Sunday, August 24, 2008
Well, if you have been following my blogs, you will understand this blog. "Hard to Eat Healthy"
Being on a tight budget makes it hard to eat healthy. I haven't been eating bad, nor great. During the week, I do so so, on the weekend, I do ok, but not my usual healthy eating. OK, here it is:
Eggs, Sausage or bacon
I've not gained, but I have not lost either. I can tell you, my appetite as been so so. I love roasted hot dogs over the camp fire. I have eaten in small portions, not lots of food, or lots of no no's, just very small portions.
Water, I seem to drink quite a bit of water too. I spoke to my nutritionist about it, and she agreed with me, my goals to be as they are, to get through, not hard, and increase as I am able. It is great and important that I am not gaining, this is a plus.
This will tie in with my next blog " Camping to deal with Stress"
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Where to begin, I am not quite sure, I have so much running through my head. Learning, thinking, challenging, scary, sad, emotional, frustrated, angry, happy, praying, relaxing, stressed, tense, uptight, loving.exhausted, energized, tired..Well, that has been me, all of those feelings and more and pretty much on a pretty steady pace.
To start: Work: Well, I have had to work a lot of hours, I am exhausted and tired by the time I am able to log off from work. I just increased to more work, yes, more work added again. The person I back up and backs me up gave notice, so well, you can figure out, I get more work...the thought of it, well, that brings on a ton of emotions, feelings, etc.
Learning: Well, taking new stuff on, more stuff on, at work, well that brings on learning. Ok, aside from that, reassessing, or re-evaluating myself, I am learning. This as well brings on a lot of the emotions and stress.
Thinking: I am constantly thinking, yes, constantly. This brings on a lot of all the emotions.
Challenging: Work brings on challenges, my KIDS bring on challenges, finances bring on challenges, again, this brings on all of the emotions/feelings.
Angry: My frustrations with the kids, them being brats, it doesn't help. Anger about my boss quitting, then my co-worker, and all the changes, so I have anger about it too.
Stress: Well, that isn't good for me, my health.
Tense: You can imagine, all the stuff makes my shoulders tense, and makes me tense.
Relaxation: Well, camping, for the most part. My only time for peace has been the weekends "camping" - no phones, just the wilderness.
Dealing with everything, to help with the stress, I've made it a MUST to disappear Friday, as soon as I log off from work. You can't get me out of here quick enough. We've been heading out to the mountains camping. You can imagine, all of the different emotions, these all bring on "hard to eat healthy" and "LACK of EXERCISE.
My next blog "Hard to Eat Healthy"
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Ok, it is Tuesday. I am now really tired, again, but my day has been better. I have logged my food - day two. No exercise. I don't have the strength after working all day. I did manage to arrange, clean up camper so it is ready for this weekend. Also, had my work review and found out my manager has resigned. I spoke with him today. I am not happy about it, but I understand and support his decision. I was really stunned at the news. I lasted longer today. Now I am cramping again and tired so this blog is going to be short. I am feeling better and coming out of the slump...I hope...I feel like I am.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Well, I have been doing a lot of thinking, reflecting about myself. It has been difficult. I amaze myself on changes I see in myself that are different from my past, and that no matter, how bad I may be feeling, I have been able to keep myself within reason. Before I would have just gone way over board. I may not have done what I should or ate what I should, but when I have had "what I call no no's" it hasn't been a lot. I made cereal bars, ate a lot of those, but it was better than eating those brownies that Shyanne made. Yikes...that would have put the pounds on me, I am sure. I had to take care of the cravings, but did it in a mild fashion. My portions are smaller and less then before. I am fighting inside myself to pick myself back up and get back into the groove of doing really well. I have also come to the conclusion, that going on vacation, doing so well, and getting so much exercise, and really expected to be down and not to be down was really disappointing, more disappointing then I realized. It really set me in depression, especially getting the phone call, getting more responsibilities, seeing people let go, and knowing that I could be let go at anytime, and this just all set off a whole set of patterns within me of depression and the I don't care attitude, or who cares attitude. Also, to come home to all that I did, too, with the kids, my animals, and stuff, really just plain made me crazy inside (best way I can think to put it). I know, as exhausted, horrible feeling inside of me, I am slowly pulling myself out. I feel so blessed to have the spark friends that I do and husband that I do, which is what I think has been helping me come out of this quicker or better. I am finding strength in ways I didn't know, yet lose strength in other ways, but for shorter time. I plan on keeping myself updated and everyone else by blogging when I can and today was a start to my logging. Well, off the blog for now as I have some things to do before shutting off and need to go to sleep too before it gets too late.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Ok, I am having a really hard time getting started, motivating myself, but I am doing it. Today, I logged my food. I am literally exhausted, tired, and depressed some. I know the signs of when I get depressed, but know that I will come out of it soon.
We went camping again, to Ocean Shores. It was pretty nice. My husband and I decided to walk to the grocery store in town. Didn't seem like it would be that far, well it is and we didn't make it, we made it 3/4 way, but found another store and went there for 4 hershey bars and bag of marshmellows, and graham crackers, and water...Water cause I was thirsty and needed it. I only ate one smore. We ate hot dogs, some kind of BBQ Beef Sandwhiches, and some chips through out the weekend. Flame cooked hamburger patties. No, I didn't over do...I ate small amount...just could be healthier. We got their 4:00 AM Saturday and came home (8:45 PM) Sunday. Well, at 12:20 AM TOM decided to visit. I have to tell ya, it has been a horrible visit. It has made me TIRED, more depressed, a lot of pain, cramping, no strength, balance, total exhaustion. I could barely work today. My hubby drug me to gas station and to get me my chai, I don't think if I even won the Lotto or Mega, I could get up the strength, that is how yuck I am feeling. I am also very nausiated.
We did have a good time camping. I just love it on the beach. We are going camping again, but to Rife Lake, but different campground then last time. We want to maybe do some fishing and swimming. It is suppose to be really HOT beginning Thurs/Fri though the weekend.
Between my job, expenses, bills, kids, it has me a little depressed. With TOM and pain and cramps, it has made everything intensified. I am forcing myself to come onto Sparks and at least blog because I need too and I logged my food too. I need to NOT gain any of it back and I need to keep my progress going, at least to show, that once I have reached my goal, to be able to go back and look at my successes and struggles. Also, for those who may read this or be going through something similar, that no matter how upbeat, well, you may be doing, it still can be hard, challenging, frustrating, and it does not come easy. It may come easy to some, but I know it doesn't come easy for me by any means and I know there are a lot of people that it doesn't come easy for, but we are all still here and still trying. I think that is one very important step.
Also, I have been feeling other pains in my abdominal area and I am just plain sucky feeling.
I worked 52 hours when I logged off early on Friday at 11:30 AM. Yes, a very long tiring week...My sister called me and we were talking, she is now 208 pounds (still climbing). She asked what I weighed now. I said 185. She said, ooo you smaller than me, well, maybe same, I carry my weight better because I have bigger bones and you have smaller bones. I said, yeah, well, I am in size 14. She is size 16. :-) It really kind of hurt, but I found myself, being more supportive to her and to encourage her to lose. I think that really surprised her as she was unable to see that she hurt or upset me in anyway.
In so many ways, I felt like saying a lot, but really said very little. Only encouraging things even though I felt as if I should say not so nice a things, but something inside me would only allow me to be encouraging.
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