| |
|
MOTLEM's Recent Blog Entries
|
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all.
On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.
He had no trouble with discipline that term.
 
Monday, October 10, 2011
Wife: There's something preying on my mind.
Husband: Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation.
________________________________________
Husband: "Honey, why do you usually answer me back with a question when I ask you?"
Wife: "Is that what I do?"
________________________________________
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
________________________________________
I may be Schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.
________________________________________
You were so ugly as a baby, your incubator was tinted.
________________________________________
One man calls emergency:
- Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!
After five minutes, the same man calls back:
- It is OK, I found another one.
________________________________________
You're so stupid you missed your bus number 44 so you rode bus 22 twice.
________________________________________
On wall in ladies room "My husband follows me everywhere..."
Written just below it "I do not".
 
Sunday, October 09, 2011
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
' I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.
' I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.
' I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
' I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.
' I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.
' I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
' I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.
' I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy
' I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy
' Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy,'
But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'
- The third piggy says,
'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!'
 
Saturday, October 08, 2011
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said,
"Never mind, I found one."
 
Friday, October 07, 2011
For 2 years a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep
it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back.. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
'Honey!,' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce.
First Page
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
60
61
62
63
64
65
66
67
68
69
70
71
72
73
74
75
76
77
78
79
80
81
82
83
84
85
86
87
88
89
90
91
92
93
94
95
96
97
98
99
100
101
102
103
104
105
106
107
108
109
110
111
112
113
114
115
116
117
118
119
120
121
122
123
124
125
126
127
128
129
130
131
132
133
134
135
136
137
138
139
140
141
142
143
144
145
146
147
148
149
150
151
152
153
154
155
156
157
158
159
160
161
162
163
164
165
166
167
168
169
170
171
172
173
174
Last Page
|
|
Get An Email Alert Each Time MOTLEM Posts
|
|
Member Comments About This Blog Post:
