| |
|
MOTLEM's Recent Blog Entries
|
Sunday, April 08, 2012
An old pastor lay dying. He sent a message for an Internal Revenue Service agent and his lawyer to come to the hospital. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room. As they entered the room, the pastor held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.
The pastor grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered that the old man would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled because the pastor had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.
Finally, the lawyer asked, "Pastor, why did you ask the two of us to come here?"
The old pastor mustered all his strength, and then said weakly,
"Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I'd like to go!!"
 
Saturday, April 07, 2012
Les Boots claimed to be the worst jumps jockey in the world.
He had 39 rides and fell off 40 times - in one race he fell off, caught the horse and remounted, only to fall off again at the next fence.
He rode for 18 years in Adelaide, South Australia, and reckoned he spent 12 of them in hospital. Les broke just about every bone in his body. Bookies would post 100/1 odds for every mount, no matter what the horse's form.
"Once the South Australian Jockey Club was going to bar me from riding because I was putting too big a strain on their Workers Compensation Fund,'' Les said in a hilarious interview with the great caller Bert Bryant in 1987.
"My wife used to wrap my pyjamas in a brown paper bag and put them with my riding gear, which was embarrassing when other jockeys spotted them,'' he said.
"She ended up barring me from taking the kids on the merry-go-round at the local shows after I fell off three times.
The nurses at the Adelaide General Hospital used to buy the racing papers, not to have a bet but to check if I had a ride, so they could make up my usual bed in advance.
I once fell off at the first fence, breaking my leg, then fell out of the ambulance on the way back to the casualty room, then while they were carrying me across the lawn I fell off the stretcher.
One misty, foggy day at Victoria Park I fell off at the first jump and, being a bit winded, was lying on the track waiting for the ambulance to arrive when through the fog I heard this voice saying, "I think we'll have to shoot him".
I beat the ambulance back to the jockey room where they sedated me and explained they were talking about the horse.''
Failure is said to be a great teacher.
I wish I had met Les Boots. He sounds like he lost enough to be a winner.
 
Friday, April 06, 2012
A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door.
"Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me."
Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.
He turned to his wife: "Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?"
"Nonsense," said the wife. "You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there."
The husband climbed out of bed and counted.
"One, two, three, four. You're right, you know."
 
Thursday, April 05, 2012
There once was a magical genie in a forest in Montana and there was a man walking from the forest after making his wish.
The next day the man showed up at work with a 8-inch tall piano player.
His friend asked him where did he get the little man from.
He replied, "There is this magical forest down past 5th Street, but when you meet the forest genie and make your wish you have to speak very slowly."
His friend asked, "Why do I have to talk very slowly?"
The man replies, "Do you really think I wanted a 8-inch pianist to please my wife??!!"
 
Wednesday, April 04, 2012
A rich condescending lawyer is driving down the road when he spots a man eating grass. Curious, he rolls his window down and asks what he's doing.
"I'm homeless and so poor I have to eat grass," said the hobo.
"Well," said the lawyer, "jump in and I'll take you home and feed you."
Half way down the road the hobo says, "I have a wife and two kids as well."
"Well..." says the lawyer "Bring them too."
"Really...?" asks the hobo.
"Yes," says the lawyer................"My grass hasn't been cut for months."
 
First Page
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
60
61
62
63
64
65
66
67
68
69
70
71
72
73
74
75
76
77
78
79
80
81
82
83
84
85
86
87
88
89
90
91
92
93
94
95
96
97
98
99
100
101
102
103
104
105
106
107
108
109
110
111
112
113
114
115
116
117
118
119
120
121
122
123
124
125
126
127
128
129
130
131
132
133
134
135
136
137
138
139
140
141
142
143
144
145
146
147
148
149
150
151
152
153
154
155
156
157
158
159
160
161
162
163
164
165
166
167
168
169
170
171
172
173
174
Last Page
|
|
Get An Email Alert Each Time MOTLEM Posts
|
|
you crack me up! xx
Member Comments About This Blog Post:
