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MOTLEM's Recent Blog Entries
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Wednesday, August 24, 2011
While she was 'flying' down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, 'What's your hurry?'
To which she replied, 'I'm late for work.'
'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'
'I'm a rectum stretcher,' she responded.
The cop stammered, 'A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'
'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide.'
'And just what the heck do you do with a 6 foot butthole? ' he asked.
'You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge...'
 
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.
The squared away marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, Sir."
The President replies: "These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."
The squared away marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Excellent trade, sir."
Sunday, August 21, 2011
A true story from the pages of the Manchester Evening Times.
Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab.
Then, the shaking driver said "are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."
The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said,
"I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."
The driver replied,
"No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."
Sunday, August 21, 2011
I have just uploaded my first lyrics video to YouTube:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=3F0enLdJo9I
Land Down Under by Men At Work.
An oldie (1981) but it's still a great workout song.
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