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MOTLEM's Recent Blog Entries
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Saturday, March 31, 2012
A Minnesota farmer named Ollie had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot attorney questioned him thus:
'Didn't you say to the state trooper at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?"
Ollie responded: 'vell, I'lla tell you vat happened dere. I'd yust loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '
'I didn't ask for any details', the lawyer interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'
Ollie said, 'vell, I'd yust got Bessie into da trailer and I vas drivin' down da road.... '
The lawyer interrupted again and said, 'Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Ollie’s answer and said to the attorney: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie'.
Ollie said: 'Tank you' and proceeded. 'vell as I vas saying, I had yust loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road vin dis huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side by golly. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder ditch.
By yimminy yahosaphat I vas hurt, purty durn bad, and didn't want to move. An even vurse dan dat,, I could hear old Bessie a moanin' and a groanin'. I knew she vas in terrible pain yust by her groans.
Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie a moanin' and a groanin' too, so he vent over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her right between the eyes.
Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'
'Now wot vud you say?'
 
Friday, March 30, 2012
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal immigrant in the bushes right by the border fence in Texas, he pulls him out and says
"Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."
The Mexican man pleads and pleads with the Border Patrol Agent,
"No, noooo Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 English words in the one sentence."
The Mexican, of course, agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are Green, Pink and Yellow.......now use all them in a single sentence."
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about two minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok...... The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Leona had two claims to fame. She could tell fortunes and she was a midget.
The local authorities frowned on her because they thought that fortune telling was fraudulent.
They had Leona arrested. She was placed in a holding cell.
Since she was so small she was able to squeeze between the bars of her cell and escape.
This so incensed the judge that he ordered the local newspaper to print an article about the culprit.
The following was printed in the paper the next day:
"Small medium at large".
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
A man walked into a restaurant and seated himself. Soon, the waitress came over to take his order.". . .and to drink?" she asked.
The man said he would like coffee. The waitress promptly returned with a cup of coffee, but spilled it on the man's lap when she stopped at the table.
"Oh my God, I am so sorry!" she cried.
"That's OK," the man said, sopping up the puddle on his pants with his a napkin - "but tell me, is this regular or decaf?"
"Regular." she replied.
"Oh great, now this thing is going to be up all night!"
 
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe.
The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe."
The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture."
Puzzled she asks, "My picture?"
He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever".
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower.
He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now."
At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims,
"oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture".
He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"
 
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