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MOTLEM's Recent Blog Entries
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Saturday, January 29, 2011
After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school.
One child wrote the following:
We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa.
They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Batemans Bay where everyone lives in nice little houses, and so they don't have to mow the grass anymore!
They ride around on their bicycles and scooters and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.
They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now. They do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.
There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on.
At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape.
Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts!
Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night --- early birds.
Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house.
The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.
My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too.
When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house.
Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Last night, my Red Hat friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill.When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She called the guy back, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the $50 bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again.
Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to me! Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the $50.. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet.
What could I do?
The woman in me took over!
I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his butt, grabbed the eighty bucks, and left!!!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Paddy is walking down the road eating a bag of doughnuts.
Murphy meets him & says: ' If I can guess how many doughnuts you have in the bag, can I have one?'
Paddy said: ' If you can guess how many doughnuts are in there you can have both of them!! '
...............Murphy says: 'Four!'
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
A little old man shuffled slowly into the 'Orange Dipper', an ice cream parlour in Naples , and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'haemorrhoids’.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to his doctor to get a physical.
A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said,
'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
'Just doing what you said, Doc : 'Get a hot mamma' and 'be cheerful'', Morris replied.
To which doctor said,
'I didn't say that, Morris. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur, be careful!'
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