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I can do this!!!!!

Saturday, November 01, 2008

I thought about it long and hard early this morning and I CAN and WILL do this!! One of my DONE girls put it out there clear as day( thank you IMINIT2WINIT) and made me see that this is something you have to want. I started out very good and I have to get back on track. 1. I will get my butt up and get off this pitty wagon. I am going to have stress, just have to learn to deal with it. 2. I have to be healthy for me and my pooter. She deserves to get out of the house and not be stuck here because I am depressed. 3. My past is my past, I can't change it. It doesn't define who I am and I refuse to keep letting it hold me down. I made a list of things that had to be done before the month is out and I also made a list of bills so I can mark them off as they are paid. My life has been mass confusion. I am DONE with that. It has had a hold on me for far too long. I am setting a goal to loose 30lbs by Feb 1st. I will do this!!!!

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IMINIT2WINIT 11/2/2008 9:39PM

I'm feel really honored that you actually took what I said to heart. What I said was just really how I felt about myself... and I was hoping me saying it-- would hit home with you too.

This is one heck of a hard journey-- but one we CAN make it to the end if we just stick with it. I had a really bad weekend, BUT I know that just means I'm going to work extra hard this week.
I'm going to do a bunch of extra miles this week too.
I made some bad choices--- but I refuse to fall back into the old bad habits and gain what I've lost-- plus more.
I've lost 10.5 lbs-- I only have to do that 10 more times!!!!
When you think about it that way-- doesn't it seem so very doable??
The comments you made in this blog are so positive--- and if you just come back to this thinking every morning when you wake up--- you WILL see the final finish line!! DESTINATION: SUCCESS!!! Great job on getting that pound off too!! They all add up... don'tcha forget that. ;)
A new week begins in the morning... lets make it one heck of a great one!!
Cuz we ARE SO DONE!!!!

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I'm so tired

Friday, October 31, 2008

I'm tired of letting stress take over my life. Why do some men think that paying child support is where everything stops. Do they not understand that there are other things that go along with taking of a child other than money? Ok, maybe I am the one who is wrong for thinking that two people create a child so two people should be responsible for that child. I leave my job 3 days a week, for 1.5 hr, to get my daughter. Thank god my job is very understanding, but I do have to punch out so I loose 4.5 hrs a week. I have to do this two days because her dad gets off too late to meet the bus, the other day her aunt(dad's sister) says that she was tired of being "on call" the third day so he says he can't get her so I have to take my daughter to her. So now I am losing time at work, buring a lot of gas because on those days I drive 103 miles, and I pay his sister $90lbs a week for those 3 days. My job requires me to work every 3rd sat. His sister says she is tired of keeping my daughter on those days because she is busy, so I asked her dad and he says he has to work. Now, yes he has to work, but this is his part time job to compensate for his child support. I told him this is not an option, I have to do this he says he is not going to take off. I already have to take half a day on tues, I am on vacation the following week, am I wrong for asking him to take the day off? I sacrafice all the time. I usually take my vacations when she is off so I don't have to find someone to keep her. I am only asking for 1 sat. every 3 weeks, am I so wrong? All of this is stressing me out so bad that the last few days I have been binging and eating eveything in sight. If I keep changing my schedule and requesting days off, I could loose my job. I can't take the stress any more. I hate that I let him get me so angry, but I don't have much family and I need lots of help with my daughter. If I go to work part time I would be able to receive SSI, but that wouldn't be enough, If I continue like this I will go crazy. What do you do?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LILSHINE 10/31/2008 4:14PM

    I pray that you find peace in the midst of your struggles. I would say seek other forms of childcare that you can count on that is reliable. Don't stress over his duties as her father... work on making things easier and lighter on you. Find an affordable after-care program that can meet your needs. If it's gonna cost you make it cost him too. You can go back to court anytime you need too for an increase. Keep accurate records on the hours you're losing at work, the times when he couldn't or wouldn't and the money that you pay his sister to keep her pay by check or money order so you have proof of payment. I learned many years ago that I had to do for my daughter whether he did or not. I didn't flow with his plan he had to flow with mine. I tried it the way you're doing but like you it was waaaaaayyyy to stressful. So put you and your daughter first and let them jump on the wagon or foot the bill for being difficult. Be blessed my sista it does get easier!

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IMINIT2WINIT 10/31/2008 3:59PM

    I'm sorry to hear you don't have a very suportive family system when it comes to your daughter. OF COURSE her dad is responsible just as much as you are! Don't you do a every other weekend visitation with him? If so-- can't you switch to where has her on that 3rd Sat??

With your binging? Go to the FF thread. I vented there about people giving up.

I agree with Frankie. Is there another form of daycare you can find? Or maybe find another job that fits your schedule better.

I hope everything works out ok. What is meant to be WILL be-- no matter what. We have no say in that. lol Only God knows our destination. Have faith in that.

Don't give up on yourself. Don't you think you and your daughter both deserve this? ;)

Hang in there.

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FDOODLES 10/31/2008 2:27PM

    Oh, honey, that is some tough stuff to be going through. Are you super attached to your job? Is it feasible to look for a different job with hours that fit your daughter's schedule better? Is there affordable, reliable day-care that you can use instead (I know that is probably not likely, but thought I'd ask)? Things will work out eventually, but it doesn't sound like you can count on him for much of anything. Can you maybe request more support $ (through legal channels) to help pay for day-care or a babysitter?

Keep your chin up, and remember that food didn't create these problems so it won't solve them! Try not to binge on the unhealthy stuff, k? Since you don't have a lot of control over your situation right now, you need to focus on what you CAN control, which is your eating, right? You can do it girl, and hopefully the right solutions will make itself clear soon!

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JADERN 10/31/2008 1:11AM

    I'm sorry you're having to go through this. God has a plan, it's just not clear yet. I don't have experience with what you're going through but I did want you to know that I sympathize greatly. :( Also, don't let this temporary stress undo what you've done so far. I know it's hard but everything will work out how it's supposed to.


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Does it really hurt?

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Does it really hurt to give someone a smile or say hello?

I was on the phone last night with my sister as I pulled into the gas station. There is normally a gentleman there who pumps peoples gas in return for spare change. WHen I pulled in I didn't see him so I said out loud that I didn't see him. I wasn't looking for him to pump my gas, just use to seeing him. I was almost done pumping my gas when he walked out. He looked over and smiled and said hello in his special way. I smiled back, and waved. He came over and sat on the garbage can and asked did I know that he buried his brother last Saturday. I told him no and we had a conversation about it for about 10 mins. My sister asked why was I still talking to him. I told her that you never know, no one else might stop and talk to him and that he was human too.

How many times have you walked past someone and didn't take that few seconds to say hello or flash that beautiful smile? Remember it just might make their day. And think about it, does it really hurt? emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHANGE2DAY4LIFE 10/19/2008 8:20AM

    Vanessa congrats to you! You come to realize what it takes many an entire lifetime to understand.
Life is about relationships & I'm going deeper than you and a man or woman. Relationships with everything around us.
Most of us are on SP b/c we have a complex or problem with our image, weight, or health. Well I believe a lot of people don't realize that it all has to do with relationships we are ALL connected in some way. As well with FOOD when you eat go slow & think about the texture, flavor, & the hands / process that the food went for you to be able to enjoy it.
Once a person understands that they are connected with the Earth, the animals, the life around them this world will know PEACE.

Girl you got me rambling I'm so geeked I can't wait to go to my page & write.
Remember connect with that part of you that you know is super sexy, connect with that crisp apple really taste the juice, & just laugh out loud just because you can!

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NEWME0519 10/17/2008 9:35AM

    You're right, it only takes a few seconds to smile at someone! So why do some many people walk pass each other in office settings and not smile (and often look away all together)?

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1YEAR2ONDERLAND 10/16/2008 8:19PM

    I think it is great you took the time to think about someone other than yourself. Random acts of Kindness make this world go round. And smiles are contagious.

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LILSHINE 10/16/2008 3:21PM

    There's a saying in the Christian world that you never know you just might be entertaining an angel when you encounter strangers. So good for you for taking the time to allow him to share his despair with you. You may have been the only person to listen to his burden. I'm sure you made his moment.

You're right it doesn't take any effort to show love, kindness, and share a smile. The effort is in avoiding, frowning, ignoring or saying something mean!

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Detoxing Your Mind.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

A lot of us detox our bodies, but we forget about our minds. This morning my co-worker woke me up at 7:28am. When I looked at the phone I thought something happened at work. She was calling to tell me Joel Osteen was coming on. I wanted to hang up on her and roll over and go back to sleep! When I went to work last Monday I told her that I was up early and I caught his show . I had seen his face before, but never knew his name or anything about him, but I listened and he was saying everything I needed to hear. He talked about not letting people steal your joy. I went to work with that attitued and even told a few people that I wasn't going to let them do it! I never get too many days that I am able to sleep in so I wanted to roll over and go back to sleep. Then I thought about, this person remembered what I said and took the time to call, get your butt up. god needs you to hear this. I got up and was glad I did! His word talked about detoxifying our minds. Start your day off as you lay in the bed saying things like negative things aren't on my menu today. Fast from thinking negative thoughts. When people come to you through out the day and they are being negative or are saying negative things, let them know that those things aren't on your menu today. Let people know you are on a new diet plan and being negative is no where on that list so you can't have it. I was raised in the church(my grandmother reminds me every sunday I do not attend church) but haven't been an active member for a very long time. I tried to go back when my daughter was around 8, but they didn't know how to care for her in the nursery and I became discouraged and didn't try another church. That was the devil blocking my blessings. I will get myself back into church! I didn't mean to get preachy because sometimes people run and miss what is being said. Don't let the negative thoughts enter your mind and take over. No one can curse what god has already blessed. BTW, I called her back and told her I would look for my call next Sunday.

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BELINDA30 9/29/2008 12:12PM

    This is very good and I will definetly have to do this myself. Thats something that I can say since I have been out of the church that sometimes my mind and all the negative talk around me and even my own crazy thoughts can have me feeling depressed and down even when I dont have a reason to be down. Thanks for the uplifting word and the reminder that I have to take control over my mind. Love this emoticon

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CALIFAMILY 9/28/2008 2:52PM

    Very positive uplifting post. Thanks for mentioning it on the DONE girls huddle. I am glad you got up and watched Joel. I also happened upon him once, it was in the middle of the night. I expected to turn him right off but for some reason I kept watching and next thing I know a week or so later I check out one of his books from the libary. I don't "get" all the stuff he says and I don't buy it all, either, but in some ways he really has a message that is positive and helpful. I like his idea about being a "People Builder." I am going to keep this blog in mind throughout the week and start to detox my mind. It is quite the challenge when surrounded by negative people. But like you said, "it is not on the menu." Thanks again and have a great week.

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Feeling Kinda Down.(kinda long BEWARE)

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Today i'm feeling kinda down. I was talking with my manfriend and things just aren't right. To make you kinda understand I have to start from the beginning. I will say I am not proud of this but, hey as they say"i'm keeping it real!"

My manfriend and I have been dating off and on for 15-16 years. During this time we have both dated other people and he got married 10yrs ago in November. I didn't even know a wedding was being planned. I found out a week before. I was "In Love" and he told me he only did it because his and her family made him feel as if it was the right thing to do because of their daughter. (his mother has apologized to me ) Over the years it was on again off again. When I wasn't in a relationship I would go back to h im because it was easy. I knew he loved me and he didn't care about my weight, so it was comfortable. I don't date alot because it is hard finding someone to care for my daughter. I don't have much family.

I am beginning to think I have dealt with this because my weight has made me so insecure. I hear people say I am pretty. I hear people say I have a beautiful smile and personality. I meet people all the time, but I have been ashamed of my weight so I have kept to myself. My friend has made the decision to leave home because he can't take being unhappy anymore. I told him I am starting on a new journey and I want to have fun and live life. I suggested a few things and he made the comment"didn't you do those things when you were in school." It kinda hurt my feelings because as a child I didn't do a lot of things because of the type of home I grew up in(physical,mental,and sexual abuse), and he knows this.

With all this being said, am I holding on because I am afraid? I know I love and care for him, but am I really in love with this man. Like I said in the beginigng, all the things I have done were not right, but it is life and all I can do is ask for forgiveness. I am just feeling down because I just don't know.

Sorry I just had to vent, thanks for listening/reading if you take the time to do so. emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHUBFREE 10/9/2008 3:02PM

    Hey Love! I just came thru to say hello and got to reading! Two words: Do YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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IMINIT2WINIT 9/27/2008 5:14PM

    I agree whole-heartedly with these other DONE women!! You've taken on this new life being DONE being the fat girl. Be DONE with settling for anything less than you AND your daughter deserve too! Believe me, I totally unedrstand thenot getting out and dating. I suffer from severe social anxiety. So the computer has been pretty much my social life for YEARS. But, guess what? Yep, I met Mr. Right. Online. I never in a MILLION years thought I would find a man who loved me AND my daughter unconditionally. I was 230 lbs when we met. (now 293) And he still loves me as if it were the 1st day he met me.
We are engaged, and have been together 5.5 yrs now. There IS hope. You don't have to cling to a man who isn't worthy of your love... and quite honestly, doesn't deserve it! I was with a couple lowlives before I met my now fiance. Seriously. One cheated on me behond my back and the other, well, I loved him, but he was a lazy bum who lived with me and wouldn't lift a finger to help in ANY which way. We were just SO different and had no business being together. But, I was so petrified of being alone, and he filled that void. I too was settling for less than I deserved. I got to a point where enough was enough. I hated men. I wanted nothing, (literally) to do with them. When I met my now fiance in a game room, he wanted to pursue me. And I hid. I would go online being invisible. Until one day, I saw him on and had one of those "feelings" of... "you better IM him... he's gonna slip away." So I did. He tried and tried to get me to meet him. Nope. I wouldn't even give him my number. And when I would call him-- I'd block my number so he couldn't get it that way either. It took over 2 months before I felt comfortable meeting him in person. We have been inseperable ever since! Your Mr. Right IS out there too!! I believe they fall in our laps when we aren't wanting or looking for them. Be strong. Be DONE!! You have so many of us who understand and are there for you to vent to! ;)
Hugs my new DONE buddy!!

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JODIII 9/26/2008 1:45PM

    my girl you have inspired me just from your page...I'm so here for you and I truly believe your gonna make the right choice in all this...please keep in touch....

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PUMPKINFACE73 9/25/2008 3:32PM

    Girl I hear your pain ((HUGS))
It is sooo easy for us all to cling and yearn to stay in something familiar and safe....BUT you have to ask yourself, is this really what you want, for you and for oyur daughter? I can answer that for you just from your own words, but you have to say it to what you wrote...if you are even having doubts it isnt the relationship you truly desire...YOU are worth it all, YOU deserve to be the top priority to your partner, YOU are so worth all that and more...really you are...I beleive in you and have been in this same exact situation....YOU are a strong, beautiful woman and YOU will make the right decision...

Always here to chat...((HUGS))

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LILSHINE 9/25/2008 3:05PM

    I recently watched Bishop T.D. Jakes preach a sermon about junk in the trunk - it's a message you should obtain or watch. It basically says that when you're carrying around baggage from several different relationships, family situations, things in your past you can live with someone else until you've disposed of your junk in your trunk! Your manfriend is also carrying baggage of an unhappy marriage, marrying someone due to "pressure as he put it" and he's not ready to move into something new either. Take time for you and discover who you are and what you want out of life - outside of this man. Your daughter is watching you as well. It's okay to be by yourself until you're ready to pursue something greater. It's okay not to date and try to find out who you are and what you want. While you're doing a woman in waiting - you can work on your health and loving you for all the woman that you are. I can assure you when you start to love you - the man that deserves you will show up when you least expect it. The man that respects you from the inside out, loves every imperfection and will support you and your dreams of a greater life! Be blessed my sista - T.D. Jakes also has a new book out I haven't read it yet called Before You Say I Do.

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SCARLETPHOENIX 9/25/2008 12:49PM

    Anytime you need a friend we are all here for you. Personally, now this is just me I believe that you need to start completely anew. You want a blessed life and blessed man in your life and someone that would cheat on his wife just isn't it! Stop settling for 2nd best, you are first class baby! I can say this because I was someone's 2nd best for a long time and even though I have moved on, married and with someone that makes me the first choice all the time, do you know I was about to contact this man again today?!?! We have to take control of our lives and our emotions. You can do this and tell that man you are DONE!!!!! And get to doing those things that you have always wanted to do!


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