Saturday, November 03, 2012
I hate it when this happens.
I was doing well. Not great, but really---slow and steady does win the race.
School started, and for the first six weeks, I was doing okay. I was still losing, slowly, but losing.
I wish I could say I didn't know what happened, but that would be a lie because I know EXACTLY what happened.
I got busy. And when I get busy, I am stressed. And when I'm stressed---you can ask my husband if you don't believe me---I go into this crazy spin of "I can't control my world, so you sure better let me control the things I can control or you'll be sorry" mode.
Guess what falls into the "things I can control?"
Food. Eating. Exercise.
So somewhere in the crazy week before Halloween (Girl Scouts, Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, Church, Christmas Cantata, Principal Interviews, Hubby TDY), I did what I wanted with food. That included Halloween candy. Ah, heck---that included Clearance Halloween Candy (CHC----because I had Cantata practice right there at the church, which is right next door to the grocery store, and it was Halloween night, and all the candy was going on clearance!).
And now, it's hard to go back. Although I did make an honest attempt on Thursday, and had a salad at work instead of pizza---it's so hard to go BACK TO HEALTHY. I keep telling myself that this little piece of pizza isn't going to hurt me.
So, to give some frame of reference to this---In September, my family went out for pizza. I ordered water, had a salad, and two piece of thin crust veggie pizza, and was very full and satisfied. Last night we were there again. I had Diet Pepsi (I gave up soda months ago), two pieces of garlic cheesy bread, 3 1/2 pieces of pizza. And then, came home and ate the CHC when I got home.
And the thing is---I feel awful. I'm full and gassy and irregular all the time now. I know this.
I'M SO GOSH-DARNED MAD AT MYSELF!
Where'd my inspiration go? I've gained four pounds, which will fall off quickly when I get my crap back together.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
I like this title. It feels like a book title.
Basically, I've been a crazy kind of busy. Work is ... unexplainably crazy. I'd go into detail, but it wouldn't mean much to anyone. I'm working my tail off to prove, once and for all, that I'm right. Enough said.
Add to this a 12 and 14 year old. Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, Cross Country, church youth, and a husband who has a hard time saying "No" to anyone! Bless his heart, he's a good man. But, really, I wish he'd tell someone that he didn't have time! Add to the mix his two posts he holds with Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts, church council, men's Bible study, and, of course, his job (which currently is requiring at least 10 hours of overtime a week).
Hermione's Girl Scout Silver Award project is done (as of Thursday night at 11:30, when the final paperwork was submitted)-- 50 hours + of a community project. She chose to renovate our Community Center. Paint, floor, new kitchen items, rugs, bathroom upgrades. She did a good job, and now it's just wait and see if the award committee thinks it's worthy. This has been keeping me busy, and I'm glad we're finally finished.
Oh---the kids decided they wanted to sing in the Christmas Cantata. How can I say no to making a joyful noise? One more thing...
Tonight, Ron is busy working on a diorama (remember these?) of a biome. I love his science teacher. He's very specific that in order to get an A in the class, you have to complete a given number of projects from the menu of ideas the teacher provides. That said, everything is due on Wednesday of this week (because our first grading period ends on Friday). Do you know how many of these "projects" Ron has completed? As of Friday, he has 8 left to finish! He focussed all of his time working on one project with a friend, but didn't do any of the rest! Since Friday, he has written a paper on migratory bats and Wildlife Biologists, and created a poster of animal adaptations over seasons. His diorama is under construction as I write. He still has to compose a letter to lawmaker urging protection of the endangered species of his choice, and create a poster highlighting the events leading up to the Endangered Species Act. PHEW... I never worked this hard in school!
All of this has led to some really sad eating, and while I haven't gained, I haven't lost for about three weeks. I haven't tracked my food, and I haven't had time to exercise.
It's time to get my act together...
But sometimes it just seems so overwhelming! Some days, tracking my food just seems to take more time and energy than I can muster...
Saturday, September 15, 2012
I have an adult child living at home. It's been a month now, and with her new career, and her husband working in graduate school, it was beneficial for her to take a good job nearby, and move home to pay off her education loans.
I had forgotten, and it took a dramatic challenge of wills to remind me, how RIGHT we all are when we're in our twenties. Thankfully, I now take my child's stubbornness with a grain of salt. She will learn.
She will learn.
When she arrived at home, she told us that she was now a vegetarian. Great, I thought! She's moving toward a healthier lifestyle. This will mesh well with the changes we've made since she left home.
So, at my next grocery stop, I bought extra veggies and fruits.
I was wrong.
Her vegetarianism, I've seen in the past month, is more about NOT EATING MEAT than it is about eating veggies. Ice cream, corn chips w/hummus, and granola bars are her staples. We went out to dinner, and she ordered a hamburger plate---saved the burger for her dog, ate the bun and fries, but not the veggies (and yes, the option for a black bean burger, or mushroom burger was an option).
She announced that she's gained weight since coming home, and it must be because our eating habits are so bad. Funny---Ron has lost 6 pounds in that month, and Hermione's jeans purchased in the beginning of August are baggy on her now. Hagrid and I have both continued losing, as well. Somehow, I just don't think it's US.
Am I being hard on her? Yes---and no. Secretly, I laugh when I think about it, because I do remember KNOWING EVERYTHING when I was her age. Yep---it's KARMA. Our children end up being just like we were---it's God's way of showing us how much to appreciate our parents, because they tolerated us!
...going to call my parents to thank them!
Sunday, September 02, 2012
The last few weeks have been a whirlwind. An unexpected trip to Minnesota, only to return the night before the first day of school.
The kids have been back in school for a week, and we survived the week without much drama. Fatigue, yes. Stress, absolutely. But, here's the greatest part. I lost five pounds this week. My biggest weekly loss!! I think the combination of lots of water, and more activity is responsible. I'll take it!
On Monday, Ron (12) came home saying, "Guess what, Mom! I signed up for Cross Country!" He was so excited that I didn't have the heart to express my doubts. Our family rule is that you finish what you start, so there's no quitting. Ron has never been athletic, and he detests running. Every year, he talks about all the other kids can run, and he can't. So, every year, I try to work with him on building up his endurance. He always hates it and it becomes a huge struggle.
On Tuesday, Ron said, "I ran 1/2 mile today!" I love my boy, so I applauded him and said he was doing great. Still, Cross Country is two miles of uphill and downhill, so I was concerned. His discouragement with running in the past has come from the fact that the other boys were all faster than he was. I felt disaster looming.
On Wednesday, Ron said, "My legs hurt!" I told him that was normal, and they would hurt, until his body was used to running. Again, I had doubts. Last year, in PE, he claimed his back hurt, and after crying about it for a few days, we took him to the Dr, only to find out that nothing was wrong.
On Thursday, Ron said, "I'm tired of running." I said, "I understand. But the rule is, you can't quit. You will finish the season. And, it will get better."
On Friday he was excited. He had been issued his uniform and was excited about the first meet on Saturday. With his list of instructions from the coach, "Eat dinner early, drink lots of water the night before, and get sleep." I remained worried. I knew he wasn't going to win, and I highly suspected he was going to be last. I secretly wished that I could protect him from this humiliation, but he was jumping in feet first.
Saturday morning, he was so nervous that he couldn't eat breakfast, which was probably a good thing. The bus trip was 2 hours to the meet, and the team stood around for about an hour before the boys ran. The other boys stretched and pulled and warmed up. Ron just walked around talking to people, and trying to be cool.
Off went the gun. Immediately, Ron fell behind the pack. My heart sank and my eyes welled up with tears. My little guy, my baby was going to lose miserably.
The runners disappeared around the first corner, and we lost sight of them. I prayed and prayed that he'd be okay. The first of the runners emerged again, and we tried to identify the leaders in the distance. I wasn't surprised not to see Ron.
Slowly, the runners ran into to the finishing arena. First the leaders, then the majority---one by one they staggered in. Finally, in the distance, I saw Ron coming around the first corner---barely jogging, mixed with walking. He looked beat, and there was the tractor behind him, which meant----He was last.
I moved to the edge of the ravine and cheered him on from afar, as did Hagrid. His load was heavy, and I could feel his disappointment from across the world. He jogged/walked up to the last turn. He looked like he was going to pass out or cry at any moment.
My eyes welled up with pride for my little guy. He had given it his all, and had failed. I prepared myself for the pep talk I would have to do---the damage control. How would I get him to pick himself up and try again next week?
I heard something behind me, and when I turned around, the entire Jr. High team, both boys and girls, were jogging out on the path to meet him and run him in. My tears flowed as these kids took care of my baby. It was a moment I will never forget.
We left shortly after the race, after Ron had time to cool off and catch his breath. We decided to drive an hour and north to see our oldest daughter, who is finishing up college. On the way, Ron said, "I'm proud of myself!"
I was shocked. How could coming in LAST do this?
He said, "Mom, I knew I wasn't going to win. But, I finished---and best of all, my team didn't pity me. They HELPED me. That was the best!"
And then I realized. Pity was what *I* was feeling, not him. It wasn't a race for him. It was a journey---one segment of his first journey as a runner, as a person, as a blossoming adult.
My twelve year old, my baby---was wiser than me.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
I am out of control!
I did fairly well while I was in Minnesota for my uncle's funeral. I hate lots of veggies, tried hard to get exercise when I could, and tracked most of my food...
...until the day of the funeral. I gave myself permission not to track my food on Saturday. And then, on Sunday, I was in transport mode. I had a large breakfast, no lunch on the plane, and then dinner. It wasn't healthy, but it wasn't excessive either.
But, Monday----school started. I ate a cookie in the teacher work room. A COOKIE. A cookie is not a sin. But I didn't track it.
Tuesday----I didn't cheat, but nor did I walk.
Today (Wednesday). All I can say is OMG! We had a mini-conference in another town 90 miles away. I was up early, and had a healthy breakfast. But when we arrived on the site, I had two cookies. Then they had lunch for us, later. Chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, rolls, peach cobbler. AND I ATE ALL OF IT.
ALL OF IT.
I could have a bulimic moment right now and throw up.
And the worst part is----I'M INSPIRED TO BE SUCCESSFUL TODAY! I have two friends who had weight loss surgery recently. And I'm determined to show them that they can lose weight without all of that----and I was down this morning to 15 pounds down. And still I ATE ALL OF THAT!
I'm really disgusted with myself.
Really, really disgusted with myself.
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