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My Name is MsV and I am a food addict....

Friday, January 06, 2012

As the years have gone by, I have tried to understand why my weight is just so out of control. I just couldn't understand it. I don't eat a lot, or so I thought! Yesterday I sat back and really looked at the things I eat, when I eat, and why I eat and I was truly amazed at what I saw when I ran that video diary back in my head!!

WHen I started my day I had a pretty decent breakfast: Raisin Bran Crunch, 1/2 cup of 2% milk, and a banana. Not too bad. For a snack I had a pack of Keebler Club and Cheese crackers, still not too too bad. Lunch Lean Cuisine Meatloaf and whipped potatoes. I thought I was doing real good!! I work a crazy shift so by the time I was finished at work, I was really hungry!! Although I had packed dinner (because between the grocery store and Sam's Club I spent around $250 so I wouldn't stop for fast foods on the way home.....deep breath), after picking up my daughter I stopped at McDonalds to get HER something to eat. (Honestly, is was really supposed to be for her, ok ok ok ok well that's what I tried to convince myself of!!!!) emoticon emoticon I ordered (here is the embarrassing part) I ordered a large nugget meat with a coke, two Mcdoubles , and an ice cream cone!! Hmmmm well, the nuggets were for my daughter, but she didn't want them so I gave her one of the McDoubles and hid the other one so she wouldn't see, which she saw and we split. I ate all 10 ( I think it was 10, ate them so fast I didn't count) of the nuggets, more then half the fries we were supposed to split, and most of the large coke. The cone was eaten before we even made it home!!

psst psst.... still with me????

Ok, after sitting back and looking at this day, I realized that I am addicted to food. I could have easily gone home and made me a salad or ate half a sandwich, but the thought of getting this food excited me, not to mention my daughter who giggles every time we pull into any fast food restaurant!! There are times that I eat just because I think about it, smell it, see it, or just know that it is in the house. Right before I created this blog, I grabbed one of my daughters snacks for school and a pack of crackers. Was I hungry, nope, but I knew it was in the house!!

Now that I have acknowledged this, I have to figure out a way to stop it. I don't think people really understand that some people seriously have an addiction to food. I have looked at other aspects of my life and noticed that I have other addictions. Is my brain just formed this way? Now that I have had my light bulb moment, its time to look deeper at what the root of the problem really is!! I am not using this as an excuse, just know I have to look and dig deeper than others.

I have taken the first step.... I have admitted I have a problem....I am a Food Addict!!

tap tap ...........wake up....i'm finished!!! emoticon


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VLKSHA 1/19/2012 1:15PM

    Happy meals became my friend.... small portion sizes with the same taste! Besides, my daughter likes the extra toy... LOL

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APIRLRAIN888 1/6/2012 12:16PM

    Lol love it!!!! Yes baby step
I meani didnt do all clean at once
I didn't know nutrition 101

I just tracked bef I ate..sp on pphone, laptop in kitchen counter!!!
When I type in my food I see the cal!!
And then I was only burning 200 cals or 400 max!!!
U put the junk down...or eat the portion

Or I log it in and realize a portion is only 1 slice or 1/2 cup

Or get shocked that this is healthy I can eat more ;)

It took me a yr...then I started looking at the components like sodium fats and carbs and Protien

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MSV2UU 1/6/2012 8:54AM

    @ KENTUCKYWOMAN, no offense taken , you are correct. My daughter is 17, but she is mentally impaired so I decide all of her food intake. I don't want to corrupt her like I have done myself. Right now she is 5ft 3 and 99lbs. Her dr said she is really healthy and I want to keep it that way!

@APIRLRAIN888, it is good to see someone who can relate!! I think that may be my start, no fast food for a week( I have to start with baby steps). I am going to have to force myself to prepare lunches for work. Its kinda hard because I work 12 hr shifts, but its not impossible!!

@LOSINGITAGN, you are correct. I am going to get on the WWW and also look at some other peoples food logs that are posted and get some ideas. I can not wait to post... My name is MsV and I am no longer a food addict emoticon

Thank you ladies for taking the time to leave a comment! Have a wonderful day!

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LOSINGITAGN 1/6/2012 7:33AM


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APIRLRAIN888 1/6/2012 7:10AM

    Lol that was so me! All of it....
I cant remember how I kicked it
But I think it was sear determination
Just swearing off fast food for a few months, buckling down
And there was a pt where it made me sick... So sick I no longer want it.My DD Kumon is next to Wendy, yesterday I felt so sick just smelling it.

I still get mcD don't get me wrong.....but it's once in a few wks or month bc of road trip.

But what I want to say is......there is hope
I kicked it.....but it really is from inside, there is no other magic pill with this one

Comment edited on: 1/6/2012 7:10:29 AM

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    Not to offend, but ''your daughter gets excited when you pull into a fast food place?" What are you teaching your daughter, are you passing alone your addiction to her?

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I fell off the Wagon, but I'm crawling back up..One had is still there!!

Friday, October 14, 2011

I fell off that wagon really hard, but my hand is till on there!! emoticon

In the last 3 weeks between Drs Appts, therapy, and oral surgery, my daughter had 15 appointments. It has been crazy, but I am getting things back in order!!

Everyone have a great weekend!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSV2UU 10/14/2011 5:39PM

    Thank you beautiful ladies!!! emoticon

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APIRLRAIN888 10/14/2011 1:13PM

    Yikes!! Here grab my hand! Let's do this

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MNNICE 10/14/2011 1:10PM

    Grab my hand and climb on -- we've ALL fallen off more than a time or two1

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ONESTUBBORNTART 10/14/2011 12:58PM

    Aww, that's ok! Sounds like a rough few weeks. You can just pick up where you left off! emoticon

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NEWME0519 10/14/2011 12:36PM

    Just get back on the wagon! Enjoy your weekend!

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No fast food...So why do I see my SP family shaking their finger at me??

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

I had to really sit down and think about this and be honest with myself!!!

I woke up today and I was telling my husband how excited I was about not stopping to get fast food every night like I use to. I even take my lunch to work just about every single day. As I was sitting here at my desk, eating a bag of chips, (IKR) and I thought yes, I am not eating fast food, and yes I have been going to the grocery store, but look at the things I am buying.

This is where I had to be honest with myself, yes I drink water all day long at work, but when I get home there is a soda/pop in my fridge. Yes I didn't spend money in the vending machine, but I have chips at home(and dip). Ok, I didn't buy that milkyway(my favorite) , but I did buy some cookies. So as I am sitting here thinking, I can see the faces of my SP family and they are shaking their heads and fingers at me!!

Ok, the next time I go to the grocery store I have to make a list and not just grab things. I also have to find healthier snacks. I love fruit, but sometimes I get bored with the same things over and over. I am finding new recipes so I wont eat as much boxed foods. Although they are quick, when I seen the amount of sodium I almost fainted. I WILL GET A HOLD ON THIS!!!!! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PRESBESS 9/28/2011 2:42PM

    Sounds like you are on the right track! As for a Spark friendly reminder... definitely continue to track absolutely everything you eat. You are on your way to embracing a new "lifestyle", you're not just doing a little something to lose weight. You'll never regret the changes you're making.

Keep Sparkin' hard

Comment edited on: 9/28/2011 2:44:42 PM

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APIRLRAIN888 9/27/2011 8:41PM

    curious to hear if you survive! i did, and it was so refreshing, b/c my KID didn't see of the Cr@p lol

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MSV2UU 9/27/2011 5:33PM

    Thank you LOSINGITAGN, I was doing good with no carbonation, I think I am going to go back to that. I am glad I cut back on the fast food though, in two weeks I only had it 2 times, down from 2 to 3 times a day!!

APIRLRAIN888, I am going to try that the next time I go to the grocery store!!! That's a good idea!

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APIRLRAIN888 9/27/2011 4:27PM

    share secret: taught by curves. u should only be shopping on the peripheral of the grocery store. u shouldn't have to venture into the aisle but only once a month for condiment, cereal, toiletries.

e eryrhing u need is on the outside, all the ads and no no are in the middle.
veg, fruit, deli, dairty, bread, egg, meats ;)

try it for a month...better on your $$$ too

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LOSINGITAGN 9/27/2011 4:17PM

    Yes u steps if its hard.. Cut back on 1 thing at a time

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I had my crying moment, now back on with the big girl panties!!!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

OK, I know most of the people here don't know me personally so here is a short summary.

I have a daughter 17 years, who suffered a closed head injury when she was 6 months old. She is my world and I will do any and everything for her. Because of her injury she is physically and mentally impaired. (But don't let the cute face fool you, she is something else!!!)

My husband , not her dad, has been more of a father to her, but he is never home because he drives over the road. Both of my parents are deceased, my sister is stationed in Qatar, and my brother who is an Attorney, is very busy. I don't have much support when it comes to my daughter because her dad feels like "your her mother" and I have to work, so what do you want me to do about it? Because he is the one who dropped my daughter and allowed her to go to sleep, you would think he would step up a little more!! I take care of my daughter , work 40+ hrs a week (last week 60), and I go to school, I'm exhausted!!! I'm not saying this to complain just wanted you to get the jist of things.

I am angry because I took time off from school this semester because my daughter was having a lot of procedures done. SHe is having oral surgery to remove her wisdom teeth. She was supposed to have heel cord surgery, but they are trying Botoxin and casting instead. I asked her dad if he could help me by taking her to get her Botoxin injections because I am going in late 4 days within two weeks and I am taking a day off another day within those two weeks. I have used all of my vacation and sick days for other days she was off from school or I didn't have a sitter. He tells me he will see what his job says. Now, I wanted to give him a few choice words and ask him what about my job, but I walked away before I would have lost my job! SO that started the crap of the week!!

Now, after dealing with this, I had to call his sister and tell her I was running behind schedule to drop my daughter off because I forgot to take her bag to work with me. She proceeds to tell me to make sure to get her bag because she has something to do and she wants to make sure my daughter is clean and smelling fresh. I almost lost it!! I always receive compliments about how well kept my daughter is. Teachers at her school praise me on how well I do with my daughter because she is always looking so well kept. His sisters always takes cheap shots at me because she knows I need her. SHe always says why don't you do this or she needs to have this done. I am but one person, why don't you tell your brother to help!!

She keeps her one day a week for around 7 hours because her dad is "too tired". She charges me $40 no matter how long she keeps her. EXP. she kept her Saturday , because I had to go into work and finish some things and she charged me $40, plus $13 because they were going out to eat. I only worked from 3 till 7. Now she says that she is going to start charging me more on my long days when my daughter doesn't have school.

After all of this aggravation today I just burst into tears as I was going to pick up my daughter from school to drop her off. My husband was trying to calm me down because he gets upset when I get upset of course. He said he is going to stay on the road a week longer so he can be here for her oral surgery and help out so I won't have to take off so many days of work. That made my day a lot better.

I hope no one gets the wrong idea, i'm not complaining about my job as a mother, I love it!! I wouldn't trade my Buh Buh for nothing in the world, just sometimes it becomes over whelming!! I know this was long, and if you read to the end, thanks for listening!! My Buh Buh 4th of July

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSV2UU 9/21/2011 12:43PM

    Thank you APIRLRAIN888!!!

RTBTMAY, yes, some days its lot!!!

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NEWME0519 9/20/2011 11:50PM

    Wow, you have a lot on your plate!

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APIRLRAIN888 9/20/2011 1:17PM

    HUGS you are doing great!!!! a cry is good too! you are a great mom and I am sure you DD knows that!!!

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MSV2UU 9/20/2011 10:25AM

    Thank you ladies!!! You have brought more tears, but they are happy tears!!

SWEETLIPS thank you so much! My husband and I are in search of a church closer to our home because his church home is a little far and because it is so hard to go to service with my daughter, I watch service on tv. It is sad that here in michigan because they feel "we make too much money"everything is so high. I have gone this long , so I will wait until she is 18 and then I will receive much more help. One of the teachers from her school is a big help, but she is out on maternity leave. Sad , she takes better care of my daughter than both her aunt and dad!! I see you are from Maryland, my sister is in Odenton (sp) but she is stationed in Qatar right now.

SHELLYRENEE86 Thank you so much!!

CHRIS138, I am the lucky one!!She has taught me so much about love!

KENTUCKYWOMAN that is the sad part. She talks about God and how I need to make sure I go to church and that watching service on tv isn't good enough. This is what scares people away from church. If my faith wasn't strong I would never want to go to church!!

1CRAZYDOG I would never charge my sister or brother to keep their kids!!

XSENCIX I had to listen to Jill Scotts song about haters when I seen this!!

Thanks again ladies!! If your not already on my friends list, I hope you don't mind if I add you!!

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CHRIS138 9/20/2011 9:51AM

    A good cry can go along way, everyone here is encouraging you to look for some help with your daughter. Maybe someone you can trade babysitting hours with. Your ex and his sister should be ashamed of themselves for not helping more and for taking money. Your ex should be at the very least paying for her care since he's to tired to care for her. We also have a respite team at our church and it is a free service, that is something you could look in to as well. Your daughter is a very lucky girl to have such a great mom. emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 9/20/2011 8:47AM

    First of all, you are not whining or complaining! You are having a healthy vent and as I see it, asking for help!

I think the suggestions SWEETLIPS offered are spot on. If you're a member of a church, see if you could get some respite help from them. Talk with your local Public Health Dept. Sometimes they offer respite care for situations like yours too.

It breaks my heart when families treat each other shabbily (trying to be nice in chosing my terms!) and I hope that you can find a way to NOT have to get help from them. Clearly they are not dependable and just adding to your stress.


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SWEETLIPS 9/20/2011 7:15AM

    I am counting your blessing for you right now. I know that this is really hard, and not what you have desired. So, accept what God allows. Just a couple of suggestions: I know we like to use family, and they can be such a disappointment. You said it well, her aunt ( her flesh and blood) takes pot shots at you because she knows you need her) My prayer is that you will no longer need her.

Our church has a cadre of volunteers that assist with all types of situations - Oh, how I wished you here in Maryland, these folks would be there for you. I didn't take the time to look to see where you are, but if you are a member of a church, they just might have some help. Also in your city ( although if a small city, I can not be sure), there are organizations that can provide assistance. You may need another pair of eyes to help you look for solutions. E-mail you city and state and I will research for you. Blessings, and thank for sharing, you are going to be alright, in spite of the obstacles that your daughter flesh and blood are attempting to use. emoticon

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XSENCIX 9/20/2011 5:32AM

    well i cant say ive been in your situation . though i feel for you . I work as a cna and being a care giver is a tough job alright but to be mom and caregiver i cant imagine ..
i think its amazing youve come so far and your pushing to making a better life for you and your family.
cheap shots will always come but haters will always hate on the strong .

my brothers dont take part in taking care of my dad but believe me they make all the comments in the world ! ..

*hugs* prayers for a better tomorrow

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KENTUCKYWOMAN 9/20/2011 4:13AM

    I just want you to know, that I know exactly how you are feeling. I don't have a child to care for, but I am the 24/7 caregiver to my 92 year old husband who is handicapped. I know all too well how overwhelming all this can be.
I think it speaks volumes of the kind of person her Aunt is to actually charge you first for taking care of her, but second to threaten you with charging you even more.
Hang in there, and I too will be praying for you.


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SHELLYRENEE86 9/20/2011 3:02AM

    I've never been in your situation, I can't even imagine being in your situation, but I can tell that you give your all and that is the most that anyone could ask for. Expressing it, instead of bottling it all up, is the healthiest thing you could do. I am so glad that you found this to be the place to express it. It gave me a little reminder that I am not the only one dealing with such things, and that I am blessed for what I do have & for those who support me. If you ever need to vent to someone feel free to send me a message. I hope that her father realizes what is best for his daughter & steps up. I'll be praying for you.

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Watch me Shrink Day 17!! A little progress!!

Monday, September 19, 2011

Ok, I was too tired to post this on friday. I had a long week, worked 58 hours!!

Although I wish the progress was faster. it felt good to pull my skirt up with a little less tugging and I buttoned it up!! emoticon It actually felt good and made me motivated!!! Heres to the next two weeks!!! emoticon

Keep up the good work everyone!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

APIRLRAIN888 9/19/2011 9:39PM

    so proud of you!!! keep it up!!!! i can't believe it's been 2 wks. but you did start same time I did, i am 2 wks too!!!

keep making great decision it all add up

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MSV2UU 9/19/2011 12:39PM

    Thank you ladies!!! I feel so motivated emoticon I have been watching everything I eat and drink. Although I did get fast food a couple of times because of the crazy work schedule, It was a salad with light dressing and subway. I tried to make healthier choices. Have a great week all and GET TO SHRINKING!!!!! emoticon

BTW, sorry about the horrible pics. I took them at night and my camera didn't like that too much!!!

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MIRACLELOVE77 9/19/2011 7:07AM

    congrats!! it's only been a little over two weeks, so that's awesome that you're seeing progress already!!

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    You're doing great! emoticon

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LOSINGITAGN 9/19/2011 6:30AM

    Very good always motivating to see progress. You are on your way!

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APIRLRAIN888 9/19/2011 6:21AM

    WOOOHOOOOO that is AWESOME! i remember it was a huge gap 2 wks ago! that is very cool

hey we have a progress and game plan (tweaking) post!
would love to hear WHAT you are doing, WHAT changes you are making ;p

sooooo proud of you!

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XSENCIX 9/19/2011 3:14AM

    awesome keep it on . slow and steady is always the better choice :)

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