Saturday, April 07, 2012
Wow, Friday started out so so stressful. In fact, it was affecting me more than usual. I was a bundle of nerves. We go walking into the court room. We listen to several cases ahead. I am doing good and the commissioner appears to be fair and in a good mood. The ex hasn't showed up but we know she is there because or boyfriend peaks his head into the court room. 2pm comes along, she finally comes in. I can hardly stand being in there. She brought the step daughter and baby too which is so inappropriate. I asked my hubby if he was ok with me stepping out. He was. I was in hallway, afraid, so praying to the Lord and asking for help from my spirit friends. I am having heart burn and difficulty breathing. This is not good. I am meditating to them and it all goes away. I see to police officers suddenly come out and one comes out of the room. My heart stops briefly, but I relax and all seems to be ok.
Finally, my husband comes walking out of the room, walks towards me and smiles and as we walk away, he tells me what happened. Big relief and smiles. In fact, I am glad I left because I might have burst out laughing over her stupidity.
First of all, she goes without her attorney. She used restraining order (blank) to get in front of commissioner. He was like is there a restraining order involved or what? What is it you want. She proceeds to bring on tears and start to tell story of her grandmother being sick. He stops her and says, "I don't want to hear this story. I want to know why it is that you are here." She asks to take her daughter and baby out of state. He asks her how long? She says a month. He asks about her school? Oh, she is taking the semester off due to baby but is enrolling next semester to get her GED. My husband responds, "No, your honor, she has only been in school, maybe 20 days and I have filed the proof with Judge xxx, it is on Linx. The commissioner begins to look up things on the computer. He proceeds with "you are not even following the orders. I can't do anything with this case. Only the judge can and you have court next Friday. Of course there was a little more said.
We never know what his ex is up too, but order stands as is and step daughter cannot leave the state without her father's permission for any reason until she turns 18. We already know that the mother is trying to get her to another state and get on assistance to try to override the judges orders and involve another state and their laws. Plus, the baby has a father and there needs to be a parenting plan put into place, etc... Mother thinks we should be supporting her, her daughter, and now the baby and with what, we have NO MONEY and already losing everything.
Oh, and her atty emailed me paperwork that she was filing yesterday. We already got the response ready and papers found to prove all was paid....Yep yep...I found the proof! :-) My husband and I were up going through stuff until 12:30 AM.
At least we are prepared. Oh, and we came home to stepson totally bent out of shape and found out that he was planning on just taking off on us to go with her to another state and was going out to party before leaving, but when he found out that she not get to go, he was super down and not wanting to talk to us and just left the house to go party...I asked him where he was going. He did answer but was very vague.
We got home from court yesterday and WALKED TWO MILES on the boardwalk and it was so STRESS RELIEVING! Stress was UPLIFTED and I got exercise done!
Today has been rather lazy.
Thursday, April 05, 2012
First of all, I have been so on track with my eating like big time on track, like never before. I am so proud of myself. I've been exercising, I've been following a plan. I got to go visit my beautiful twin daughter, one I love so darn much and I got to hold my beautiful grandbaby and wow, she loves her grandma. She looks identical to my twins. My daughter said, mom, she looks just like auntie Roo...Yep and you....and she brought out their newborn picture and show me and yep they do...so she looks like her grandma...She is adorable and she is such a good baby too. I spent the entire day. She text me a picture she took. It was adorable pic too.
I was supposed to go workout tonight, but the person meeting me had to cancel and I still was going to go but stuff happened. Wow, major major stress hit me and then I got emotional. The ex is at it again, she is like trying to take us on emergency in front of commissioner (my hubby) and requesting a restraining order and wanting to take step daughter and her baby out of state and claiming grandmother only has 3 days to live which we know is a crock. We've been hearing this for 4 years. She has to make up some story for restraining order.
Originally she called to see if he could be there today but he could not because I had vehicle and card and the other car had no gas, and he has not been properly served, and we have trial next Friday. She is asking for reconsideration, and judge already told her NO so asking commissioner to change the decision.
Anyways, I am so stressed over this crap...last time she made up accusations and had big cps investigation and we got cleared, but have no clue what she is accusing of as we have not seen any paperwork yet and asked to appear in court tomorrow at 2pm. She even took step daughter and baby. It makes more sense when sd said she was going to get child support, lots of it until she was 18 (meaning her dad) she slipped up...but then I said, no, you get child support until baby is 18 by baby's dad. She hesitated and said no, just until I am 18, well oh then you right yeah. I knew they were up to something, and we have trial next week....so she is trying to change the judges decision by going around judge to commissioner.
She has atty too and atty has not been involved nor knows what is going on. Judge told attorney that he was suppose to be properly served and gave new court date last time when she not show up for court because baby was being born.
OMGosh...my day went from great to STRESS URGENCY! My poor heart don't need this. My hubby asked me to go get him a beer, promised me that he would give me 4 days of no drinking what's so ever, and me time. I started to cry and walked over to him and gave him hug and said, you know how much that means to me and how much I miss us together with him not drinking at all. Not that he does anything wrong, but I can't drink and when they get intoxicated they are not as much fun... and just go to sleep. It is just a special special treat...I got a solid year and wow, I want it again, so I will take 4 days. He offered it. Originally, started 3 days, but said no I give you 4 days, and maybe a week. Wow. I can hold him too it too. He never makes a promise to me that he not keep.
We are going to spend Tuesday with my daughter and baby and next Saturday with Her, Chris, Laila and then they leave for AZ. I am going to miss them all so very much!!!! She said to me, "Mom, and you guys have to come visit...please...this is really hard on me too."
Thursday, April 05, 2012
Wow, Today was weigh in. I was down 2 pounds. I made it to the gym again today, day 5. I had a good 2 hour workout. I start out with strength as it revs the metabolism (muscle up) then the cardio to burn the fat off this fat body of mine.
Emily, whom I just recently met, met up with me at the gym. She did strength with me and it is something I can tell she is not crazy about doing, but she did it. We then hit the elliptical. She went for an hour (4 miles) and I did 30 min. drank EAS shake and went fast for 5 min. I have to be super careful with my heart. My heart rate stayed below 118 so this was good. I sure put out a lot of sweat. My workouts have been really good. Working out makes me feel so good and is so addicting, especially once you get started going.
My eating has been awesome.
My gratitude is to all my wonderful Limes. They stay true to keeping me going even when I seem to be at my bleakest moment.
My gratitude is for all my sparkfriends that stop by to check on me.
My gratitude is for my new friends with the AHA - Go Red Ambassadors. I had my 2nd meeting tonight.
My gratitude is for the people that care at St. Joseph Hospital
My gratitude is for my twin daughters. Even with the pains I have been through, I am greatful they are my daughters. My beautiful daughter is moving away soon, very soon, but she has been calling me and texting me and I go over to spend with my grand baby. I feel bad for her twin right now as she is in the hospital and I can't be there and she is in a lot of pain. She has kidney stones again. She thought 1, but has 2 and 1 is too big to pass and the other isn't moving so she is in hospital having surgery.
My one twin is having a difficult time moving away from here and yet excited and scared. We talked about it today. She called me. I am supposed to go see her tomorrow.
My gratitude is for those that supported me in the walk across the Narrows Bridge.
My gratitude is for those that support my healthy eating.
My gratitude is for my heart sista who quit being a lime and miss her as we don't do our online workouts anymore and that is :-( but life moves on.
My gratitude is for LIVING...Being ALIVE.
One thing I have to say, it is not just about losing weight, it is more about becoming HEALTHY. Yes, HEALTHY! Our bodies need to heal so much, and we can get there, I have hope that I can get there with diligent effort, but if not, I still be healthy. My numbers are important and what helps to keep us alive.
My gratitude to my husband who has stood there by my side, day and night at the hospital, and even at home.
I am thankful for it all and blessed for it all!
Monday, April 02, 2012
"Many things can upset heart rhythm: caffeine, prescription drugs, herbs and even eating too much," says Robert Middleton, MD, cardiologist. "However, if your heart races wildly, or if you also feel faint, dizzy or short of breath, see your doctor immediately. It could be a problem with the heart's electrical system, called an arrhythmia." In one type of arrhythmia, atrial fibrillation, the two small chambers of the heart quiver ineffectively, instead of pumping out oxygen-rich blood. The result can be heart failure or stroke. More than tow million Americans have atrial fibrillation, which becomes more common the older we get. Lifestyle changes with medications can usually control atrial fibrillation. In some serious cases, surgical procedures such as ablations, implantable defibrillator or pacemakers can help restore and regulate a steady beat. Wow...this was all scary information for me and still is. I just can't see myself having one of these implanted into me, but reality is that I may have too. I am considered "On-the-line." Seems like everything with my heart is "on-the-line" meaning that if I tipped 1 degree one way, I need and insurance will pay, if I tip 1 degree the other way, then I don't need one and insurance won't pay. It was same with my heart surgery.
What I am doing is try my best to get healthy. Maybe tip the scale or the degree a few degrees to the healthier side so I don't have to have one.
The sleep apnea - atrial fibrillation link...In obstructive sleep apnea (OSA) people unknowingly stop breathing several times a night while they sleep. According to recent studies, atrial fibrillation appears to be strongly linked to OSA, along with traditional risk factors for OSA, which include high blood pressure, large neck circumference. Treating OSA is those with atrial fibrillation can reduce recurrence of the arrhythmia and help prevent heart failure or stroke.
Take the SleepAware risk assessment online at
I don't know about any of you, but this really is scary to me. I have and am going through it and I DO NOT LIKE IT!
Another interesting point, I have met and meet everyday someone that is going through it or knows someone going through it. One thing they say to me, that knows someone, that they don't take care of themselves, they won't go walk, or change their eating habits, how can I change them. You can't change them. I know it is hard to watch loved ones go through this.
If you take a 75 year old woman or man, they have the attitude that they have lived their life and are not going to change their ways at this late age. As hard as it is, the older they are, you have to really look at, and respect that they truly have lived there life and is hard for them to want to change it. Now there are some at that age that do. It really goes to "The big WHY" We all need a big WHY to move on or reach goal.
Take a look at yourself, younger, and evaluate how hard it is for you to take the weight off, or the challenges that you have been faced on your journey. It isn't much different for them. The difference is, it is now HARDER with a heart condition, but possible. Sometimes they need to be shown a "WHY" Harping on them, pushing on them, or reminding them to take there med, sometimes is making them feel as if they are losing their independence.
I am young and have been faced with feeling as if I am losing my independence. To many people, I seem normal, look healthy. Believe me, I have been working hard at getting it back or maintaining it. It has not come easily. My memory is the scariest part. Yes, that is right. The thought of losing any part of my memory is horrifying. Coming out of surgery, and wow, not able to multi-task anymore. What a feeling that was. Today, 1 year later, mult-tasking has improved, but I work at it. I practice at it. I do cross-word puzzles online with FB to improve my thinking. My meds at first had to go into special little med containers for each day and time. But I had to slowly and carefully put each one into each thing. It was like if I took it, did I take it? I really could not remember if I took it or thought about taking it.
My speech was off, meaning I stuttered sometimes. I was unable to deal with any kind of stress. I would shut down, meaning my mind would go empty. I no longer could focus, I no longer could think or do it. I still have a hard time dealing with stress but am better at it.
Somethings to help are exercise and eating healthy. Yes, it may seem hard. Yes, it may be frustrating. One day could be easy while the next day can be hard, seeming like the impossibility. You may go a month well and wham, like you can't do it, or like starting over, but what I can share is that it will get better, each set back begins to be less of a setback, meaning that when starting over, you are not at the progression level that you were originally at. Here is the pattern,,,the M is me in progression. xMxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxM This is where I want to be
So, You can see, I am making progress and I have a long ways to go. But do you see or notice my set backs and my progression how slow, yet I am progressing.
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