| |
|
MOTLEM's Recent Blog Entries
|
 
Thursday, February 28, 2013
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"
 
Thanks for this one, Denise.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
A turtle was walking down a street in New York and suddenly got mugged by few snails.
A policeman arrives to investigate the matter and asks the turtle, "Could you please explain to us about the incident."
The turtle not knowing what to say, replies, "I don't remember what happened. It was so quick and fast."
 
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness.
One afternoon, the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing to the bowl.
'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter'.
Monday, February 25, 2013
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,
"I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
"You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
 
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Barak Obama and David Cameron are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future.
They both decide to test it by asking a question each. Barak goes first.
"What will the USA be like in 100 years time?"
The machine whirs and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out:
"The country is in good hands under the new President, crime is non-existent, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy. There are no worries."
David thinks, "Its not bad this time machine, I'll have a bit of that" so he asks
"What will Great Britain be like in 100 years time?"
The machine whirs and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout.
David just stares at it.
"Come on David" says Barak, "What does it say?"
Dave replies, "Buggered if I know ! It's all in Arabic!"
First Page
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
60
61
62
63
64
65
66
67
68
69
70
71
72
73
74
75
76
77
78
79
80
81
82
83
84
85
86
87
88
89
90
91
92
93
94
95
96
97
98
99
100
101
102
103
104
105
106
107
108
109
110
111
112
113
114
115
116
117
118
119
120
121
122
123
124
125
126
127
128
129
130
131
132
133
134
135
136
137
138
139
140
141
142
143
144
145
146
147
148
149
150
151
152
153
154
155
156
157
158
159
160
161
162
163
164
165
166
167
168
169
170
171
172
173
174
Last Page
|
|
Get An Email Alert Each Time MOTLEM Posts
|
|
Oh my!
Member Comments About This Blog Post:
for making me 
laughter just keeps on giving!!!!!!!!!!!!
