MSBETH   3,528
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MSBETH's Recent Blog Entries

Whhhhaaaaaat?!?!

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

I have beeing going to the gym semi-consistantly. I would like to go daily, but have been managing to go every other day (something is better than nothing though, right?) and I have been doing very good the last few times tossing out my old 20 minute routine for a minimum of 30 new routine... and it makes me feel amazing....... so, short side story: I only have a/c in my bedroom and my boyfriend and i have basically been living in our room b/c it is soooooo hot here. I usually work out in the morning, and I did workout yesterday morning, but this morning.... it didn't happen. I overslept. I planned on working out after I got home, but once I got in to the a/c in my room, I planned on remaining there the rest of the night.(EXCUSE!) Well, things have been semi- turbulant with Cye and i..... and while he feel asleep quickly, I laid there awake... annoyed and over thinking everything.... then.... I thought... "I'm gonna go to the gym".. and i DID. so, I got up got dressed and drove up to the gym. It was pretty busy when I got there and old me would have been very intimidated by that, but not the last few times... I am starting to find it very motivating and love working out with people, even if I don't know them. lol. So, I set my elliptical for 5 minutes longer than usual (35 minutes), turned on my Pandora, and went to town..... I really got into my music and surprisingly started feeling more and more and more motivated...... I ended up going for FIFTY minutes straight!!! the longest I have ever worked out. I could have gone even longer too! My shirt was DRENCHED in sweat but I was sooo smiley and happy... and I am sooo sooo sooo sooo SOOO PROUD of myself. I feel like I am starting to actually enjoy (Yes, I said ENJOY) excercising at the gym. I have already worked out longer than my SP plan requires of me this week! How AWESOME is that?! PLUS, for the very first time, I saw pictures of me from this past weekend and noticed IN MY FACE that I have lost weight, HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!?!?!!!! PLUS, Several people made comments saying i LOOKED MUCH SLIMMER! yAy! I am so happy right now. The gym has been my escape lately. It's the one place I can really let go of everything going on and focus on me. So, I just thought I would share. OH and ALSO, this is the longest I have ever stuck with any kind of plan - FOUR months! Probably b/c it's not a diet! It's a lifestyle change. =o] Couldn't have done it without reading the motivational pages and getting support from other SP members!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IARAHS 7/8/2010 2:30AM

    Go you!!!! Heck yeah!!! This has been the longest I have stuck with healthy living as well and I think that it's because I finally did realize, just as you noted, that it's NOT a diet, it's a LIFESTYLE (I actually belong to a group of that same name, lol) This is something I am doing for myself because I want to not only lose weight, but be able to have the skills to maintain that weight loss for the rest of my life.

Way to go!

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JKJEE10 7/8/2010 1:41AM

    WTG!! I love it when people tell you they can see a difference! I agree..not a diet...It is a lifestyle change! Now I just need to find my workout motivation again.. .I have been slacking a bit in that area...Kristen

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YOGAGIRLNH 7/7/2010 9:30PM

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LITTLEBILLY1 7/7/2010 9:29PM

  What motivation!

You impressed me. Go for it!

Spark on and on and on.

Good Job.

Bill

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CHEVY63 7/7/2010 9:25PM

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That is so great - congrats on going to the gym and working so hard. I do know how hard it is to go when it's so hot, so you should feel really proud of yourself!

It's also great when you start to notice your hard work paying off. Enjoy the compliments.

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I DESERVE MORE.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Okay so.... It's been a rough month. It truly has. My roughest month yet. I worked out about 11 times for the month of June.. Which, thinking about it, isn't so bad... even though I went from working out 6 days a week to.. that. But I am proud of myself.... here's what happened:

I let others discouragement get to me. Not that they were trying to be discouraging, but it's not like I go around flaunting every workout I do, very few people know about my changes.. people I trust. I don't tell people, unless they ask, because I don't want people to automatically think I am on a diet, when I am not, then they feel all weird around me like I have the plague or something then if I eat something they think would be "off limits" they say "Well, aren't you on a DIET?!" then I have to laugh and explain that no I am not, and never plan to be on another diet in my life and moderation is key. It's just that I don't feel like I have to tell everybody in the world. That is also why I do not have my facebook linked with my SP - I feel as though there are too many people on FB who don't really "know" me and I am not going to share my ups and downs and feel as though I am being judged by people... I don't know how to explain it... but I know some people would argue with me and say that you should "tell the world" b/c then you're more likely to stay on track.. and well, I'm just not that kind of person.. On here? Sure, that's fine, because that is why I am here and it is helpful b/c that's why we're alll here... but i have a SP so I can talk to people in my situation and get and give encouragement and I just don't see Fb as a place I feel comfortable at this time saying those things. ANYWAYS... sorry - I have a tendency to go off track...

OKAY SO.... I had a pep talk with myself yesterday saying "Beth, YOU DESERVE to be able to wear a bikini, you DESERVE to be able to wear whatever you want, you DESERVE to be happy in your own skin, you DESERVE to not be scared you won't fit in a ride, you DESERVE to have a dream wedding - wearing a dream dress like you've always imagined, you DESERVE to be healthy. Cye deserves a healthy girlfriend [future wife =o)] and your future kids deserve a healthy mom.... you DESERVE so much more" and every time I think about this and read it I cry... because.... I don't know what happened to me to make me think I didn't deserve all of these things and more... I don't know... and it makes me cry b/c I DON'T feel like I deserve it..... but after I go over all of those things I realize that maybe I DO deserve better and every time I workout it makes be start to believe it. Every time I make a positive choice it makes me believe it a little more. So, I decided to start again, pick myself up, dust myself off and keep moving forward. I DESERVE THIS.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IARAHS 7/1/2010 12:51AM

    I feel just like you about linking to FB. I am here because of a specific purpose and I don't think that my friends on facebook give two hoots about how far I ran or what I had for lunch.

Also, I am trying to really downplay the fact that I got fat (because in high school I was 125, and now I am about 90 lbs heavier than that ((holy cow, less than 100 now!!! that's an exciting revelation!!)) and I think that it would just be neat-o if I could quietly lose the weight, delete all of my fat pictures from there and update with new, thin-me pictures, and let the high school friends I have on there slowly forget that I ever got fat. It's dumb, it's shallow, but it's my truth. I want to get it off, keep it off, and pretend (only on facebook) that I was never fat. Here, I will post my fat pictures proudly.

Good job getting out there and exercising 11 times this month!! 11 is WAY better than zero!

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BELIEVEINPEACE 6/30/2010 1:06PM

    Ah! I totally understand! I feel the same way! I haven't told ANYONE I'm changing my life style. When I started eating better I told my boyfriend at the time that I wanted to start eating organic foods and whatnot, since I'm already a vegetarian, and any time I ate anything outside of that he would comment on it! I would have A soda when we went out (so MAYBE once in a month) and there he would be commenting on it! It made it harder then it needed to be! It's hard to be supportive of others when you don't truly understand what their goal is I guess. Which is fine but frustrating! Point of the story! I understand! Good luck with your journey!

One Love
Hannah

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Gym

Monday, June 21, 2010

Well, the weekend went well. I rejoined a gym on Thursday. I need a workout buddy - I just do. It's 20 bucks a month for access to the gym which is 24 hours Monday - Friday and like 7 - 7 on the weekends- I think. And you're allowed to bring 1 guest with you a day (So if Cye ever wants to go with me, which he is claiming he does, than he can, or I can bring whoever else). There's also massage chairs and tanning that is free to use... which, i don't tan, but the chairs I might use... Also, free trainers which I want to find out more about. Seems like a good gym, the best part is... it's right next door basically. A 5 minute walk maybe. And if Cye goes it justifies the price more for me - 10 bucks each a month is good. I should save that money for the wedding, but honestly, this is worth it to me - and I need to get out of the house for exercise, it motivates me to work out longer. And If I end up not using it, all I need to do is cancel. I guess if I can't find one of those than working out at a gym with other people will have to do. So, today was my first day. I was nervous to go by myself, I always am. I have reallly bad social anxiety... but I have been doing so awesome with it! For a person with social anxiety to do something like walking in to a place they haven't been before by themselves.... it takes a lot. And to actually do it is a BIG accomplishment. Well, I have done this THREE times in a week! Two times for school (I was so nervous I balled like a baby, lol) and once for the gym. I love it. =o] Makes me so proud. Anyhow, back to the gym. So, I went on the elliptical for a little over a mile and then on the bikes for 3 miles... so 4 mile workout... which, I wasn't really impressed on the bike. I had to work 3 times harder than on the elliptical to get my heart rate up to the target and I had it on a weight loss program for both machines. I could go for hours on the bike... I don't feel like the minimal calories lost even justify the use of it - it actually annoyed me. lol Maybe I would have liked it better if I just put up the resistance instead of using the weight loss program on it (which adjusts every how many seconds), i dont know. I LOVED the elliptical though, WOOOOO, it KICKED MY BUTT!!! I was sweating so much a few minutes in, then my heart rate was ABOVE the target, but I had a hard time getting it back down because once I was in the flow of it, it was hard to slow down. All in all though, it was a pretty decent workout. It felt good to workout in a different scene and I can't wait to use their express workout... it's a 30 minute circuit of cardio and strength training with you know when to switch when I stop light turns, so, that seems like it would be a reallly good workout, can't wait to try it. I am pretty exhausted this morning though. I just need to get back on track with my eating and sleeping, I feel so much better when I do so. Mondays and Tuesdays are class for me, so I don't get home until almost 10, so it's gonna take some getting used to. It is nice to be working out, I love how it makes me feel! =o]

  


A Promise to Myself.

Thursday, June 17, 2010



To My Body:


I am so sorry. I am just so sorry. What I have allowed to happen to you is just unacceptable. I eat when I'm not hungry - when I'm sad, mad, glad... for everything. I have chosen to sit on the couch watching the tv or staring at the computer instead of being active for far too long. I have come up with every excuse that is possible as to why I have ended up this way and why I won't exercise tomorrow. I am frustrated that I have waited so long. I am frustrated when I get jealous of other people's losing weight when I should be only happy. I am frustrated when I try so hard and have little results. I am frustrated that I have a hard time being happy with the results that I get. I am frustrated that b/c my mom and sister have had Gastric bypass they lose weight so much faster than I do - and I work SOO hard.... it is so discouraging and makes me want to quit. I am frustrated that I let one bad decision get me down for the entire day(s)...... but I am telling you all of this... so I can release it from me and we can move forward. We were doing so good for 3 months!! I was so proud, but I have let laziness and discouragement come in again but it stops HERE. Please forgive me body, for the last couple days, I am ready to move forward and let go of those bad decisions. I know there's a reason you keep waking me up with no alarm clock to work out every day even though I ignore you. Well, day 4 was the end of that. Let's move forward. I promise, this is a no excuse day.Though, let's take this challenge day by day and try not to look to far ahead, because it's going to be a journey and it can be overwhelming to look that far ahead. Let's do this. I'm ready.


In continuation to this blog:

I am letting go of the crying over what I am unable to control. I am letting go of the guilt I feel after making one bad decision. I am letting go of the feeling of hopelessness. I am letting go of the feeling of sadness that can be so overwhelming. I am letting go of the chips, cookies, and processed junk. I am letting go of feeling defeated. I am letting go of the feelings of jealousy. I am letting go of all of these negative feelings, so I can be excited.
Excited for the future. Excited that I don't have to race (You know I have never been a fan of super running, lol)... because this is NOT a race. I would be happy if we ALL got where we wanted to be, not if it was just me. What's the fun of being at the finish line alone? I know it takes time for some people who aren't ready. So, when you're ready, I will be there waiting to help you. I promise that I will encourage other people, I promise I will share my struggles and victories.
You know... I quit smoking about 6 months ago and I learned a major lesson. I learned that unless you are ready to do something - you WILL NOT be able to. I have learned that you need to be prepared. Before I quit smoking I researched. I read sooo many articles. So, when that day came, I knew what to expect. I knew that I was going to have withdraws, I knew I was going to be easily frustrated. I knew that I would want to start again/ give up. I knew that I would continue to think about cigarettes long after I quit. I knew that I needed to talk about it when I wanted to smoke, because if I talked about I would let the feeling go and I would not have the festering feeling of wanting a cigarette running through my body. I knew that I would never again be able to smoke another cigarette, because if I do, I WILL start smoking again. I don't care what you say: A person who has ever had a smoking addiction CAN NOT have the occasional smoke. If that was true you never would have started to begin with and ended up having an addiction. It's just the way it is. SO, I know that now and I accept that. I have come TOO far to have an occasional smoke of a cigarette. I refuse to do that to myself. I never again want to go through everything I went through when I quit smoking. It was very emotional. It felt like I lost a friend - that IS how it feels. But I did my research so I KNEW that was going to happen. I knew physically what my body was going through.... but I also knew... that it would be WORTH it. and boy, has it been. I didn't even have a major reason to quit. Of course the health and money saving reasons... but for me, that had no influence. That was just a bonus. I quit, and I know this sounds silly, but I quit simply because I HATE the smell on my clothes and in my car. HATE IT. And bam, 6 months later, here I am. I won't lie to you, I do still want a smoke sometimes - it's a mental thing, and I don't see that feeling going away, so I have accepted it. I just don't act on it. And I will not. I have made a conscious decision and I have stuck with it. I am VERY proud of myself, let me add.

So I guess where I am going with this is: It doesn't take much to start something. All it takes is one thing (for example, something so small as hating the smell on your clothes) to launch a major journey for yourself. SO, know I can put myself into a healthier lifestyle. And I am promising myself this. I know now what I need to do. I need to research. i need to keep up on the SparkPeople articles, they are so helpful. I need to use ALL of the tools they have provided me with on my journey - ALL FREE. So, here we go again. I am starting fresh, releasing my bad feelings the last few days. Poof, gone. Here's to me, you and a healthier lifestyle. =o]

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELLAREE57 6/20/2010 11:06AM

    Come on Elizabeth....you can do it. Don't take gastric bi pass loss so easy. It too has its own share of problems. The thing is to talk and let others be a sounding board . You will figure it out. There is alot of help here. love mom

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Old Habits Beth keeps on trying to creep up!

Thursday, June 03, 2010

I have NOT been doing very good. It is by Gods good graces I have not put on weight in the last week. I overate (knowingly), I have not exercised enough, I let people get me down(BIG ONE!!!) and every time I pass by the scale I roll my eyes.

This is NOT what I WANT.

I want to be healthy.

And in the moment, It is SO easy to ignore my mind saying "uh-uh-uh... no no no Miss Beth.... you're gonna regret this" while I am coming up with THE WORST excuses ever to feel.. "okay" with my decision. PSSHHH... UNACCEPTABLE..

BUT!

I WILL NOT LET IT TAKE OVER.

I do not have time for all this.. I am being a whiner, complainer and I need to get a grip.

I WILL NOT lose the weight by sitting on the couch. To burn calories you need to move.

This journey is SOO HARD. It's just as hard as I imagined it would be before when I would just think about it without taking action. But I HAVE done good. I have worked my ASS off for the last couple months. It's annoying b/c I feel like some people notice and they'll comment to me, which (ALWAYS) feels good, then others will notice but not say a word. usually the people who I would like to say it most don't. I guess it's just a personal thing. I like to get praise from other people. It makes me feel like my efforts are noticeable. I know I should really stop that... but... I don't know how. =o/

I have such a hard time coming up with goals and things to give myself at those goals that will keep me motivated. Perhaps I am thinking about this WAYYY too much. I need help with deciphering what is a good goal to aim for - 5lb increments? 10? 14? 3? I don't know!! lol. ANy tips?

Sorry, this blog IS ALL OVER THE PLACE. I am very frustrated with myself. I know I should just keep on movin forward.... and that's what I am doing.... but.. GAHH, it's frustrating.

It feels good to write a blog. It's very... therapeutic to me. I have always been one who holds my feelings in... so, to be able to release them is nice.

In OTHER news:

Newly engaged life is good... I feel like my mind is always racing trying to think of budget friendly ideas for the wedding (which is a really good distraction from food, lol). Weddings are so obnoxiously over priced. It's so annoying. i feel like making everything myself, though I know that's kind of unrealistic. And I LOVE how the second you say it's a wedding they mark "suckers" on your forehead, like you'll pay anything... jerks. lol..

Anyhow, I apologize in advance if you read alll the way through this expecting some kind of.... anything... as, there isnt much of anything to take away from here. lol Though if you do have some good wedding DIY websites, or tips about the goal setting thing, please feel free to leave them behind. I need all the help I can get in those two areas. =o]



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I love when my pants feel big! lol
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELLAREE57 6/5/2010 10:18AM

    First goal should be 10% of you weight. I would break that down in to 2 pound small goals. Pick out something as a reward that will keep you moving, pr of new walking shoes, pedometer, bike, all the fixings for your bike. make a list of those kinds of things that will further your weightloss along.I give myself 10 pound goals, then a long term goal...the end...a vacation to some place i wanted to see. It really helps. I use my wii to keep track of my weight and it helps me to set up my small goals. Come over and you can use mine to help you. You can do it!Love mom

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DEBNICU 6/3/2010 12:29PM

    You know what you need to do (and it is so easy for me to say it) so do it.
Everyone has a different incriment of what should be their short term goals. Pick a goal that will work for you. I am in a challenge that has a goal of 5% in 3 months.
I find I work harder when I am in a challenge because it motivates me not to let the team down.
On the other hand, when you decide on a goal think of a reward with that goal. Something that you want and normally wouldn't get for yourself.
Good luck and way to go looking for cost effective ways to have your wedding.
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Debbie

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JOANN1212 6/3/2010 11:20AM

    hang in there!!

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