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Living in the moment...........

Thursday, January 08, 2009

I know everyone has a different personality and my whole life I have been the organized responsible one with perfect credit and always on time.

I used to think that was a good thing but, I can see know that it is a curse. I always have to have everything planned and if something goes out of my plan I freak out. If given time to calm down I can regroup and calm down and it usually become ok but, not without have a tantrum first. My bills have to be on time or early If I go into a grace period god forbid I have a nervous break down. It's always been like this however I'm usually able to get past things with in a matter of hours or maybe a few days. This last July I started feeling this way and I have not had one day since then where I have felt good I feel scared and insure everyday and it just keeps getting worse. So far my finances are fine but, all I can think about is the what if this or what if that. Why cant I live in the moment and enjoy and worry about these things when they happen? How do people do this?????

I keep telling my husband that I would rather never have anything then to have something and then lose it. What I cant figure out is I'm not enjoying anything I have anyways because I'm always so worried what would it matter if I lost it anyways.

Sorry about all of my babbling.

emoticonHoneycomb

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEXYMOMA24 1/10/2009 1:52AM

    Hope things work out for you emoticon
~Wendy

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KALISWALKER 1/8/2009 5:22PM

    I know how you feel.

emoticon

Lynn

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GOOGLEMENOW 1/8/2009 12:53PM

    Kristi, these feelings really sound like typical depression. The not finding pleasure in anything, the worrying, etc. I really hope that this will improve as you continue to gain control over your eating. That loss of control can spill over into so many areas of your life.

Even the daily blogging, should help to put your feelings into perspective. It's really great how your able to be so honest with yourself and others. I think it will be the "key" that leads to your getting back on track.

I have started to do it for the first time, and it has helped me to "sort" things out and then move on a little. We share the anxiety disorder and I know how that can really play havoc with your thoughts and take over your thinking. It has a mind of it's own sometimes and I know when I can keep mine in check, with meds., I am able to function much better. Hate taking anything but sometimes you do what you gotta do to get thru (oh,rhyme).

Give it some time and I know you'll keep blogging, if there are things you don't want to put out there journal it. Your headed in the right direction. I'm subscribed to your blog and several others, no cost, and hope that I can help in some way or something I read will strike a nerve with me and I will see the things I'm doing. Sorry, I feel like I've blogged to your blog.lol

Believe in yourself always. emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/8/2009 12:57:56 PM

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ASHLEIGHGAL 1/8/2009 12:23PM

    Worrying about losing something is normal and understandable, just try to not let it control your life. Perhaps you can try some calming meditation or just some quiet time to reflect on what you do have. Just try to find a few minutes every day to think about what you have. Another good idea is a gratitude journal, the basic idea is to write in it daily something you're grateful for. It helps you focus on the good.

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Spark Shirt

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Well I'm feeling better this morning so far I've drank 2 glasses of water and I have my workout clothes on. I am going to take my daughter to school in 30 minutes and when I get back I'm going to hurry and get my workout done before I have time to change my mind again.

Last night I ordered a new Spark t-shirt and while I was at it a new water bottle. I think today I will go to the store and pick up a new food scale.

I'm still having issues with food as I sit here typing this I am thinking about what I could eat today and honestly nothing sounds good I just want to eat what ever appears to be good at the time??? Not good!!!

Well I guess I should get going so I don't talk myself out of the workout.

Have a GREAT day everyone.

Honeycomb emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEXYMOMA24 1/10/2009 1:49AM

    emoticon emoticon



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KALISWALKER 1/7/2009 10:48PM

    I didn't know there was a store, I want a t-shirt too. I've started drinking V8 juice when I go to the fridge and just want to graze. I am trying to get back into the routine that was working for me last year.

Lynn emoticon

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THINNYMINNY 1/7/2009 7:52PM

    HONEYCOMB, you and I think alike. I, too, ordered a new SP shirt and water bottle--a great way to renew and greet the New Year!

I always love hearing from you, my friend.

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ASHLEIGHGAL 1/7/2009 3:46PM

    I think that must be our stomachs way of protesting our change in diet. Mine is doing the same thing, but its getting better, if you just re-teach your stomach and taste buds about healthy food the cravings will get less. I'm starving right now and fighting the urge to hit the vending machines!! Darn that change in my purse!! But it's 3:45 and its the first hunger attack I've had today, I've had all my snacks and lots of healthy foods, I've only had about 750 calories so far today so I know it's great that its this late and it's only now catching up with me!! I'm off to drink some hot herbal tea.

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JOYELYSE 1/7/2009 2:54PM

    I have that problem of nothing sounding good or what I planned not sounding good, but when I just suck it up and eat what I planned, it usually is good. Don't know if that's just me.

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KATHEE3 1/7/2009 12:37PM

  Way to go Kristi!!!!

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MAKEITSHINE09 1/7/2009 11:22AM

  Hey just wanted to let you know that I am right there with you. I decided to take your advice and get up of the morning and exercise before eating and all and guess what? I got up at 5am this morning took my morning breathing treatment and was going to exercise but decided to go back to bed instead. But I can say that as far as my eating goes. I have been pretty good. I didn't eat my breakfast when i should have but I have not binged either. I have also figured out that if I keep some sugar free jello in the fridge that I will be ok when the cravings hit becasue if I eat a cup of jello and drink some water I have only consumed 5 cals. So maybe that can help you. It is still sweet enough to curve my cravings. Hang in there WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!

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=(

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

I guess my heads still not in it?????????? I had a little bit of stress this morning and instead of jumping on my Treadmill and eating good foods I didn't get my workout this morning when I had time and I've been stuffing my face all morning.



emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEXYMOMA24 1/10/2009 1:46AM

    Girl, im sorry to hear :(

We are all rooting for ya!!! GO HONEY GO!! Get ya head in the game :)

We're here for ya emoticon

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ARTLESS 1/7/2009 3:30AM

    It'll be hard until healthy eating becomes a habit again. I'm struggling with that too right now. Hang in there!


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HEALTHY4MY5 1/6/2009 3:51PM

    Hey there lady. I am revisiting Sparks, trying to find some motivation. Sounds like you are in the same boat. I don't want to get hooked up in "teams" but am looking for some closer accountability/motivation. I've been thinking of you..wanting to see how you were doing. I hope that you can "put your head back in it" and find what's missing in your drive.
I'm thinking about you-and remember, tomorrow is a new day!
Blessings,
Dawn

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KIKI25GRACE 1/6/2009 3:27PM

    It says something that you know it's wrong ... that is a step, even if it's a tiny step. I haven't eaten well this morning either ... actually I haven't eaten much at all. Let this morning stay where it needs to, in the past. And move on to a better evening. :-D

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JOYELYSE 1/6/2009 2:02PM

    I'm sorry. I've been there a bunch lately too. Try planing your food out in advance for a few days and FORCING yourself to stay with it. Maybe it'll help break the cycle and get you on the right track.

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ASHLEIGHGAL 1/6/2009 12:57PM

    I'm sorry! I'm feeling the same way, I need to go get my workout in right now, but I got some really, really bad news at work and I'm so depressed all I want to do is lay on the couch and eat!

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Why............................

Monday, January 05, 2009

Ok so I did good with water and I got my Exercise in first thing but, then around Noon I was making my Lunch and I got carried away. I only had 200 calories left for the entire day after lunch so from Dinner on I just ate what ever I wanted to????????????????????????????

New day trying this again. I've already done the Spark Boot Camp Video for Day #2 and I've had 2 glasses of water. I'm going to take my daughter to school and then I will get my 30 minutes of Cardio. I have plenty to do today to keep busy it's just a matter of deciding to keep busy instead of blowing it with food. Here goes day two =)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATHEE3 1/7/2009 12:35PM

  Kristi! Glad to see your back at it. Take comfort in knowing your not alone:) We're all here to give you the support you have always given so freely.....to those off us who have followed your incredible journey. (I'll be honest it's thinking about people like you that have helped me make the desision to come back myself.


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HIKINGFOOL14ERS 1/5/2009 9:23PM

    You can do it. Baby steps.

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KALISWALKER 1/5/2009 9:16PM

    You can do it!

Lynn

Comment edited on: 1/5/2009 9:21:28 PM

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BARBIEOFBORG 1/5/2009 5:40PM

    I know you can do it!! You push me and I'll push you!! emoticon

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FRUITYFUL 1/5/2009 4:36PM

    That's okay Kristi, you're still on the right path. I'm right there with you! I've been doing the exercise and drinking the water...it's the food that I'm not in control of.

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ASHLEIGHGAL 1/5/2009 12:13PM

    Self control is a hard thing, I've been struggling with that a lot. Yesterday I more than doubled my recommend amount of calories! Today is a new day and we can do better. I haven't done day 2 yet of boot camp, I'm getting ready to do that now.

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Starting Over Again in 2009.................

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Today is the day I am starting over again I will be logging my progress in my blog and posting my Monthly pics just like in 2007. I'm getting ready to do a 5K on my treadmill so that I will have a time to beat everyweek this year.

My goals are to drink 14 glasses of water per day and exersize 6 days a week. I'm still trying to figure out the food but, I figure if I can stay under 1550 I'm doing good.

Current Weight
210 lbs

5K 01-04-09 59:13 emoticon

First Goal
159 lbs

Second Goal
144 lbs

Last Goal
122 lbs

Honeycomb emoticon

p.s. I will attach my new starting photo later today!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEXYMOMA24 1/10/2009 1:56AM

    emoticon planning! Ill be looking forward to your monthly progress picture blogs :) Your still my inspiration

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TORINICOLE77 1/6/2009 9:07AM

    Hi There!!

I'm right there with you! I'm going back to what worked for me when I started in 2007, picking up the pieces and moving on from here. Good luck to you and many blessings on your journey!

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KALISWALKER 1/5/2009 9:22PM

    emoticon

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HEARTUXO 1/4/2009 9:31PM

    You have been an inspiration to me from the start and you will continue to be someone I look up to.
You can do this!
We all know you can!

xoxo emoticon

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ASHLEIGHGAL 1/4/2009 7:28PM

    Great plan!! We're all behind you, you can do this!!

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ARTLESS 1/4/2009 2:08PM

    Yay! Sounds like you're bouncing back already!!! I love the 5k idea -- may have to try that. =) Keep it up!

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PRINCESSNURSE 1/4/2009 12:06PM

    Congratulations on your new begining!

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KIKI25GRACE 1/4/2009 10:35AM

    YAY for you! I'm doing a C25K right now so I can't exactly run 5k yet but I'm working on getting there and I've set my goals for being able to run it by our Relay for Life which is in May.

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