Friday, June 11, 2010
There have been so many times in my life where I've started to lose weight and given up. In the past, there would always be this nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me I could not do it. For years I believed that voice and listened to it tell me I was fat, not worth it, not strong enough, and that I'd never be able to change. It told me I had always been that way and I was probably just meant to be that way, and for a while I resigned myself to always being fat, and I let the voice control me.
Now, I know I can do this. I will lose weight and I will be healthier. This time it is different. I know because I look forward to each day and finding new and healthy things to eat. Exercising has become something I look forward to and feel good about doing. In my mind's eye, I can see myself doing things that in the past seemed like only pipe dreams. Now I know that they will be reality for me.
This is all up to me. That can be scary or empowering, depending on how you look at it. Now I am not scared, but feel empowered knowing that out of all the things in life that I can not control, I CAN control what I put in my mouth. And, I CAN control how active I am. No one can do this but me. It's up to me, and I know I can accomplish this.
Sparkpeople has changed my entire outlook on fitness and living healthy. Without what I've learned here and the awesome people I've met, I know I'd probably be stuck in my old mindset which was exercise like a mad woman to the point I was wiped out, eat hardly a thing and feel starved, and get upset when I'd quit losing weight. Then I'd feel like a failure, go back to my old ways of eating whatever I wanted, and then gain the weight back, plus a few extra pounds. This was madness!!! I don't why it has taken me so long to realize what I already knew: That I can't lose it all in a month, or even a few months. I can't starve myself because I'll be miserable and then pig out. And, I have to believe in myself. I have to know that I am worthy of this. I deserve to be healthy and feel good.
It's only been 2 months, but I have come a long way. I have lost more than 20 pounds and have consistently lost weight each week. In 2 months I've had only 2 sodas, when in the past I'd drink 4 a day sometimes. I have exercised consistently and gradually increased it so that I don't hurt myself, and now I don't dread it like I used to. I eat more fruits and veggies than I used to and have had hardly any "junk." I realize that I can eat a hamburger or some ice cream once in a while and still lose weight, which I have. I have not binge eaten in over 2 months. I actually feel like I eat a lot during the day, but when you eat healthy you can have more and feel fuller.
Everyday I tell myself that if I've done it this long, I can and will keep going. I know what to do and how to do it. There are no more excuses. I think it was Maya Angelou that said, "You did then what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better." Well, that is what I am doing--one day at a time, one step at a time, until I reach a weight that is healthy for me.
I'm so glad to have found SP. Thanks to all my friends here! Keep on keepin on!
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
So, I've had acne since I was like 12 years old. I have tried almost every single thing out there to clear my face. Proactiv didn't work for me at all. In fact, I broke out more AND my face looked like I had a perpetual sunburn. I have always seemed to break out in spurts and then it would get a little better, but my face has never been clear. It's always depressed me and made me feel ugly. As if it's not bad enough to be the fat girl, I've been the fat girl with a pizza face and frizzy hair.
So many people have given me "tips" on how to have better skin, when I've already tried what they've suggested. A lot of people think if you have acne you must not wash your face, and I have always washed my face and tried to take care of my skin, and it's never done any good. I remember once at a job I had back in 2001...I worked with this lady who was always blurting out the most inappropriate comments. She wasn't trying to be mean, she was just one of those people who doesn't think before they speak. One day she told me, in front of everyone, "You know, Elizabeth, you could be a plus size model because you're really pretty and have nice teeth, but you just need to do something about your acne." I felt like I wanted to die I was so embarrassed. I wondered if people thought "HA! She is so ugly even if she lost 150 pounds she could never be attractive." I felt like for the rest of the workday everyone was staring at my face when I talked to them. I wanted to cry.
Well, for the last few weeks my skin has cleared up a lot. I am not sure why. I haven't done anything different as far as my skin care routine and I've always read that your diet can't cause acne. Can it? Hmmm. Well, I don't know if it's all the water I'm drinking, the sodas I'm not drinking, all the fruits and veggies I've been eating, the exercise, etc, but my skin looks much better than it did. I have one spot on my jaw, but it's nothing compared to what I'd normally have. It feels and looks smoother. I have only had to put a light amount of mineral makeup on to cover up some of the redness and I am feeling much less self-conscious about how it looks. My husband told me the other day he thought it looked better.
So, I've found another benefit to having a healthier lifestyle! I am hoping my face won't freak out again soon like it's done in the past. I have some hormonal issues that I know contribute to breakouts to some degree, but even my last visit from AF only gave me this one pimple. :) Maybe she'll be kind to me next time too.
Monday, June 07, 2010
I really enjoy walking outside. We live in a pretty neighborhood where you can see all types of birds, rabbits, hawks, herons, and even the occasional deer. Sometimes it's just too hot for me to walk outside. I've never been able to handle the heat too well, and summer here is hot and humid. If it's hot but not quite so humid, I can deal with it. It was in the 80s when I walked this morning, but not so humid and there was a gentle breeze.
Today I walked 1.5 miles and it took me just over 30 minutes. I know this isn't that great, but this same walk a few months ago was so hard for me to do. I was struggling to get through it. There are a lot of hills in our neighborhood, so it's a good workout. I walked slowly for a few minutes to warm up and then at the end walked slowly to cool down. It felt so great. I saw many baby birds out and about. There are lots of them making nests in the newspaper boxes people have, and it just makes me smile how resourceful birds and animals in general can be.
Next time when I walk I think I'll go down another street in my neighborhood before coming back, and that should make the walk around 2 miles. Sometimes on the days I don't have exercise scheduled I will take my dog for a short walk. She is old and getting arthritic and the one time I walked her almost a mile and a half she was limping for a couple days. :( But, she enjoys and can handle the shorter walks. She wouldn't be so tubby if she wouldn't eat the cat's food every chance she gets. I put a chair up to block the door, but sometimes other people in the house do not move it back. I always know when she's gone in there and eaten his food because she has a guilty look.
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