Friday, August 29, 2008
I received a thing on Anger from Sparks. It really got me thinking. I know in my previous blogs I mentioned the emotion of Anger. Yeah, I have had quite a bit of anger. The article really made me think. To have anger is a waste of energy, bad for the body. It is a natural state, but if there is too much inside of you, it is not good. I had to ask myself, was or is there a good reason to be angry?
The answer: Yes and No. Part of it was rightful anger and part of it was built up anger that should not be there. Before reading the article, I had already focused on taking away that anger, but the article really drove it in. I know I haven't been on much, and try to fit in blogs here and there, and touch onto everyone's pages and my team page. As most know, I have been going through a rough time.
Also, all of the other feelings, emotions, those take a toll on your body too. Truly, I've been really lucky to have maintained and not gain. I contribute that to the fact that I watch the amounts. I decided, I can't stay in this maintenance mode. Well, I've decided, today, Friday, that I am going to try to work on PEACE. Peace within myself....calming. I can't let my work, my kids bring on this much anger, and other feelings. I need to figure out a way to bring inner peace, even if I have emotions at the particular time, I need to quickly resolve it. If I can get to that inner peace, it will be healthier for me, and everything else will start to fall back into place.
My next blog - My start -
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Well, today has been a very difficult day. I was a little relieved when my mgr IM'd me to say that they are going to offshore some of my stuff. We are going to discuss tomorrow. Looks like my reports will be done by another group :-) This is a good thing. I was signed up for a training to do and got it done. I do know things are going to pick up, and things will get better, at least I pray they do.
I am here on Sparks, blogging, wow, and it is 5:36 PM. No exercise, eaten very little, but have a good dinner cooking.
Spoke to my nutritionist today. She was encouraging and agreed with me that my goals need to stay the same, not increase, that maintain is healthy for me right now. The fact that I am NOT gaining is a real NSV with all the stress. I really dumped on her today because my son was a real xxxx today and to his sister. I got so angry it wasn't funny. I don't like to get that angry. Anyways, I took deep breaths, vented to my husband, focused my energies to my work, and told him to stay in his room and took his tv away.
THANK YOU ALL! I appreciated the words to my blog. It really has helped me. I am so looking forward to my weekend of camping this weekend. I have basically told my husband and kids, that if the kids start whining, being brats, complaining, causing me issues, that I WILL NOT go to APE CAVE nor will they, and they can do as they wish at the campground to keep themselves entertained, and dad and I will do our own thing, which can mean just us going to APE CAVE while they figure out stuff to do. I refuse to have my weekend stressed.
Update later....I got to check dinner.
Ok, I am back. Ate part of a rib (no bone and very little fat on them) some baked fries, but not many...will have some fresh strawberries that I unthawed (I froze when I bought them), and zuchini bread.
This has pretty much been my entire day of food. I did have a chai tea.
This may not be the healthiest, but it is not the most unhealthy. I am still within my numbers, I am thankful for that. Wow, 6:00 and dinner done, ate...now on sparks...this is an accomplishment. I can't say the rest of week will be this way, but I am trying.
Some things that have helped me and been important to me that have kept me going, must say, one main thing has been "MY SPARK FRIENDS" the support, the comments. If it wasn't for that, I know in the past, I would have just given up, I would have said "screw it, who cares, and just be depressed. But no, not this time, I am sticking with it. CJ made a comment about stepping back. She really nailed it, about our paths, that none of our paths go in a straight line. Our paths are actually quite curvie. I am really looking at myself that I am having to figure out how to jump over the hurdle and get around the obstacle and to get more on track for ME. Right now, that is stepping back, assessing, taking care of what I have to, deal with work, and everything else, and then go from there.
I can honestly say there were times I did want to say, "I quit" "I give up", "Who cares" and I am sure many other things, but instead I said "At least maintain" "ok, eat the candy bar, but only one - don't over do" "take deep breaths" "ok, eat the one donut, or hot dog, but limit what you eat" "Be sensible, may not be most healthy, but don't give up" "You will get back into track" "Be patient with yourself" "Get on the scale" "Make sure you are same and not gaining" Tell myself "Find something GOOD today about me...anything." Ok, in doing this, I found that when I was camping, my boobs I could see, but no belly sticking in front of them...hmm I said....had to get on scale...well same...but no loss...hmmm, put on my smaller outfit...ok, it still fits...and the pants are a little looser...ok, my body is doing something...but it isn't gaining....this is good...
My husband so loving...that is good. Shyanne trying to be sweet...ok, that is good.... OK, David is showing some improvement tonight....ok, this is good.... I am on Sparks...this is GREAT....I spoke to my nutritionist...this was good. I'm sure I could find other good things too. Michelle (co-worker) said she hoped that the new person is as sharp as me about picking up the reports. This was a good thing.
Sorry this is so long, but had to write it all down. Writing down just seems to do something inside. Also, something I can reflect back on.
Before I forget...my hubby sees me go to eat something...a no no...like a candy bar....he says "Is that in your diet?" I say, "Yes, for today, it fits into my calories and I am not over. So he says "OK" and then I don't eat it all, I eat part (3/4) and give it to him.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
I am getting close to logging off for the evening, but want to say
THANK YOU TO ALL OF MY SPARK FRIENDS
It has been quite rewarding to see the comments as I am catching up, the support, and trials and tribulations you all have been going threw.
I've been able to reflect on some of your all blogs as I am catching up.
Again, Thank YOU!
THANK YOU, Sheryle, Jann, Steph, Donnamarie...and everyone else for helping on keeping the team going! I do look forward to being in full swing soon! I am doing my best right now.
A BIG THANKS TO ALL! BONNIE, SHANNON, CJ, ISURRENDERALL, KRZYKAT, and the list goes ON .... AMY (Believe) Yep...I have to say EVERYONE! so if your name doesn't appear, I STILL AM SAYING THANK YOU TO YOU!!!!!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Well, to start, camping, we explored around the campsite, hiked on trails, over rocks on the river, and a lot of driving to areas we had not been, saw the two forests (the old and the new) created by Mt. St. Helen's. We found Ape Cave, we plan to explore next weekend.
Well, what is Next? Start of my work week and all the challenges facing me. Then the 3 day weekend where I disappear. Yep, but I will be back, and hope to get on here and spark. Pray, that I do lots of different times. I am already looking forward to disappearing again and I just got home....yeah, I know, but it is my only way right now to deal with every day stresses and challenges and when I already know my week is going to be one heck of a week, it makes me want to already disappear.
I have to say "I am thrilled that I have not gained!" I will be working hard this week to doing well, at least during the week on my eating. Thursday of last week (the week we just finished), my husband took me for a walk on the boardwalk which was nice, then Friday, we left for camping. I was able to sneak a casual walk on the boardwalk. Thankfully, David's class, so we stopped on way home to walk....I was happy about that....then to leave for camping. I am back home and to the real world again for this week. I will try to get onto sparks, but no promises for this week!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
My only escape, only time for me to get exercise, to have some peace, has been for me to go camping on the weekends and Labor Day weekend is the last weekend I will be able to go camping.
Camping, I am able to sit by the fire, eat a hot dog for dinner or lunch. I am able to hike, go for walks, fish, pray, think, not think, be with nature. I am finding that I can get away from things...It may be for just a couple of days, but is better than none.
Nature and being outdoors, brings on the ability to get some exercise, even though it still isn't the amount I normally do, it is better than none. It is healthy to camp, it is healthy to relieve stress, this is what I am having to do for now. Kids start school after Labor Day weekend! YEAH! That will relieve some more stress, I hope.
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