Saturday, January 28, 2012
Ok, I fell asleep. I must have been sound to sleep or drugged because I never woke up. I didn't feel a thing.
I once had this beautiful thin body. This critter or whatever it was came in and stole my beautiful body. I awoke and found that my skinny legs were heavy...they felt like weights placed on top of my legs...I now have thunder thighs. Oh no, my thin belly is like jello, all jiggly and squishy and full of stretch marks. My calves, they are heavily weighted down too, but firm. Hmm what happened? I look and my arms, they have become flabby. Oh what a harsh reality. I was robbed like this before, but not as bad. This time being robbed, I was horrified in disgust. The only thing this critter or whatever it was, left was my boobs. I've always had big boobs. Why didn't those get stolen and replaced with smaller ones?
Ok, on a more serious note, I am virtually working with Diana. Our homework was to measure ourselves by tonight. I just got my measurements done. I was horrified, measurements to the heaviest yet. I knew I was a blob...but now I am a bigger blob. I truly am horrified with these measurements. I really dreaded and did not want to measure. I am sure Diana is not wanting to do this either and is probably procastinating and hiding from me...giggle giggle...but I will find her and she knows it. Anyways, the assignment was given to her and myself to do several things:
1) Horrify us with the reality of truth
2) Accountability (doing something we really did not want to do) This can be healing too when you are trying to heal. You need to focus on all aspects of your life.
3) In a month, we get to re-do our measurements
Why? to encourage ourselves to see what difference we made. Maybe the scale does not move, but inches come off. Maybe the scale does move down and inches come off. Or maybe it will horrify us again to say yikes...what happened...
It is nothing but merely a tool to use for ourselves to make ourselves better.
Who is going to make you better? A doctor? A Nurse? A friend? NO ONE that is the harsh reality, NO ONE. Only YOU, YOURSELF can make you better. Can a doctor, nurse, friend, etc. help you get better? YES...they can encourage you along the way, give you healthy tips, exercise with you, watch your eating pattern, help you stay on track, but the bottom line is YOU. In this case ME.
DEEPS really encounters a lot because if you have read my other blogs, there has been a lot of different activities and they have coincided with the LIME TEAM Challenges.
I been doing this with a heart friend of mine because she asked if she could join me in DEEPS. It would be fun to see her get well as she can and for me to get as well as I can.
I don't just want to lose weight, I want to heal my heart to the best that I can, I want to heal other parts of my body.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wow, I am feeling like a lot has been lifted. I've spent a lot of time walking today, 1.5 hours and am very tired, but I did a lot of thanking. I had to thank the Lord and the spirits for their guidance, there channeling, and protection along with healing.
Last night, things were heavy on my mind and heart. My heart had been struggling. I knew I was in serious trouble with my heart and that I needed to somehow remove the stress or I was going to be in the emergency room.
I did the Chakra Meditation, their were several. I found a meditation of it that realigns all of the Chakras. I did the meditation twice. I did several others. I then did some channeling. Channeling is communicating with energy through the doorways and through the spiritual world. God gave me this ability so long ago but I never knew how to really use it and was afraid of it. I have the ability to open my 3rd Chakra eye. This, I will not do. I've seen warnings against it and even though it can be very powerful, it can also be very dangerous. It can allow the evil spirits and do a lot of other scary stuff. I will stick to the HEALTHY.
Channeling is also a strong sense of beam...meaning you can feel your child, or someone in great distance and can some how know or send them a message and receive back. Anyways, after doing much meditation and trying to better align my Chakras, I got an open channel to the judge. I asked for assistance from God and my spirit animals that God has granted me. I asked that she review the case closely, that she review each page carefully and even if necessary, to go back to the very beginning to see just what this person is trying to do and make her ruling based on all of the facts. I told her, be confident and comfortable with your ruling, the state has provided some false accusations with no proof, that the proof is there.
I felt suddenly relieved and I could picture her reviewing pages and pages and pages. I closed the door way with protection. I then went to sleep. It was like 12:30 AM
I awoke this morning, told hubby what I did and about the channeling. I then went with him to court feeling completely at peace. My husband walked out of court telling me that it is continued until the 17th. Needless to say, she did not show up for court but her newly appointed attorney did. Her attorney walked out, called her, asked if she was coming, asked how she wanted to proceed, and finally said she was asking for continuance. The judge told her that everything was filed and to review all of it and that she better have some significant proof. We know she has no proof because there is nothing to prove. We submitted all docs showing we owe nothing and that she owes us 20k. The judge looked at state and at my hubby and said, I do not want any more paperwork from either of you. I have all the evidence, I have read, reviewed, every single page of this case and know it quite well inside and out. The only thing I want to see is significant proof from her that she so call claims that she has. Well, her attorney came out to talk to us and asked if we knew. "No, she has nothing, you can see here. She looked at what we had, and said she was getting copies for herself and that if Toni could not show her actual documentation of significant proof that we owe her, she is going to talk to her and withdraw from the case because she is not going to waste anymore of the courts time.
She came with the impression that we owed her 20k...and she found out it was the other way around.
Ok, I am at complete ease and so is my husband. He has been doing the meditation as I have but he doesn't completely understand but he likes the way the meditation makes him feel. We went for our walk.
The sunshine was beaming brightly. The air was cool and crisp. We walked nearly 4 miles (3.5 miles...slightly more....but counting it as 3.5) It took me 1.5 hours so yeah, I am slow. I am walking with Diana at 4:00 PM, 5 minutes for 20 minutes or so.
During my walk, I spent time channeling, communicating with my spirits and God and giving thanks.
For closing for now, I do want to say, I do not fear dying, I have seen where I will be going and how beautiful it is and it is so amazing, but I will share that I do not know why I do not want to go. I want to stay here, on earth, with my husband, my friends. I don't want to go to this place yet. I can't answer why, but I feel as if I have so much to get accomplished for myself, for the Lord, and not sure yet. It is becoming more clear. I do know, though, that it is so beautiful, the most beautiful place imaginable and so much peach and love.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
I need to do some meditation. I have been stressing over my heart. I have had some weird pains. I've had a lot of SOB. Nothing real new, but just not right. The meditation helped last night. I would go exercise, but I am afraid it might strain my heart a little too much right now.
Court is tomorrow and well it has my husband and I quite stressed out. We've discovered that we are overpaid. Because they gave her the money, they said they would not reimburse. Also, they are not doing order as ordered by judge and will see what judge has to say tomorrow. They are trying to make a really weak claim hoping judge will reconsider, but we spent two days gathering information for judge to see the actual facts, straight from the dcs office and we even got the case where they tried to claim we didn't pay for a month...yes we did, it was a different case #.
It has just been a nightmare...the issue is, they are ordered to take from the arrears that she owes us. Also, every time we call the one office, they right away say we owe her and we are like, no that is our judgement against her. Oh, you are right. then the attitude changes but right away we are treated like deadbeats.. It really makes me sick. With all of this, we discovered the overpayment but they say wait and see what judge says and we will hopefully get to have that added to our judgment. Heck, if they were to pull the old records, they would see where they double dipped and we double paid ....and paid every penny.... $10K, ...
Anyways, even though things have gone for us, it is all too much for me. My husband and I just want this done and over.
I am calling today a meditation day...going to do the healing meditation again. This time, I am working on Chakra 4 - Heart.
Position: Center of Chest
Objective: Heart, compassion, love, emotional zone, self-acceptance, masculine/feminine of the self, and forgiveness.
when it is closed you are afraid to commitment and feel like you have to please others to be loved, you have been hurt by others many times in relationships andnow feel like you have to guard yourself from being hurt again.
When it is opened, you are comfortable in your relationships, giving and receiving love easily, feel a heartfelt sense of gratitude for how wonderful your life is, you appreciate others and feel compassion for yourself and others without feeling sorry for anyone.
My heart needs work...It is weakened and has been. I've been working on getting it stronger. Working on the root helped and needs more work, but I can feel the heart has too much struggle.
All of mine need work on. My strongest is the Chakra 7 which is spirituality. It has become weakened but it still is my strongest. I may try to meditate with that one too, but goal is the heart.....Chakra 4
Thursday, January 26, 2012
I have been known to be intuitive. I have been off balance with my spiritual self. A friend sent me some information. I then decided to do some more research.
Today, I am quite sore from workout. Diana is too. We both are feeling a little fatigued. I told her it is Meditation Day.
Here is what we are suppose to do:
Do our simple stretches. Next some songs that I attached (3 of them).
You sit back in a chair, feet up, deep breathing, As you listen to the songs, your eyes closed, picture yourself in a nice warm place, a favorite place, and feel your head, neck relax, your shoulders begin to relax with each deep breath. You feel your energy renewing. You picture a wheel, colored red, it is spinning clockwise, rapidly, it is spinning at the base of your spine. You focus on it until it is spinning smoothly and becomes a bright bright red. This is clearing your energy channels. Once the songs are complete, you will awaken refreshed and ready to move on to whatever you choose to do.
This is the Root - Chakra 1.
Color is Red
Element is Earth
Position is Base of the Spine
Objective: Birth issues, survival patterns, generational patterns, money, food, and health issues, grounding.
When your root Chakra is closed, You feel you have been abandoned by your parents, you feel you have to survive life and are constantly getting by or going without, there is never enough money, and you hate your body and feel you are not good enough the way you are.
I decided this was good one to start with for myself and for my spark/lime buddy. She agreed, it is a good one. We need to start to heal our root, open that channel or strengthen that channel. We need this for good health.
I am in the process of learning how to do this...so starting from the beginning. I had to take a look at this, a little bit of all of it seemed to fit with me for the root and it seems to be the beginning anyways.
Rather than fatiguing our bodies some more, which we have to be careful, is to add in meditation healing for us in conjunction to our DEEPS.... This will help with the S part Sleep and the P part of positivity and the Eat Healthy since it is food and health issues which we truly have.
If anyone is wondering what songs, they are on Youtube and will be happy to share.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
1) Snow Storm (No Power) this is stress
2) Court Stuff coming up (More Stress)
3) DH drinking more and this adds stress
4) Finances Stress
This is just the major stresses. This is not good for the body or heart so I am having to really work on managing my stress.
I can't change a storm
I cant change court
I can't stop him from drinking
I can't change my finances...I have to deal with them, slowly.
Ok, I know, this seems like a lot. What do I do? How do I manage this.
Prayer to the Lord and spirit ones that are like my guardian angels because God is standing with them in my vision at all times.
I am working out at the gym, or walking, and doing it virtual online with Diana.
We both have CHF and similar heart issues, but different. I've been fortunate to have some of the training that she has not; therefore, I am teaching her the safe way to exercise for her heart. I have her up to 45 minutes of working out in a safe healthy manner. I am not working on the nutrition part, not just for her, but for me too.
I have been invited to join the American Heart Association Pierce County Go Red Ambassadors. I am not sure what all that will entail, but they are sending me information and will be going to meeting in February.
I decided, I am taking 100% care of me. If I can't change something that is not in my control, I will just pray about it and realize it as it is the way it is. I understand that it may affect me, but if I can't change it, then I need to pray on it.
I was down today! I weighed 210.4!!!! Woot Woot!
I do know, part of the Ambassadors is to educate about woman and heart disease, to raise the awareness. It is the NUMBER 1 Killer for women.
Healing Native Music
Drinking my water
This is my managing stress.
I am so proud of Diana! She is really doing good! She has really made the commitment to let me help her with exercise and yeah, more less her personal trainer in a virtual. Nice thing is we actually see each other online and exercise.
This not only helps her, but it helps me! Way to go to the both of us!
For the Lime Challenge - It was to push it and what it really meant to push it.
Well, having CHF, it is hard sometimes to exercise as it is hard to breath. Also, we fatigue and tire easily. I had to really push myself as we lost power in snow storm...I counted my walking in yard, around house trying to keep warm as exercise and walking at store on those days. That was a push to do because it was FREEZING. Ok, power on, day rest and onto the gym. I've pushed myself hard at the gym. My muscles hurt. I've been doing the suspension training stuff too, I did it today and ouch, my muscles really hurt. I come home and contact Diana and do our workout so I am really pushing it. I did cut my treadmill to 15-20 min at the gym because Diana and I walk 45 min. this is 60-65 min of walking and 40-45 min strength.
My muscles hurt, I feel the burn.
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