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MOTLEM's Recent Blog Entries
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Sunday, December 04, 2011
Paddy met Mick in the street and said, "Paddy, will you draw your bedroom curtains before making love to your wife in future?"
"Why?" Paddy asked.
"Because," said Mick, "all the street was laughing when they saw you making love yesterday."
Mick said, "Silly buggers, the laugh is on them. I wasn't home yesterday."
 
Saturday, December 03, 2011
On their honeymoon, the new husband told his bride, "I have a confession to make that I should have made before, but I was concerned that it might affect our relationship."
"What is it?" his new bride asked lovingly.
"I'm a golf fanatic," he said. "I think about golf constantly. I'll be out on the golf course every weekend, every holiday, and every chance I get. If it comes to a choice between your wishes and golf, golf will always win."
His new bride pondered this for a moment and said, "I thank you for your honesty. Now in the same spirit of honesty, I should tell you that I've concealed something about my own past that you should know about. The truth is, I'm a hooker."
"No problem," said her husband, "Just widen your stance a little, and overlap your grip, and that should clear it right up."
 
Friday, December 02, 2011
1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
- (Kelly, age 6)
2) Oysters' balls are called pearls.
- (Jerry, age 6)
3) If you are surrounded by ocean you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent.
- ( Wayne, age 7)
4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more.
- (Kylie, age 6)
5) A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.
- (Billy, age 8)
6) My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs.
- (Millie, age 6)
7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans.
- (William, age 7)
8) Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really?
- (Helen, age 6)
9) I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.
- (Amy, age 6)
10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
- (Christopher, age 7)
11) When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.
- (Kevin, age 6)
12) On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat butt.
- (Julie, age 7)
13) The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know.
- (Bobby, age 6)
14) My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
- (James, age 7)
 
Thursday, December 01, 2011
A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese businessman and an Aussie were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.
The Aussie fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The Indian Doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such poor golf!"
The Chinese Businessman called out, "Move it, time is money."
The Catholic Priest said, "Here comes George the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hello, George!", said the Catholic Priest. "What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
George the greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free any time."
The group fell silent for a moment. The Catholic Priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The Indian Doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The Chinese Businessman replied, "I think I'll donate £50,000 to the fire-fighters in honour of these brave souls."
The Aussie said, "Why can't they bloody well play at night?"
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
makes sense
