Sunday, January 16, 2011
Well, I've started being fairly strict on myself again. I have been watching what I eat and logging nearly everything. I haven't worked out in like 4 days because I had a "visitor" and really didn't feel like it...at all. I know, I should force myself...but really, it was a struggle to do anything. But anyways, just the change in eating habits made a HUGE difference! I woke up this morning and weighed in-get this: 175.6. That's down from 182! That's 7 pounds! SEVEN POUNDS! Seven. frickin. pounds. I'm just in AWE! Woohoo!
Now, off to the gym!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Well, well, well...I sure have fallen off of the SparkPeople wagon. Ugh. Well, it seems my last update was 11/19/10. So much has happened since then! I'll give you a quick rundown of the new stuff that has happened: Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, LOTS of stressful times. My husband rolled his car 9 times just 4 days before Christmas (and by the grace of God did not get a scratch on him), the furnace in our house (which is SUPER expensive, by the way) went out on Christmas day, leaving us with no heat for four days, I got a puppy! A black lab who I named Bella and have spoiled rotten, OH! And I quit SMOKING! Yes, you read right: I quit. I'm a quitter. It has been the hardest thing I have EVER done and today makes day 6 with absolutely NO tobacco! Now, on to more pressing matters. I have gained back a few pounds. The last time I weighed in on here, I weighed 177. I now weigh 182 again. I haven't been doing well with my eating, and have either been too busy or snowed in with the recent string of snow storms to get to the gym. I know, no excuse, right? Well, I'm not giving up. The quitting smoking thing has been BRUTAL for my diet. I think the weight I have gained has all been within the last few days....all I want to do is eat, eat eat! Can somebody help me with this??? Considering the holidays, stress, and quitting smoking I kind of am impressed with myself. I maintained my weight loss rather well. I still work out, though not as much as I did before, and I still watch what I eat, though I am much more lenient than before. UGH. I guess I just need to go full-force on here and be super strict again, because damn it, I have a goal! I want to be 160 by the time summer hits! LET'S DO THIS!
Friday, November 19, 2010
Well, it's been a while! I have been a busy girl! I believe I have finally shifted into my "lifestyle change" phase, as I really no longer feel the need to log and track my exercise and calories, so I rarely do. I've noticed that with everything I eat, I am subconsciously tallying the calories, and I workout every day, WITHOUT fail. If I don't, the entire day feels off.
So, what's new with me? EVERYTHING. The entire world is new, when seeing it from a "non-fat" person's eyes. I see the different reactions when I walk in the room, I feel my clothes FALLING off. When I shop for clothes, it isn't agonizing! I actually can see something on a hanger and think "I bet that will look good on me," and 9 times out of 10, it does! Everyone I see tells me how great I look, and my confidence is soaring! A friend from highschool sent me a message not long ago and said she was looking at my pictures and was amazed and asked what I was doing, and I told her all about sparkpeople and how motivating and life-changing it was for me, and I told her to find her motivation and stick to it. I got a single reply: "Honestly, YOU are my motivation." Do you have ANY idea how amazing that felt!? It has always been me looking at someone who was "able to do it," and wishing I had that motivation, self-discipline, and success. Someone was looking at ME that way! ME! It has given me such a sense of empowerment! I look in the mirror and I am SO proud! I think "I know you can do this!" I am 18 pounds from my initial goal, and I realize that I probably wont make the deadline that I set by Christmas, but I don't care! I will be close and it is a HUGE difference!
My husband, best friend, and I recently joined the local gym. While it is expensive, it's amazing! The amenities there can't be topped, and I've discovered that being under contract and spending so much money a month on a membership keeps me motivated to go everyday! They give you an evaluation when you first join to set goals and customize your program with a fitness expert and dietician, and at my appointment I was weighed, measured, and talked to. As the expert, Jeremy pinched fat on various parts of my body, I felt very self conscious. Then he got quiet as he crunched numbers, checked on charts, and wrote things down as I nervously looked around his office. He finished and looked up at me, and rolled his chair over to where I was sitting.
My heart started pounding, because I was terrified that I had worked so hard and come so far only to hear how much work I have left. I was afraid that the news would discourage me so badly that I would want to quit.
He showed me the form, and on it he had circled the category "moderately lean." Really?! He used the word "lean" in some context when referring to ME?! He told me that I was in the "moderately lean" category according to the charts, and the weight loss goal he had set for me was......drumroll please.......
FIVE POUNDS. FIVE POUNDS?! Not Forty?! Not FIFTY!? I had never heard such a low number when given advice to my losing weight! Of course, my personal goal far exceeds that number, but it was AMAZING to hear! He set my range of motion on all the strength machines, instructed me on the cardio machines, and set me up on the FitLinxx network, which is where the machines communicate via WiFi to the network and automatically log my workouts when I sign into them using my ID. I know, hi-tech huh!? Sure beats manually logging my fitness! I can log in to FitLinxx from home and see what all I did, how many calories I burned, and how many pounds I lifted that day. Neato Mosquito! Iris (my BFF) and I meet up there every morning and work out. We're both mothers to toddlers, so it is a welcomed break for us, since the gym offers on-site daycare. We get a break from the kids, plenty of exercise, and time to talk ALONE like adults without screaming kids! It's such a blessing!
And, as a testimony to my newfound confidence, here are some recent pictures of me getting down in a cute little black dress with my girls!
Me and my best friend and workout buddy, Iris
Me and Courtney
The girls-no, that isn't a roll hanging over, lol. The dress is made like that.
Me, Anna, and Erin on the dance floor! I jokingly said this could be a degree commerical!
Having Sushi and enjoying a bottle of Saki!
Monday, November 01, 2010
So, this Halloween I got to wear a non-plus size costume, and I promised pics, so here they are!
Me and the Mr. as Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf, featuring my son as James from Thomas and Friends!
Me attending "A Wicked Weekend" at the Wildside Bar and posing to "she's got legs."
Me with the owner of the bar, dressed as a Viking!
Before the festivities!
My best friend Iris and I with some random skeleton dude!
Me: "Oh, what large teeth you have!"
Hubby: "Better to EAT you with! Rawwwwr!"
Proof that even the most disciplined healthy eater has weak moments when she sets sights on a big, juicy burger! This one probably had 1,000+ calories!
And finally, a comparison picture of my and the Mr. last December till currently. We are only 3 months into our weightloss journey and LOOK at the difference!
Hope you enjoyed! I felt so confident and pretty, I just HAD to share it with you guys!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
I think I've had an epiphany. It happened the day before yesterday while I was showering. I was thinking about my journey, where I was two years ago, and where I am now. Let me elaborate:
Two years ago, I was smack dab in the middle of a messy divorce from my husband of a whopping three years, Wesley. It wasn't a question of whether or not we loved each other, because we did. It was more a matter of compatibility. We had different upbringings, opinions, religious beliefs, and personalities. Love simply wasn't enough. He had a very blunt, cynical way of addressing things, and he never spared my feelings when it came to my weight, intelligence, parenting skills, etc. The list goes on and on. You would think that this would make me want to lose weight, but it actually had an adverse effect. I gained, and gained, and lost more and more self respect and confidence with every added pound. Eventually, I could take no more, and I filed for divorce. This was VERY hard for me. The divorce was one of the most painful things I have EVER experienced. I can remember one night, I went out with the intention of having a "good time" and getting my mind off things. So, I went to the club that he DJ'ed at at the time. He wasn't working that night and I knew that, but it still wasn't a good idea. All of his coworkers knew all too much of the messy details of our divorce, and I could see them whispering, giving me looks, and some outright said things to me. This was the night I hit my "rock bottom" point. I went out to my car, locked the doors, and screamed bloody murder, and punched the steering wheel repeatedly. People walking by must have thought I was insane, and I can't say that they were wrong at the time. I pulled out my phone and called my sister, the only person I knew that would be up at 2 am. I spilled my guts, I had held it together on the outside all through it until this point, and everyone had been commending me on my strength...but it was so fake. I was devastated. I was dying. I was DEAD. I sobbed to my sister, and she told me I needed to see a doctor immediately. I slept in my car that night, too exhausted and my head pounding too badly from my sob-fest to move the vehicle. I dragged ass to work the next morning at 8 am, wearing yesterday's clothes, eyes red and swollen, and hair disheveled. I promptly reported to my supervisor and demanded a week of paid time off, and I guess he took one look at my appearance and decided to give it to me without a fight out of pity....or out of fear that I was packing heat and would kill him if he didn't comply. lol. I immediately high-tailed it to my doctor's office, and the check-in nurse asked me the reason for today's visit, and I joking replied "I'm getting divorced, and I think I may have officially gone off the deep end. I need happy pills." She gave me a sympathetic smile, and told me she had been through something very similar. I distinctly remember my weigh-in that day. "199," she said, "you're hanging on to the 100's for dear life!" I laughed, but inside I felt horrid. But after that, the pills didn't help, the depression deepened, and i gained even more.
I remember thinking back to that day and longing to hear a number in the 100's again, and wishing I could at the very least, go back to that weight...even if it WAS hanging in the 100's by one little pound. Eventually, I came back around. My depression lifted gradually, and I met my current husband. Shock of all shockers, I gained even more weight, but this time it was due to happiness.
Looking back to that time in my life, I don't even know who that sad little girl was. I now have the love of a WONDERFUL, amazing man who supports me in my every move, thought and decision, praises me for little accomplishments such as making the Dean's List this past semester, constantly tells me how beautiful I am, and connects with me on levels I never thought possible. I feel like a strong, capable, and accomplished "woman of the world," no longer constantly berated and belittled for my thoughts and opinions. I feel gorgeous, regardless of my weight (even though with his help, encouragement, support, and joint effort, that number just KEEPS falling), and I feel truly connected with someone. We are truly "two bodies, one soul."
And in my flashback, something else occurred to me. As much as I had reflected on that dreaded day's weigh-in at the doctor's office and wished I could get my weight back there, I have PASSED that mark by nearly 20 pounds! If that isn't success, I don't know what is!
In light of my recent discovery, I have decided to divide my journey into four separate journeys:
The first journey: Purging the negativity from my life (Wesley), and changing that sad, sad girl into a happy, HAPPY woman! (accomplished!)
The second journey: Learning to love myself no matter what, and finding someone else that does the same. (accomplished!)
The Third journey: Realizing that happy doesn't mean healthy, and actively attempting to change that: getting to 160 lbs (my initial goal) the healthy way. Then, attempting to get to the "healthy BMI range," which is 140 lbs. (in progress...)
The fourth journey: Maintaining the weight loss and new healthy lifestyle. (not yet begun.)
The biggest thing for me to remember is that there is no finish line. There is no end to this journey. This is and has been a total transformation, mind, body, and soul.
***In other news*** I met up with my best friend Iris yesterday, we try to meet up as often as possible to workout together, but we are both pretty busy and this was the first time we had seen each other in a month. I showed up in my baby tee and jeans, and the moment she saw me, she said "OH MY GOD! You look COMPLETELY different! You've lost so much weight! I have to take a picture! *snap* Your 'progress' pictures are NOT doing you justice!" and she kept stealing glances as we walked the trail and said things like "I can't quit looking at you! I'm *so* jealous!" (even though she only weighs 138 lbs and has a ROCKIN' body, which made me feel even better! She was jealous of ME?! She actually just posed in a calendar! And not THAT kind of calendar, the sexy but CLASSY kind). After our walk, she treated me to a dinner at Outback Steakhouse, and as we were walking from the parking lot to the restaurant, she said "honestly, you look the best I've EVER seen you look. I'm just in AWE!" After dinner, as a celebration of my weight accomplishment, we went to a Halloween specialty store, and she treated me to a skimpy, sexy, NON-PLUS SIZE costume (size M/L-10-14, and to the tune of 50 bucks!) for our planned night out on the 30th. I'm going to be Dark Red Riding Hood, and I'm trying to talk hubby into being the big bad wolf. You better believe there WILL be pictures. It looks awesome on me! I'm gonna R-O-C-K it!
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