Thursday, September 06, 2012
WHOA.... it has been a WHILE since I logged in here... however, as soon as I did, I realized how much I've missed this place...
I wish I could chime in that I have been doing AWESOME... but it's just not the case. I have had a rough few months.... To make a loooooooong story short
i DID complete the 5K I signed up for in June :) That was exciting....
In May I had a miscarriage, that was...... sad... and I kinda fell off the face of the Earth for a while. I'm sad b/c I allowed myself to go back into that state of... well... eating whatever I want and not exercising at all - just feeling bad for myself. It is overrated.. and.... I'm over it. I feel like crap, I look like crap... and I am not looking forward to my favorite season. Ugh.
I'm in school now so I leave home at 8 and do not return until after 8, so, it's a long day.... but... I don't care, I refuse to go back to that depressed place anymore.. it's sad there and... I don't want to be sad anymore. I'm doing great in school, so far, and I'm looking for positivity all around me.
I'd like to say, after a very busy and VERY TRYING past few months... I AM BACK!!! :):)
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Last year I lost 60 lbs before my wedding (90 from my highest weight) - I was sooo happpyyyy!!!! But then.... after my wedding in October, then Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and... the month of January... lol.... I pout on about 15 lbs. UGHHHH... So, I have been trying to work it off. During the month of February, I was focusing on just working on finding the motivation to hit up the gym. I keep track of days I work out on the calendar with a Blue "x". Days I don't are marked with a black "x". I like this system b/c it allows me to look back and see how many days I worked out and times that I struggled. When I compared Feb to Jan, I was quite impressed. I worked out about 15 days in February, which is appx. every other day - not too bad... it's great compared to January, where I worked out maybe 6 days. And this past week I have been feeling very good about getting to the gym or finding time to work out at home. I feel like I am finally getting back that feeling of routinely hitting the gym, and I feel great about it. I haven't been doing much strength training, which is probably why I haven't lost much - I tend to stick to the elliptical .... which is fine, but b/c I do it so often, I think I am becoming immune. LOL. I am one of those people who has a hard time with "variety" I know what I like and I tend to stick with that thing.... but I'm working on it. I used to be a strength training machine - that mixed with cardio did me wonders last year. I know that it works, so I have been trying to get more ST in. So, yesterday, I went to the gym and only did strength training. I did 2 sets of 12 on 9 machines with enough weight that by the last rep that muscle was at exhaustion, which is what my goal was.... but DAMN. My muscles were feeling sore very soon after I left yesterday and today - mannnn.... are my arms and legs soooooooore!!! I feel like every move I make I feel sore in an area I didn't think was possible! .... feels good to be sore - I know I'm building muscle = burning more fat. :)
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
So, boy has 2012 been a ROUGH year for me, weight wise. Itís been so hard. Iíve gained some weight back and I feel like I am in such a struggle to get back on track. Some days, all I wanna do is give up. That damn voice in my head keeps telling me that I will never reach my goal and Iím not worth it. I keep trying to shut her up, but she keeps going and going andÖ I was starting to believe itÖ but... I KNOW I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS. I broke down this morning and just cried Ė like one of those embarrassing ugly cries. (lol). Iíve been feeling so hopeless. I know I can do it soÖ. Why am I NOT DOING IT? I know Iím only giving like maybe 40% of my effort, which I know is better than nothing butÖ itís not going to help me reach my goal. I do want this, so why am I not acting like I do by doing what needs to be done. Laziness, maybe? I donít knowÖ stress in my life? I know those are all excuses butÖ they are really hard to shut up from my mind. Itís such a mental freaking battleÖ but Iím here to say, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. If I want this, I need to forgive myself for my mistakes and STOP DWELLING. Yes, I have made several mistakes in regards to my weight loss efforts this year but, thereís no better time to forgive myself and keep moving forward than TODAY. And thatís exactly what I am going to do. SO here, I am saying it now, I forgive myself of all the crappy food I have eaten over the last few months and all the times I didnít go to the gym and perhaps I wonít be meeting my goal by summer, but I AM WORKING ON MY GOAL and THAT is the most important part. Itís not a race itís a lifelong journey and I have to keep telling myself that b/c once I get to my goal I will then have to work to maintain b/c I do not want to yo-yo. So hereís to TODAY and I promise myself that every time I try to look to far ahead and feel like itís overwhelming, I will remind myself that it is not a race and I am working on this ONE DAY AT A TIME and more importantly Ė I AM WORTH IT.
I need a support system!!! But it seems like the groups I joing don't have too many active members...
Friday, January 20, 2012
Darn those people.... you know the ones I am talking about. Those people who work out... NEVER but seem to eat ANYTHING they want without gaining one ounce. Gah! Must be nice to devour fast food 6 times a week and then have your jeans fit PERFECT.
They always seem to rub it in too "yeah, I don't have a problem with my weight, I can eat whatever I want" (really, I couldn't tell - you look like a dressed up toothpick) or (and somebody ACTUALLY said this to me recently) "I don't believe in 'watching' what I eat... b/c you only live once and I want to enjoy my food".... really? Well.. if you gained weight just from LOOKING at a french fry I bet your views would change real quick (and did you know you can still ENJOY your food while working on your health journey.... it's CraZyyyyy ;) . LOL. I don't mean to come off as obnoxious but.. I am jealous. Well I am and I'm not.
I am because.. wow.. I just am... I wish I could eat anything without having to worry about if my pants will feel tight in ten minutes. I wish I was blessed with the genes that make me able to lose weight while sitting on the couch eating a double cheese and a McFlurry. LOL.... but I wasn't. Gosh, how easy it must be for them (now) to not have to worry about their weight. I have to WORK to meet my goals and... it is no easy task. It makes a lot of mental power and training... it takes a lot of educating myself on the "why's".. it is difficult... which leads me to my next thought and sometimes I would love to say this out loud to some of those people. "No, you may not have to 'watch' what you eat to maintain a healthy weight.. but... let me tell you... just b/c you can maintain a "healthy" weight DOES NOT mean you are healthy by any means. " Because I have had to adjust things in my life by eating cleaner, working out and educating myself on what true health is... I definitely have the upper hand. My struggles with weight have made me a stronger person all around - and for that I am thankful. And.. those people may be able to eat whatever they want now but.. when we're both 80, and I maintain a healthy lifestyle and you maintain a couch potato style and you've been "eating whatever you want" I would love to see who's the healthier out of the two groups. I may get slightly envious at times, especially when I am really struggling, but I always remind myself that I am on a health journey and they just so happen to be lucky enough to have whatever it is that keeps their weight in check - but that does NOT mean they are healthy. Health is a journey, not a pant size.
I apologize if I come off as ranty today, but I had to get that out.
** end of rant **
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