Monday, April 15, 2013
Ok so I am halfway through this challenge and although it is going a lot slower than I had hoped or desired, I am making some much larger strides...no pun intended. Since beginning the Bouncing Apple Blossoms Spring Challenge I have become a member at Anytime Fitness and go to the gym and work out at least 4 days a week, more if I have time. In addition to working out at Anytime Fitness, I was also invited to try out the Women's Power Work Out Group M, W, and F's. The group is a 1-hour power hour of Cardio, TRX, and Weights! After a month of the group, I am finally feeling like one of the girls and not alone. To top it off, the girls in the group support one another and push me to keep going, Literally.....One day I was beyond exhausted and they literally grabbed my arms and helped me finish the lap! I am so proud of who I am becoming, and I am seeing the change inside and outside. I just told my mom yesterday that my thighs are looking skinny!!!!!!! Have not said those words...EVER!
As far as my personal goal for the challenge it has not been as successful. I am proud to say I am not biting my nails...YAY!!! But I continue to pick at my cuticles, especially under stress. I am turning 26 by the end of this weeks challenge and I wanted to be 26pounds down by my 26th birthday. It is not gonna happen, and I could do one of two things. 1) Become defeated and throw in the towel or 2) Continue to push forward! I am taking the Number 2 because weightloss is not a race and I rather go through small challenges with the ultimate win when I can proudly say I lost and kept the weight off. Small ups and downs are my 'humbling' moments to get me to take a self-inventory on my progress, or lack there of.
I am proud of where I have come from in the last 6 months, and I can't wait to see what I look and feel like in the next 6 months! I hope you all are doing well and I welcome your advice!
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
I am so very excited to be changing my life in a positive way and the benefits are being noticed not only internally but externally. People around me are observing subtle changes and say, "You are glowing...you seem so happy." I am happy because I feel like I have control over my life. My challenge for this spring challenge is to not only lose weight and inches, but also to allow my nails to grow strong and long so that when I go on the cruise with my family this May I can get my nails done. I can proudly say that I am no longer biting my nails however, continue pick at my nails and cuticles (UGH)! I haven't earned any points for my personal challenge, but I am not giving up!!
YAY BOUNCING APPLE BLOSSOMS!!!
Thursday, March 14, 2013
I have finally reached the point in my journey where I am really seeing a change in myself for the first time. Attempts to change my ways have taken place time and time again with no success because I was not really ready. I had some time to think about my journey and realized I had a tough time gathering my thoughts because like a lot of things it can be very cumbersome to verbalize what is actually going on. Because of my challenge with sharing my thoughts has been difficult, I have written a poem (disclaimer: as a music therapist I write songs a lot, so writing a poem that may eventually be written to music was much easier).
Like many of you may know, weight loss is more than just a physical transformation. Weight loss is physical, emotional, spiritual, etc. The main reason my weight loss journey has taken up till this point to really make sense is that while I was physically ready, I have been dealing with a lot of emotional baggage. My emotional baggage comes from not feeling beautiful a single day in my life. I knew I had a 'pretty' smile and that I made people laugh with my 'bubbly personality' but I never felt like people actually saw ME. Yes I grew up in a supportive family and my parents did a fabulous job loving me (and my other siblings), but no matter what, I always felt like the 'odd man out' because I was built a little different than my brothers and sister. I never understood why I had to be so heavy. I didn't really eat anything different from my brothers or sister. I was active (soccer, dance, horseback riding, and violin). As I got older I blamed my 'obesity' on not being told about the right foods as a child, and not being taught the proper portions of food at each meal. I can sit here and point fingers at everyone, but in reality the only person I didn't point fingers at was myself because how could I have done this to my body. It's the one thing I had control over and I gave away that control.
With that being said, years went by and life went on. I dealt with my ghosts and the criticism I faced from family members and friends. I became 'numb' to the pain I was feeling by using my best secret weapon, my SMILE. But you know what, I got tired of pretending to be happy and it wasn't until recently that I truly began to look inward and look deeper into the root of my weight issues. I discovered that before I can love anyone or anything, I have to love myself. By eating junk food, living a less than active lifestyle, and not dealing with my emotions appropriately my weight went out of control. At my heaviest, I weighed in at 240 pounds and that was August of 2009. In the last three years I have lost almost 30 pounds and I am not done yet. Has it taken me a long time to lose the weight? YES, but I also didn't put it on in a day. With each pound I have lost, I have gained insight into my inner beauty becoming aware of what my body is capable of becoming which brings me to today.
I am beginning to see that person I was always envisioned to be. I see a strong, athletic young woman that is blossoming before my eyes. I never want to go back to that day three years ago when I looked at a picture and saw how heavy I had become. How could I let it get that bad? I didn't care about my physical, emotional, or spiritual well-being. Like I mentioned above, I wrote a poem which better emobodies my emotions at this stage in my change to be ME.
Titled: A New Beginning...
~Elizabeth Stephanz (2013)
If you new me a year ago,
You would know that I was struggling to find myself
in a world of fog and haze.
So often than not,
I could not wait to get through that
My health was hovering over me,
Like a dark and stormy cloud on a sunny day;
I never knew when a new issue would arise,
So again, I retreated to my safe place
to do what I did best......pray.
Soon praying wasn't good enough,
So I decided that I must address the other stuff.
I CHANGED MY LIFE, OH HOW I CHANGED MY LIFE,
Some days were easy, while others felt like I was being
Again and again,
I tried again to pick up the pieces;
Of the things in my life that never did happen.
I made a promise to change my life on that day.
By joining a supportive health club and the way I ate,
And then putting it to practice to make it stay.
I can finally say that I am experiencing
Seeing who I am is such a beautiful blessing.
My new life has just begun,
And it will always continue because,
Living the healthy life is never done.
Watching me grow is something fun to do,
Because I finally truly love myself
As much as
Saturday, December 01, 2012
One day until I weigh in and take my measurements. I am actually looking forward to the weigh in tomorrow because I have been working really hard this week. I did allow myself to splurge yesterday because I know how necessary it is to enjoy foods and not completely get rid of them. However, I still tracked my food and ate appropriate portions. I am really getting used to my new lifestyle.
Also, I got into the Big Bend Community Orchestra where I am able to do something I love and burn calories in a different way!
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