Thursday, January 26, 2012
I need to do some meditation. I have been stressing over my heart. I have had some weird pains. I've had a lot of SOB. Nothing real new, but just not right. The meditation helped last night. I would go exercise, but I am afraid it might strain my heart a little too much right now.
Court is tomorrow and well it has my husband and I quite stressed out. We've discovered that we are overpaid. Because they gave her the money, they said they would not reimburse. Also, they are not doing order as ordered by judge and will see what judge has to say tomorrow. They are trying to make a really weak claim hoping judge will reconsider, but we spent two days gathering information for judge to see the actual facts, straight from the dcs office and we even got the case where they tried to claim we didn't pay for a month...yes we did, it was a different case #.
It has just been a nightmare...the issue is, they are ordered to take from the arrears that she owes us. Also, every time we call the one office, they right away say we owe her and we are like, no that is our judgement against her. Oh, you are right. then the attitude changes but right away we are treated like deadbeats.. It really makes me sick. With all of this, we discovered the overpayment but they say wait and see what judge says and we will hopefully get to have that added to our judgment. Heck, if they were to pull the old records, they would see where they double dipped and we double paid ....and paid every penny.... $10K, ...
Anyways, even though things have gone for us, it is all too much for me. My husband and I just want this done and over.
I am calling today a meditation day...going to do the healing meditation again. This time, I am working on Chakra 4 - Heart.
Position: Center of Chest
Objective: Heart, compassion, love, emotional zone, self-acceptance, masculine/feminine of the self, and forgiveness.
when it is closed you are afraid to commitment and feel like you have to please others to be loved, you have been hurt by others many times in relationships andnow feel like you have to guard yourself from being hurt again.
When it is opened, you are comfortable in your relationships, giving and receiving love easily, feel a heartfelt sense of gratitude for how wonderful your life is, you appreciate others and feel compassion for yourself and others without feeling sorry for anyone.
My heart needs work...It is weakened and has been. I've been working on getting it stronger. Working on the root helped and needs more work, but I can feel the heart has too much struggle.
All of mine need work on. My strongest is the Chakra 7 which is spirituality. It has become weakened but it still is my strongest. I may try to meditate with that one too, but goal is the heart.....Chakra 4
Thursday, January 26, 2012
I have been known to be intuitive. I have been off balance with my spiritual self. A friend sent me some information. I then decided to do some more research.
Today, I am quite sore from workout. Diana is too. We both are feeling a little fatigued. I told her it is Meditation Day.
Here is what we are suppose to do:
Do our simple stretches. Next some songs that I attached (3 of them).
You sit back in a chair, feet up, deep breathing, As you listen to the songs, your eyes closed, picture yourself in a nice warm place, a favorite place, and feel your head, neck relax, your shoulders begin to relax with each deep breath. You feel your energy renewing. You picture a wheel, colored red, it is spinning clockwise, rapidly, it is spinning at the base of your spine. You focus on it until it is spinning smoothly and becomes a bright bright red. This is clearing your energy channels. Once the songs are complete, you will awaken refreshed and ready to move on to whatever you choose to do.
This is the Root - Chakra 1.
Color is Red
Element is Earth
Position is Base of the Spine
Objective: Birth issues, survival patterns, generational patterns, money, food, and health issues, grounding.
When your root Chakra is closed, You feel you have been abandoned by your parents, you feel you have to survive life and are constantly getting by or going without, there is never enough money, and you hate your body and feel you are not good enough the way you are.
I decided this was good one to start with for myself and for my spark/lime buddy. She agreed, it is a good one. We need to start to heal our root, open that channel or strengthen that channel. We need this for good health.
I am in the process of learning how to do this...so starting from the beginning. I had to take a look at this, a little bit of all of it seemed to fit with me for the root and it seems to be the beginning anyways.
Rather than fatiguing our bodies some more, which we have to be careful, is to add in meditation healing for us in conjunction to our DEEPS.... This will help with the S part Sleep and the P part of positivity and the Eat Healthy since it is food and health issues which we truly have.
If anyone is wondering what songs, they are on Youtube and will be happy to share.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
1) Snow Storm (No Power) this is stress
2) Court Stuff coming up (More Stress)
3) DH drinking more and this adds stress
4) Finances Stress
This is just the major stresses. This is not good for the body or heart so I am having to really work on managing my stress.
I can't change a storm
I cant change court
I can't stop him from drinking
I can't change my finances...I have to deal with them, slowly.
Ok, I know, this seems like a lot. What do I do? How do I manage this.
Prayer to the Lord and spirit ones that are like my guardian angels because God is standing with them in my vision at all times.
I am working out at the gym, or walking, and doing it virtual online with Diana.
We both have CHF and similar heart issues, but different. I've been fortunate to have some of the training that she has not; therefore, I am teaching her the safe way to exercise for her heart. I have her up to 45 minutes of working out in a safe healthy manner. I am not working on the nutrition part, not just for her, but for me too.
I have been invited to join the American Heart Association Pierce County Go Red Ambassadors. I am not sure what all that will entail, but they are sending me information and will be going to meeting in February.
I decided, I am taking 100% care of me. If I can't change something that is not in my control, I will just pray about it and realize it as it is the way it is. I understand that it may affect me, but if I can't change it, then I need to pray on it.
I was down today! I weighed 210.4!!!! Woot Woot!
I do know, part of the Ambassadors is to educate about woman and heart disease, to raise the awareness. It is the NUMBER 1 Killer for women.
Healing Native Music
Drinking my water
This is my managing stress.
I am so proud of Diana! She is really doing good! She has really made the commitment to let me help her with exercise and yeah, more less her personal trainer in a virtual. Nice thing is we actually see each other online and exercise.
This not only helps her, but it helps me! Way to go to the both of us!
For the Lime Challenge - It was to push it and what it really meant to push it.
Well, having CHF, it is hard sometimes to exercise as it is hard to breath. Also, we fatigue and tire easily. I had to really push myself as we lost power in snow storm...I counted my walking in yard, around house trying to keep warm as exercise and walking at store on those days. That was a push to do because it was FREEZING. Ok, power on, day rest and onto the gym. I've pushed myself hard at the gym. My muscles hurt. I've been doing the suspension training stuff too, I did it today and ouch, my muscles really hurt. I come home and contact Diana and do our workout so I am really pushing it. I did cut my treadmill to 15-20 min at the gym because Diana and I walk 45 min. this is 60-65 min of walking and 40-45 min strength.
My muscles hurt, I feel the burn.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Wow, the storm hit and with a pretty good vengeance. It hit in more ways then one. The snow storm took out our power. Brr this was cold. I did not know it would take such an affect on my heart and cause the CHF to flare up so much. I either have had a cardiac event, or I've plain had too much sodium eating out, or snacking....I have tried to keep it all on the healthy side, but I can attest, no matter how hard we may try or not try, the sodium is a killer.
I felt this bad after too much sodium camping over doing it, so it may be just that. I've also found out that being without power, being cold played havoc on me. We even tried to go where there was power and get a room, but nope, all taken...grrr so I toughed it out and snuggled in my blankets.
I know I have not been a good sodium watcher, and I know I have probably over eaten too.
I have done so much better today, but I am big time swollen. I am on lasix. I am tired. Tomorrow, I head to the gym if I am not in hospital because if the swelling and breathing get worst with the lasix still, I am going to hospital...pray I don't...
I am going to bed early tonight too...like really soon...after this blog.
I had my daughter's baby shower today. It was really nice and lots of healthy fruit and snacks...but did have a piece of the cake...hmm not so good....but I can't take it back.
My hormones feel off...I just feel emotional and off today. I feel like a big emotional baby.
Tomorrow, I head off to the gym. Yes, that is a goal...only thing that will stop me is my CHF being too bad and seriously can't do it and have to go to hospital. I plan on calling Diana tomorrow online and doing our walking. I missed Fri, Sat, and today doing it....We were so on track, even if it was 10 pm at night...we were doing it.
If she reads this, know that I am sorry and do plan on Mon and Tues and onward.
Hugs to all...I am off to bed.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
The calm before the storm. The sun peaked out, the sky had a pink cast to hit out in the distant with cool looking clouds, but the storm is supposed to be moving in sometime tonight. It has not arrived here at my house yet. My husband and step son took snow off the roof in preparation of just in case we do get a heavy dumping.
My heart is of storm right now. It is full of pain. I sometimes feel so alone with my feelings. I can't speak to no one but the Lord and I sometimes wonder if he is listening.
Let's just say, alcohol is evil in so many ways. It is like fight out of boredom. I don't want to fight, I don't want the stress, I don't want it. The wicked tongue hurts. I sit saying nothing, on my computer. It is non-stop, and then without response, it is hurtful words. Things to try to make me feel bad. I do everything to ignore it.
What can we do differently? Our life is boring. My butt hurts sitting. I mention hiking and other things...too cold, no you can't do it. You are too slow. It is like I am no good anymore because of my heart and yet I am trying and trying to build to be better.
I write this with tears streaming down, my emotions so wallowed up. I feel alone and trapped. Yet I understand, but I don't have the answers.
Here I am in the snow.
Wondering if winter wonderland storm is really going to hit and with the punch they say it will. At least if it does, it will quickly be turning to rain and going away.
I did good today with my eating and good with my exercise. I cooked a healthy dinner. I cooked healthy meals.
Oh, then he asks me today, are your boobs getting bigger. Your boobs are getting bigger or is that the shirt. I ignored it...but I look at the picture, either my tummy is getting flatter or my boobs are getting bigger....hmmm it seems the fat is shifting around.
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