Wednesday, March 05, 2014
Yesterday was my day of indulgence. I had bread at every meal. I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I drank copious amounts of ice tea. All so I could contemplate my less than healthy choices this morning at Mass. I love Ash Wednesday. It's humbling, and connecting. I love Lent. My dad and brother's family are Orthodox, and have a much more prescribed view of a Lenten fast, with no animal or luxury items like lobster and shrimp. For me, I am going paleo. Fasting today. Fish on Fridays. No grains, No dairy. No processed foods. Only one cup of green tea a day. I am giving up homicide for the lenten season. I am thoroughly irked at my daughter, and am refraining from removing her head. I never win when I lose my cool and yell at her. I contemplated sending her a scalding text, but refrained from that. It would just pour gasoline on a simmering fire. I am trying hard to find a humble spirit of love, and am very aware of my faults as a parent. She is not responding to the new budget very well.
Back to Lent, I will walk more, paying attention to the signs of Spring. I will get up earlier, to give me time to contemplate. I'm still reading Made to Crave. I've finished the book, and now am going to focus on the scriptures that she highlighted.
Sunday, March 02, 2014
WEIGHT. Tomorrow, at the weigh-in, I will see if my sneak a peek weight from last week is real. My goal is to lose a pound a week, so 5 pounds for march.
My fitness goals for March. I am working on burning 200 or more calories a day for a SPAT challenge. I am working on a streak of 10 minutes of something physical each day for a #Streak into Spring challege. Both of those should work well together. As soon as the weather cooperates, I will be walking to work. For my by the numbers team, I am choosing to increase my reps. Since I don't do any, starting will be a good place. I am going to continue to do my steps, squats, pushups and lunges hourly for each desk day. ( I have three scheduled this week)
Food. I am continuing my paleo journey. This week, I am trying paleo friendly homemade condiments. I am baking my weekly chicken, and cutting up my weekly veggies. I made bone broth, and canned 6 pints. I have my meals all planned out for the week. Tuesday is Mardi Gras. I am going to go out to eat for lunch, and have pizza for dinner. FAT TUESDAY INDEED. Wednesday is Ash Wednesday, and I took the day off from work so I could make morning mass. Friday will start Fridays in lent, and I will be making fish.
I'm feeling a bit out of sorts today. It's snowy, which messes up my walking plan. Everyone is still away, and while I have enjoyed the quiet, I miss them. I'm going to go do prep work in the kitchen so I have a great week!.
Saturday, March 01, 2014
I was riding the stationary bike, reading Made to Crave. I was multitasking, trying to slip in 200 calories towards the march spat challenge, and finish my bible study before the new one starts tomorrow. As I was reading, I kept saying Yes, that's right! and I would have underlined it but I'm cycling. So now, I'm writing down the highlights of what hit me square.
* Eating in secret counts. Nothing should be hidden. If I wouldn't eat it now that I've declared myself Paleo, better not sneak it in when Husband is watching zombie movies. My life with food should be open, and honest. if it's not, then there is something off kilter, and I need to rethink what I am doing. How will I feel and think about this in the morning.? A question that would have saved me had I asked it when I hung out at the Full Moon tavern, back in the day.
* temptation gets worse when I am vulnerable, tired , without a plan. So, always have a plan. Figure out what the day is going to look like, and plan accordingly. ( my crockpot has saved me on many a night when papa's pizza was calling.)
* The author listed out some boundaries that have helped her. and it's not that legalistic, can't eat carbs type of boundary, but real statements that hit me square. like my boundaries define my freedom. It's not about what I can't eat, but about what I can and choose to eat. like weight, and diabetes isn't God's mean curse, but an outward reflection that the inner isn't right. I have been out of balance. I need to put the balance book towards the spiritual side. Not my power to do this, but the Power of the Almighty King. but the most powerful boundary that she wrote it this. I was not made to wallow in my self pity, was not made to turn to food, to practice Idolatry. I was made to be victorious in Christ. I was made for more than an endless cycle of slip, shame, start over. The more her insights sink in, the farther along I am on paleo, the more I grasp this truth. I was made to be healthy. Grains, dairy, Caffeine, Alcohol. Those aren't healthy. but choosing them isn't a food thing. It's a spiritual war. They are tools of temptation. that's not to say food is bad, sinful. But my use of food, reaching out to food when I should reach out to God for healing, for self care, for peace, that use of food in place of God is idolatry, and paleo becomes a spiritual thing.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Chapter 14 was about identifying the empty, the lack that leads to emotional eating. Once identified, the trick is to turn that over to God.
My lack is nurture. I grew up with a working mom, who went back to school to be a nurse. She was great at taking care of her patients, but I felt like I was left to take care of myself. and I used food to feel better. I felt like I needed to be sick to get attention, or to be nurtured. When I had my tonsils out, ice cream was the cure. Not my mother's time. and I was a rotten patient when I was hospitalized. I remember a nurse telling me to stop whining, that there was a little boy down the hall who was really sick. My grandmother was great at nurturing, but she did it with food. I had snacks, candy, a whole dinner after school with grandma and then went up the hill to have the whole clean plate deal with my mom. My mom put a stop to this, and forbade me to hang out with my grandma. Obviously, there is more emotional baggage when I start talking about my grandmother and mother conflict.
When I binge, it's because I can't sleep, I ache all over and I think, something to eat will make it better. I have a new agreement with myself. If I wake in the middle of the night, and feel that lightheaded woozy state, I will test my sugars before I "heal with food." I do think binging is tied to carbs. the higher carb day, the more the urge to eat to answer the empty feeling that high carb packs me in.
So I turn my need for nurture to God. I pray to Him for healing, not bananas. I pray that learning to take care of myself, through baths and massage, will fill the hole in my heart.
Monday, February 24, 2014
I had a reading marathon last night. I sat down to read chapter 9, and read up to chapter 14. at some point, I stopped taking notes, and just sat in the moment. Chapter 9 is about the importance of exercise... not in the physical, get your cardio on aspect but in the doing what God wants us to do, taking care of God's temple. So this morning, even though I was groggy and sleeping and could have stayed in bed, I elliptical with catlady. Catlady is my friend who processing everything with me. We talked about how the food struggle is going, how the work drama is going, she sees first hand how the parent struggle is going, and she is faithful in the work out mode. I want to work my endurance to more than 10 minutes on the elliptical. and i really want to buy a treadmill. but the budget thing....so made to crave is making me think, not just about my relationship with food, but my relationship with GOD, and how that impacts all other things. I need to live as God intended ( and I believe that is Paleo), I need to deny myself ( in both food temptations and financial spending temptations). I need to learn to turn to GOD when the need arises, to deny the voice inside of me that says food will fix it, to stand on the thought that God is my healer. and I need to embrace that concept of GOD vision of health, because it's not about the weight, One of the chapters I read last night talked about reaching your goal, to find that you are not happy. Weight loss didn't fix it. I need to tie my happy to God, not my skinny jeans. I pray today, that I can accept that the healing will come from God, and rest in the faith that God will take care of me, and my family, in good times and bad days, in periods of blessings and in times of financial distress. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yzejd6r9DwE
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