Saturday, July 12, 2008
Well I've decided to come out of hiding...that's what I do, I hide when I am afraid. I started out this year feeling very strong and pretty confident that I could get back on track and lose weight and I'm embarassed to say that I've done just the opposite. Not only have I NOT lost any weight, exercised consisently or changed my eating habits but I've actually gained 5lbs since January. Ah, just typing that in makes me feel horribly ashamed but it's true and I need to put it out there. Every day of my life is consumed with obessing about this weight, I feel SO sluggish and unattractive and yucky. I think that I've been telling myself "why bother, you have tried this a hundered times before and you never succeed" which I guess is true but what happens if I stop trying? I'll feel even more miserable than I do now...atleast when you're putting forth the effort you have that to feel good about. Soooo, all that being said, I'm back. I'm here putting it all out there and ready to give this another shot, I deserve that much and more than that my beautiful girls deserve to have a mommy that is happy and healthy. Here I am pizza, COME AND GET ME and I will kick your repulsive, greasy butt STRAIGHT to the trash....fried chicken? Just TRY it, ONE STEP FURTHER and it's straight to the garbage dispsosal with you! Oh and you over there, FASTFOOD?? If you even LOOK at me the wrong way I will BLAST you straight into OBLIVION! I'M BACK, DO YOU HEAR ME?!!!!
Monday, April 21, 2008
So I get up this morning with a renewed sense of enthusiasm, I get on the treadmill did my workout, leave the house to take my daughter to school - I'm in a great mood. So we get to school, find a parking space and just as I turn my car off I feel my car move a little...I look up and see a car going by me on my right side, they just bumped into me and left the parking lot!! So now I have a deep scratch in my brand new car and the person that hit me left the scene so I have no idea who it was. It's so typical that my day would start out so great and then something like this happens. I instantly felt the urge to eat but I didn't....however I suspect that I will struggle with that feeling all day today. Ugh!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
THe party is officially over, I'm done whining and today I am going to DO something good for myself! I'm going to SWEAT!!!! I'm going EAT HEALTHY FOOD and most inportantly I an going to be POSITIVE!! Thank you to all my DONE girls for your support!!!!
Friday, April 18, 2008
The worst possible thing I could have done today was go into that d ressing room and try on clothes. Especially since I really thought ( maybe it was wishful thinking) that the shirts and pants I tried on were going to fit. Nope, they were still too tight. I just instantly felt like such a failure, and as I'm walking out of the store feeling sorry for myself I'm realizing that I really have noone else to blamebut myself. Have I really been giving it 100% of my efforts? If I'm being honest with myself then I have to answer no. Some days I'm really on and committed and enthusiastic and then other days I feel like " eh screw it" I don't know why I can't stay consistent, it frustrates me and makes me so sad to think that I am so weak of a person that I cannot accomplish this goal of losing this weight. I feel like I've dug deep and tried just about everything to keep myself motivated, but if I have then why am I not seeing success? Maybe I will never reach my goals until I can answer that question....but in the mean time, I just feel miserable...I can't stand the way I look and the way I feel, I have no confidence, no self esteem and I hate feeling this way...but alas, maybe I don't really hate it as much as I think I do because otherwise wouldn't I have found a way to reach my goals already?! I've only been trying for 10 years!! The one and only positive note on this blog is that despite my dissapointment and bad mood I did not turn to food today to make myself feel better....maybe that's why I'm so grouchy right now! Okay, I'm going to go and finish my pity party now - hopefully I can find a better attitude later on!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Man it's days like these that really test my committment to my weight loss goals. I say "days" like these but it's only 8:37am so my mood for the rest of the day is not looking very sunny. I just need to vent, I have 2 daughters whom I love more than ANYTHING in this world, but my 6 yr. old has become a fashionista of sorts and is nearly impossible to get dressed in the morning...she doesnt like the way this looks, she doesnt like they way that feels, she doesn't like those shoes etc....it is slowly driving me insane... so anyway this morning we get dressed without issue...yes! Then, we go to put her new brown sandals on...the very sandals that SHE picked out mind you, AND tried on in the store.... the VERY sandals that are the 4 th pair of shoes I have bought and returned because SOMEONE can't decide what shoes hse likes but I digress...so we put them on, they look adorable, out the door we go. We get to school and as we are walking from the parking lot to the school she tells me " Mumma, I don't want to wear these shoes" In my head I'm screaming "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!!" but using my nicest voice I say " Sweetie, why not, they look adorable on you?" She says...." They feel weird on my feet" Again with the sweet voice I say " Well honey, it's just because they are new, you'll get used to them" She then replies, with TEARS this time mind you, " No, I won't....(sniffle, sniffle) I want to go home and get my other shoes" At this point, I'm ready to burst into tears myself out of frustration...but I keep it together. We get up to her locker and the tears have now turned into a steady stream of DRAMA QUEEN faucets! SO the only way I co uld get her to calm down and go into her classroom was to tell her I would bring her up some different shoes....which wouldn't be a big deal normally if I didna't have to go through this very scenario EVERY OTHER WEEK!! AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!
In the past this kind of a stressful situation I would have high tailed it to the Mcdonalds drive through for a couple hashbrowns to ease my stress.....but I didn't this time...I came home and frantically blogged instead. I'm guess I do feel a little better getting it off my chest...but I still feel hungry because I haven't had breakfast....I am going to have some cereal, take a deep breath and try to put things in perspective.
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