MSBETH   3,528
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Quarter of the way!!!

Friday, March 04, 2011

So, After weighing myself this week I realized I am a QUARTER of the way to my ultimate goal - WOOOOWHOOOOO. Yes, it's only 1/4 of the way, BUT ....it's 1/4 of the way!!!! lol. I can look at this 2 ways.

1.) Boowhooo... I still have 3/4 of the way to go. that's 75 more pounds until my ultimate goal.. I'm a whiner.. maybe I should quit. I'm not losing the weight fast enough.. waaaaaa....

ORRRRR

2.) HOLY CRAP!!! I am a quarter of the way there and it's only the beginning of MARCH!! I have lost almost 27 pounds in a TWO months! That's GREAT!! I ONLY have to lose 25 pounds 3 more times!!! It's been a lot of sweat, a lot of rough mornings, a lot of better choices and a WHOLE LOT of SMILES!!!

LOL... I CHOOSE to look at the OPTIMISTIC way. Has it been hard? - YOU better believe it has. I have cried, whined and fought some bad self-demons along the way. But I have pulled through those days I wasn't sure I could. I have had some HORRENDOUS days where I didn't want to do anything, but I PULLED through and did what I needed to do to work toward my goal EVERY DAY. Do I want to cheat(myself)? Sometimes. But, I always try to wait a little longer and see if I still want that 'something' I'm yearning for. usually, the urge passes and I'm thankful. I did have a cupcake for Valentine's Day... and it tasted good. But I paid for it. It made me feel sick to my stomach because my body isn't used to the sugar so, ultimately,... it wasn't worth it. So every time I have wanted something super sweet again, I think about that delicious cupcake... and then how crappy it made my belly feel. I have my down days.... shoot, some weeks (this one for example) it was hard. I struggled to fight down my excuses.... but... i DID... and I was always thankful for that. I'm still learning and every day has it's challenges, but everyday I'm a step closer than I was the day before. I try not to look too far in the future because some days it seems overwhelming and I find it far less challenging to say "today is going to be a good day" or "GREAT JOB I went to the gym today! Excellent!!" rather than "allll of these days in the future I have to eat good... for...EVER?" lol. THAT seems more intimidating.

More and more people have started noticing and congratulating me on my success. (Then of course, you have the haters who don't want to acknowledge my success due to their own self issues.. but, that's not my problem, they have to work on themselves. They'll get there.) But Yeah, people who I never thought would notice, let alone ask me how I am doing so well, have been. It's crazy. I have been asked my 'secret', which is always a long version of "hard work" because I have SO much to say about it. I'm proud of myself and when people ask, I love to tell them.... mainly because, I KNOW how they feel. I have been there and I'm still not out. BUT I DO know what works... AND what DOESN'T. I have tried allllll of the "doesn't" and I am only interested in the "does" simple.as.that.

Ohhhhhhh annnnnnd let me tell you about my closet. I have a special area in the back of my closet designated to things that I never fit in but liked. It is my "Maybe One Day - 'skinny' clothes" section. Items I bought but never tried on and when I did they didn't fit. Items I got as gifts that didn't fit.... Pants I USED to fit... and other random clothes, you get the point. Well, I can say with a smile that I am starting to DIVE into those clothes. Two weeks ago I found a pair of slacks that I bought without trying on like... at least 2 years ago.. as well as some work shirts and other cute tops. Well, I would like to proudly tell you all that I am currently WEARING those pants and they are BAGGY! LOVE IT! Now, I still have a lot of smaller clothes in that section but I am getting closer and closer to the end of those clothes (they are in order of size, lol) and slowly but surely more and more of my everyday clothes are becoming tooo baggy to wear. My FAVORITE jeans - if I wear them more than a couple hours.. they are baggy and look crappy and I HAVE to throw them in the dryer t help them shrink again. A lot of my shirts have to go in the dryer (when I used to hang them) because if I hang them they look.. baggy.. it's an incredible feeling. One I am looking forward to for months to come. I can't wait to buy new jeans... but I have refrained so far. Oh yeah... I used to mainly go to the plus size store... Well, at my favorite plus size store, I am just about in the smallest size they carry..... so, that will open the door for me to shop at the normal size stores and feel comfortable in the clothes!

Oh and have I ever told you that I would LOVE to skydive? OHHH, I have wanted to for a few years now... and I was always too scared to b/c of my weight... Well, I am looking forward to squashing that insecurity and making my dream a reality!!!


This blog went in a million different directions, but I am feeling obnoxiously happy today and I wanted to share my random thoughts. This crazy journey has me all over the place but in one direction - toward my goal.

How to I wake up everyday so early and get my butt to the gym? How do I make the right choices when eating? This is how:

"I wake up every day with the realization that this is it, that there's only one shot at this life and I can either enjoy the ride and live it to its fullest and to my highest potential or I can stay the way I am. "

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JKJEE10 3/5/2011 8:47PM

    Beth! Your doing so great and I am proud of you! Way to go for doing what you need to do every day! Thank you for this because I think I needed to see this blog tonight. I am struggling more and more every day and I need to get back to doing what I need to do. Here is to 3 more times!

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Perfect.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

This song is by Pink and the name is "F*ckin' Perfect" Link below
(Scroll to bottom for comments from me)

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me!

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that..?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me
You're perfect, you're perfect!
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me...

I AM OBSESSED with this song right now... it explains how I am feeling a lot lately. I know it could mean something different to every person, but to me it has to do with weight-loss. It shows the struggle... making bad decisions... falling over and over again.... people misunderstanding you.... judging you..... but GETTING BACK UP.. and proving them ALL WRONG (including YOURSELF). No matter how many times I fall, I get back up and THAT is what counts. I will continue to work to get to my goal, I don't care how long it takes. I pass up a lot of 'good' (LOOKING) food... I go to the gym 6 days a week. I give up an extra hour of sleep in the morning to go to the gym.. and an extra hour of tv at night so I have enough rest to be productive at the gym. I eat healthy food when I could just as easily eat crappy food. I work HARD and I am PROUD and I hold back a lot so I don't annoy people... but I really don't care anymore. I am changing my LIFE and IT FEELS GOOD. And I wanna share so people don't think I am doing anything crazy - that I'm doing this the right way - the way that works for the long haul. NO PILLS, NO CRAZY DIET, NO PREPACKAGED FOODS - just a whole lotta water and a whole lotta (REAL) Healthy Food. Plus going to a nutritionist once a week (WHICH I LOVE DOING). Krystle is an AMAZING person and a TRUE blessing in my life. I owe so much to her. She listens to my crazy weekly food stories, laughs with me, listens when I cry and most importantly GUIDES me when I feel LOST. She helps me feel more on track and having her go over my weekly choices helps me make better choices in the future. She teaches me so much and I NEVER EVER EVER feel judged by her. Who knows - maybe I will wanna be a nutritionist? I would love to be able to help guide people like she does for me. lol. Anyhow - Is this easy - NO. Is it worth it - YES. But my fiance ALWAYS says this to me when I am upset saying it's too hard.. "If it was easy everybody would do it" and he's so right! I think of him saying that often, especially when I am feeling down. I fall down because it is challenging and get back up because I love myself and know how badly I want to meet my goal too much to give up - I am learning to love myself more and more every day and that makes me cry with happiness.


PS - I just got on the scale this morning and realized.. I HAVE OFFICIALLY LOST 22 POUNDS! How exciting!! :) ANDDDDDD I can now do PUSHUPS...I no longer do modified! :)






www.metrolyrics.com/fuckin-perfect-l
yrics-pink.html

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMROZI 2/15/2011 5:18PM

  emoticon Pink! emoticon

Thanks for sharing.

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RUNNER12COM 2/15/2011 10:56AM

    What a powerful, motivated blog! I love it!

SDJ

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“Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.”

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Feeling Alone.
I have been feeling very ‘lonely’ lately… due to a lot of things... stress, personal issues, struggles with food. I fear that I am looking at my goal too far ahead and it’s becoming overwhelming. It’s going to be so hard to get there. I feel…. Defeated by myself….my bad thoughts. I have a hard time staying positive with myself. I know I am doing well… I work hard at the gym 6 days a week. I am eating better now than I have in my entire life. It’s so hard though. I struggled to motivate myself to get out of bed this morning. It’s my fault. I should have gone to bed earlier. It’s really hard doing this on my own. Completely changing the way you have thought and been taught about food your entire life is a difficult thing to do. It’s confusing, but it makes sense once you ‘get’ it and it ‘clicks’ in. IDK. I should be focusing on the small victories instead of obsessing about the goal. I went to a PR party last night… and I didn’t have even one of the unhealthy snacks that were available…. Chips, Pretzels, COOKIES, Pop… I passed on all of them. I drank my water and when I left I ate my Clementine orange instead…. That’s a small victory… right? Let me think of some more positives instead of negatives…. I haven’t missed one day at the gym in 3 weeks… that’s pretty good... especially when every other day I’m doing a fitness competition routine which kicks my ass…lol. I looked in the mirror and noticed myself that I appear slimmer… which was kinda cool. My boss also noticed and mentioned it… which I thought was great because a lot of people won’t. They won’t say ‘hey, you look slimmer – good job” they just keep it to themselves… like they’re afraid to say it... because maybe, just maybe it will boost your confidence or something – god forbid. LOL. -especially some of the people closest to you. It’s always a random person or an acquaintance who is commending you on a job well done… not the people who it would mean the most coming from – idk.. and not that it doesn’t mean a lot coming from anybody.. it DOES and it is appreciated… but it’s a little different coming from somebody who knows you really well. Cye’s supportive though – which I am very thankful for… but he sees my struggle on a day to day basis. He sees how much I struggle and how hard I am working... and how badly I want this. But he’s been coming to the gym with me a little less every week… and that makes me scared. I am scared I won’t be able to do this alone... well… I guess I have though…. I just think it’s my negative thoughts getting the best of me. The best part of going to the gym though is – the energy. It’s amazing. I feel so…. PUMPED. It truly is a great feeling. The soreness of the muscles feels pretty dang good too… it’s how I know I’m doing well – got in a great workout – pushed myself… SO… this post was kind of… positive and negative… better than all negative I imagine. Love this quote..
“Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.”
This is exactly how I am feeling right now. I am feeling defeated, but I know it will go away and is only permanent if I quit... and I’m not quitting

252 days until I leave for my wedding. =o]

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SIZZLINMOMMA 1/27/2011 9:47AM

    Wow you sound like aside from the negative thoughts you are doing awesome. Going to the gym every day for 3 weeks, eating healthier, not splurging at that PR party, that takes a lot of strenght and you obviously have it. When you start thinking about the negative try and turn it in to a positive, I know it is sometimes easier said then done but you can do it. Your journey has just begun and I believe you can do this. I mean look at all you are doing already, you said yourself you look in a mirror and you look slimmer and your boss is telling you that you look slimmer. That is awesome right there, you are obviously doing the right thing. I have those negative feelings myself a lot too and I just try to shake them out of my head or do something to turn it in to a positive. You can do it!!!!!!!! emoticon

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Where have I been? Great news!!

Friday, January 21, 2011

... I've been... around... Of course with Christmas I had a downfall... but started back up at the beginning of January. I have so much to say and I am soooo excited!!! I started seeing a nutritionist - Krystle, as my Chiro office.. and I LOVE HER. She is so amazing!!! I meet with her every Thursday and I look forward to it! When I started out, about a month ago it was still around Christmas and boy was I slackin'! I have gotten serious in the last 2 weeks and it's paid off. Let me explain what kind of program I am on. The only main thing I have to watch is sugars. I shouldn't be exceeding more than 25g. a day. Carbs are eaten in the morning and taper off and my evenings are usually carb free... and my life is FULL of veggies now... and... I LOVE IT!! I have to drink a GALLON (Yes, a full gallon) of water every single day... and it's been a challenge. If you don't think it's hard - try it. It's a task in itself... but I have been doing pretty good getting around 90 oz a day and working my way up. Actually TWO days this week I met my gallon goal. I peed... a LOT! lol. It's so awesome because at first I was scared to eat too much and she told me I wasn't eating enough! WHHHAAAAT!? I have never been told that! lol. So I have been upping my green veggies ( I stay away from corn and carrots), getting lots of protein and eliminating processed foods (which is also a challenge)! If I don't understand an ingredient on the label, why would I eat it - why I am I putting a foreign substance to my body in my body? Makes so much sense now! And it's SO EASY. Don't get me wrong... trying to find food without sugars in it (that's not processed to a pulp) has proved t be a challenge... but once I have the food.. it's EASY. I eat when I'm hungry.. I drink lots of water... I feel good... I EXERCISE. Oh boy - the workouts.... THOSE are tough. She has me working out 6 days a week.. and I am currently doing a workout plan similar to those training for fitness competitions... WHOA. TOUGH WORK!!!! My muscles hurt all over! I am finishing up week 2 of this workout plan...alll these muscles hurt allllll over my body and it's downright painfully sore! The very first day - I cried during the workouts. Cried because they're so hard for me to complete and cried because I have let myself become this weight and have to work this hard to get back down to normal... so, it's tough. But - I manage. Cye comes to the gym with me most days to workout with me and to make sure I am working the weights correctly.. and that has been SOOOO helpful! Between him and Krystle I have an AMAZING support system( I even cried(in a good way) to Krystle because I feel like I have so much support from them and I have never had people cheering for me so much.. and... it feels GOOD)!!!!!... long story short (I'm running low on time) i have lost 13.5 pounds in 2 WEEKS!!!! GO ME!!!!!! ( I re-weighed myself 4 times in a row because I couldn't believe the scale - LOL)

  
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TWOTIMESS 1/21/2011 11:29AM

    emoticon emoticon

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Still a struggle.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Well, I am back to a workout routine! well, for the most part. I am about 3 weeks back on track and feel so much better, but... it's still a struggle. It's such a hard journey that some days I have to give myself a good reason to get up and go to the gym and have such a hard time coming up with a reason to motivate me. Some days I know I can do it and other days, especially when I skip the gym... I feel like giving up. I am too hard on myself sometimes... Probably b/c I want more results faster, but I know these things will not happen overnight for me. I have to work and you get what you put in. I am going to a class tonight - Surviving The Holidays. I am so excited. It's a class offered by my Chiropractor - who is awesome. He is such a great guy. The office staff is amazing.. and they are always hosting free classes about living a healthier lifestyle and they are so informative I don't feel like it's a challenge to go. I LOVE going and I look forward to the new classes. Last week, they hosted a Zumba class. It was SO MUCH FUN!! I wish I had somebody who wanted to go to the classes with me - seriously. It didn't feel as much like working out and I think it would be a great class to go to once a week for some exercise change! Cye has been supportive (as usual!) and if I get him up, he goes to the gym with me in the mornings... which is nice. :) I didn't get up this morning to go to the gym.. so I am feeling guilty.. but I plan on going tonight after my class at the Chiro so I am sure I will feel better then. NO EXCUSES!!!

PS - Less than ONE year until the wedding - ahhhhh. it's exciting and scary and stressful and exciting and... lol.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JKJEE10 11/17/2010 11:57AM

    Yay Beth! That has been my motto this week!! There is NO excuse!! My sister and I keep talking about getting a gym membership hopefully by next year and when we do we can't wait to try Zumba!! I actually checked out a dvd from the library for Zumba but I am waiting for it to come in!! I want to try it at home first lol!! You can do this! Just keep up the good work! Kristen

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