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I miss me.......but, I guess not enough?

Sunday, September 14, 2008

For the last 6 months I have really slipped back into the "fat" Kristi habit's! I'm not sure why I did this I was feeling so good and so happy...........I have gained back 30 of the 100 pounds I lost and now I feel so far from my goal it almost seems pointless. I know that sounds CRAZY because it is. Do I really want to be 260 lbs again? I say I don't but, even as I sit here typing this I am stuffing my face with unnecessary food. I wake up every morning with good intentions but, it seems like a matter of minutes before I'm off track again. I know the right things to do and I keep telling myself I want to get back on track but as usual something causes me a little anxiety and I slip back into the "fat" Kristi habits.

I just want to say thank you to everyone that has tried to contact me in the last 6 months to help me get back on track and to also say I'm sorry that I have not responded back. I haven't been logging into my Spark that often because it's just a reminder that I have failed.

I really hope to reach a point soon where getting myself healthy again is more important to me then all the other things that have been consuming my life and I really do hope that is soon.

emoticon Honeycomb

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YUNKERCM 10/30/2008 12:35PM

    Hi Kristi, We have never talked. I joined SP in April of 2008 and am almost to goal. In 2000, I went to weight watchers and lost 56 pounds over 6 months and felt really successful. I managed to keep the weight at bay until last winter when a deep depression hit me and I just let everything in my life slide. I finally started looking to help myself again in April and found SP and am really loving it. We all slip. The trick is to admit it and then move on from there. Today is the first day of the rest of your life! Good luck, CMY (Carol)

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INSYNC2SUCCEED 10/22/2008 10:00AM

    Kristi everyone has those moments your not alone and you will get back to your goal weight - Don't give up on yourself!!! Life is funny it can't always be the way we want it. We all have stress, concerns, our lives are busy places and even when we take the time for ourselves were apt to fall.

Never give up on yourself you have accomplished so much. Don't look at it as being so far from goal. Take it in mini chunks and work your way back to where you want to be.

Your inspiration and may be right now you don't want to hear it, but you are and don't feel the pressure from that you do what Kristi can do and thats what matters.

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THINNYMINNY 10/13/2008 7:54PM

    You haven't failed 'til you stop trying. A lot of people believe in you; now it's time to believe in yourself. Don't give up, Honeycomb!

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1LBDOWN 10/2/2008 3:25PM

  Hi Kristi,
Remember that the 5% who keep off their weight fail at some point, but that they get back on the horse, and THAT'S what makes a winner a winner. It's okay to fall off the horse...just get back on.

Just like BugMama says; just do a little at a time. Start with 10 mins. of exercise again. You don't have to be Turbo Jammin' every day! That's not necessary. Just walk 10-15 mins. three times a week until you're feeling up to doing more.

You're on the right track, because you recognize that the food you're eating is unnecessary. That's a step in the right direction. Start logging it and see what kind of nutrients you're getting out of it. That does the trick for me. Seeing how many calories and fat grams I'm putting into my body always does the trick!

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BUGMAMA42 10/2/2008 2:18PM

    Kristi, you can do this... I have suggestions for how you can get back to it, too. I honestly think you blogged this as a plea for help (not sympathy). You are not ready to give up on yourself. Somewhere inside is the Kristi that found the motivation to lose ONE HUNDRED FREAKIN' POUNDS... Now you just need to get back to it and learn some more about yourself so that you can successfully stay healthy. Try any or all of this stuff. Feel free to SparkMail me or stop by my page, okay? We're in this together and I'm here to help as much or as little as you want.

1. Plan to log onto Spark every day. Start there. Wander around again. Just commit to being here. Do that until you're happy to be back here instead of feeling that guilt or shame that you do. You HAVE done good by yourself. You STILL are down 70 lbs. Set-backs are okay. It's how you handle them that will change the end result.

2. When you're comfortable being here again, start back at the BEGINNING of the SparkProgram. Yes, you already "know" this stuff. But you aren't PRACTICING this stuff everyday now. You can't expect to just jump back into the race without warming up to it. You were a marathon runner before. You've been sidelined for long enough that your muscles and stamina aren't what they were. You need to build your strength back up before you try to run another marathon. Make sense?

3. Expect less of yourself (in other words, be realistic). Don't set yourself up for failure -- set yourself up for SUCCESS. Set manageable, seemingly small goals and build on your success. One step at a time, girl. One day at a time. Don't look too far ahead. Focus on the here and now.

4. Reach out to people. There are a lot of people on here that care about you and want to see you succeed. They are willing to help you if you let them. They all happen to think that you are a very worthwhile human being. They do NOT expect perfection of you. Lean on them and let them help bolster you back up. We are always harder on ourselves than even our worst enemies would be.

5. BE KIND TO KRISTI! You're the best friend you've got! You are beating yourself up instead of treating yourself with love and respect and kindness... GIVE YOURSELF A BIG HUG!!!! You are worthy of so so so SO many hugs. You are special and deep down I think you know it. Be proud of who you are and what you've accomplished!

Please let me know if I can help "talk" you through the tough stuff, Kristi. I'm here...

Sending you some super BIG {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DREAMSICLE 9/23/2008 8:25PM

    Girl we all know how you feel. It is so hard but you have come SO far Dont give up now.You can do this. You have helped change so many lives including your on.Dont give up on yourself you are way too special.You can do this.It is never too late. emoticon emoticon

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PANTUFAS 9/21/2008 10:32AM

    MRS.HONEYCOMB-YOU were my inspiration from day one-I am going to be a bit selfish here, but we need you to get back up and do what you need to do to get back on track! Please don't let all your hard work go to waste-you CAN DO IT!
Have you considered yoga? I do yoga on monday nights; it starts my work week on the right foot, and then I fall a sleep to a yoga mediation CD every night, and it really help me to connect mind and body.

I spark person said on the Today show the other day, and I quote "don't let failure be an option". I remind myself of this all the time.

I'm pulling for you, I know that you can do it!!! emoticon

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1500LUNGES 9/20/2008 5:40PM

    Dont lose sight of the fact that you have still lost 70 lbs! Thats awesome!! You already know what to do and how to do it. you just need to find youre motivation again. Why do you want this, theres your motivation.

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LISAWARE 9/18/2008 1:17PM

    I am right there with you!! As you saw from my post, I was gone from SP and gained back 30 lbs. I had the same issue you did, once I stopped logging in, it became harder and harder to come back and that feeling that I had failed somehow was just easier to avoid all together by NOT dealing with it. It's a slippery slope. All I can say is we are all here for you. Maybe it's time to shake things up a bit. Try something new? I think for now we need to force ourselves to get back on the horse, learn from our past, and move forward. You can do it, Kristi!!

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HBAILEY01 9/18/2008 10:48AM

    You have not failed...we all have set backs....the important thing is just getting back on track as soon as possible. You can do know you can, and we all know you can! Don't get down on yourself for the weight you have gained use dwelling on the past and feeling guilty...shake it off...and get back to your program...YOU CAN DO THIS!

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PRINCESSNURSE 9/18/2008 9:03AM

    I feel your pain...I joined Spark a year ago and since March I have regained almost all of the 30 pounds I lost. The important part is that we are here again. We just need to start back with the basics and try not to beat ourselves up about our gain. Good luck!

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WONDERGALE 9/15/2008 5:52PM

    You are not alone. I have also gained back some of the weight that I lost. But we are not perfect. We are going to slip. The only thing we can do is keep pushing for what we want. I'm still proud of you. You are still a long way from 260 pounds!

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SKINNY1DAY 9/15/2008 3:48PM

I feel your pain! I have been there and I am also struggling with the same feelings lately. You are not a failure unless you totally give in and no longer care anymore. the fact that you actually care and want to improve means that there is hope. I know it is hard right now but remember there are people like me who will be thinking of you and praying for you. Please feel free to contact me if you wanna be buddies. maybe we can help each other through this.

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ETGRIP 9/15/2008 9:34AM

    By no means are you a failure: People struggle with weight loss, we are just here to listen to your story and help you in any way we can. Miss you.

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HAPPY1604 9/14/2008 8:45PM

    Hang in there, Honeycomb, hang in there......

I don't understand it either... its like my body turned on me or something and I just allowed it.....

We know we can do it... we have done it before... I believe we will do it again and CONTINUE and maintain.....


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KIKI25GRACE 9/14/2008 6:15PM

    Kristi, I know how you feel. I lost 60 and gained back 30 and now it's like I feel like what's the point? But the point is that I did it once, I can do it again and even more so. I don't get on spark as much as I used to either between school, work, internship, babysitting, new husband, and household duties but I know spark is here, as well as all my sparkie friends, when I need it. Same goes for you. You WILL find yourself finding more and more reasons to stay on track than off of track. You WILL find yourself listening to the "healthy Kristi" more and more. You WILL do this because you can. When you don't think you can just remember that you already did it, you're just repeating the action again for an even better outcome. Stick with it.

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LUCRECE 9/14/2008 5:38PM

    Keep trying! that you are back posting on SP is major. I lost weight last year and fell off, gained it all back, even gained back more than i lost, but i kept trying and trying and trying until i'm finally back on track.

Don't think of it as a failure. the majority of people don't keep their weight off. Try to focus on exercise, which helps keep mood up, emotional eating down, and dietary fat off your body. Get back your focus and you can keep your 70 pounds off and try to get back down again.

You can do this!

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DIALY_STORM 9/14/2008 4:48PM

    Wow, I know a lot of us have been there before... I hope you are able to find the motivation to get back on track. I know how hard it can be. Good luck.

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    Don't give up!! You have come so far & 30 lbs. is only 30 lbs - it's not the 100 lbs. you lost! It will be a lot easier to lose it than the whole thing over again. I still have over 50 to go & I kick myself every time I think about all the times I got close to my goal & gave up.

You are worth it - checking into Spark shouldn't remind you of failing - turn your thinkng around & view it as a success! You lost 100 pounds before - just keep going! All the success stories I have read involve checking in every day & logging in those positives and negatives. You have inspired me & I know you can do it again! ~Renee

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I'm ready to get back on track

Saturday, August 23, 2008

I have been off track now for 6 months and I have gained back 28 pounds! That is a pound a week and I don't like where that puts me 6 months for now. Time to get serious.

Honeycomb emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

D.JUNIOR8 9/8/2008 9:19PM


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ETGRIP 9/3/2008 11:54AM

    I know you can do it.

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THINNYMINNY 8/25/2008 6:49PM

    Yay! I'm so glad you are back, little HONEYCOMB! Don't focus on where you were; keep your eyes on where you are going. Baby steps will get you back in the swing--I'm doing baby steps myself these days. I have missed you!

emoticon will become emoticon

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PRINCESSNURSE 8/25/2008 9:24AM

    I have gained quite a bit of the weight I lost over the last 6 months too (20 lbs--YIKES). We both just need to refocus and get back to doing what works. Easier said than done I know, but we have done it before so we can do it now!

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BUTTERFLYWINGZ 8/25/2008 12:00AM

    Try to remember how wonderful you were feeling when you were down to this weight during your loss. You have done it before... remember that motivation and how good it felt to get the weight off. You can do it again!! ~ I am going through this too & am trying to re-gain that feeling when I had gotten through my plateau & inspiration from my weight loss buddy then. ~ Renee

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KIKI25GRACE 8/24/2008 2:22PM

    I know how you feel. I was down in onederland last year at this time and I've gained back 20 something lbs since then. Since I got rid of all my clothes as I grew down out of them I have nothing to wear ... sigh ... I am definitely kicking my butt back into gear and I will be in onederland by Christmas at the latest.

You can do it!

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Sunday, July 20, 2008

emoticon Well today's my birthday and for the last 28 days I have exercised 27 out of 28 days however I only ate in my calorie ranges about 33% of the time. At the start of the 28 days I weighed 182 and in the first week I was able to lose 6 pounds putting me at 176 lbs. However I then did what I always do and for the next 2 weeks I struggled just to maintain that loss. I did maintain it as a matter of fact last Sunday I still weighed 176 and then this week came emoticon (not good) this morning I officially weigh 180.6 . I know that is still a -1.4 lb total loss this month but, I cant blame anyone but, myself! It's just hard knowing that I was 159 lbs just 5 months ago. I sure hope I figure out how to getting my emotionally eating under control so that on my next birthday I can get on here and happily announce that I weigh 122 lbs.

Here's to my next Birthday # 33 emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARMIZC 8/6/2008 11:20AM

    Sorry I missed your birthday: hope it was a happy one! You are so far ahaead of me it's not even funny...maybe because you are just a baby(at 32!) LOL


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THINNYMINNY 7/21/2008 7:30AM

    Happy Birthday! Just found out--I thought about you several times yesterday, and now I realize why! I hope you have a fantastic year and that all your wishes come true!

Love ya, birthday girl!


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FRUITYFUL 7/20/2008 7:40PM

    Happy Birthday spark buddy! You will get down to why you eat just takes time. 27 out of 28 days of exercise is fantastic! Keep plugging away and soon something will click and you'll be right on track again!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KIKI25GRACE 7/20/2008 4:51PM

    Happy Birthday! I know you can do it. I understand that frustration of knowing what you were and how far you've come only to backslide. It's just a little but it's enough. I saw the 100's and now I feel like I'm stuck back at this horrible weight. Let's kick this weight's butt! :-D

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WANDAH3 7/20/2008 12:55PM

    Happy Birthday!

Keep your goals in focus and if need be, put an big letter X on your hand that you use to eat with, if nothing else, it's a visual reminder to you really want to eat what you have picked up!

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Saturday, July 12, 2008

So for the last 21 days I have done exercise everyday so I'm very proud of myself for that the first 7 days I also stayed within my calorie ranges but for the last two weeks I've only managed to stay within my ranges 2-3 days. Although I've done better the last 3 weeks you just cant lose weight unless you are doing both exercise and calories so I'm still hanging out at 176.

My Birthday is next Sunday and I'm really hoping to be able to do both all week so that I can reach 174 lbs by then.

The good new is that last year this same week I was 177 pounds so at least I've maintained for the last year!

Honeycomb emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ETGRIP 7/17/2008 9:20AM

    I am glad you are keeping a positive note for you maintaining... good for you!

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WANDAH3 7/14/2008 8:54PM

    Keep on focusing on what you desire, it will come together.

Congratulations on maintaining.

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ASHLEIGHGAL 7/14/2008 1:28PM

    The silver lining! Thank goodness for it or I don't think any of us would get through a day...every! LOL
Great job maintaining for a year! I know you can do this, you can track your food and exercise and stay in your ranges.
Now take a deep breath and go do it!

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FRUITYFUL 7/13/2008 12:51PM

    There's always a bright side...and that is that you've maintained and you are still exercising! It will all come together.

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Good News and Bad!

Monday, July 07, 2008

Well the good news is I have exercised everyday for the last 15 days. Woo Hoo!

The bad news is I have gained back the 6 pounds I lost last week this week because of all my poor food choices.

Note to self: Eating right + Exercising = weight loss

*They have to be done at the same time emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GERRYD8784 7/9/2008 7:57PM

    Anyone who has done as well as you have on SP is certainly entitled to a bad day, or a bad week, here and there. You know how to fix it, you've done it before, and you will certainly get yourself right back on track tomorrow!

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FRUITYFUL 7/7/2008 12:44PM

    I know you can do it~ One of these days, both of those things will fall into place at the same time!

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WANDAH3 7/7/2008 11:53AM

    Yep, you just have to figure out how to get the two things together.

Have a great day.

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ASHLEIGHGAL 7/7/2008 9:04AM

    You are right, they have to be done at the same time. Doesn't it stink?
Do you think those pounds were really fat or just water weight? It seems unlikely that you could lose or gain that much fat that fast, I think it takes something like 3,500 calories to make one pound of fat. So don't feel too bad, I don't think it was all fat gained.
I didn't do great over the weekend either, here's to another week!

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KIKI25GRACE 7/7/2008 8:45AM

    Yes they do have to be done at the same time. lol You know what though, you exercised everyday for 15 days ... that's freakin' amazing! Great job! You'll find your stride, you know you will.

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