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Silly accomplishments

Monday, September 23, 2013

Yesterday, I worked for 16 hours. Around 11am, the opportunity for an AA (leaving without pay but an authorized absence, coveted by nursing) was presented. Now, we have an AA list (people who want one), but when you're already at work, you're asked if you want to leave.

Well, the 3-11 monitor nurse wanted an AA day. For her to get it, however, a nurse who has been properly trained to watch the monitors must be there and take the assignment.

It could have been my turn to take 3-11 off, but I didn't. The other nurse who could take the assignment is petrified to do so. So I stayed and took the monitor assignment.

Now, I am not trying to be cocky, but it has been my goal lately to do small things to make other peoples' days suck less.

One day, when I picked up my lunch, I grabbed a chocolate bar (yes, I know not a great snack) for a fellow nurse craving chocolate. I've made little maneuvers all around.

But, the biggest deal here is I did a move for myself! Instead of plopping down in the chair in the monitor room, I turned the radio on, and for most of the shift, stood, danced, and did marches in place. Yes, it looked funny, but I managed to get about 5,000 steps while I was there. (Okay, so I had to admit people, and run a ton of strips, but still!).

Trying to realize it's okay to make situations work for me, too emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PGHP31CK 9/24/2013 1:38PM

    emoticon Good for you! It's always nice to spread a little sunshine in other people's lives!

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SUSANNA37 9/24/2013 12:50PM

    Yay for spreading positivity!

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LOSINGFORBABY 9/24/2013 11:51AM

    What a marvelous goal! Thanks for motivating me to try to do the same!

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PRINCESS_SOFI 9/23/2013 3:45PM


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RODGRODMEDFLOD 9/23/2013 12:16PM


Way to make the most of the situation!


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Well, I got wrapped

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

I've been on and off this weight loss journey for a while now, and it strikes me how much I still always want to instantly see a difference.

I know, it takes time.

Well my neighbor, who is (my) nurse practitioner, sells It Works products. I have the assumption that it is not...detrimental to my health as she is selling it.

I got wrapped this morning and tried the greens.

Not sure I'm sold on either. Little bit nauseated right now but it's probably from the water I pounded.

Greens...meh, on taste.

Wrap? A difference in the side shot. It's supposed to be most effective in up to 72 hours. We shall see.

You be the judge. Yes, different, no, not sure if really was 'sucking it in' either time.

If it does anything, I may actually buy more, just as an incentive and as some immediate (ish) physical proof and gratification.

Any one else ever use these?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEVEN2GO2 8/15/2013 10:35AM

    I hope this does work for you! Time will tell though.

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MOONMANSON 8/14/2013 2:34PM

    It is temporary; after a few wraps at most you're supposed to have a 2-6 months period of effectiveness-I just wanted it as a boost to 'show' my something for my efforts as so far, if that makes sense.

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PRINCESS_SOFI 8/14/2013 1:37PM

    Hmmm sounds like a temporary fix. But I see a difference. Don't celebrities do this before big award shows?

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MIRMIUM 8/14/2013 12:37PM

    What an interesting product! I had to google it. I think I see a difference BUT the camera looks a bit closer up in the first picture relative to the second so it could just be that. Your waist looks smaller in the second picture to me.

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A year? Wow.

Thursday, August 08, 2013

How dismaying to realize it has been over a year since we started trying to create our own mini-me.

A year slips by so quietly some times, but trust me...

I remember the first exciting feelings of finishing up the last pack of pills.

Then buying the absurdly expensive CBE digital ovulation tests....

And seeing a smiley face for the first time the day of the Def Leppard concert last summer...(two exciting things in a day, how could I handle myself, and yes, it would have meant something oddly special to me to think I was fertilized while Joe Elliot was watching).

And a few months later stopping the CBE digitals and going with the Wondfo cheapies.

And watching the luteal phase wax and wane like the moon.

Happily (but a twang bitterly) watching the monthly forums fill with messages of BFPs.

Plugging along hopeful every month.

Not minding the extra loving from the husband, but my, that had never been a problem before.... emoticon .

And then finally having a vacation where I was off...

And hitting oh, maybe every day where I could have been fertile...

12 days later, 2 lines. My god, 2 lines. And words. And more lines.

4 days later...spotting...and bleeding....and no lines.

That was in May...oh, be assured, it's supposed to be easier to get pregnant if you've been pregnant before, right?

It's August. Starting the however-many-day-luteal phase countdown it will be this cycle...

Always hopeful, but less and less so as the months go by. We've both checked out good...the doc thinks there's less need for an HSG because there was perhaps a pregnancy thereby perhaps proving that at least one tube is clear.

Oh, out the window has gone the thought of..."well, I don't want to be 'really' pregnant in the summer"...."Maybe winter isn't the best time to get pregnant because of the cold and flu season"....and it's turned to..."Whenever? Yeah that'd be good."

Now, other than SparkPeople, a select few people in our 'real lives' know that we are actively trying. And no one IRL knew about the positive, except for the MD office.

What I really want to do is scream from the roof of the hospital I work at about how hard it really is. How it isn't always easy.

Part of me simply wants to curl in a ball and cry every 27 to 29 days when I realize that maybe motherhood isn't (easily) in my future.

I go through cycles of working so hard to lose weight to be healthier as a momma to phases of self loathing, to phases of 'well, if I work too hard right now I might risk not implanting'.

It's a rough road folks.

Thankfully I have a supportive husband and the support of a few good friends on here.

But take a minute here and reflect back on your last year. Time is not always on our sides.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOONMANSON 8/11/2013 4:20PM

    Thanks's just so hard to remain optimistic.

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ROCKRUNNER404 8/11/2013 12:06AM

I still believe.

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AMANDARDH 8/10/2013 7:46PM

    You are absolutely right about time, and I feel your anger, frustration, and sadness through this blog. It's good that you let it all out. I hope you are able to get some answers soon, because you deserve this.

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    Thinking of you and your hubby. emoticon

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SADDYSPOT 8/9/2013 12:56PM

    The annonymity (is that a word?) of SP has been a blessing for all of us at times, I imagine. Hang in there. We're with you.

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LOSINGFORBABY 8/9/2013 12:13PM

    I am so, so sorry. Know that I am holding you in my lack of words. I'm hoping that now that it has been a year, that you will get some answers. I hate the system that makes couples wait that long.

Like others, I have no words. But I am holding you from afar and sitting with you.

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    I wish I could say it got easier with time. I wish I could say it will happen; just be patient. I wish.... I wish....

What I CAN say, though, is you're not alone. And waiting is still a big pile of 💩 (poop).

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2DAWN4 8/8/2013 12:28PM

    Your blog has tugged at my heartstrings I wish that I had some magical tip or the perfect words to encourage you but I don't. All I can do is offer my SP support to you. I don't have kids of my own due to some medical issues so I can understand a bit of what you are going through.

You and your husband seem like strong and incredible people. That strength will get you through the hard days. Plus we never know what the future holds. Take care of yourself!

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Ugh, this mood.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

I am pretty sure I am past general sadness and just a little bit depressed, very minor. I say this because of my propensity to want to stay in bed and my lack of motivation.
It's not that an all consuming sadness has struck me, it's just a feeling of blah.
I am currently trying music therapy, and it's boosting me. Yesterday, however, the couch and I had a long rendezvous with a bunch of movies on TV.
It doesn't help that all the activities I *have* to do outside of work lately are essentially all done sitting down- grading papers, emailing students, planning the clinical day, doing the schedule for my main job, and then, pfft, jump hunting like there's no tomorrow to get out of the full time gig into something else.
This just sucks, is all. I am going to get over it, I can tell, but I'd like to be able to get up in the morning and get stuff done instead of laying in bed ruminating about all the things that are on my plate.
I'll be okay but just needed to get that out there.
It's not (for those of you in the B4B group) all about wanting a's about wanting out of my job, it's wanting to have my house be completely done to what I want it to be, it's about the fight via text my husband and I had a few weeks ago, and as they say (no pun intended) things that are said can't be unsaid. We are totally fine now, good, great even on some days, but still, I feel a residual hurt.
However, the sun is shining, the music is on, the coffee's in hand....and I will get this schedule done today!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ARMATTHAEI 4/14/2013 1:20PM

    I am glad that you were able to unload some of the frustrations life has thrown your way. I can appreciate as I have, and several others on the site, have gone through similar situations in lookng for a new job. I would encourage you to posta thread on the site for some of their insights.

I am sorry that think you may be depressed. Your symptoms do seem to match the definition. Might be time to stand up between each paper you correct & run in place or stretch. As you probably well know, activity/exercise helps chase the depression demon away.

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GERARLAUR 4/14/2013 11:23AM

    Yeah. good for you.

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....really down

Thursday, March 07, 2013

Just can't stand another month of this.

Not sure what is wrong.

Hate the standards of medical care.

Just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

This long cycle is just really cruel.

At times I think I hate my life when I really don't, I just hate this aspect.

Very sad here. Trying to see the positive that if AF is starting well then a new chance is going to happen instead of waiting around to keep getting negative tests...


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUDITHANNIE 3/12/2013 10:30AM


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MCK0582 3/8/2013 2:30PM

    I don't know about your background, but I agree with HAUSHINKA1. The first year was the worst for me b/c there was so much I didn't know. Seeing everyone around me have it so easy was rough. We have now been TTC for about 3 1/2 years and although it is still a struggle and my plan has long been thrown out the window, meeting with doctors and feeling more in control has really helped. I also remind myself that 10 years from now, I'll be a parent in one way or the other, regardless of how my original life plan looked and I'll be happy in that position no matter what. Hang in there.

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HAUSHINKA1 3/8/2013 12:34PM

    I'm sorry. It does suck a lot.
As someone who's been on the TTC road for 2 years now, believe me when I say the first year was the worst.
I also wanted kids before I turned 30. That was my main goal. And, when I tossed the BCP when I turned 28, I thought surely, I will be a mother within 2 years?
I'm now getting closer to 31 and still no baby. And I'm accepting the fact that I'm not one of those who can plan this, like 90% of the population. It's unfair, but I can only do so much.

I know everybody will tell you to hang in there and that things will get better. But it's true, and chances are very good that you will concieve within the next year or so.
You are welcome to the infertility team for support, if you feel ready for it. I'm the leader! emoticon

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ELISAJANE57 3/8/2013 10:29AM

    I'm sorry you are going through this. It can be very very frustrating. Just hang in there! I am going through something similar. My hubby and I have been trying for another baby since July. I came off Mirena where I wasn't getting periods. I was supposed to start having them again within a few weeks of coming off the birth control. Well, it's been 9 months and my body hasn't done anything. I have been trying supplements hoping they will help. I just started a new one called Maca that says it can balance hormones naturally. I'm hoping it will finally help me. I wish you the best!

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JUDITHANNIE 3/8/2013 9:17AM

    Hang in there, remember things never stay the same. Here's hoping things turn around soon, praying for you and sending hugs.

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MIRMIUM 3/7/2013 8:34PM


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FROMNDTOGA 3/7/2013 7:15PM

    Remember, we always have 'up' and 'down' days. I am just so thankful that we have good medical care here. So many people don't have access to anything like the 'worst' we have here.
Hang in there; it will get better, and if not - we'll just learn to live with that too!

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SUNCRAVER 3/7/2013 7:08PM

    I understand.

I am hating medical care at this time.

I hate my illness and all the trouble it brings

I continue to pray for relief somehow... emoticon

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