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Who's watching?

Thursday, May 10, 2007

The retired chemistry professor approached me the other day and said, "I've observed three things about you: you've lost some significant weight, you've "shaded" your hair and cut it short. You look nice!"

I do have a way with senior citizens. Maybe by the time I'm retired I'll find a boyfriend! Anyway, its a little scary how closely Charles is watching, but he is the father of three or four daughters, so he's been trained well.

I had a couple of other compliments yesterday, too, which is always wonderful to hear. I wasn't dressed that nicely. In fact I was wearing one of the sweaters that I really need to get rid of, its just too long and feels all wrong now. I'm wearing large clothes today, too. I need some summer clothes that are my size!

Weigh-in is tomorrow. Just hope I haven't gone up. I've despairing that I won't be going down for a while. I had one high-calorie day this week and it was also the day I didn't exercise.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAVAMAMA 5/10/2007 11:44PM

    LOL! "I've observed three things about you..."

Awesome. I hope I get to see you in a few weeks!

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Back to normal

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

I'm usually such a creature of habit and routine, but the last couple of days I've been itching to break out of it. Itching is too weak a word, though. It's been a more explosive feeling than "itching," like "volcanic."

That has subsided a bit now. I feel like I can resume my life now. I did something that turned out to be FUN. I remember fun---hurrah!

My daughter and I attended a concert last night, a trombone quartet from Costa Rica. They were fantastico (is that Spanish?) and not entirely unpleasant to look at either. It was a smaller crowd there, but everyone was really into it--clapping along and "yipping" and whistling to the fiesta music (they encouraged us to do that, said it was traditional).

K, who took up trombone herself almost a year ago, was enchanted. It was nice to see her truly enjoy something and get excited about it. Such a nice change of pace from the surly teenager attitude she has been using on me lately. I expect it from the 14-year-old, not from the 11-year-old so much. Silly me. When you get that attitude from EVERYONE in your family, it sucks the soul right out of you. See paragraph one of this entry.

Good stuff going on today:
E was sick yesterday, but felt better today.
I'm only working half a day today.
I got the lawn mowed yesterday. That was really bugging me, too.
Talked to adult friends yesterday. All women, alas.
J. is coming home this weekend.
Exercised today.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAVAMAMA 5/10/2007 11:41PM

    Yeah, fun! You deserve FUN FUN FUN!

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Anger and emotional eating

Monday, May 07, 2007

I was so angry at my younger daughter yesterday, that I turned to food for some comfort. I think I caught myself before I did much damage--it was just a handful of pretzels--but it is amazing to me how quickly my brain shut out all those good habits that have served me well and went right back to its old tricks. I wasn't particularly hungry, I was just frustrated and feeling inadequate.

She had an sleepover Friday night. It was pretty much unplanned and I went along with it. After I went to bed that night, a couple of the girls started calling boys in their class. This was rather late, around 11 p.m. One of the boys mom's told me yesterday that her son was getting the calls and it was my caller ID showing up on her phone. I had no idea this was happening. I was happy when they were fairly quiet so I could get some sleep. Little did I know they were disturbing other families, this particular family has a couple of small children, too.

I am livid with these girls. K. said she tried to stop them, but you know how that goes. I've been fairly accepting of their coming over, some of them frequently. I've had more than my share of overnights with the lot of them. K. is happiest when there are a lot of people around--she's such an extrovert. I have done my introverted best to accomodate her and this is what I get. Prank phone calls tracked back to my house. Lovely.

This motherhood gig is wearing me down. The thing about being a parent of teens (I've just decided this) is that you never see them at their best. They save their best for their friends. I get tired, sick, surly, unhappy, and anxious (or some combo of those). I no longer get to deal with happy, healthy, excited, confident, well-adjusted, thoughtful people. They are somewhere other than home when they exhibit these traits, if they show them at all. I am constantly nursing their little psyches or their aches and pains or their self-confidence. I have to be their cheerleader, and frankly I'm not up to the job 24/7.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ASDISO 5/7/2007 9:58AM

    I feel for you and at the same time feel *extremely* happy that my 11-y-old hasn't started this teenage business yet. I still get to see the smile that almost reaches her earlobes when she tells me about the things she's done well at school, or at piano or lately.. in the theatre.

Seems like you really need to take time out of the house for yourself. You need some recharging!

Hugs from Iceland

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Work weekend

Sunday, May 06, 2007

It's my last official weekend to work this school year. Can I get an "Amen"?

I didn't exercise today. It stormed and blew so much last night that I got less sleep than is really optimal for me. E. went with a friend to the friend's church "lock-in" for the evening. That means she didn't sleep at all. She called me at midnight for a weather report (I was almost asleep and she didn't notice the time), and then again at 6:00 to tell me she needed to be picked up by 6:30. Groan.

And this is the night AFTER my 11-year-old's impromptu sleepover which involved 5 pre-teen girls ravaging my kitchen at midnight and squeaking and banging the cupboard doors until I threatened them. My bedroom is right above the kitchen. No wonder I'm tired.

I have GOT to work on a social life of my own. I went out for lunch with a friend before Christmas....hmmm. An evening without the kids, I think I'd need to go back about three years...? God, I am so BORING. Mommy guilt keeps me home when I'm not at work. I smell a new goal for the summer....get out of the frickin' house now and then!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ASDISO 5/7/2007 6:56AM

    That's a good goal, J :-) It sometimes takes a kick in the behind to get one out of the house but it's *so* worth it.

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Unfriendly Scales

Friday, May 04, 2007

I'm stuck at 193 again today. This is up a little bit from last Saturday's weigh-in. Bleah! I thought I was doing so well, witness yesterday's blog entry. And I was under my calorie range yesterday, although I was at the high end of my calorie scale all week. Well, Saturdays have been good for me lately, so I'll weigh in again tomorrow and see if there is any progress.

Since the scales aren't really motivating, what else can I use? My measurements are the same--not shrinking unfortunately, but also not expanding. I'll count compliments instead! I've had four people compliment me (or my clothes) in the last two days--Connie, who rang up my groceries yesterday morning; Beth, my professor friend who hadn't seen me for a few weeks; Deb, who sees me every day but commented again on how different I looked and wondered how much weight I had lost (52.5 as of today), and Joan, who said my black pants looked really good on me yesterday. There, that is motivating!

Despite the disappointing weigh-in, I had a good workout this morning and a good breakfast. I also spent some time this morning admiring my collar bones. Is it possible to be infatuated with your own body part? I just love seeing those collar bones and the little hollow they create--I am getting so vain!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAVAMAMA 5/6/2007 4:24PM

    All your snarky librarian coolness wrapped up in tight buns and a striking collarbone? It's a good thing you're moving a little slowly... the world would probably implode if you sprung your fabulous yourself on it all at once. We need time to adjust.

What workouts are you doing, again? Is your body getting used to it, maybe?

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