Saturday, April 06, 2013
Well, my third losing week in a row. I wasn't really sure how I would do, since the beginning of the week was one nasty binge, but I had a nice loss this week. I cleaned up my diet, got myself to my OA meetings, and am doing ok.
It was a learning experience, at least. I found that great quantities of chocolate make me feel poisoned after a couple of weeks of eating clean. It feels good to eat healthy food in healthy amounts. And it feels good to NOT eat the unhealthy foods in unhealthy amounts.
For me, that's the ticket. Just stick to the program. Log my food BEFORE I eat it. Get myself to meetings. And remember, "One bite is too much, and a hundred is not enough."
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Weigh in day today. A much smaller loss than last week, but I expected that. Week two is usually less. It's too bad that I have this much experience with weeks one and two, etc. It's just good that I keep coming back, keep trying. I am rejoicing that it was a loss. It means I am going in the right direction.
What was not as good was my emotional state. I had a very difficult time keeping on an emotional even keel. I was sniping at everyone. I didn't much like myself at times, and I am sure that no one liked me much, either! I have apologized, and am trying to get past that stage, or whatever it is.
What has worked for me this week was logging my food, figuring things out before I eat. Then I just have to follow the plan I've already put down. I have also been listening to my body's signals better. There were a couple of meals where I was simply full before I finished what I had allotted myself. So I quit eating, and didn't finish what was on my plate. That is a novel idea for me, and I'm proud I thought of it, lol. Now, to get through tomorrow's dinner in a reasonable manner. Have a blessed Easter, everyone!
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Went to a birthday party Saturday night, and I feel I successfully navigated the food. When I logged what I had eaten, I did go over my calories, but only by about 200. I tried to load up on vegies, brought my own drinks (water and a diet soda), and was able to get up this morning and look myself in the mirror. All in all, not a bad experience. And I know I don't miss today what I didn't eat yesterday. Today was an on-track day, ate healthy, and still have enough calories for a fruit salad for dessert.
I feel good about the past couple of days, and am beginning to think, I CAN do this. but I realize that it is crucial to log my food, and I hope to get to at least one OA meeting this week. I like being able to respect myself in the morning.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Well, after a determined start on Saturday to get back into the healthy swing of things, I had three days of denial. Sunday, a potluck at church, Monday, out to eat for lunch, and an influx of desserts (not my idea, but they all landed at my house). Instead of insisting they take the leftovers all home with them, I ate. Today, my dear daughter begged me to let her take us out to dinner, again.
But I refused, made a nice, healthy, chock-full-of vegies soup. I didn't track until this evening, but I tried to account for what I ate today, to the best of my ability. And, you know, I didn't do as bad as I had thought.
And several people here got in touch with me through blog comments and SparkMail. That meant so much. Tomorrow, I hope to go to an OA meeting. I need that "I am not alone in this" feeling. Hope everyone had a good day, and a good night to all.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Well, here I am. Again. I see it has been over a year since my last blog post. Not a good thing. It has been a year of downward spiral. And it's not my weight that has spiraled downward, either! Fortunately, I am still "only" pre-diabetic, but my husband is quickly heading for insulin if something doesn't change. I am practically immobile. My back, hips, joints ache until I can barely get out of bed in the morning. The level of inflammation in my body is frightening. My blood sugars are borderline. I can barely reach my feet, which are chronically swollen. And I hate, hate, hate looking in the mirror. Not a pretty picture. Walking around my yard once puts me out of breath.
And summer is coming. I have a "chick trip" vacation planned in two months. At this point, I will not enoy it, and I am worried about being out in public. I look around, and I am usually the heaviest person in the room, no matter where I am. I just want to lock myself up oin my house and never come out. Ugh!
I have recently begun sewing again. I have some beautiful fabrics and patterns, but they keep coming out too small, no matter what size I cut from the pattern. In fact, the patterns don't come big enough.
Yesterday, I was helping a friend with intake paperwork for a bariatric surgical center. Reading the paperwork I realized that I am worse off than he is. However, I am really resistant to the idea of bypass surgery.
So here I am....again. I try to tell myself that weight is a number on the scale, not who I am, but I have a hard time buying it. I have the info for two nearby OA meetings sitting in front of me, in the hopes that I will get off my duff and get to one of those meetings. next week. And I am here, logging my food, reaching out, trying to get something to click in ME. Sometimes you've just got to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try, try again. Whatever it takes....
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