A woman was having a passionate affair

Friday, December 28, 2012

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

"Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" She bundled him in the closet stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him.

"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.

"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.

"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.

"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bas*ards."

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One of the city's top cardiac specialists died

Friday, December 28, 2012

One of the city's top cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of beautiful red roses.

When the pastor finished the sermon, and everyone said their goodbyes, the large heart opened
up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed again.
It was a majestic tribute to the much-loved cardiologist.

Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter. Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked, "Why are you laughing, Mister?"

"I was just thinking about my own funeral," the man replied. "I'm a gynaecologist!"

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A Chihuahua named Punky

Monday, December 17, 2012

A Chihuahua named Punky, a Doberman named Bruno, and a Mastiff named Dudley are having a drink when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have a date with me."

So Bruno says "I love liver and cheese."

The Collie says, "That's not good enough."

Then the Mastiff named Dudley says, "I hate liver and cheese."

The Collie says, "That's not very creative."

Finally, the Chihuahua named Punky says, "Liver alone......cheese mine."

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A man sat quietly reading

Sunday, December 16, 2012

A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning.

Suddenly, he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding a frying pan in hand.

MAN: "What was that for?"

WIFE: "Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with "Daisy" written on it?"

MAN: "Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Daisy was the name of the horse I bet on."

The wife was satisfied, and apologized for bopping him.

Three days later he is again sitting reading the paper when once again he is bopped on the head.

MAN: "What's that for this time?"

WIFE: "Your horse called."

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After living in the remote wilderness

Saturday, December 15, 2012

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.

Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."

He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror.

As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' around with."

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