Strengths and Weaknesses

Friday, April 13, 2012

1. I am a survivor and keep going no matter what.
2. I am kind.
3. I am creative.
4. I am a good cook.
5. I feel that I am a good wife, daughter, and friend.
6. I can accomplish most things I set my mind to.
7. I am intelligent.y
8. I am generous.
9. I am adventurous.
10. I am faithful.
11. I am a good housekeeper.
12. I love all lifeforms on earth. (Heck, I would probably like aliens.)
13. I think I am pretty.
14. I do take self - improvement seriously.

1. I am self - centered, I often think the world revolves around me.
2. I am a compulsive spender.
3. I lack self-confidence.t
4. I don't express myself enough.
5. I carry a lot of baggage.
6. I am very impatient.
7. I want to please others above myself.
8. I am a perfectionist, which keeps me from living a full life. I will not attempt anything unless I feel I can do it perfectly. I am an all or nothing person.
9. I feel defective because of my migraines.
10. I watch too much T V.
11. I can easily be taken advantage of.
12. I don't complete a lot of projects I take on.
13. I am a weak person, I have trouble getting through some days.
14. I am a depressive and a pessimist.
15. I am insecure.

Whoa! One more negative than positives. Can anyone help me add to my strengths?

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-POOKIE- 4/15/2012 8:17AM

Weak? No, you are not that, you have a lot to trouble you and yet here you are still coming up with a list of positives about yourself. Weak couldn't have done that! So for a start you can add strength of will to your positives. Turn your perfectionism into a positive by turning it around. I have mild OCD, I use this to keep up with tidying (everything has a place!!!), track my food down the the last gram using my scales, plan meals to never waste food... I channel what could be a negative (like habits I used to have, hand washing, nervous fidgits) into something better. Channel yours against another of your negatives... such as not finishing projects... And finally... dont beat yourself up, you are in spite of as I already said some tough things in your life... you are a positive thing in my life, even over the internet... so you HAVE to be mostly positive in real life if it can show without meeting you!! Report Inappropriate Comment

SLIMLILA 4/15/2012 2:55AM

#13.. you definitely are not a weak person... YOu are a survivor and have become stronger than you can even imagine. I'm sure you are not defective because of your migraines, because God knows you are strong enough to deal with them... he will not test you beyond your endurance.. God Bless. Report Inappropriate Comment

BOVEY63 4/14/2012 9:11AM

You are an inspiration, are sweet and caring, a good gardener, supportive, encouraging... Report Inappropriate Comment

_LINDA 4/14/2012 1:40AM

Numbers 1 and 7 in the negatives don't jibe. Its hard to be self centered if you want to please others before yourself! Having trouble getting through some days is not a sign of weakness, its LIFE! We all have those days, and I can safely say I have seen a pile of days like that and have no idea at times why I don't just throw in the towel and stay in bed -would be a whole lot less painful. Giving up my busy life with the bridge club would mean more PJ days. maybe I am just crazy and haven't figured it out yet. We are NOT defective in spite of suffering from health problems. Life isn't perfect, why should we expect us to be? Having depression leads to pessimist behavior and needs to be treated and can usually. Do not be afraid to seek help if your meds are not working.. I don't see you having more negatives then positives.. Report Inappropriate Comment

KNITTABLES 4/13/2012 11:04PM

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The return of my migraines is hitting me hard

Thursday, April 12, 2012

My positive outlook is slip-sliding away as I sit here recovering from yesterday's severe migraine. I'm angry, frustated, confused, desperate, demolished, disillusioned, derailed, dreadful, diminished, downtrodden, damned, despondent, distraught, defective, drained, disappointed, fearful, sad, heartbroken, devastated, depressed, defeated, pessimistic, trapped in a nightmare, and dozens of other negative emotions while I wallow in my self-pity. (There are a lot of negative words that start with the letter D.)

Why are they back? Is God telling me I wasnr't doing enough with my life after he took the pain away so I must return to a state of suffering? Is it that I can not lead a comfortable life without the familiarity of pain so I cling to it?

Please read this short article on the link below.

www.mind4joy.com/2012/04/time-to-mov
e-on.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_me
dium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheMin
d4JoyProject+%28Mind4Joy%3A+Thoughts+o
n+Living+with+Joy+and+Purpose%29

Reading the above post touched a chord in me. Although the primary focus is on letting go of emotional pain, it hit me that maybe a lack of courage is keeping me from releasing my physical pain.

I'd like you to read the post and tell me what you think.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEVENGO2 4/15/2012 1:59PM

Judi, Do not punish yourself for having migrains again! You have no control over them ~ so they are not your fault. You have no control on when they hit you. You are living a healthy lifestyle ~ be proud of that. I suffer from an illness that I do not control. It can come and go as it pleases. Fortunatly I work with a Doctor and we have found the right balance of medication to help control the illness for the past ten years. I have gone through a lot of pain to get to the stable position I am at now. I do not know what causes your migraine episodes, but I hope you are working with a Doctor to help deal with them. When they come I hope you and your Doctor can keep them under as much control as possible. Do look at how long you went without an episode, you are making progress. I hope you realize that you will come out of this period of pain again. My autistic step son taught me one huge lesson in life ~ no matter how hard life was he would fight and say 'Don't give up!' So my simple advice to you is not to give up on yourself and not give into these feelings, fight fight fight ~ all is not lost. You will come through this. Report Inappropriate Comment

FUZZYBEEZ 4/14/2012 2:29AM

I'll read the link next but first wanted to give you other options to think about as to why you might be having migraines. First off as we all know stress can cause them. Also High blood pressure. And here's one not many think of. Sometimes the foods we eat can cause them.....or the combination of foods we eat in a day. My Grandmother couldn't eat brown chocolate.....it would give her a terrible migraine every single time she ate it.....now white chocolate she could eat but not brown chocolate. Another thing is a change in lotions, soaps, laundry cleaner, etc. The way the fumes or ingredients interact with your system can trigger migraines. So when your head isn't killing you, you might want to take the time to think back and see if there was something you'd changed or cut out while your headaches were gone that maybe you've unknowningly brought back into your life......or maybe looking back at when you had them before you can now see that there's a pattern to what was triggering them. I know it's a lot of work but if it'll help curb the headaches then it might just be worth it. Oh and here's a trick Dr Oz talked about on his show. When you start to get a headache, apply pressure to the space between your big toe and the next one. I've tried it on mild headaches and it has helped, so it might be worth a try. Report Inappropriate Comment

BOVEY63 4/13/2012 1:14PM

I wish there was something I could do to help - you don't deserve these headaches. You are such a good, loving person and deserve only the best of everything. I will continue to pray for you Sweetie! Report Inappropriate Comment

-POOKIE- 4/13/2012 9:00AM

*hugs* Im so sorry xx Report Inappropriate Comment

_LINDA 4/12/2012 8:53PM

I am so very sorry you are suffering from these awful migraines again :((( I just didn't want to believe they had come back for good again :(( You have more courage then anyone I know trying to make a life for yourself in between these awful episodes. You managed to lose weight, you somehow manage to get exercise. You live life to the fullest given you. You make every second count that you are pain free. You have fought them with everything you have, tried every painful treatment there is to try stop them. No, there is no lack of courage in you. You never give up. The only advice I have is to continue to live life to the fullest when ever you are given the freedom to do so. That is all we can do and all anyone can expect of us. People admire me for all the pain i constantly push through. But its rather misplaced. I was given this life, and I can choose to be a couch potato and simply give up, or I can choose to conitnue on, making the most of the little3 I was given. I think I have done that, and that is why I have never had to deal with depression. I have accepted this burden, know its not going to get any better, in fact is steadily worsening. There is no cure, so I have to make the most of my ability to move while I can and get out and enjoy life.. That is all we can do. Report Inappropriate Comment

BRANDTSGIRL 4/12/2012 7:06PM

I'd like to know why your having these migraines all the time also. Which I could take them away from you:) Report Inappropriate Comment

Daily struggles

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Each night, even though I take Ambien for sleep, I have a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep. I used to Spark during those times and would find myself getting 0-3 hours of sleep. Now I fight the urge to get out of bed and toss and turn until I can find sleep again. When the sandman finally visits, it is morning and I don't want to get out of bed at a reasonable hour.

This morning I managed to haul myself out of bed at 8:30, three hours after DH gets up to go to work. I did 30 minutes of gardening, took a shower and spent 30 minutes styling my hair the way DH likes it, then had some breakfast. After that I did my yoga for 30 minutes and the same amount of time gliding on the Gazelle.

I went to the doctor for an annual check-up today. I haven't seen my primary care doctor in months since my migraines magically disappeared for 3 months and 10 days. And just as mysteriously, they have returned. The doc says she doubts she will be able to solve this migraine puzzle. All I can do is pray to God that he lifts this burden from me once again.

I went to Costco for a few things and picked up some Cala lily and begonia bulbs to add to the garden. Came home and cleaned the bathrooms.

As I Sparked today I ran across this status from my friend: BOVEY63 is trying to balance trusting my fellow man - being able to trust without being taken advantage of. That prompted a comment from me because it was particularly relevant to me today: How to trust your fellow man? I am starting to have a real hard time with certain people. I have one virtual friend that I have had multiple media exchanges for several years. This month she told me she had banking charges problems and didn't have enough money to last through the month...so I sent her some money. How do I know she is spending it on groceries and not cigarettes? But gifts should not have strings attached.

Then there is a couple that lives in the neighborhood. They have come to our door asking for tampons, rides to cash their disability checks, to McDonalds because they have nothing in the house to eat, and today a ride to the convenience store for food. The last two times I have given them rides, they have also visited liquor stores in whatever vicinity I take them. They also smoke. I have to wonder why I am helping people who refuse to help themselves.

It's time to wind up my computer time for today. Sweet dreams, everyone.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLIMLILA 4/15/2012 2:50AM

Judi, sorry to hear about the migraines.. Also, sorry to hear I missed your calls when I was away, I wish they had given you the number for my mother, I had meant to send it to you and forgot. I remember a time we went to visit dh's aunt and she had just got out of a mental hospital and couldn't serve us tea because she had no milk. It was a Friday and I realized she wouldnt' be receiving her cheque the next day like she told us. So, I went to the grocery store and bought her some food, having to keep in mind, she was single and only had a limited space in a share kitchen in a boarding room situation. I too wondered about where my money was going but felt i should give her $20 cash because hard as I tried, I really didn't know what she needed. I hope your random acts of kindness were taken as just that and that you weren't being taken advantage of. I'm back home in AB so hope we'll talk soon. Guess your dh was successful in his interview as I see you said he was gone to work. That's great! I've been too busy to follow up on that interview I had, but plan to do it on Monday and then seriously start applying for teaching jobs. I realized if I have to go to remote areas again, it's only for another 6 years, so maybe I can do it... Hmm... ttyl Lila Report Inappropriate Comment

FUZZYBEEZ 4/11/2012 11:42PM

I used to have migraines.......has your doctor checked your hormone levels. Some doctors don't believe it but in my family all the women have migraines and it's linked to our hormones....once we start going through the change our migraines disappear and reappear at times, supposedly in tandom to our hormones rising and falling....then they go away completely when the change is complete. Might be worth looking into......I don't know your age for sure but ya never know. I went through the change already and I'm only 35. As for helping people.....well here's some tips. For online.....when wanting to help offer to pay a bill instead of buying groceries......that way the bill is paid and they can use their own money for groceries. And if you do this, ask for the bill itself, and send in the money yourself....so you know that's what your money was used for. As for in person....tell the couple you are more than willing to take them to run errands but you will no longer take them to buy alcohol or cigarettes and would appreciate their not bringing those things into your vehicle. Let them know you are trying to live a healthier lifestyle and that you don't feel right having those things around you or in your car. Then it becomes their choice of whether or not they ask you to take them anywhere. YOU have the right to make limits to how you help people. Report Inappropriate Comment

_LINDA 4/11/2012 1:05AM

Judi, you must make sure your kind heart is not being taken advantage of. Its very risky to trust anyone online.. Perhaps take these neighbors to places where they can be helped like the food bank -no booze or smokes there. I was really sad when I saw those horrible migraines came back :(( Doesn't look like anyone has a clue why -but examine your migraine free time with a minute comb and see if anything was different for you in that time -meds, foods etc.. Maybe there is something in there. My thoughts are with you always, Hugs, Linda Report Inappropriate Comment

BOVEY63 4/10/2012 11:18PM

Praying that the migraines mysteriously disappear again. I'll bet your garden is going to be beautiful. Share pics when flowers start blooming. Report Inappropriate Comment

Insomnia (an original poem by me)

Friday, April 06, 2012

Insomnia you're stalking me.
Why can't you just let me be.
On my soft bed I lay to rest,
Scrunching a pillow 'til it feels best.

My brain won't stop; can't shut it off.
All others seem to do is scoff.
Don't we need sleep per chance to dream?
Or will it invite nightmares and a scream.

I need to be at my best each day.
But I can hardly keep the beast at bay.
It's hunger grows so deep inside,
I simply wait for my worlds to collide.

Somewhere out there is peace and love.
I know God provides it from above.
But trapped am I, a mortal being.
The future is not mine for seeing.

How I long to live for just one day
With all my pains taken away.
To feel delight we must suffer as well,
Or how would there be a difference to tell.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEVENGO2 4/12/2012 1:21PM

Awesome poem ~ it takes me two to 3 hours each night to slow down and fall asleep, if I am lucky! I love how you put these thoughts into words. I too wish I could beat insomnia. But still I struggle! Most mornings it is a battle to get moving and motivated for the day ahead. Report Inappropriate Comment

SLIMLILA 4/9/2012 8:21AM

You've captured the reality of it... and we both know it well enough to recognize it... Report Inappropriate Comment

MATER88 4/6/2012 5:32PM

That is beautiful. Just wondering--do you actually get in bed at a "reasonable" time; whatever that is or do you stay up late because you just don't feel tired or sleepy? Report Inappropriate Comment

SLIMMERJESSE 4/6/2012 4:36PM

It is really tough when you struggle with this. Makes days so tired. Hope you can resolve it soon. BTW, your cats are adorable. Report Inappropriate Comment

BOVEY63 4/6/2012 12:02PM

Wish there was something I could do to help you Judi! You are in my prayers. Report Inappropriate Comment

_LINDA 4/6/2012 3:03AM

Awesome way to express your struggle. As I sit here at 1 am, too late again, another broken two hours of sleep to look forward to.. Would like some answers too. I share and feel your pain.. Report Inappropriate Comment

KNITTABLES 4/6/2012 2:02AM

What a great poem, thanks for sharing. Report Inappropriate Comment

3 months and 10 days

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

3 months and 10 days

That's how long I want without a migraine. Now I have had 3 in the past two weeks. It had seemed magical when they just went away. Now I and my team of doctors need to magically figure out why they came back.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRANDTSGIRL 4/5/2012 2:26PM

Hope you find out why they came back, here's to them going away Report Inappropriate Comment

_LINDA 4/5/2012 1:30AM

So very sorry :((( I had thought your curse had been finally lifted :(( Report Inappropriate Comment

KNITTABLES 4/4/2012 8:44PM

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BOVEY63 4/4/2012 7:47PM

So sorry Judi. Hope they figure it out soon. Report Inappropriate Comment

PIGSOFGREEN 4/4/2012 7:36PM

Oh man, I'm so very sorry Report Inappropriate Comment

MATER88 4/4/2012 6:19PM

That is very disappointing. MaryAnn Report Inappropriate Comment