Wednesday, March 16, 2011
We were out today ( I actually went out to get a heart rate monitor) and decided to go by Old Navy. I wanted to get a new hoodie to wear since mine is way too big, so I thought maybe I could find something there.
Well, just for the heck of it, I decided to try on some jeans. The ones I have are too big and fall off my butt, but I didn't plan on getting any since spring is coming, but I thought I'd see how they fit anyway. Well, I can fit in a size 20 in their jeans! I have not worn a 20 since high school or shortly after! I didn't get them because they were way too long, and they didn't have any in short in a size 20. I tried on an 18 and I could get them on, but I was like a stuffed sausage and it was not comfortable or attractive. :) I tried on a few other things and I got 2 v- neck t shirts that were only $5 each, and I got them in a 2x. :) Some of the t- shirts in a 2x were too tight, but the ones that are stretchier fit better. I was a little disappointed that the regular ones were a little too tight, because there was a cute one with a bird on it that I wanted. I found a cute pair of shorts that are the perfect length, not too long, and not too short, and I could fit in an extra large! I am so excited! I got them for when it warms up. They are just slightly too snug right now, but I know in a month or two they should fit great.
It's weird because I have so many different sizes of clothes in my closet. Even clothes in the same store will fit differently and they'll be the same size. I am using my husbands size large sweat pants for when I go running, and my t shirt from the 5k the other day was an extra large.
It's so nice to be able to fit into smaller sizes. I could never buy anything from Old Navy in the store because they usually didn't have anything in my size (occasionally something in a 2x would fit, but I usually wore a 3 or sometimes 4x), so I'd have to order it online.
I am looking forward to summer for the first time in a long time! I figure I'll wait till June and then look for a swimsuit and maybe a couple summer dresses. I tried one on in ON, but I hated how it made my arms look because the straps were too thin.
It's just so exciting trying on clothes now. I don't dread it like I did before.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
This morning I got up just after 5 am so I could participate in this 5k which benefits lung cancer research. While browsing the cool running website yesterday, I found it and decided I was going to do it. I regularly walk 4 miles (and those of you who read my blogs know I can now run a mile, well, more like jog), so I knew I could do it with no problem, and it's for a good cause.
I got there a little after 6:30 this morning. It was so cold, probably in the 30s! I was one of the first people there, and they had a same day sign up table. Everyone there was really nice and I was talking to one of the ladies and weight loss came up and I mentioned I'd lost some weight and was surprised how everyone freaked out. They had other people coming over saying, "Look at this girl, she has lost almost 80 lbs." It kind of embarrassed me a little bit, but they were nice. I got a t-shirt for signing up and paying the $35 and it's an extra large (yes, I know that ain't small, but when you used to wear a 3X it is) and it fits! They had a table where you could get a sign to pin on you that said I am walking in honor of____, so I filled one out for my dad and pinned it on. It was very emotional doing that and I almost teared up a little.
Around 8:00 the lady who heads it up gave a little speech and then some doctors talked about lung cancer prevention. My toes were almost numb by this point because it was so cold and I was anxious to get started so I could warm myself up. They had a guy from American Family Fitness there to warm us up, and everyone in the crowd was groaning because he had us do jumping jacks (over 40 of them!) high knees, running in place, and other stretches. I had no problem doing any of it, and that made me feel awesome. :) Then it was about time to go over and get in the line to start the race. They had runners up front and walkers at the back. I got myself somewhere in the middle because I planned to do both. Just before it started, a lady came over and said, "Hi. I'm from the Richmond Times Dispatch, and we got some photos of you stretching. Can I get your name?" So, of course I gave it to her. It would be cool to be in the newspaper, I'm just hoping these photos aren't unflattering, if you know what I mean. lol
It was time to start and I was ready to run (or jog, whatever) and it felt good. I had a hard time the first minute or two just trying to maneuver through the crowd until everyone dispersed a little and I could get ahead of some of the people. I ran for as long as I could and then walked, then ran again. I did this the whole time and spent most of it jogging. I couldn't believe how many people I was passing. It was around a huge mall, and so some cars would come in (they had cops directing them) and I'd have to slow down and wait and so I think that really took time away, which annoyed me! Anyways..
As I was going through this race, I thought a lot about why I was there. Part of it was because I'd wanted to do a 5k now that I am able to do it. I wanted to see how much of it I could run and see if I could get a decent time. Also, part of it was because as soon as I read that the walk benefited lung cancer research, I thought of my dad. He died in early 2006 from lung cancer that spread to his liver, pancreas and finally his brain. He smoked for over 40 years and had quit a few years before, but unfortunately still ended up with cancer. As I walked and ran, I thought about him, and health, and all the reasons I have changed my life. I couldn't help but think if he'd taken better care of himself, that he might still be here today. He was only 61 when he died. He never met my daughter, and my son will never remember him because he was so young when he died. That makes me very sad every time I think about it, because he would have been a great grandpa.
Since I've become healthier, my entire perspective on life has changed. I can't even explain it in words. I used to think that people who said they craved exercise were full of crap, but now I understand why. You feel alive when you work your body and push yourself. I do not want to die early in life like many members of my family. I want to live to old age and see my grandchildren and great grandchildren be born. I want to grow old in a healthy way so that I am strong and capable and not a burden to anyone. For so long I neglected myself because I felt I wasn't worth it. I thought everything and everyone else was more important and that there was no way I could ever change, since I had always been that way (fat). I will never make that mistake again. I will not rob myself or my family of a happy future. Before this last year I didn't even realize how unhappy I was.
The whole way I just kept thinking of how fortunate I am to be healthy and able to be out there doing this. My body has taken the abuse I've put it through, and it has forgiven me, at least I hope so. :) Along the route people were cheering us on and it felt really great. At the end there was a line of people who would slap your hand as you went through the finish line, and as I was coming up running as fast as I could for that last bit, they looked at the time and said, "Wow, she's a walker and did it in under 45 minutes." It felt great. I got some water and they had tables with all sorts of food. I got half a bagel and an apple that was ginormous! Seriously, it was like the size of a newborn's head. It was delicious! I hung around the mall for a bit and looked in a few stores, then headed out.
About 40 minutes later, I was at Dutch Gap Conservation. I went to bird watch there. It was my first time there, and it's really pretty. I saw several new birds, which I was excited about. It felt good to just walk around leisurely and enjoy the scenery. Though I would have liked to stay longer, I needed some lunch! I was starving after all that working out. So, I headed home, and on the way got some frozen yogurt. :)
I really hope that all of you reading this will understand where I am coming from. I'm not trying to be preachy at all when I say what I am about to say, I just genuinely understand the struggles with losing weight and want to help people do what's worked for me. Think about the things in your own life that could be affecting your health and think of how you can change them. Do you smoke, drink too much, eat too much fast food, never get enough sleep? We only get one body, and so it's important we take care of it. Don't take your life for granted. You are the only YOU that exists and you are important to someone whether you believe it or not. Love yourself first, and you can love everyone else even better.
Sorry this is so long. I just wanted to share my amazing day with everyone.
Oh, and my time for the 5k was 43 mins, 10 secs. :)
HUGS to all.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Today I weighed 249.2 lbs! I am under 250 now! I'd set 250 as my goal weight on my ticker because I hadn't weighed under it in a decade and I wanted to just get there first. Completely elated describes how I feel right now!
I have lost 76 lbs! My daughter weighs 35 lbs, so that is more than twice her weight. When I pick her up, she feels so heavy and I can't even believe I was carrying that much extra weight on me.
There was a time I thought I could never even lose 50 lbs. It just seemed so daunting and impossible, but I have surpassed that, and I will keep on going. My next goal is to get under 200 lbs, and I haven't weighed there since my senior year of high school, which was over 12 years ago.
This has been a big week for me. I ran a mile the other day (well, more like jogged, but I did it without stopping to walk) and I had been dreaming of doing that for a long time, and honestly never thought I'd be able to again.
Each time I meet a goal I have set for myself, it makes me want to keep going and push even harder. I realize that I CAN do it, and the only thing stopping me, and the only thing that has ever stopped me, is me. For so long I doubted myself because I was scared to fail and scared to succeed and couldn't seem to believe in myself enough.
To all of you working toward a goal, keep going. You can do it! You WILL do it. Believe it. Take this one day at a time and soon you'll be sitting there a few months or a year from now bursting with pride and happiness, with the realization that you've changed your life.
This hasn't been easy, but really, most things in life that are worth it are not. Other than raising my kids, this is the most challenging thing I have ever done, and like raising my kids, it will be something I do for my lifetime. It's also brought me more happiness than anything else in my life (other than having my family).
Thanks for reading. :)
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Today I met a goal I set for myself. I ran a mile without stopping! I have not been able to do this since I was in high school, more than 12 years ago!!
Back in the fall I started the C25K program and did well. I got through week 4, then some things interfered. First of all, the shoes I was using were not meant for running. They were walking shoes I'd bought at the end of 2009 so I could start walking and lose weight. My ankles and knees were bothering me a lot, which was annoying because I wanted to run. I had gotten to the point where walking briskly just didn't feel like I was working myself hard enough and it was as if my body wanted to run. The next thing that happened was that I got sick and my kids were sick, my husband wasn't home much and then we got snow and ice off and on. It was hard to find time to go out for walking/running, and with Christmas coming I hadn't wanted to spend the money on shoes just yet.
A month or so ago, I was talking to my husband's grandmother and she was telling me how impressed she was that I'd lost so much weight. I told her all the things I've been doing and how I had a goal to run, and as soon as we had the extra money I was going to get fitted for the proper shoes so I could do it. Last week I got a card from her in the mail. It was addressed only to me and it was congratulating me on my weight loss and she sent me a check so I'd have the money to get the shoes! I was crying and just couldn't believe it. People don't do things like that for me very often, so I was so surprised and grateful that she thought about me in that way.
Friday I went out to a place called Runner Bill's to get my shoes. It was recommended to me by a friend who runs half marathons. I am so glad I went. The guy was awesome! He looked at my old shoes to check their wear and he had me squat and walk around and he looked at my ankles and then he picked out a pair that fit me perfectly! I have wide feet, so sometimes it's hard to find shoes that fit well. I tried them on and ran down the aisle and couldn't believe how much easier it was to run with the proper shoes. I tried on others, but the first were the best, so I got those. They were $90, and for me that is a lot of money to spend on shoes or clothes, but they are well worth the money!
On Saturday I decided to try them out while my mother in law took my kids to lunch. I figured since I hadn't run in a while if I could run for 5 minutes I'd be thrilled. I walked for a few minutes to warm up and then just ran. I ran until I felt like I couldn't anymore, and looked at the clock on my mp3 player and it had been somewhere between 11-12 minutes. I was astounded! When I got home I tracked it on the map and it was .86 miles. I couldn't believe I'd done almost a mile! I knew if I had gone that far that I would be able to do a mile soon.
Today I decided I was going to do it. I got my son's lunch ready and the kids fed and my husband got him to the bus while I went and dressed. I had a piece of whole wheat toast with some peanut butter and honey on it. I let that settle for a bit and then went out. It was cold this morning but sunny and it felt great to be outside. I did my warm up walk and when I got back to my house I started to run. After a few minutes, I felt winded and my muscles were aching some, but I just focused on my breathing and kept going. We have a lot of hills in our neighborhood, so it's not easy, but I knew where I needed to make it to in order to reach a mile. Once I got almost there I felt so awesome, and I kept going just a bit more, so I ended up doing 1.02 miles according to the tracker. I checked the time and it was somewhere between 13-14 mins. I know that isn't fast, but for me it is because a year ago it was taking me 20 minutes or so to walk a mile and I seriously couldn't run for more than 20 seconds.
This is a big day for me! I did something I've wanted to do for years and thought I'd never be able to do again. I can run! I feel like I am more fit and healthy than I have been in my whole life. I recently had blood work done at the Dr and my LDL and HDL cholesterol are perfect, my triglycerides are down, and my vitamin D is finally normal (I had been on supplements because it was low). I have great blood pressure now, and no signs of diabetes. I've caught up on all my Dr. appointments (even the dentist!) and I am taking care of myself better than I ever have. For so long I didn't feel like I was worth taking care of myself, so I didn't. I spent all my time taking care of everyone else and put myself aside because I felt I was a lost cause and truly believed I was meant to be a fat person. I quit doing that and thinking that way, and I am happier than I have been in a long time. I feel like I have my life back and it's only going to get better. I can do this and nothing will stop me!!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Today we attended a birthday party for my husband's cousin's son. It was at a bowling alley, and a lot of our family members were there. Some I hadn't seen in a while and one in particular made me feel really good. When he saw me (I hadn't seen him since July) his jaw dropped and he said, "Wow, you look great. You look like a completely different person. That's awesome you lost all that weight." Other people have been saying it more too and a couple people actually called me skinny (LOL), and it's like it took me getting to almost 50 lbs lost before people seemed to really be able to tell. For a while there I felt a little discouraged because I didn't feel I looked any different, but now I can really tell, and other people are noticing too.
I am not going to lie, it feels SPECTACULAR!! I've spent most of my life hoping no one would notice how I looked, and people sure as heck haven't complimented me on my looks all that much, well, other than my husband. So, to suddenly have all these people tell me I look great and ask what I am doing, it just makes my day. I have worked so hard, and so it's awesome that people can see that and praise me for it, because it really does support me and help me want to keep going.
Yesterday I tried on some clothes that I was hoping I'd be able to fit in this spring. They were too tight before and I just hung on to them hoping I'd lose enough weight one day to wear them. Well, they are too BIG! There is no way they'll fit me in 2 months. One of the shirts looked like a sack on me, and one of the skirts fell completely down, and at one point I couldn't button that skirt up. So, I will definitely have to buy some new things to wear this spring and summer, and for the first time since high school I am looking forward to clothes shopping!
I just feel great, and not only about the compliments on how I look, but at how people are so amazed I walk 4 miles and can do tae bo and yoga. They think it's awesome, and it makes me feel so proud of myself.
What he said is true, I do look different, but I FEEL different also. I feel I am not the same person I was. I am an improved version of myself and I have more confidence and excitement for life than I used to, and that is what it's all about!
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