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My life story update:

Sunday, December 28, 2008

I decided I need to update my life story ........... after joining Sparkpeople and losing 89 pounds myself and two friends I met on Spark where asked if we would like to go to NYC to do a photo shoot for "people" magazine. We said Yes of course on off we were the end of Summer 2007. It was an awesome experience that I am so thankful for. After returning from our fabulous experience we waited months for our story to be printed. I wont lie it was a long hard wait. It affected us or at least me in a not so positive way. I was no longer focused like I was before I was just worried about what the article was going to be like and how the photo's were going to look and then after a while it became is this story ever going to be printed. It sounds silly now because even if the story was never printed we still got to go to NYC and meet each other and that was truly the best part. When the New Years additions was printed and we were not in it I finally came to grips with it and started working on me again. No sooner then did I forget about it was the magazine out and we were on our way to the "ellen" show in California. So much happened this week with emotions that by the time I got home from the show I was emotionally drained............................

Slowly over the next month I started to get burned out on my everyday life I guess you could say the monotony. Things that used to give me pleasure had become a chore. I slowly started dropping all the good habits that I had gained over the last year. In March my eating and exercising because so sporadic and by July I had just quit doing it all. Its amazing to me know to look back at all the things that caused me to feel the way I do know and know that if I could just get back on the wagon all of the Anxiety that I have created in myself would probably slow go away. Every morning I wake up with good intentions but, I never follow through.... Who am I kidding I don't even drink as much water as I should. It used to be second nature to get up work out drink 14 glasses of water through out the day plan my meals ect.............. Now I don't want to go to bed at night because I don't want to start the next day.

I have a good life and a GREAT husband so why do I dread everyday tasks? I want to go back to being Mrs. Honeycomb the one who inspired so many people everyday. I want to feel good NO GREAT about myself I want to have goals and I want to feel like I can accomplish them.

Anyways..............Since March of this year I have gone from 159 lbs all the way up to 210 pounds. I know crazy how does someone gain that much weight in that little time?

I'm hoping after writing this today that I can convince myself to get back to where I was. If I take it slow I could be back at 159 by the beginning of Summer and I could be to my goal of 144 lbs by the end of the Summer.

Thanks for listening,

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HOCKEY47 1/17/2009 12:13AM

I wish you the best of luck and remember how hard you wanted this

you will get back in the swing of thngs, slowly but surely

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TORINICOLE77 1/6/2009 9:14AM

    Just ran across your posts and I'm right there with you. I never thought I would be back at this place, but here I am once again. I went from 264lbs to 189 lbs in 2007 and thought I was on top of the world. I accomplished my goals of running a 10K by July 2008 and after that it was like I just fell apart. I had no desire to do any of the things that I thought had become second nature. So now, here it is January 2009 and I'm at 224lbs. How did that happen so fast?

In any case, all I have is today. I can't look back with regrets. I'm happily starting over again and I'm going to look forward a healthy future once more.

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KALISWALKER 1/5/2009 10:21PM

    I am from your Boot Camp group. Let's work on breaking 200!


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ARTLESS 1/4/2009 12:58AM

    You sound depressed, doll. Have you been to see the doctor yet this year? Please make sure there's no underlying medical condition dragging your motivation and energy away.

You did an amazing thing -- try to stay focused on that and don't beat yourself up for backsliding. It happens to the best of us. You'll get there again. Hang in there and know that we're all cheering for you!

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FCOOPE6 12/31/2008 10:41AM

    The journey to a healthy and physically fit you is a lifelong struggle. Wishing you the best. emoticon

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THINNYMINNY 12/30/2008 10:01AM

    You ARE the MRS. HONEYCOMB who inspired so many people everyday. I am so glad you are back. You can do it, Kristi!

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BRIGITH 12/29/2008 11:10AM

    You have achieved so much! So you've slipped, it happens. It just proves you're human. Don't be so hard on yourself. You've recognized what's happened now it's time to rectify it. You've done it before. You can absolutely do it again. You are still an inspiration. Possibly even more so now, because you've been honest about your situation, you're taking action. Live and learn!!

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KIKI25GRACE 12/28/2008 6:31PM

    You were one of the very first people to reach out to me when I joined spark almost 2 years ago and you're still one of those that I anxiously wait for updates to see how you're doing. I KNOW it's frustrating to get to such a great weight and then to see yourself gain it back because I was in onederland ... barely, but I was there ... and now I'm so close to being back to where I was that it's scary. BUT I know that I did it once and I can do it again. AND so can you. You are an inspiration and a motivation for a reason, that doesn't mean you have to be perfect and/or jump out of bed every morning eager to start the day.

You can do this. We all can do this.


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FITLIKENIC 12/28/2008 6:17PM

    Thank you for your honesty! I too have been where you are, lost weight and got to goal then gained it back faster than you could blink! Now I'm on the slow and steady, focus on me and how I feel... YOU are still an inspiration to me, you lost weight once and you can do it again!

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Sunday, November 02, 2008

It's almost been 2 years since I started my Spark Journey and for the last 8 months I have not been on track! I was looking at my old photo's that I so religiously took every month and noticing how much 30-25lbs really does make a difference. I currently weigh 200 lbs again I look at the photo's of when I was 170-175 and I just want to kick myself.

Maybe tomorrow will be the day.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PANTUFAS 11/20/2008 7:19PM

    Just take each day as a new opportunity to start fresh again- you can do it! You are strong, maybe you just needed a little break. Get back in touch with what's important to you and it will happen.

Good luck!


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TRECECOOKS 11/9/2008 1:22PM

    We love you no matter what, and we are standing shoulder-to-shoulder with you, thru thick and thin.

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GINGER_LOSTALOT 11/8/2008 9:21PM

    I'm glad you caught it now before the holidays. You could easily gain another 20. Stop now. I lost over 100 pounds and gained it all back plus another 20. I'm 343 now and miserable. Don't kick yourself. Love yourself. But love yourself enough to make better choices and to say NO to the foods that are causing you pain.

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ETGRIP 11/6/2008 9:33AM

    Mind of matter, you will find your way back.

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THINNYMINNY 11/4/2008 8:14PM

    I know you can do it, dear HONEYCOMB. You are strong in every way. All we need is a little momentum. I'm with you all the way!

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TREASURE_77 11/4/2008 5:03AM

    Don't be too hard on yourself. If you spend too much time saying how did I let this happen instead of what do I need to change it will drag you down. Trust me I know. I have been a yo yo dieter my whole life. I have been as small as a size 3 to as large as a 26 my current size. I have read your spark page and it sounds like we have similar patterns.
I think that if you can find out what lead you to gain the weight back hopefully you can stop the cycle of weight loss and gain. I am a emotional eater and use food to cope with my emotions. This is what I do when I'm stressed or upset. Some how when I'm in the active stages of weight loss I can avoid emotional eating but when I get complacent it creeps back in and if I don't catch it I end up gaining back the weight before I know it.
It sounds like you have truly learned the recipe for success and maybe you just need to work on the maintaining aspect of sp. Like it was said before you've done it before and can do it again. emoticon

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MRSHONEYCOMB 11/2/2008 10:29AM

    Kiki~ Normally I would agree but, it was 10:30 at night and I was on my way to bed! =) emoticon

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KIKI25GRACE 11/2/2008 10:20AM

    Tomorrow isn't the day, TODAY is the day!

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SUMITH2008 11/2/2008 1:38AM

    Life would be boring, if we didn't have new goals or something to work towards. =) Mistakes and failures are the best lessons in life and it makes us stronger every time we go off course and make course corrections. You did it once, and you can do it again. Good Luck!!!

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I have gained 40 pounds this year! =(

Thursday, October 30, 2008

I'm not even sure what to wright here...................last year at this time I was struggling to stay on track. I was at 159 lbs and had only 15 more pounds to go until I was no longer over weight. I have had Anxiety for about 8 months now the last 3.5 months have been the worst.

The sad part is I don't have any reason to have Anxiety? Money is what seems to be triggering it but, I haven't had any money problems. I think just listening to the news and everyone else talk about the economy has made me feel so scared that I live everyday worrying about something that hasn't even happened to me.

I wouldn't say that I'm depressed because I still have moments that I feel ok and I laugh but, not for long enough to get myself back on track.

This morning I got up and put on my Workout clothes I wore those for about 3 hours before I finally took them off and took a shower.

I really want to come back to SP I just cant seem to get past the worrying in my head.

How do the rest of you not worry until it's necessary to worry?


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNDROP1 11/4/2008 5:13PM

    I have had depression and anxiety on and off for the last 10 years. The strange thing with depression and anxiety for me is that I often didn't realize how bad it was until I came out of it. I was still able to function (go to work, see friends etc) but I knew that it wasn't like it used to be (tired and generally sad) and my anxiety was not rational. I don't like taking medication, but I have gone on it for short periods and it brought me back to normal and I was able to get off of it and feel fine. For some people there are issues that need to be dealt with by therapy, for myself it was just a chemical imbalance that was easy to resolve. I would go to the doctor and just talk to them about what is going on.

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ALBERTAPROUD 10/31/2008 12:59AM

    Hey you -I know this feeling!!! There are so many things to worry about, I empathize with you, but don't waste time worrying about that stupid scale! What works for me is allowing myself to turn off my brain for just a few minutes and walk. I'm finding the exercise actually calms that nagging voice. Would that help?

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YUNKERCM 10/30/2008 4:46PM

    Hi, I suffer from General Anxiety Disorder and mild depression. I have stress at work and at home. (I desperately want to be retired, my husband has some health issues, and our youngest son is bipolar and a trial). In spite of this, I was always able to handle stress until about three years ago. My doctor's put me on medications that help tremendously. I still have work to do.

The point of all this is that I do use some techniques that are very simple that help me:

1 - I use positive talk to myself constantly
2 - I have positive, healthy images in my mind to shield my from the external stresses from the news and tv
3 - I do a brain dump onto paper every morning--just blah blah blah were I write whatever comes in and if nothing happens, I just draw eeeeeeeeeeeeeeees across the lines until something happens--three sides a day--I learned this technique in one of my teams! It has been the single most freeing thing I have ever done!

Feel free to SparkMail me if you want more details.

Good luck and get your body in gear. You are so worth it and are only in control of your own behavior!

CMY (Carol)

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SFOSTER 10/30/2008 3:51PM

    My hubby suffers from depression and worries insesently. It might do some good to talk to someone. I am not a big fan of meds. I always try the counseling route first. I hope you get things straitened out and back on track. We are all here for you no matter what.

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JENNPRINE 10/30/2008 1:30PM

  Are you sure you may not be depressed? It can present itself as anxiety. I used to struggle with anxiety alot. I went to counseling and for some reason that seemed to be exactly what I needed. I was constantly fighting my emotions and trying to not have them or deal with them. Counseling taught me how important they are and that each of them matters - now I have them and deal with them and move onto acceptance quickly. Now at times there are things that take me longer to work through but on the average day I find serenity. I just have to tell myself it is okay for me to be sad or angry or whatever it is I'm dealing with.

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I miss me.......but, I guess not enough?

Sunday, September 14, 2008

For the last 6 months I have really slipped back into the "fat" Kristi habit's! I'm not sure why I did this I was feeling so good and so happy...........I have gained back 30 of the 100 pounds I lost and now I feel so far from my goal it almost seems pointless. I know that sounds CRAZY because it is. Do I really want to be 260 lbs again? I say I don't but, even as I sit here typing this I am stuffing my face with unnecessary food. I wake up every morning with good intentions but, it seems like a matter of minutes before I'm off track again. I know the right things to do and I keep telling myself I want to get back on track but as usual something causes me a little anxiety and I slip back into the "fat" Kristi habits.

I just want to say thank you to everyone that has tried to contact me in the last 6 months to help me get back on track and to also say I'm sorry that I have not responded back. I haven't been logging into my Spark that often because it's just a reminder that I have failed.

I really hope to reach a point soon where getting myself healthy again is more important to me then all the other things that have been consuming my life and I really do hope that is soon.

emoticon Honeycomb

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YUNKERCM 10/30/2008 12:35PM

    Hi Kristi, We have never talked. I joined SP in April of 2008 and am almost to goal. In 2000, I went to weight watchers and lost 56 pounds over 6 months and felt really successful. I managed to keep the weight at bay until last winter when a deep depression hit me and I just let everything in my life slide. I finally started looking to help myself again in April and found SP and am really loving it. We all slip. The trick is to admit it and then move on from there. Today is the first day of the rest of your life! Good luck, CMY (Carol)

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INSYNC2SUCCEED 10/22/2008 10:00AM

    Kristi everyone has those moments your not alone and you will get back to your goal weight - Don't give up on yourself!!! Life is funny it can't always be the way we want it. We all have stress, concerns, our lives are busy places and even when we take the time for ourselves were apt to fall.

Never give up on yourself you have accomplished so much. Don't look at it as being so far from goal. Take it in mini chunks and work your way back to where you want to be.

Your inspiration and may be right now you don't want to hear it, but you are and don't feel the pressure from that you do what Kristi can do and thats what matters.

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THINNYMINNY 10/13/2008 7:54PM

    You haven't failed 'til you stop trying. A lot of people believe in you; now it's time to believe in yourself. Don't give up, Honeycomb!

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1LBDOWN 10/2/2008 3:25PM

  Hi Kristi,
Remember that the 5% who keep off their weight fail at some point, but that they get back on the horse, and THAT'S what makes a winner a winner. It's okay to fall off the horse...just get back on.

Just like BugMama says; just do a little at a time. Start with 10 mins. of exercise again. You don't have to be Turbo Jammin' every day! That's not necessary. Just walk 10-15 mins. three times a week until you're feeling up to doing more.

You're on the right track, because you recognize that the food you're eating is unnecessary. That's a step in the right direction. Start logging it and see what kind of nutrients you're getting out of it. That does the trick for me. Seeing how many calories and fat grams I'm putting into my body always does the trick!

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BUGMAMA42 10/2/2008 2:18PM

    Kristi, you can do this... I have suggestions for how you can get back to it, too. I honestly think you blogged this as a plea for help (not sympathy). You are not ready to give up on yourself. Somewhere inside is the Kristi that found the motivation to lose ONE HUNDRED FREAKIN' POUNDS... Now you just need to get back to it and learn some more about yourself so that you can successfully stay healthy. Try any or all of this stuff. Feel free to SparkMail me or stop by my page, okay? We're in this together and I'm here to help as much or as little as you want.

1. Plan to log onto Spark every day. Start there. Wander around again. Just commit to being here. Do that until you're happy to be back here instead of feeling that guilt or shame that you do. You HAVE done good by yourself. You STILL are down 70 lbs. Set-backs are okay. It's how you handle them that will change the end result.

2. When you're comfortable being here again, start back at the BEGINNING of the SparkProgram. Yes, you already "know" this stuff. But you aren't PRACTICING this stuff everyday now. You can't expect to just jump back into the race without warming up to it. You were a marathon runner before. You've been sidelined for long enough that your muscles and stamina aren't what they were. You need to build your strength back up before you try to run another marathon. Make sense?

3. Expect less of yourself (in other words, be realistic). Don't set yourself up for failure -- set yourself up for SUCCESS. Set manageable, seemingly small goals and build on your success. One step at a time, girl. One day at a time. Don't look too far ahead. Focus on the here and now.

4. Reach out to people. There are a lot of people on here that care about you and want to see you succeed. They are willing to help you if you let them. They all happen to think that you are a very worthwhile human being. They do NOT expect perfection of you. Lean on them and let them help bolster you back up. We are always harder on ourselves than even our worst enemies would be.

5. BE KIND TO KRISTI! You're the best friend you've got! You are beating yourself up instead of treating yourself with love and respect and kindness... GIVE YOURSELF A BIG HUG!!!! You are worthy of so so so SO many hugs. You are special and deep down I think you know it. Be proud of who you are and what you've accomplished!

Please let me know if I can help "talk" you through the tough stuff, Kristi. I'm here...

Sending you some super BIG {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DREAMSICLE 9/23/2008 8:25PM

    Girl we all know how you feel. It is so hard but you have come SO far Dont give up now.You can do this. You have helped change so many lives including your on.Dont give up on yourself you are way too special.You can do this.It is never too late. emoticon emoticon

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PANTUFAS 9/21/2008 10:32AM

    MRS.HONEYCOMB-YOU were my inspiration from day one-I am going to be a bit selfish here, but we need you to get back up and do what you need to do to get back on track! Please don't let all your hard work go to waste-you CAN DO IT!
Have you considered yoga? I do yoga on monday nights; it starts my work week on the right foot, and then I fall a sleep to a yoga mediation CD every night, and it really help me to connect mind and body.

I spark person said on the Today show the other day, and I quote "don't let failure be an option". I remind myself of this all the time.

I'm pulling for you, I know that you can do it!!! emoticon

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1500LUNGES 9/20/2008 5:40PM

    Dont lose sight of the fact that you have still lost 70 lbs! Thats awesome!! You already know what to do and how to do it. you just need to find youre motivation again. Why do you want this, theres your motivation.

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LISAWARE 9/18/2008 1:17PM

    I am right there with you!! As you saw from my post, I was gone from SP and gained back 30 lbs. I had the same issue you did, once I stopped logging in, it became harder and harder to come back and that feeling that I had failed somehow was just easier to avoid all together by NOT dealing with it. It's a slippery slope. All I can say is we are all here for you. Maybe it's time to shake things up a bit. Try something new? I think for now we need to force ourselves to get back on the horse, learn from our past, and move forward. You can do it, Kristi!!

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HBAILEY01 9/18/2008 10:48AM

    You have not failed...we all have set backs....the important thing is just getting back on track as soon as possible. You can do know you can, and we all know you can! Don't get down on yourself for the weight you have gained use dwelling on the past and feeling guilty...shake it off...and get back to your program...YOU CAN DO THIS!

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PRINCESSNURSE 9/18/2008 9:03AM

    I feel your pain...I joined Spark a year ago and since March I have regained almost all of the 30 pounds I lost. The important part is that we are here again. We just need to start back with the basics and try not to beat ourselves up about our gain. Good luck!

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WONDERGALE 9/15/2008 5:52PM

    You are not alone. I have also gained back some of the weight that I lost. But we are not perfect. We are going to slip. The only thing we can do is keep pushing for what we want. I'm still proud of you. You are still a long way from 260 pounds!

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SKINNY1DAY 9/15/2008 3:48PM

I feel your pain! I have been there and I am also struggling with the same feelings lately. You are not a failure unless you totally give in and no longer care anymore. the fact that you actually care and want to improve means that there is hope. I know it is hard right now but remember there are people like me who will be thinking of you and praying for you. Please feel free to contact me if you wanna be buddies. maybe we can help each other through this.

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ETGRIP 9/15/2008 9:34AM

    By no means are you a failure: People struggle with weight loss, we are just here to listen to your story and help you in any way we can. Miss you.

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HAPPY1604 9/14/2008 8:45PM

    Hang in there, Honeycomb, hang in there......

I don't understand it either... its like my body turned on me or something and I just allowed it.....

We know we can do it... we have done it before... I believe we will do it again and CONTINUE and maintain.....


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KIKI25GRACE 9/14/2008 6:15PM

    Kristi, I know how you feel. I lost 60 and gained back 30 and now it's like I feel like what's the point? But the point is that I did it once, I can do it again and even more so. I don't get on spark as much as I used to either between school, work, internship, babysitting, new husband, and household duties but I know spark is here, as well as all my sparkie friends, when I need it. Same goes for you. You WILL find yourself finding more and more reasons to stay on track than off of track. You WILL find yourself listening to the "healthy Kristi" more and more. You WILL do this because you can. When you don't think you can just remember that you already did it, you're just repeating the action again for an even better outcome. Stick with it.

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LUCRECE 9/14/2008 5:38PM

    Keep trying! that you are back posting on SP is major. I lost weight last year and fell off, gained it all back, even gained back more than i lost, but i kept trying and trying and trying until i'm finally back on track.

Don't think of it as a failure. the majority of people don't keep their weight off. Try to focus on exercise, which helps keep mood up, emotional eating down, and dietary fat off your body. Get back your focus and you can keep your 70 pounds off and try to get back down again.

You can do this!

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DIALY_STORM 9/14/2008 4:48PM

    Wow, I know a lot of us have been there before... I hope you are able to find the motivation to get back on track. I know how hard it can be. Good luck.

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    Don't give up!! You have come so far & 30 lbs. is only 30 lbs - it's not the 100 lbs. you lost! It will be a lot easier to lose it than the whole thing over again. I still have over 50 to go & I kick myself every time I think about all the times I got close to my goal & gave up.

You are worth it - checking into Spark shouldn't remind you of failing - turn your thinkng around & view it as a success! You lost 100 pounds before - just keep going! All the success stories I have read involve checking in every day & logging in those positives and negatives. You have inspired me & I know you can do it again! ~Renee

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I'm ready to get back on track

Saturday, August 23, 2008

I have been off track now for 6 months and I have gained back 28 pounds! That is a pound a week and I don't like where that puts me 6 months for now. Time to get serious.

Honeycomb emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

D.JUNIOR8 9/8/2008 9:19PM


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ETGRIP 9/3/2008 11:54AM

    I know you can do it.

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THINNYMINNY 8/25/2008 6:49PM

    Yay! I'm so glad you are back, little HONEYCOMB! Don't focus on where you were; keep your eyes on where you are going. Baby steps will get you back in the swing--I'm doing baby steps myself these days. I have missed you!

emoticon will become emoticon

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PRINCESSNURSE 8/25/2008 9:24AM

    I have gained quite a bit of the weight I lost over the last 6 months too (20 lbs--YIKES). We both just need to refocus and get back to doing what works. Easier said than done I know, but we have done it before so we can do it now!

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BUTTERFLYWINGZ 8/25/2008 12:00AM

    Try to remember how wonderful you were feeling when you were down to this weight during your loss. You have done it before... remember that motivation and how good it felt to get the weight off. You can do it again!! ~ I am going through this too & am trying to re-gain that feeling when I had gotten through my plateau & inspiration from my weight loss buddy then. ~ Renee

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KIKI25GRACE 8/24/2008 2:22PM

    I know how you feel. I was down in onederland last year at this time and I've gained back 20 something lbs since then. Since I got rid of all my clothes as I grew down out of them I have nothing to wear ... sigh ... I am definitely kicking my butt back into gear and I will be in onederland by Christmas at the latest.

You can do it!

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