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I'm Coming Back...

Saturday, July 12, 2008


Well I've decided to come out of hiding...that's what I do, I hide when I am afraid. I started out this year feeling very strong and pretty confident that I could get back on track and lose weight and I'm embarassed to say that I've done just the opposite. Not only have I NOT lost any weight, exercised consisently or changed my eating habits but I've actually gained 5lbs since January. Ah, just typing that in makes me feel horribly ashamed but it's true and I need to put it out there. Every day of my life is consumed with obessing about this weight, I feel SO sluggish and unattractive and yucky. I think that I've been telling myself "why bother, you have tried this a hundered times before and you never succeed" which I guess is true but what happens if I stop trying? I'll feel even more miserable than I do now...atleast when you're putting forth the effort you have that to feel good about. Soooo, all that being said, I'm back. I'm here putting it all out there and ready to give this another shot, I deserve that much and more than that my beautiful girls deserve to have a mommy that is happy and healthy. Here I am pizza, COME AND GET ME and I will kick your repulsive, greasy butt STRAIGHT to the trash....fried chicken? Just TRY it, ONE STEP FURTHER and it's straight to the garbage dispsosal with you! Oh and you over there, FASTFOOD?? If you even LOOK at me the wrong way I will BLAST you straight into OBLIVION! I'M BACK, DO YOU HEAR ME?!!!!

  


So Typical...

Monday, April 21, 2008

So I get up this morning with a renewed sense of enthusiasm, I get on the treadmill did my workout, leave the house to take my daughter to school - I'm in a great mood. So we get to school, find a parking space and just as I turn my car off I feel my car move a little...I look up and see a car going by me on my right side, they just bumped into me and left the parking lot!! So now I have a deep scratch in my brand new car and the person that hit me left the scene so I have no idea who it was. It's so typical that my day would start out so great and then something like this happens. I instantly felt the urge to eat but I didn't....however I suspect that I will struggle with that feeling all day today. Ugh!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YAHTZEELOU 4/25/2008 7:02AM

    That's terrible! Unfortunately, there are ugly mean people in this world. Congrats on being strong, I too find myself turning to food as an instant reaction to bad things that happen in my life. It feels great to have control over these moments, you're awesome!

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SNOOKIMZ 4/23/2008 10:28PM

    OH do I know that feeling! But you overcame it in the moment and every moment we do is another moment closer to a healthier us! Sorry about the car, hopefully your insurance covers it.. Stay strong!

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DNJEN471 4/21/2008 10:22AM

    that sucks! I am so sorry that you had a bad day! At least your recognized your urge to eat and realized that you shouldn't! Way to go!

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Pity Party is OVER!

Saturday, April 19, 2008


THe party is officially over, I'm done whining and today I am going to DO something good for myself! I'm going to SWEAT!!!! I'm going EAT HEALTHY FOOD and most inportantly I an going to be POSITIVE!! Thank you to all my DONE girls for your support!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VANILLAKISS555 4/29/2008 4:10PM

    Hey fellow Done girl, next time you need a little motivation read this and remember how strongly you felt on this day. Our whole team will always be there for a pick me up, but there's nobody with more credibility in your mind than yourself and from the sound of this blog post you KNOW you have what it takes to get what you want. So I do too.

Keep the faith,
Katie

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ANGIELIVINJUICY 4/20/2008 5:38PM

    Yeah!! Yeah!! Yeah!!! You go girl...that would be a great morning pep talk to tell yourself every morning....shoot. Put it up on your bathroom mirror and read it and tell it to yourself...Believe it girl...you are so going to get it done!!!
Sending some love your way!!!

emoticon-Angie

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HONEYLEA 4/20/2008 2:54AM

    You said it! Let's look at each day in a positive light!

Make today count!

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POSITIVELY_EB 4/19/2008 11:52PM

    You tell that fat whose boss, girl! Send it screaming down the drain never to be heard from again! You can do it!

Hugs! Beverly

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ARIZONAROSE 4/19/2008 1:02PM

    emoticon on finding the Positive that can be such a struggle sometimes

Keep up the positive!! emoticon



Fellow 100+ First Step Team Member emoticon

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LEARNIN2LUVME 4/19/2008 12:58PM

    GOOD for u girlie............

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Nobody to blame but me...

Friday, April 18, 2008

The worst possible thing I could have done today was go into that d ressing room and try on clothes. Especially since I really thought ( maybe it was wishful thinking) that the shirts and pants I tried on were going to fit. Nope, they were still too tight. I just instantly felt like such a failure, and as I'm walking out of the store feeling sorry for myself I'm realizing that I really have noone else to blamebut myself. Have I really been giving it 100% of my efforts? If I'm being honest with myself then I have to answer no. Some days I'm really on and committed and enthusiastic and then other days I feel like " eh screw it" I don't know why I can't stay consistent, it frustrates me and makes me so sad to think that I am so weak of a person that I cannot accomplish this goal of losing this weight. I feel like I've dug deep and tried just about everything to keep myself motivated, but if I have then why am I not seeing success? Maybe I will never reach my goals until I can answer that question....but in the mean time, I just feel miserable...I can't stand the way I look and the way I feel, I have no confidence, no self esteem and I hate feeling this way...but alas, maybe I don't really hate it as much as I think I do because otherwise wouldn't I have found a way to reach my goals already?! I've only been trying for 10 years!! The one and only positive note on this blog is that despite my dissapointment and bad mood I did not turn to food today to make myself feel better....maybe that's why I'm so grouchy right now! Okay, I'm going to go and finish my pity party now - hopefully I can find a better attitude later on!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LESSW8TIN08 4/18/2008 9:05PM

    after reading your post today I wanted to pass along something my coach has been telling me, keep in mind I'm making something very detailed into a few sentences here, but I think I can get the main idea across.

Basically, your feelings are normal and typical of a high achiever type personality. (this is a good thing actually) But it makes you overly hard on yourself.
The way around it is to focus on the ACTIVITY, not on the result. Don't try to change too much all at once. Focus on one or two changes you want to make and ONLY those two for about twelve weeks before you add something else. Like each day I'm going to drink 8 glasses of water and walk for 30 min. Then here's the best part. You reward yourself for doing the activity. If you do your walking and drink your water each day for a week you get a manicure on the weekend.

You don't focus on the end result, just on doing what you committed to doing each day, and each day that you keep your contract with yourself is a day to celebrate success!

There's a lot more to this but that is the main idea and has been the most powerful tool for me.

Tomorrow is going to be a great day!

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ME4CAM 4/18/2008 7:14PM

  I hope things are better now !! ??
I swear it's something in the air today. Today seems to be the worst day I have had since January.
Hang in there !! Tomorrow will be brighter !!
Lots of love,
Dawn

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Days Like These...

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Man it's days like these that really test my committment to my weight loss goals. I say "days" like these but it's only 8:37am so my mood for the rest of the day is not looking very sunny. I just need to vent, I have 2 daughters whom I love more than ANYTHING in this world, but my 6 yr. old has become a fashionista of sorts and is nearly impossible to get dressed in the morning...she doesnt like the way this looks, she doesnt like they way that feels, she doesn't like those shoes etc....it is slowly driving me insane... so anyway this morning we get dressed without issue...yes! Then, we go to put her new brown sandals on...the very sandals that SHE picked out mind you, AND tried on in the store.... the VERY sandals that are the 4 th pair of shoes I have bought and returned because SOMEONE can't decide what shoes hse likes but I digress...so we put them on, they look adorable, out the door we go. We get to school and as we are walking from the parking lot to the school she tells me " Mumma, I don't want to wear these shoes" In my head I'm screaming "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!!" but using my nicest voice I say " Sweetie, why not, they look adorable on you?" She says...." They feel weird on my feet" Again with the sweet voice I say " Well honey, it's just because they are new, you'll get used to them" She then replies, with TEARS this time mind you, " No, I won't....(sniffle, sniffle) I want to go home and get my other shoes" At this point, I'm ready to burst into tears myself out of frustration...but I keep it together. We get up to her locker and the tears have now turned into a steady stream of DRAMA QUEEN faucets! SO the only way I co uld get her to calm down and go into her classroom was to tell her I would bring her up some different shoes....which wouldn't be a big deal normally if I didna't have to go through this very scenario EVERY OTHER WEEK!! AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!
In the past this kind of a stressful situation I would have high tailed it to the Mcdonalds drive through for a couple hashbrowns to ease my stress.....but I didn't this time...I came home and frantically blogged instead. I'm guess I do feel a little better getting it off my chest...but I still feel hungry because I haven't had breakfast....I am going to have some cereal, take a deep breath and try to put things in perspective.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUBBLYB 4/17/2008 11:43AM

    IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR DAUGHTER IS JUST TESTING YOU...REMEMBER YOUR THE PARENT AND SHE IS THE KID...I'm SURE IT IS FRUSTRATING TO HAVE HER THROW A STINK ABOUT LITTLE STUPID THINGS THAT SHOULDN'T EVEN MATTER..I THINK SHE KNOW THAT YOU WILL JUST GIVE INTO HER SHOE THING AND THAT MAYBE WHAT DRIVES HER TO DOING IT...YOU MIGHT NEED TO FIND A WAY TO SWITCH IT UP A BIT USE SOME SKILFULLY THINKING ON HER..READ ABOUT SITUATIONS LIKE YOURS AND SEE WHAT OTHER MOM'S WOULD DO IN YOUR SITUATION...IT WILL JUST PASS I'm SURE..yOU JUST HAVE TO KNOW YOU HAVE CREATED A DRAMA QUEEN..LOL
BUT FOR YOU GOOD FOR YOU FROM STAYING AWAY FROM HASH BROWNS AND EATING SOMETHING BETTER FOR YOU...IT IS HARDER THEN YOU THINK TO BE GOOD THEN BEING BAD...GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR DAUGHTER AND I'm HERE ALOT SO FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME OR JUST LEAVE ME A MESSAGE AND I WILL WRITE BACK....HAVE A WONDERFUL THURSDAY AND CHAT LATER

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CILLA0025 4/17/2008 9:12AM

    Sorry yesterday was so rough for you. Kids definitely try our patience, don't they??? My 5yr. son smacked my husband in the head last night because he got into a fight with his sister, who's 11. That didn't go over very well.

Kudos for you NOT going to the McDonald's!!! That's terrific!!! Remember, one day at a time - actually it's probably more like 1 hour at a time!!!

emoticon

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WOLFKITTY 4/16/2008 2:30PM

    This is just LOADED with lots of POSITIVE choices you made this morning! I hope the rest of the day goes down easier, but mostly, I hope you MAKE it a good day.

From my perspective (as difficult as it might be to think about this while you're in the thick of it) is that the rest of the day is SUNNIER, because you got through that difficult morning (um, and it's over! LOL!). Yaaaay! You have the whole rest of Wednesday!!!! :D

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