished family holiday?
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