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ONWARDS!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Well today has not been a really good day! It began with lots of running to get my errands done and then I picked Laurie up and headed across town to visit with the oncologist who needed to see us today after presenting her case to the tumor board at Wake Forest and five Drs all had differen opinions of the next course of treatment for Laurie. Now I totally understand her tensions and frustrations of the anticipation of what was to come. Well of course when we got there we had to wait now go figure that one right? So when we got in the room the nurse informed us that he had a student with him that would be right in and that just sets Laurie off she hates that but I nicely explain that since he is the BEST at this how cool that he can help another person know and learn what he knows, she doesn't buy into that of course and is almost borderline rude to this young resident when he is trying to ask her questions. Finally Dr comes in and proceeds to tell us that all 5 DRS have varying degrees of reccommended treatment and he feels that as he best can discribe it , she still has cancer the tumor is still there yes it shrunk some but it is STILL there and if they can't keep it from growing it will take her life, pretty blunt words, he reccomends that they put her on chemo for 6 months for now and reevaluate then but could be up to two years if that is what it takes to keep this tumor from growing. Surgery is NOT an option they can't get it no use in even trying and she's had all the radiation she can so this is it. Now this kind of chemo is where she goes into the center Monday for like two hours of a drip of kickstart chemo then they hook up a bag for her to wear home til Thursday goes back in they remove the bag and this will go on every two weeks. The goal is to keep this tumor from growing or showing up somewhere else for as long as possible. Of course there are side effects to any chemo and she had been throwin up over the weekend so more of the same I am sure wasn't a good thought. So after he told us this I said to her well then this is what you have to do you don't have any other options and she about bit my head off in front of the DRS with a retort of she KNEW what she had to do without me telling her. End of my encouragement or discussion and it was going to be a quiet ride home. Laurie is getting the BEST of cancer care from a team of the finest DRS in town FOR FREE! She has NO means so Medicade pays for all this treatment along with the state. She jumped the DR today about them billing her for a $166 bill and said she couldn't pay it and therefore if that had to be she was done play this game with them. I am sure the DRS have seen and heard much worse from patients but I could have died from embarrassement. Sometime the harder you try the worse it gets and so I just kept quiet no point in a huge issue so long ride home. I am sure she need time to let this soak in and I need time to let my feelings go away. Rich reminded me I might bite at people too if it was me who had the cancer which might well be true its just so hard to deal with when you try so hard and then get bit but it will pass. Unfortunately the situation is NOT going to change as this is how it is and she is not going to get rid of this thing our only hope is that we keep it from growing and becoming active again its like living with a time bomb knowing not when it will explode but knowing eventually it is going to do that. On a better note we have some more time...........only God knows how this is going to play out.....

  
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AUTUMNAGATE 5/4/2011 1:09AM

    You and Laurie are in my thoughts and prayers. emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 3/2/2010 10:37AM

    Cheryl, keeping you and Laurie in my thoughts and prayers. I went through cancer treatments with my dad 31 years ago and then again with Ken's mom 3 years ago. It takes everything out of a person with each treatment...but as long as there is hope...
Our reactions to things are what make us unique. Just continue to be there for Laurie, loving her as long as the Lord allows...
Don't let stress get your best! Walk away, take a deep breath, and refocus your energies on completing what you need to do.
Blessings and hugs,
Helen

BTW: Although I have been praying for you and Laurie for many days now, I found this opened on my computer this morning and evidently never hit the post button. You both remain in my thoughts and prayers. HUGS!!

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POLLY20 2/23/2010 8:54AM

    My Cheryl, All you can do for Laurie now is to keep standing by her which you do every day in every way~Prayers are still being
sent to you both~No one knows why anyone struggling with such a heavy burden, finds their way to get through all of this~She certainally does have an Angel right by her side~You are so very
important to Your Sister during her time of preperation~So many
hugs also flowing~Love Ya Polly

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MARLA7 2/23/2010 8:41AM

    Cheryl - As Char says... you always hurt the ones you love... or take it out on them. I know I do sometimes with Kevin..... I don't mean a word of it at all... but have to have someone to vent on. You, the Doctor & the Resident just happened to be available when she needed to vent. Venting is a way of getting rid of the anger... letting go of the scared, hurt feelings. Laurie is understandably scared to pieces right now. This is her very life they're talking about. Believe me, I know. Mine is kidney failure, hers is cancer. All you can do is to just continue being there for her as her loving sister, helping her out in any way that you can.... hauling her back & forth to the doctors and chemo, maybe taking her out to lunch now & then if she feels up to it, or just being her shoulder to lean on and listen to her anguish, fears and pain. God Bless Laurie. I will continue praying for her. Cheryl... I'm here for you if you need anything... cry, vent, rant, rave, share, laugh, smiles, tears, joys, happiness, sorrow, pain... my shoulders are big girlfriend. Anytime, day or night, I'm here for you. Love you, Marla (((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

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DEUCE119 2/23/2010 8:11AM

    Having kind of been in Lauries' shoes , I can feel her frustration. Mine never got that far. Now if it came back, I would have a fight on my hands. But the initial round went well. It doesn't give her the right to jump at you or the doctors, but fighting for something no matter how bad you want it, doesn't make it any easier. Her not being able to pay for it may have her down also. I don't know Laurie , so can't be sure. It wouldn't matter if she could. it still isn't a reason to jump at people. Too bad you can't get her on Spark. They have a wonderful team called Surviving Cancer. There are a lot of people there who are going thru similar circumstances. It would give her others to talk to and get info from. Chin up my friend. emoticon

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KSNICKER 2/23/2010 8:08AM

    (((Cheryl)) I think you handled it all well my friend. Now let all the hurt go... Deep breaths. You know she did not mean any of it. She is so scared and tired of all of this.
deep down, I know that your sister loves you and is so thankful to have you.
Good Luck to Laurie... Hope the new plan will help keep it at bay for a while longer.

Love you...
((hugs))

Kathy


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HOUSECAT609 2/23/2010 8:00AM

    emoticon emoticonAt this time all you can do is love her and be her rock. Will continue sending prayers her way.

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MAMASALLYSOCKS 2/23/2010 6:30AM

    I'll keep praying.

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MAURIZIA 2/23/2010 6:07AM

    Cheryl, you did the right thing by dropping the conversation. No matter what we know is the reality, we all hope the outcome will be different...and I'm sure that Laurie entered that room with hope that something could be done. Add to it the resident, her anxiety level probably just got worse. Not sure how rational any of us would be facing what she is. We advise family and friends to just listen to the patient. Sometimes that's all they need...listening and hugs at the end of their rant. Take a deep breath...In the meantime I'll cointinue to pray.

Hugs to both of you!

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GHOSTFLAMES 2/23/2010 5:43AM

    CHERTYL SO SORRY THE NEWS COULDN'T HAVE BEEN BETTER BUT THE GOOD THING IS LAURIE DOES HAVE MORE TIME AND I KNOW I WOULD BE THE SAME WAY YOU TAKE IT OUT ON THE ONES YOU LOVE BEEN BITTEN MANY TIME BEFORE AND NOW I UNDERSTAND!MY MOTHER IN LAW GOD BLESS HER HAS CANCER OF THE EYE FOR YEARS AND YEARS NOW IT HAS NOT GROWN AND THE SAME THEY GOT IT TO SHRINK AND SHE IS THE THDR'S BOOK HER CASE SO RARE WE TOOK HER TO PHILI FOR IT AND WHEN I CHANGED JOS SHE ONLY HAD TO GO BACK ONCE A YEAR AND MY SIL STOPPED THAT SAID SHE COULD DO IT ANYMORE BUT I HAD BEEN DOING IT SINCE WE FOUND OUT AND DID IT FOR MANY YEARS WITH NO HELP FROM THEM AT ALL H WELL WHAT YA GOING TO DO. LOTS OF PRAYER FOR LAURIE GO OUT M FRIEND HUGS,CHAR

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TOTAL SUCCESS!

Saturday, January 23, 2010


Talk about the perfect SURPRISE! Picked Chelsea and John up at 1PM from airport so we come home and wait til Rich arrives from school, we see him pull in so they sit at kitchen table and I decided if he saw me NOT in sweats he'd want to know where we were going to I went in bathroom he comes upstairs says HI then heads to the kitchen where Chelsea looks up from the paper and says "HI POPS" puts her head back down to read while he stands there in totaly disbelief and starts crying he's so happy they are here, lots of hugs and I come in the kitchen and he is overwhelmed that they came for the weekend. So she informs him since she came all this way he owes her dinner at her favorite Italian place called Geno's which has been owed by a family for 50 years not a fancy place but they make a platter of cheese lasgana that is totally TWO meals in one and the BEST in all of town and yes each of us brought a meal home in leftovers that is why you go there! So he calls Lance and says guess who surprised me and is sitting in the kitchen? He plays dumb and Dad tells him(OF COURSE HE KNEW) so he joins us for dinner just our family which was so cool they sang Happy Birthday to Chelsea and Rich and brought them bowls of Spamoni Ice Cream with candles in them! Chelsea would NOT have left without that anyway!! So we enjoy dinner and conversations and then she says "Hey Dad let's go out to the casino I feel lucky!" He of course is more then up for that so off we go with Lance following in his car he decided to take a different route then we have EVER taken and we almost get lost til Lance bails us out but they had to find the cash machine cause he did not know we were going there and I didn't dare tell him I already had cash for us or he would have know it was planned. We finally get to the Casino and right inside the doors is a bathroom which he says he needs to use he has to POOP.....NOT NOW I am thinking but we wait til that's done and move on down to where everyone is waiting, Lance and John say lets get a birthday beer before we gamble and decide to walk into the lounge, so there is everyone and he sees my aunt and uncle sitting at a table and says "Oh nice to see you guys" STILL NO CLUE til everyone yells SURPRISE and he almost faints when it hits him WHY they are all there!!About 27 people and they made a wonderful (YES MAURI) Yankee cake for him one friend brought a gag jug of wine(the joke is it is super cheap wine and the man is a conesouir of FINE wine and it isn't Rich get the joke) Rich will drink ANY wine which was cute then he gave him a $100 bottle of wine that Rich announce he would save til he and Chelsea could share it once the baby is born. It was wonderful and he was so totatlly surprised could NOT believe everyone was there for HIM never dawned on him they came to see Chelsea and baby hehehehe. Kidding!
So we played the pennies for along time and left him at the craps table when we couldn't see anymore and I have NO idea when he came home Lance brought him home and he was so sweet he crashed on the couch so as NOT to wake. Will be a long day today as kitties woke me up early but that's ok. Chelsea and I will be attending the Ladies Final of the US Olymipic Ice Skating Events today at 4PM while Rich will take John and him to the Gonzaga Boys Basketball game since his cousin gave him his two tickets as his birthday gift!! So we have a very full day ahead full of fun, hugs and laughter. I noticed that the picture of baby is too dark to print so will convince her to let me have one more today to share and I will post them soon as I get some off my camera for all to see. Thank you for sharing this absolutely wonderful surprise with me and now I wil STOP being a liar and start being honest....til the next surprise!!

  
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DEUCE119 1/25/2010 4:23PM

    What a great lady you are to arrange all this for Rich. So glad that it came off without a hitch and he was totally surprised twice. That was a hard thing to do I'm sure. emoticon emoticon

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MAURIZIA 1/24/2010 11:30AM

    CHERYL, love that you were able to surprise Rich...but LOVE THAT CAKE MORE! Hehehehe...just kidding. I actually have tears in my eyes...of joy...and I wasn't even there!! Hehehehe...A great celebration for a great guy...by a great woman! Can't be more perfect than that!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHELSEA, too!!!

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 1/24/2010 12:50AM

    WOOHOO and WAY TO GO, Cheryl. You did pull it off!!! I'm glad everyone was there and you were able to surprise Rich. AWESOME picture of the two of you!!
Blessings and hugs,
Helen

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AMLEHNKURT 1/23/2010 8:13PM

    Sounds like such a nice time. Glad you pulled it off without a glitch!

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MARLA7 1/23/2010 5:13PM

    Cheryl - I felt like I was right there along with you all... you described everything so well. I'm so happy that Rich was stunned and thrilled with his surprise! You are a good wife and he's a lucky man!

Happy Birthday Rich (even though you are a Yankee's man) LOL Kevin made me say that!

Love ya, Marla

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KSNICKER 1/23/2010 2:45PM

    Cheryl - So happy that you were able to pull this off for him. You Sneaky thing you. lol I'm so glad that Chelsea and John (and Wee one) were able to come for the weekend too. And with Lance going along it was perfect.
Everything went along just wonderful...

Yep What a Success!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA RICH AND CHELSEA!!!

((hugs))
Kathy




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GHOSTFLAMES 1/23/2010 12:32PM

    CHERYL WOW HE REALLY WAS SURPRISED AND YOU PULLED IT ALL OFF I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUY'S ALL THE FAMILY AND FRIENDS ALL AROUND YOU GUY'S AND ALL THE LOVE AND SO MUCH FUN HAD BY ALL.VERY NICE PICTURE MY FRIEND VERY NICE AND SO DARN HAPPY! GOOD JOB! CAN;T WAIT TO SEE THE BABY!HEHE HUGS,CHAR

Comment edited on: 1/23/2010 12:34:13 PM

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NEW YEARS EVE!

Thursday, December 31, 2009

I have read some beautiful words in blogs this morning which lift my heart in so many ways. But when I awoke this morning my heart felt so heavy as my thoughts reflect on some of 2009 the tears still come so easily, I can't help but miss dear Uncle BJ such a wonderful many taken to a better life but leaves me so empty as I miss him daily. What a lucky girl to have been able to share him with his family for 33 years. Then there was the loss of my job which I actually loved doing, well not the job so much as the people I did it for, even though I felt I had no choice but to leave that pain remains. And then there of course comes to mind the fact of not speaking to my mother and sister for yet another year, though it is my choice to stay away and not put myself in a position to have to deal with them there is still that pain that remains at the end of yet another year, the pain of knowing someone doesn't care enough to have you in their life brings pain as well. There is pain in knowing I did not reach my goals this year in fact put them aside that pain brings guilt!
But then there is joy the joy of knowing my precious daughter is expecting our first grandbaby and yes we already know that it is a girl!! How exciting watching her transistion into motherhood and knowing she too will experience all that comes with giving a child a life. My biggest hope is that with the distance we can still be a huge part of her life. The joy of watching Lance and Maggie develope their new relationship and the hopes that one day they too will put themselves on course to a happy life if that is what is meant to be for them.
We have never celebrated NEW YEAR's EVE as a big event like some people do so staying home by ourselves is NO big deal we normally have one couple over do pizza and movies and watch the ball drop this year they are attending a basketball game so we will be watching movies alone, not the end of the world at least we will be home safe and not putting ourselves in harms way, our weather dictates that is important as well.
So today is a confusing day of sorts, mixed bag of emotions for sure but one thing I am eternally gratefull for is my wonderful group of friends who support, encourage and share my life here daily. I can't thank you enough for caring and sharing and I know that no matter what is going on in my life you are there waiting to share it with me. I have no doubts that our friendships will last a lifetime, that you don't point fingers at my failures, that you don't desert me when I need you most and that you just share your conditional love with me. Life without you would be so empty!!
My prayer is that 2010 brings you joy, health and happiness, along with my friendship!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_BEAR_69 1/1/2010 3:32AM

    Cheryl, Thank you for being here for each of us this past year as we say goodbye to 2009 and hello 2010. Exciting things are going to be happening with and for all of us. Put the past behind you for those things you didn't accomplish and start a new spot for all the great things this new year will bring. May God continue to bless you and Rich as you embark on 2010 and your healthy journey!!
Blessings and hugs,
Helen

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KSNICKER 12/31/2009 11:44PM

    Cheryl - You know that we will be friends for life. It just has to be. lol And who would of thought that coming to Spark would have brought us all together. What a blessing you have been to me my friend. I feel the same as you.
So here's to another year of friendship... emoticon
Happy New Year!

Love and Hugs,

Kathy

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GHOSTFLAMES 12/31/2009 4:32PM

    CHERYL IT IS SO NICE TO SEE YOU BACK ON TRACK BLOGGING WAY TO END THE NEW YEAR. YOU KNOW I HAVE BEEN THE CHEERLEADER CALLED BY TEAM MEMBERS AND I GIVE A BIG CHEER TO YOU MY FRIEND FOR LEADING US DAILY AND BEING THERE THRU THE GOOD THE BAD AND YES THE UGLY!LOL LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED AND LEARN FOR THE MISTAKES YOU ARE THE BEST AND I AM SO,SO GLAD I FOUND YOU AND CAN CALL YOU A FRIEND! emoticonSO THREE CHEERS FOR YOU CHERYL AND LOTS OF HUGS!
AS FOR YOU MOM AND SISTER SHAME ON THEM FOR NOT TRYING TO MEND FENCES AND MAYBE ONE DAY YOU WILL THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE.
WE WENT RIGHT WITH YOU THRU THE LOSS OF UNCLE BJ AND LAURIE WITH HER CANCER BECAUSE WE ARE FAMILY!YOU HURT WE HURT AND THAT MY FRIEND IS TRUE FRIENDSHIP.
SO HERE IS TO THE NEW YEAR AND YES WE ALL HAVE SLIPPED UP BUT HERE IS TO ALSO ENDING THE 2009 THE RIGHT WAY WITH A FRESH START.SEND ME YOUR DOLLAR NOW AND ALSO THOSE OLD VHS TAPES YOU PROMISED ME!LOL
TAKE CARE AND CUDDLE UP WITH RICH TONING AND DON'T FORGET THE KITTIES AND BRING IN THE NEW YEAR KNOWING YOU HAVE A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU RIGHT HERE HUGS,CHAR

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MARLA7 12/31/2009 3:48PM

    Cheryl - I feel the happiness coming from you and the excitement when you talk about your little unborn Granddaughter. Such Joy she'll bring to you! No doubt! Have fun buying little pink frilly things and spoiling her to pieces! You've brought much joy to my life as well. Always thinking of others... caring... sharing. I know you miss Uncle BJ... and I can't imagine the pain of your Mom and sister not speaking to you. But, you're doing the right thing for you by staying away. You still have Laurie, thank goodness! Enjoy your quiet New Year's Eve tonight with Rich! Cuddle up, watch a movie then watch the ball drop! Love ya, Marla

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MAURIZIA 12/31/2009 12:10PM

    Cheryl, right back at you, girl! Love you just as much...and thank you just as much! It is an honor to share this world with you!

Hugs...hugs...hugs!

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MORE TEARS!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Here I am again sitting at my computer crying and trying to make some sense of the days events and pouring it out on yet another sad blog. Rich got a phone call late this afternoon from our neighbor Greg who is almost like a son to us telling him that his beautiful wife Monica our hairdresser has asked him to move out and wants a divorce she said she doesn't love him anymore! Now these kids are like family to us and they have four absolutely beautiful kids Josh 18, Jake 16 a junior in highschool, Kylan an adorable little 6th grader with the kindest heart I have ever seen and then little Kalei 3 years old. We are simply SICK needless to say. I am sure there simply has to be another man involved in all of this since it doesn't make sense to just say what she said without there being another person involved. Monica is a really pretty woman and many men would find her most attractive she is small, adorable and has a wonderful smile with a great personality that any man would find attractive. She also happens to work with another gal that is single and I am sure this has encouraged all of this as well. Greg is just one of the nicest guys you could meet he is all about his family, funny and loving so this is ripping him up I am sure. Rich encouraged Greg to take her to dinner tonight and talk in private before the told the kids which she wanted to do tonight but I noticed they were home when Rich and I got back from dinner so don't know if they did that or not but if they did I guess it didn't go well. How does a woman do this especially this time of year just before Christmas to her family? This is a FAMILY that is all about FAMILY so it is going to devastate them all. I know when I went through my divorce many many years ago I had only ME to care for and it was more then I could do so I can not imagine dealing with 4 kids as well. I am just sick. And YES I know they are NOT my kids and it shouldn't directly effect us but it does breaks your heart to see any family fall apart. Greg said she absolutely will not go to any counseling she said she doesn't need it, now that is crazy to me wouldn't you think after 21 years of being together and raising your family you woud do anything to keep it intact? That tells me there simply HAS to be someone else involved in all of this. It is the only thing that makes any sense. Which makes me start wondering about how easily it is to become infactuated with another person and convince yourself that it is so much better then the person you have at home. Which brings back all the memories of my own first marriage falling apart when he decided to have an affair with my best friend. I hate reliving that part of my life, and so seldom go there anymore but this sure brings those thoughts up to ponder yet one more time. I know Marla was just going through this one of her family as well and we all advised her to pray for them and not dwell on it so Marla tell me the same thing! I already know that. Sure doesn't stop the hurting in your heart when you care for both of them. Not to mention what this is going to do to their kids.
And again here I am amazed that it's always here I turn to when life goes upside down!!
Thank you guys you are the best of the best!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_BEAR_69 11/13/2009 11:12AM

    Praying for all involved. Remember to take care of yourself as you also have many things on your plate at the moment!!! Continuing prayers for Laurie also. One moment at a time.
Blessings and hugs,
Helen

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DANDDPOFF 11/13/2009 12:52AM

    oh cheryl, it is so hard to think what is going on in someone,s mind . you and me know that all too well my friend. diviorce is never easy in any ones family, and they seem to be family to you. all you can do is offer support and be there for them when they need you.
hugs my friend
donna

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MARLA7 11/12/2009 5:02PM

    Cheryl - So sorry to hear your neighbor is going through this with his wife. Some people can be purely SELFISH when it comes to this stuff... sounds like SHE IS. As you all told me when I first found out my niece wanted a divorce & moved out & had already found someone else (online).... PRAY. Let go and Let God. Be there for Greg & the kids if they need you. I also hate seeing families break apart. It's even worse around the Holiday Season. People hurt people. Plain and simple. They don't care or think of who all is hurt from doing things like this. It is devastating except to the one who wants out. (((((Hugs))))) Dear Friend. That's what I love about you. You're so very caring & compassionate. Love, Marla

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KSNICKER 11/12/2009 12:42PM

    Cheryl - How sad to read your blog my friend. I agree with what the others have said... And agree that you must of really cared for this couple to let it effect you like it has. What a friend you are...

This has also sent me back to my previous 2 marriages... The first one I was cheated on so many times, but was so young and gullible that I barely even knew about it. But the 2nd was different... There was no other person... no cheating involved... I was just over it and asked him to leave. He was an alcoholic and I just couldn't deal any longer... So you never know what HER real reason is.
Just do what you do so well and BE A GOOD FRIEND... She will share with you if she wants too.
((big hugs)) and sending prayers for Your sister Laurie today...

Love you...
Kathy

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AMLEHNKURT 11/12/2009 9:38AM

    Cheryl I agree with everyone here so far.

Feel for your friends, who feel like family. I am sure Greg appreciates it, but as Char said, don't give advice unless asked for it and you don't know what has gone on behind closed doors.

Jack went through a similar thing too with his ex and did go through Christmas for Christopher's sake, but it wasn't nice. No time is a good time to break up a family, you just have to deal with it.

Why put up a phoney front for the kids, who are probably aware of the problems in the first place. That doesn't help anyone either. The sooner things become the norm again, the better for everyone, instead of pretending to be the family you aren't.

I too would feel for my friends, however you can't let it eat you up just like Deuce said. It is their issue and you can be there for support.

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BUFFALOGAL1952 11/12/2009 8:40AM

    Cheryl, this is such a sad situation. But Char said it right...we never know what goes on beind closed doors. There may be more to it than meets the eye. I sure hope they really stop and take some time to talk. There are too many lives involved that are going to be greatly affected by these decisions they are making. I will add my prayers in the hopes that even if they end up moving forward and break up the family, there will still be love and understanding present to see them all through it. Blessings and prayers for this family.
Claudia

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DEUCE119 11/12/2009 8:03AM

    I wish I could tell you how much you writing this down has meant to me today. I have been there and done that myself so every word was like a knife. I wish I had made better choices and always regretted it. I hope she doesn't do the same, and has given this some really good time for thinking things thru. As for you, let go or it could eat you up and there isn't much you can do but be there if they need you. emoticon

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GHOSTFLAMES 11/12/2009 5:58AM

    OH CHERYL HOW SAD!WE HAVE HAD THAT HAPPEN IN THE FAMILY ROY'S SISTER AND ALSO A FRIEND! IT IS SO MUCH WORSE WHEN KIDS ARE INVOLVED.I HAVE TOLD ROY DON'T EVER LET ME BE THE LAST TO FIND OUT! CAUSE IT WON'T BE PRETTY!IT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU WHAT REALLY GOOD FRIENDS YOU ARE TO HAVE IT HURT YOU AS BADLY AS IT IS. NOT MUCH YOU CAN DO BUT SAY SOME PRAYERS AND JUST BE THERE FOR THEM AND LISTEN TO WHAT THEY SAY TO YOU AND ONLY IF ASKED YOU CAN GIVE ADVISE.YOU ONLY KNOW ONE SIDE BUT I TO COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY ANYONE WOULD DO SOMETHING THAT THEY WOULDN'T WANT DONE TO THEM. AND ALSO THEY CAN'T BE THINKING OF THEIR KIDS TO EVEN LET THIS HAPPEN.I TO WOULD TRY COUNSELING FIRST.IT'S SO HARD TO TRUST SOMEONE EVER AGAIN WHEN SOMETHING LIE THIS HAS HAPPENED AND NOT A DAY GOES BY THAT YOU EVER FORGET I HAVE BEEN THERE BUT DON'T TALK ABOUT IT.IT HURTS WAY TO BAD.YOU DO AND WIL FORGIVE BUT NEVER EVER FORGET.ONE DAY AT A TIME DEAR FRIEND ONE DAY AT A TIME. WE NEVER KNOW WHAT GOES ON BEHIND CLOSED DOORS.HUGS,CHAR

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Troubled Waters

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Well yesterday was the day we got all the test results for Laurie (my sister) and let's just say the news again was NOT good. Seems there is a new tumor about the size of a large apple, this one is very very low in the abdomen has appeared to be sitting right on the tailbone, attached to the bladder and the back part of the pelvic bone as well. Now Laurie is about 5'3" weighs 275 which is morbidly obesse which also makes treatment harder for the DRS. We met yesterday with the surgeon who is a wonderful small woman from India who specializes in rectal cancer she has already done all four surgeries and I love this mighty small woman she is really cool. She laid it all on the line yesterday telling us that this tumor could not possibly be in a worse spot to get to, and to do it she more then likely will have to go in both from the front and from the backside to reach it. Then she said if she feels she won't be able to reach it that another option would be for Laurie to go to Seattle (5 hours away) and have the surgery done at the University of Washington which is much more specialized in this type of surgery, Laurie said immediately that is NOT an option for her. DR feels that it might be necessary to REMOVE the whole bottom half of the pelvic bone and tailbone to get this tumor along with the bladder which will mean she will have yet another unnatural port. She is almost sure that the bladder is going to have to go that the tumor is attached to it and won't be able to be removed safely. So her suggestion is that they hit Laurie with a round of radiation and chemo that is daily for six weeks Monday through Friday asap in hopes of getting the tumor to possibly let loose of the attachment and maybe shrink it alittle before surgery and if that happens then re think what surgery to do. There does NOT appear to be any cancer actively growing anywhere else in her body which is the only GOOD news we got yesterday. The surgeon feels this tumor is attached in such a way that removal is extreemly difficult and the surgery to do so will be quite radical but IF this radiation were to work it would help boost the possiblities of success in it. Of course she advised Laurie to get some weight off, no easy thing to do when it is wintertime and the depression of all she is dealing with only makes food her drug of comfort. Of course I tried talking to her about this being a lifesaving issue and she informed me she is going to die in the end anyway only question is WHEN and that one is hard to argue with her on. Laurie has been taking some alternative stuff hydrogen peroxide in a heavy dose twice a day and she is going to continue doing that since she thinks it is worth trying the DR told her she could do it but they don't feel it is going to help her situation, I think they appease you when you mention alternative treaments.
Today we see the oncologist to discuss all of yesterday, the DRS have all been concurring and then she needs to go be measured for her cradle for the radiation all of that set up to begin those treatments takes about a week before they can begin, they have to measure and set up for the tatoos where they hit make the molds etc.
There you have it my day from.....and things aren't going to get better for some time. I couldn't help but feel deflated yesterday I think each and every time you get bad news when you have this rotten disease it gets harder to take it with a smile knowing what lays ahead again. I think yesterday I felt like why why do people have so spend their last remaining time on earth going through such pain and suffering trying to stay alive only to lose that battle in the end, and when Laurie made that comment I said to her well your other option is to do NOTHING let the tumor grow and do whatever it is going to do which thankfully she said wasn't an option either. Her comment was she sure couldn't catch a break and if she didn't have bad luck she wouldn't have any luck. And as my heart broke for her can't say I would feel any differently.
Sorry long blog and not alot of positives in it but needed to get it written down. Thank you for listening!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_BEAR_69 11/13/2009 11:06AM

    Praying for Laurie that whatever she decides will be painfree for her and is God's will...my thoughts, tears and prayers are with her and also with you, Cheryl. May God bless you both.
Hugs,
Helen

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KSNICKER 11/11/2009 8:05AM

    Cheryl,
How sad for Laurie to have to go through all this... And you as well because I know that you will be right there with her.
Hang in there my friend. Your sister is so lucky to have you there for her my friend.

((hugs)) and prayers to help you both through this.

Love you...

Kathy

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DEUCE119 11/10/2009 6:29PM

    Cheryl, sorry to hear that all this is in Lauries' future. Can't say what I would do, we are all different. My heart and prayers are with you. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MAMASALLYSOCKS 11/10/2009 3:53PM

    ((((cow cuddles)))) sending my prayers.

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JOYSGARDEN 11/10/2009 2:04PM

    Cheryl, I am so sorry to hear that Laurie has been hit with such bad news, again. I will keep her and you in my thoughts and prayers, that all goes well. And if God has other plans for her, all you can do is be there for her, hold her, and assure her you love her. In some ways, this is harder for you, yet she is the one dealing with it on a day to day basis. It sounds like she is willing to fight, up to a point, and then she will just give up. Only she knows how she feels, and how much fight she has left. Praying that the chemo and radiation help so the bladder can be saved. Hugs, Joy

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HOUSECAT609 11/10/2009 1:34PM

    Wow! That was a lot to take in yesterday. Will keep Lauri in my prayers and hope they can get all the cancer this time...and pray it doesn't show back up anywhere. (((HUGS))) I know this is just as hard on you, having to watch her go thru all of this... Cherish every day you get with her...

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MARLA7 11/10/2009 12:54PM

    Dear Cheryl - So sorry to hear yet another set-back for Laurie. I'll keep praying for her. I cried when I read your post. I cannot imagine how you feel let alone her. God is a merciful God. I'll pray that she doesn't endure any more pain & that whatever path she chooses is the right one for her.
((((((((Hugs))))))) and all my Love, Marla

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GHOSTFLAMES 11/10/2009 12:42PM

    OH CHERYL I AM SO SORRY FOR THE NEWS MY FRIEND!IT IS HER BODY AND SHE HAS TO DO WHAT SHE WANTS AND IT MAY BE HARD ALONG THE WAY WITH WHAT SHE MIGHT DECIDE BUT I KNOW YOU WILL BE THERE FOR HER AS YOU HAVE BEEN AND SHE LOVES YOU FOR THAT. PRAYERS ARE BEING SAID THAT THIS WILL GO AS GOD WANTS AND AS PAINLESS AS POSSIBLE. IF THERE IS ANYTHING I CAN DO YOU HAVE MY E-MAIL AND NUMBER PLEASE DON'T HESITATE TO ASK.EVEN IF IT IS JUST TO LEND YOU MY SHOULDER OR EAR! GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU HUGS,CHAR

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