Friday, January 06, 2012
As the years have gone by, I have tried to understand why my weight is just so out of control. I just couldn't understand it. I don't eat a lot, or so I thought! Yesterday I sat back and really looked at the things I eat, when I eat, and why I eat and I was truly amazed at what I saw when I ran that video diary back in my head!!
WHen I started my day I had a pretty decent breakfast: Raisin Bran Crunch, 1/2 cup of 2% milk, and a banana. Not too bad. For a snack I had a pack of Keebler Club and Cheese crackers, still not too too bad. Lunch Lean Cuisine Meatloaf and whipped potatoes. I thought I was doing real good!! I work a crazy shift so by the time I was finished at work, I was really hungry!! Although I had packed dinner (because between the grocery store and Sam's Club I spent around $250 so I wouldn't stop for fast foods on the way home.....deep breath), after picking up my daughter I stopped at McDonalds to get HER something to eat. (Honestly, is was really supposed to be for her, ok ok ok ok well that's what I tried to convince myself of!!!!) I ordered (here is the embarrassing part) I ordered a large nugget meat with a coke, two Mcdoubles , and an ice cream cone!! Hmmmm well, the nuggets were for my daughter, but she didn't want them so I gave her one of the McDoubles and hid the other one so she wouldn't see, which she saw and we split. I ate all 10 ( I think it was 10, ate them so fast I didn't count) of the nuggets, more then half the fries we were supposed to split, and most of the large coke. The cone was eaten before we even made it home!!
psst psst.... still with me????
Ok, after sitting back and looking at this day, I realized that I am addicted to food. I could have easily gone home and made me a salad or ate half a sandwich, but the thought of getting this food excited me, not to mention my daughter who giggles every time we pull into any fast food restaurant!! There are times that I eat just because I think about it, smell it, see it, or just know that it is in the house. Right before I created this blog, I grabbed one of my daughters snacks for school and a pack of crackers. Was I hungry, nope, but I knew it was in the house!!
Now that I have acknowledged this, I have to figure out a way to stop it. I don't think people really understand that some people seriously have an addiction to food. I have looked at other aspects of my life and noticed that I have other addictions. Is my brain just formed this way? Now that I have had my light bulb moment, its time to look deeper at what the root of the problem really is!! I am not using this as an excuse, just know I have to look and dig deeper than others.
I have taken the first step.... I have admitted I have a problem....I am a Food Addict!!
tap tap ...........wake up....i'm finished!!!
Friday, October 14, 2011
I fell off that wagon really hard, but my hand is till on there!!
In the last 3 weeks between Drs Appts, therapy, and oral surgery, my daughter had 15 appointments. It has been crazy, but I am getting things back in order!!
Everyone have a great weekend!!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
I had to really sit down and think about this and be honest with myself!!!
I woke up today and I was telling my husband how excited I was about not stopping to get fast food every night like I use to. I even take my lunch to work just about every single day. As I was sitting here at my desk, eating a bag of chips, (IKR) and I thought yes, I am not eating fast food, and yes I have been going to the grocery store, but look at the things I am buying.
This is where I had to be honest with myself, yes I drink water all day long at work, but when I get home there is a soda/pop in my fridge. Yes I didn't spend money in the vending machine, but I have chips at home(and dip). Ok, I didn't buy that milkyway(my favorite) , but I did buy some cookies. So as I am sitting here thinking, I can see the faces of my SP family and they are shaking their heads and fingers at me!!
Ok, the next time I go to the grocery store I have to make a list and not just grab things. I also have to find healthier snacks. I love fruit, but sometimes I get bored with the same things over and over. I am finding new recipes so I wont eat as much boxed foods. Although they are quick, when I seen the amount of sodium I almost fainted. I WILL GET A HOLD ON THIS!!!!!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
OK, I know most of the people here don't know me personally so here is a short summary.
I have a daughter 17 years, who suffered a closed head injury when she was 6 months old. She is my world and I will do any and everything for her. Because of her injury she is physically and mentally impaired. (But don't let the cute face fool you, she is something else!!!)
My husband , not her dad, has been more of a father to her, but he is never home because he drives over the road. Both of my parents are deceased, my sister is stationed in Qatar, and my brother who is an Attorney, is very busy. I don't have much support when it comes to my daughter because her dad feels like "your her mother" and I have to work, so what do you want me to do about it? Because he is the one who dropped my daughter and allowed her to go to sleep, you would think he would step up a little more!! I take care of my daughter , work 40+ hrs a week (last week 60), and I go to school, I'm exhausted!!! I'm not saying this to complain just wanted you to get the jist of things.
I am angry because I took time off from school this semester because my daughter was having a lot of procedures done. SHe is having oral surgery to remove her wisdom teeth. She was supposed to have heel cord surgery, but they are trying Botoxin and casting instead. I asked her dad if he could help me by taking her to get her Botoxin injections because I am going in late 4 days within two weeks and I am taking a day off another day within those two weeks. I have used all of my vacation and sick days for other days she was off from school or I didn't have a sitter. He tells me he will see what his job says. Now, I wanted to give him a few choice words and ask him what about my job, but I walked away before I would have lost my job! SO that started the crap of the week!!
Now, after dealing with this, I had to call his sister and tell her I was running behind schedule to drop my daughter off because I forgot to take her bag to work with me. She proceeds to tell me to make sure to get her bag because she has something to do and she wants to make sure my daughter is clean and smelling fresh. I almost lost it!! I always receive compliments about how well kept my daughter is. Teachers at her school praise me on how well I do with my daughter because she is always looking so well kept. His sisters always takes cheap shots at me because she knows I need her. SHe always says why don't you do this or she needs to have this done. I am but one person, why don't you tell your brother to help!!
She keeps her one day a week for around 7 hours because her dad is "too tired". She charges me $40 no matter how long she keeps her. EXP. she kept her Saturday , because I had to go into work and finish some things and she charged me $40, plus $13 because they were going out to eat. I only worked from 3 till 7. Now she says that she is going to start charging me more on my long days when my daughter doesn't have school.
After all of this aggravation today I just burst into tears as I was going to pick up my daughter from school to drop her off. My husband was trying to calm me down because he gets upset when I get upset of course. He said he is going to stay on the road a week longer so he can be here for her oral surgery and help out so I won't have to take off so many days of work. That made my day a lot better.
I hope no one gets the wrong idea, i'm not complaining about my job as a mother, I love it!! I wouldn't trade my Buh Buh for nothing in the world, just sometimes it becomes over whelming!! I know this was long, and if you read to the end, thanks for listening!! My Buh Buh 4th of July
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