Thursday, January 08, 2009
I know everyone has a different personality and my whole life I have been the organized responsible one with perfect credit and always on time.
I used to think that was a good thing but, I can see know that it is a curse. I always have to have everything planned and if something goes out of my plan I freak out. If given time to calm down I can regroup and calm down and it usually become ok but, not without have a tantrum first. My bills have to be on time or early If I go into a grace period god forbid I have a nervous break down. It's always been like this however I'm usually able to get past things with in a matter of hours or maybe a few days. This last July I started feeling this way and I have not had one day since then where I have felt good I feel scared and insure everyday and it just keeps getting worse. So far my finances are fine but, all I can think about is the what if this or what if that. Why cant I live in the moment and enjoy and worry about these things when they happen? How do people do this?????
I keep telling my husband that I would rather never have anything then to have something and then lose it. What I cant figure out is I'm not enjoying anything I have anyways because I'm always so worried what would it matter if I lost it anyways.
Sorry about all of my babbling.