MRSN1608   5,759
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Where I have been, where I am going and why for once I am really proud of who I am!

Friday, May 25, 2012

I have been on Sparkpeople for just over a year now. I dont have a great story in terms of weightloss to tell, in fact if you look at what I weighed then and what I weigh now it actually shows that in all that time, I gained a pound! This is not strictly true, I did actually lose almost 20lb at one point and I was very very proud that I had managed to achieve that. I am very proud of EVERYTHING that I have achieved in the past year. emoticon

'So if you are a pound heavier than you were a year ago, what are you so proud of?' I hear you ask. SO many things! emoticon When I first started doing this I was a young obese woman who felt like a failure, someone who had little to no confidence, hated the way she looked and frequently allowed herself to be walked over.....NO MORE!! Am I completely cured of my obsession for what people think of me? No. Am I the most confident person on the planet? No BUT I am definatly on the right path to fixing all of the above and more and that to me is better than any number on the scales.

I have taken a couple of breaks from this site recently and this is when I regained my weight. I needed to concentrate on other areas of my life and so that is what I did. I actually figured the weight is the least of my problems and accepted that it wasnt a problem to put this on the back burner for a while. A year ago looking at all my problems as a whole would have sent me into a panic, it would have overwhelmed me and I would have broken down...not since being on this site! For the first time in my whole life I didnt have to fix everything NOW. I didnt panic, instead I took my problems and tackled them one by one. I still have plenty and believe me I have a LONG way to go...but this doesnt scare me any more. For once I actually feel in control and that in itself is definately something to be proud of.

I have had quite a few changes in my life recently with things like health and money, general ones that I dont really want to get into but there are a few changes however that I dont mind shouting from the rooftops! - like in terms of tackling my confidence issues. I have been forcing myself into situations that I would normally avoid. Anyone who knows me knows I dont do anything by myself I am too self concious. A couple of weeks ago I joined a gym with a friend (previously I had exercised at home because I couldnt bring myself to go in and join one alone)and although I didnt join alone I did go a few days later and do a workout...alone! This may not be much for anyone else but this is a huge step for me so I am very proud of myself!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Another thing to be proud of ( and the main reason for gaining my weight back I believe!) is that 73 days ago I gave up smoking ...cold turkey! It was a struggle but wow it was worth it! Im feeling so much healthier and things taste and smell so much better. I am so so proud of myself for this I have never ever managed to get past a few days before but 73 days is unbelievable and I will never ever touch another cigarette again. Ever.

The main things that I have got out of the past year is that worrying solves nothing! Beating yourself up only makes things worse and if you want something bad enough you will fight for it! So here I am again a year on fighting for that goal weight. I KNOW that I will achieve it this time and keep it! Do I feel bad that I have regained the weight and have to start again? NO! I am so proud of where I have been and cannot wait to see where I am going! This has been a rollercoaster ride and Ive learnt so much about myself. I needed to do those things to be where I am now and I cannot wait to see what my future brings.

Again I thank sparkpeople for helping me realise I am worth it and my beautiful spark friend shellybabe2 who has been with me every step of the way you are amazing emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Keep pushing forward, we can all do this one step at a time emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAVEYSHADOW 5/26/2012 6:16AM

    emoticon on tackling so many things in your life. Weight is often a bi product of problems in other areas of our lives, deal with them and then we can deal with the weight.

Glad to know tyou are still here emoticon

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NUOVAELLE 5/26/2012 2:43AM

    What a great blog! I'm really happy for your successes so far! It doesn't matter at all that you've regained the weight. You've given a great gift to your body and your health by quitting smoking! And I know how hard it is for a self-conscious person with self-confidence below zero to visit the gym alone! I know because I've been there! In fact I'm still away from the gym but for other reasons. So, all I have to say is CONGRATULATIONS! I'm really happy to see you back here. And I'm wishing you many more successful and fruitful years here on SP.

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NOTSPEEDY 5/25/2012 11:41AM

    You have much to be proud of. You've come a long way in one year.

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STRIVER57 5/25/2012 10:32AM

    another ex-smoker to say Bravo! that was the very hardest thing i ever did, bar none. much harder than starting to run at 59! as you've held on to some of your spark habits and are exercising ... you'll do it. you sound ready.
go for it.

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RAINBOWCHOC 5/25/2012 10:07AM

    What a fantastic blog. You have done what many people cannot do and stopped smoking. This deserves huge kudos because it is the biggest thing you can do for your health.
Let's worry about the weight tomorrow, today is for celebrating!

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SHELLYBABE2 5/25/2012 10:03AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

but most of all emoticon

Wow great post and when you have moments of doubt and are struggling you should come back and read this post in particular because in this past year you have come so far. You've achieved so much and if we could just bottle that feeling of satisfaction and achievement it could carry us the rest of our days, unfortunately it doesn't always last but at least you have a reminder on here that should help!

You haven't given up with any of it and that is all on you - very well done & am so pleased to have you back here again!

emoticon won't be long before we're both emoticon lol take care & wishing you lots of success for this part of your journey :))

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Keeping that spark going!

Friday, February 03, 2012

I have spent a while away from Sparkpeople as some of you will have noticed. Its been a bit of a rough time for me and various things in my life became very stressful. I didnt leave because I gave up, I didnt leave because I didnt want this anymore, I left because being on here has taught me that first and foremost you must take care of yourself before making drastic changes and take things one step at a time. Sparkpeople has never been far from my mind and I know that no matter how many times I need to take some time out and reassess things or just get some headspace, I will always come back because life is so precious and this website is the key to pushing forward and making solid permenant changes for the better.

There are so many wonderful people on here from all walks of life, all here for one reason - to make a positive change. I am proud to say that I am one of those people and I thank those who have helped me and continue to help me because you are what makes this website so special and you are what keeps people pushing forward even when they feel like they cant.

I have gained a little while I have been away but nothing to drastic and I truly believe that is down to Sparkpeople. Before all of this, a break from a healthy lifestyle would have been filled with chocolate, chinese, pizza and pretty much anything else I could get my hands on! This time was different. There were some really dark and stressful moments, but I pushed through remembering all the way that ultimately a healthy lifestyle is the key to getting out of it all. To have more energy, think things through clearly and that eating my body weight in chocolate will not change a thing...except maybe my scales - in the wrong direction! Im not going to lie Christmas was full of naughty foods and drinks but I still had some kind of control, even if it wasn't complete control it was enough to push me through and remember that I wouldnt feel this way forever.

If you are just joining this website for the first time and it seems like a mountain of information that is never going to sink in or that it is going to be impossible - dont. Baby steps are the key to making this work. Changing one little thing at a time will get you where you want to be and make your life a more positive and brighter place. I used to think I needed to do it all and do it now for me to lose weight and feel happier about myself, this is not true. Being overweight and under confident didnt happen overnight and neither will reversing it all.

Being here has taught me that I can do anything I want to do. If I take it one step at a time and work hard I can achieve anything and you can too! Dont ever pressure yourself into thinking you need to be perfect at this, all you need to do to succeed is never quit! Dont feel guilty about taking a break to get your head straight or eating the wrong thing or not doing enough exercise now and again because all of it is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. Celebrate each and every achievement - however small! Every healthy thing you do counts towards a healthier, happier future. Positivity is the key and I will continue to push forward and keep trying with a smile on my face!

Thank you Sparkpeople, for making me see that I am worth the effort, that I can do this whether it be in giant leaps or tiny steps - I will get there. Thank you for helping me find some lovely people, people who have taught me things and picked me up when I needed it. Thank you for showing me that I am not alone in all this. Sparkpeople is a big part of my life and I am here to stay. Even if I do 'vacation' for a little bit here and there, the spark is still with me and will never leave.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUDICAT63 2/15/2012 5:08AM

    Glad you are back, well done on changing your habits - you are doing really well and should be proud of yourself!

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    Aaaaaaaaagh!! So glad you're back!! I've missed you, lady!! Hope all is well now and stays that way. Welcome back to the journey!!

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ALTOPOWER06 2/4/2012 8:23AM

    I'm glad to see that you are back! I'm also glad that you have made it through everything that has happened in the past year. emoticon

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DAVEYSHADOW 2/4/2012 4:01AM

    emoticon good to see you on here. Hope things are ok

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SHELLYBABE2 2/3/2012 11:38AM

    emoticon emoticon and very big emoticon

Loved this blog - might be another I cut and paste to reflect back on when thing don't go smooth, like most of the time lol!

TFS & did I mention - nice to see you back lol

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NUOVAELLE 2/3/2012 8:30AM

    Sooo true!!! This site is life-changing in many more ways than just weight loss and fitness.
As I've already said, it's good to have you back again. And thank you for this nice blog!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Oi you!....

Monday, October 10, 2011

....yeah you! the woman inside me that keeps telling me to quit, are you listening? IM NOT GIVING UP! You can tell me I'm useless, you can tell me I cant do this as much as you like I dont care! I've had just about enough of you controlling how I lead my life and it's time someone told you a thing or two! YOU are not protecting me from harm, you are harming my chances of happiness, YOU are not always right and I should be able to make my choices without you butting in! YOU WILL allow me to turn to you when I need a helping hand not suffocate me with your opinions!

I have read a lot about the 'Inner critic' just recently and most of the articles suggest making friends with them....well let me tell you lady YOU are no friend! Real friends dont hold you back and make you feel worthless, real friends support you when you need it most but give you room to grow! So this is ME putting YOU firmly in your place! I am who I am and Im proud of it! You will not pull me down! Im doing this whether you like it or not!


I am so lucky to have my wonderful sparkfriends who support me and make me feel like I can do this. I may wander off the path now and again but Im fighting and I will continue to fight!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHELLYBABE2 10/10/2011 3:12PM

    emoticon Keep trying - you only fail when you give up trying!

Good luck emoticon

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ISMEME 10/10/2011 11:14AM

    You are an amazing person!!! and we all struggle like this, as I know I am atm. Ty for sharing this.

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I'm back!!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Hey guys emoticon

Just thought I'd explain why I havnt been around for a while! Its nothing spectacular lol I havnt shrunk to a uksize 8 overnight or piled on loads because I decided pizza was better than sparking haha! just basically I was enjoying spending the summer with the kids so much that I concentrated on that instead of being online but have missed you guys loads and Im back! Kids are back at school/nursery and im back in my normal routine emoticon

So I guess I should tell you a little about what Ive been usual exercise plan went right out of the window lol but I did do lots of walking and lots of active things with the kids. We played tennis, cricket, football and genereally just running round like lunatics in the park it was fun! we went swimming regularly (BIG step up for me as I havnt been swimming in 10 years! good news is no one died at the sight of me in a swimming costume lol and I actually felt ok! uksize 14 too emoticon but more importantly the kids LOVED swimming and took to the water really well) We bought a massive trampoline for the garden which the kids have had hours of fun on...but I think I have been on it more than them haha so I guess all in all even if the usual routine went out the window I did do a fair bit of exercise and this time last year the family would not have been this active so all is good! Food wise I slipped a few times, we ate out and had a couple of takeaways couple of treats thrown in emoticon We have celebrated my sons 4th birthday and our 1st wedding anniversary (love you David!!) so there has also been cake! ....

...the good news to come from all this is that Ive pretty much maintained my weight throughout and this week I am actually a bit lower! (0.4lbs lower) so the activities with the kids must have paid off! Obviously this means Im way off track for my goal date but I'll adjust this later on, for me its not about getting there by a certain time, its about enjoying the journey and knowing im going to get there no matter what date it is. Im learning to care about myself again and loving spending time with my family doing things we never would have done before and making the most of everything I have around me...that to me is more progress than any number on a scale.

I hope you have all been good while Ive been away emoticon have missed speaking to you all and look forward to reading through some of your blogs and catching up with you. Thanks to those of you who checked up on me its very appreciated. Hugs to all of you and I wish you all a happy healthy week!

Take care! xxxx

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHELLYBABE2 9/16/2011 9:25AM

    emoticon Lovely to see you back! That's what I think this life is all about, finding what's important in your life, living it and loving it & everything else falls into place around that.

Congrats on the wedding anniversary :)

UKsize 14 WOW - can't remember the last time I saw that size so looking forward to it lol

Take care & remember to take the lessons of the summer forward with you cos I think once you get into routines and the colder weather the monotony sometimes takes over & we forget to have the "summer fun" all year round.

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DAVEYSHADOW 9/14/2011 4:33AM

    emoticon back. Good news about maintaining over the summer. It shows that once you reach goal you will be able to maintain by being active with your family but still having the occasional treat!

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NUOVAELLE 9/13/2011 8:11AM

    It's so good to see you back! It sounds like you had a wonderful time and that's what matters. Having a great time with the people we love is more important than anything else.
Have a great week and keep us informed on your new goals and plans.

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4.2lbs of happiness!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

So I've been back from my holiday for almost a week now, it was lovely down in sunny Weymouth. The kids thoroughly enjoyed themselves, though there was one small set back at the start with my youngest son as he woke at 3am on the first night with a stomach bug and it lasted for the first 2 days poor thing emoticon not nice! He more than made up for it the rest of the time though and it turned out to be a lovely week! Almost too lovely....

...during this week away I consumed far too much food and my mum was kind enough to babysit a couple of nights so alcohol was also consumed! emoticon emoticon emoticon
The bad food I can remember having was Fish and chips (best tasting fish and chips on the planet I swear if I moved to Weymouth I would be far bigger than I am!), a cone of chips on the beach (nothing better really!), ice cream (mr whippys and little pots of ben and jerrys throughout the week), full english breakfast (only probably 2 of the days I did quite well with breakfasts), curry (the only word I can think of for this is wow!) a cornish pasty (again wow and got to be done really lol)and probably a few other nibbly bits Ive forgotten! I did do a fair bit of walking on this holiday but I knew there would be a gain when I returned!

I stepped on the scale when I got back and yes, there it was 4.2lb gain! (this took me back to 179lbs) I stepped on again to be sure and it was the same but these were happy pounds! I dont care that I gained because that holiday was so needed, we all thoroughly enjoyed it and it was a well overdue break from the usual routine.

As the day I weighed wasn't a usual weigh day I didnt record it, instead I have worked hard this week and waited for today my actual weigh day....the result?...3lb lost emoticon

To top it off a friend came to visit today and told me that she could tell I'd been working really hard and can see a big difference...yay! emoticon

So 1.2 'happy pounds' left to lose before Im back to where I was but I know this is possible and confident this will be gone by next weigh in! I may have the odd wobble now and again and get down on myself but I am really starting to see a difference in the faith I seem to have in myself. It was next to nothing at the start and although sometimes it temporarily drops back to that, I can really see the changes. I am starting to work towards fixing other areas of my life that I am less than happy with, the guilt that used to be attatched to food seems to be slowly disappearing and everything just seems generally brighter emoticon ...not all the time but mostly!

Thank you all once again for your continued support, without this I would not be doing what Im doing. Im finding out so much more about myself since being on here and feeling stronger everyday. Keep up the amazing job you are all emoticon!!!

Take care everyone, hope you are all enjoying your day! emoticon

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    So glad you've "found your faith" in yourself!!! That's a very big deal and a wonderful thing. I'm glad you had a holiday that was so needed. Welcome back, and you'll get that last 1.2lbs off in no time!!!

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NICKYLUKE 8/13/2011 4:46AM

    Good for you - your holiday was all the more special because of your treats. All your hard work will pay off in the end - and knowing you can have those occasions will carry you through the routineness of losing again. Sounds like you had a wonderful time xxxx

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DAVEYSHADOW 8/12/2011 9:10AM

    emoticon holidays are needed, and emoticon on reversing the majotity of the gain in the first week back! Hope I do as well LOL!

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SHELLYBABE2 8/12/2011 6:00AM

    So glad you're in such a good place & like you I love that a wee gain can be seen as that and a little bump in the road, rather than a major fall out, and pull it straight back without too much effort. I'm hoping to have gotten rid of my happy pounds this week - love the name it's just so appropriate lol.

Your holiday sounds idyllic & when you find yourself getting back to the mundane or wandering away from your path, refer back to your blog to remind yourself of all the memories made!

Glad you're having a wonderful summer - enjoy every moment!

Loved the blog as usual emoticon

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