Tuesday, January 11, 2011
I had not realized that my last entry was so long ago; and it might explain why I felt at drift... Really logging, not just my food but my moods, through blogging, has a centering and focusing effect that I must not neglect. I have been somewhat sad and a bit demotivated lately. After 4 months unemployed and without any income, the financial strain is getting to me. My lack of enthusiasm affect my self image as well.
And i just feel like munching. Can't wait for the left overs from Sunday's party to be gone (down my belly i'm affraid!) so that i can go back to my routine. Not that i really want to but because i know its best for me.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
On December 20th... after a calorific dinner on the previous night, the scale showed me a 2# increase. Yep I had cross back on the 2**. I was a bit disappointed but decided to enjoy the few coming feast and "fix" the situation later. I truly enjoyed the following days, without any guilt, just being observant of how each situation felt. Most of the heavy meals made me question their true value on the pleasure scale, for I did not found most of the pleasure on the buds/post meal sensations were giving positive ratios. No feeling of guilt, as I said, nor self bashing or judgmental self lecturing. Simply a healthy observation and soft inquiries as if I thought I could be happy without those. And almost in every situation a calm serene feeling of readiness to let go was there. Thinking back, I notice how I cut tiny tenth of pie without even thinking about it. For someone who used to always get the biggest part of the portioned out casserole, or a 1/4 of a tourtière, the fact that I truly enjoyed the food in my plate without already thinking of how much more i could serve myself without making myself look like a pig, and not even going for a second part, not because of others but because I was able to ask myself if could be happy with the portion I had, which was coherant. In other words, would going over the sensible portion would bring an high enough additional pleasure to make it worth it (and I was able to factor in the stomach pain or indigestion to evaluate properly the additional pleasure).
What is important to point out is that this adult thinking came up naturally. Which is really new. I attribute it to the months of practice of logging. Really, I did not see these added benefits when I logged in. I just did it because it was part of the wellness system challenge and because I knew that if we don't log we tend to embellish our daily food intake stats. I did not realize that getting this habit of being rational about food would eventually translate into the acquisition of a new competency.
My ex mother in law (who was an amazing cook) has always been really rational about food and meals and up until now, how she could self regulate so unemotionally was beyond me. I was caught up in the emotions associated with food. Which, since my childhood, has been a very important tool in seeking comfort and console. I know I do not have yet her mastery but I am seeing that my world has opened up enough that I can now grasp some of that alien way of being/doing that I had observed in her. Its seems to be a good thing.
Any how, I must point out that despite that the servings that were in my plates were sensible, the variety of foods and my decision to eat a bit of each (I don't cook that kind of food at any other time, too much trouble, too many portions in a batch etc) since that would be the time for the year, still resulted in an astronomical amount of calories. I knew that, I assumed that. So this morning, starting over Challenge#2, I dreaded looking on the scale to get the starting number.
Imagine my discalorimystemagicallicamazinefaction when I saw
What! With an average of 3500 cal per day in the last week I managed to loose 4#. That is beyond me.
I did weight a few time to make sure that was no mistake!
But I will take it!
Thank you my body for doing a great job using the extra calories to burn up some stuff! Yoohoo!
Its a great gift and a great new start !
I still have to learn to program the VCR....
So onto Challenge#2 take 2 ;)
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Oh well... As it is the norm, whenever I notice something great going on... I manage to spoil it. Nevertheless, I am not being a victim this time. This is a conscious choice. And I know, thanks to the last few months of logging, I know things are going back in the right direction soon.
Let me explain. I was talking about the fact that i had gotten rid of my eczema, psoriasis and so on... Well you should see my hands my scalp and the dryness of my entire skin after almost a week of NOT taking the shake and swallowing 3500-4500 calories per day. Funny enough, most of the time, i do not feel satisfied or instead, i feel very uncomfortable in my stomach.
Could I live without these Holidays indulgences? I honestly think I could. Provided I get over the psychological concepts that are well ingrained in my affect about these "yummy food". I must say they are yummy for the most part. (Curiously I found that moms decadent chocolate log was not really tasty... could be that I am now biased about anything chocolate!) However, its either really heavy on the stomach or that a serving is so small that you feel deceived and having nothing more to chew own (that great pleasure of mine) so you keep gobbing stuff even though a little mind to my stomach would hear it scream "enough"!
But it is the opulence that the child eyes buried in me try to find again. The magic of the glister and people around a table, the voices... My childhood memories of Christmas revolve around tables of food.
Time for new traditions.
Anyhow, I had to resolve to cortisone cream and I have decided to start again challenge #2. Tomorrow. (I'm trying to get rid of temptations today ;) Ah and don't give me the evil eye about the fact that I am starting TOMORROW and not today (at least I'm not waiting for next Monday or January first? Or should I?
To be continued!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
If you recall, during challenge #1, I reported an increased sense of peace and well-being, self-confidence, a better self-image, and with the weight loss, the belief that I can and will lose it.
I also reported that the occurrences of Fibromyalgia shooting pains had significantly lessened. In fact I can report now that ever since 1 month into the wellness system program, there have been only 2 periods where i experienced relapses:
- during 2 weeks after that crazy week when my best friend was in the hospital and that i took care of her and her babies and ate a whole big bag of ketchup (how i can still salivate at that thought is beyond me!) chips and hardly slept and did not take the shake (talk about compounding circumstances!)
- a few weeks ago when I was hardly sleeping, very stressed and worked full time the whole week and again, did not take the shake.
During these weeks, the shooting pains were about every 10 min. in the evening. and during the day.
At this time, I haven't had them in days.
There is another amazing benefit that I had not noticed during the first challenge but it is now blatant. When I first started the shake, you may recall that the first week 80% of my body was covered with hives and I was just going nuts over the itch. Because I was aware that cacao is a powerful liver purifier, and because I know that in Chinese - and now occidental as well - medicine the liver energy is responsible for skin disorders such as eczema, psoriasis, boils etc as well as migraine, I decided to hang in there for a week to see if things would get better.
And they did, beyond what i realized than. At this time I was just happy that hives and psoriasis were gone. I figured my body had gotten used to the new regimen. Well it was more than that. In the last few months, I have not been careful with some of the foods that I am intolerant to.
In the last few years, I had become increasingly intolerant to several enjoyable food, form mild rashes between the fingers to extremely painful "diaper rash" (no i don't wear diapers, its just to illustrate the kind of rash). In fact you could map my dietary mishaps on my body:
- between fingers garlic,
- back of hands scallions, balsamic vinegar, mustard and wasabi,
- inner arm: onions,
- face and neck: chives or french onions,
- fold of the wrist: tomatoes,
- palm of hands (big bubbly hives) leaks, plantain or fake crab,
- upper inner arm: avos;
- sesame oil would make large hives spots spread in patch along the spine, diaper rash, back of thighs and fold of knees,
- salmon would make my mouth swell and after the first urination after eating it, you would think fire took over in my panties, milk would just be a catalyst to all that.
- wine would crank my fibromyalgia pain to 8.5 for 2-3 days and if there was MSG in the meal I would go in shock.
So despite that I love all the food mentioned above, I stayed away from it, for i could not stand the nerve wrecking itch that would follow. Well... here comes collateral #2.
My food intolerance are seemingly gone or dramatically reduced!
I have been having seaweed salad (with sesame oil) on a regular basis. I've had mustard and wasabi (some mild reaction but nothing comparable). I've had avos and I ate balsamic vinegar regularly. I've had tomatoes and garlic.
S0 despite the fact that I have been whining of the boring-ness of "having" to eat cacao everyday (not a fan) I must say that what a gained is far from being boring: I regain a right to flavorful foods I thought could not be part of my plate ever!
Oh... I had 1/4 of a Great italian Wine on Sunday eve... and did not feel any bad side effect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Despite not sticking to my meal plan, and taking just one shake a day for the last week and systematically going over my calorie budget, and going to sleep past midnight... I managed going back to 199. phew!
Now... enough back and forth lets move downward even more!
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