Saturday, March 09, 2013
Yesterday was my last workout of the first month of the Jillian Michaels Body Revolution. I completed all of the workouts, and on some days added in extra workouts, like running, walking or going to the gym. After 3 weeks in I didn't work out all week because I got sick. So, this past week I did week 4 where I left off.
I have to say that I am feeling a lot stronger. My muscles are getting more defined. For the first week I did the kickstart and lost a lot of weight. The rest of the time I have just been staying within my calories and eating some of the meals on the meal plan. I am sure that if I ate only 1200 calories a day and only that food I would lose more weight. However, I don't want to do that, so I'm not. I think being on a strict diet would make me want to binge. I can do it for a few days here and there to refocus, but I don't want my daily life to have so many restrictions on everything I can eat.
There were those couple bad days before I got sick where I went over my calories. Then I got sick, and didn't track or work out and although the rest of that week I didn't binge, I am sure my food choices and calories would have been better had I tracked. So, that week I gained 2 pounds.
As of today I am 177. That is a total of 5 pounds lost for the month. Seems like it should be more, but that's ok. I was down to 175 before I got sick. I think by next week I'll be back there. It's very hard to eat perfectly all the time, and it's like any time I don't, my body automatically holds onto weight. It's very frustrating. I am not very upset by it though because that's life. You get sick, you have bad days, and no one is perfect. I know I am eating healthy most of the time and doing my workouts, so I'll be ok.
Today I ran a 5k, which I plan on posting about soon, probably tomorrow. I decided that this week I am going to run and do other exercise. I haven't been running as much since I started the Jillian workouts, and I don't want to get out of the habit of doing it. Mentally, it will give me a break from her workouts and I'll start out month 2 stronger the next week.
I am getting some very strong arms.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
This morning I weighed myself and the scale said 175! My starting weight was 325, so for all you people out there who suck at math (like I do) that is 150 pounds gone, and a little over 46% of my weight. 150 pounds is more than the weight of an average adult woman, or so I've read. It's about what I want my goal weight to eventually be, so I am about 25 pounds away.
Here are a few before pictures of me, taken in 2009 and 2010.
October 2009...size 28 jeans
I wore a 3 or 4x...summer 2009
Even though I've lost all that weight, it's still hard to believe. In 2 more months, it will be 3 years since I really buckled down and started losing weight. That is when I joined Sparkpeople (April 24, 2010). I know that some people lose that much weight in a year or 2, so almost 3 years isn't fast. However, over these past few years I have been consistent, drastically improved my health, and I've learned a lot about myself. Workouts are just something I do, no excuses. I eat healthy, and although I still struggle with overeating at times, it's light years from where it was. I'm more in control than I have ever been, and that is a wonderful feeling.
People ask me all the time how I did it. There is not one single answer to how I did it because losing a lot of weight is a complex issue, but it boils down to working hard, eating better, and being accountable to myself. It has not been easy. There have been times I've cried, yelled, felt scared, and just wanted to give up. I knew that if I gave up I'd only get heavier, so I decided that no matter what I would not quit.
If you are just starting out and not sure that you can lose weight, just know you CAN. I never used to believe that I could either, and it's completely true that if you allow yourself to believe you can't do something, then you won't. I'm just a wife and mom who was fed up being overweight and unhealthy. Just know that it won't happen over night. You will struggle and it will take time, and that is OK.
Some recent photos of me:
182 pounds. December 30, 2012
1-25-13 14 degrees out and I ran my fastest 3.1 ever (29:19)
2-12-13 176 pounds, size 12 skirt, size large top
I feel very happy today. When I think about all the things I've accomplished in the last 3 years, I am proud of myself. I am strong. I am healthy. I can run for miles. I can do push ups. I can do tree pose. I am a good role model for my kids. I have found out that I'm a lot stronger than I ever believed I could be. My health has been transformed. I am a better Me, and that is what I set out to accomplish.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
This was supposed to be the last blog in my series of blogs on How to Lose Weight. I have put off writing it for several reasons. The first reason being that I am often not very nice to myself, so I felt like who I am to give advice on this. Sometimes I am very critical of myself (mostly about how I look). I do think I have come a long way in my thought processes though, and that is progress I am proud of making. The other reason is that I know I am going to get a lot of crap for what I am going to say. Many people are not going to agree with me, and that is fine, but I have thought about what I am going to say a lot, and I believe it's true for many people out there.
Most of my life, I have not loved myself enough. I grew up in a chaotic environment and I have always been a stress and binge eater. I used food to cope with anxiety, sadness, loneliness, stress..you name it. As a child you come to a point where you know what you're doing isn't right, but you don't have the maturity or insight to really stop it or figure out why you're doing it. I was put on diets as young as age 9 and never had role models for healthy eating. When I see overweight children now, I literally feel a pain for them, because I know how hard it is, and statistically, most overweight children will grow up to become overweight adults.
I believe that I am a food addict. Not everyone believes in food addiction, but I believe it can be an addiction to some the way alcohol or drugs might be to others (or overspending, or porn, or video games...basically anything you feel is hard for you to control that is negatively impacting your life can be an addiction). Even though I have lost a lot of weight, I am still a food addict. Almost always when I am stressed or anxious, the first thought that pops into my head is "I want food." Most of the time now I am able to fight those urges to eat, but not always. I am not perfect, and there are times I go a long time without binge eating, but then I have a bad day. What is different now is that I do have more control and I know how far I've come and I don't want to end up back where I was. I know I have to be consistent. And now, when I do have those moments where I turn to food, they are least not in the thousands of calories. I am mindful of what I eat.
Now, this is probably going to make a lot of people angry, but I am going to say it, because I feel it needs to be said. I believe that most obese people (I am not talking about someone who has put on a little weight from a pregnancy or someone who is just a little overweight) have a food addiction and likely have low self worth. I hear and see people saying all the time, "I don't have a problem with food. I just like to eat. I like food, and I don't like working out." This may be true, but if you are eating to the point where you are obese and have health problems, you have to ask yourself why you are doing this. It's destructive, and there are many many reasons and ways people harm themselves, and overeating is one of them. When you repeatedly overeat, especially unhealthy things, and know you're gaining weight, and know you're unhealthy because of it, there is a reason you are doing that.
I used to live in denial. Denial is how we cope when we know something in our lives isn't right. It's too painful to admit, so we don't. We lie to ourselves and pretend things are fine. We justify the reasons for doing things. I realize there are some overweight people who will say they don't have self esteem issues. They may honestly love their body and how it looks, but again, I ask you...If you are eating yourself to the point that you have high blood pressure, diabetes, cholesterol, joint pain, you feel sick, etc, what is your reason for doing this?
I know for me, I did not care about myself enough. I have always had horrible self esteem and felt like I have failed at most things in my life. It kept me from trying. I thought, "Who am I to try and change?" All of my energy was put into taking care of my kids, and I felt like that was a noble thing to do, and I only gained more weight and became more miserable. It was when I really decided to take care of myself and be kind to myself that I started to lose weight, and keep it off. That voice inside your head is a very powerful thing, and if you let it convince you of something, good or bad, you will believe it, and you will live your life out based on that voice. You are where you are in your life because of the choices you've made, good or bad.
Please do not think I am trying to judge you or that I am trying to be harsh. I don't mean to be, but you have to be honest with yourself about WHY you do the things you do, whether it's in regard to your health, relationships, finances, or whatever. Until you start to work on what's going on in your head, it's going to be hard to lose weight and keep it off. I still struggle all the time. I've been in counseling for my depression and it has helped, but I still have bad days. I am a work in progress, but I won't give up on myself.
I read a book about a year and a half ago called Women, Food and God. It's all about why we overeat and use food to cope with varying emotions. It's very eye-opening, and I'd recommend it to anyone who is struggling with their weight. Now when I find myself standing in front of the fridge when I know I don't need to be eating, I am more able to think clearly about it, and I try to work out my feelings without stuffing them down with food.
Also, just because people are thin and don't have health problems, it doesn't mean they aren't abusing food either. Some people are lucky enough that they don't gain weight as easily, but not taking care of yourself, whether you're thin or heavy, will catch up to you. There are a lot of heavy people who might say, "Well, other overweight people might have health problems, but I don't. I am fine." That may be true--for now--but if you are repeatedly doing things to your body that are not good for you, one day you will have to face the consequences of your actions. The same goes for the naturally thin people who eat a crappy diet, never exercise, drink too much, or smoke. Think of why you do these things, and work on changing them.
If there is one thing I've learned in the last 3 years it's that you have nothing without your health. You get one body and one chance to take care of it. I abused my body for more than 20 years. I am thankful my body has forgiven me. It's stronger than ever, and I know now the importance of taking care of yourself. People in my family didn't, and they died young. I want to set a good example for my kids, and live a long, healthy life.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Today was the first day of week 3 of the Body Revolution, so that means a new workout. For 2 weeks, you do the same 2 workouts twice each week along with the cardio 2 times that week (so 6 workouts in a week). So, today is workout 3 of Phase 1, which I did today, and I'll do again Thursday and again on Monday and Thursday next week. It was pretty tough!
I know they are supposed to get harder as the weeks go on, so I expected it. The workouts with a lot of arm stuff, which this had, are always hardest for me. I find myself doing the leg stuff (lunges, squats, etc) much easier than when you have to hold yourself in a plank and do push ups. There was a lot of that in this video, and a couple times my arms were just shaking. There were pushups, walkout planks, a plank where you had to grab your opposite leg so you're only on one arm, and a couple other moves I don't know how to describe. I can totally see why people want to tell her to go to hell. I felt like saying, "Eff you! and she was just on the damn tv! I found most of the leg moves to be pretty easy for me (well, as easy as a JM workout can be). My legs are very strong, I guess from running, so there isn't much there I can't do.
My heart was pounding throughout most of the workout, so I hope I burned a lot of calories. I was drenched in sweat by the end. There is one part during the workout where Jillian tells you to get out of your comfort zone and that "comfort zones are for pansies!" I had to laugh at that one. You do have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable in order to progress with your fitness.
Another time in the video she said you should be losing 5 pounds a week. I wish! The first week when I did the kickstart, I lost 7. So, I figured this past week I wouldn't lose much if anything, and I was right. My weight was actually up one pound this morning (but I think it's due to TOM). I know it's not because of anything I did. I completed all the workouts last week, plus ran twice in addition to them. There was only one day I went over my calories by a little bit (and most days I am under what Sparkpeople recommends) so I feel like I did well, and considering that I lost 7 pounds the week before, I am not upset about my "gain" I had. Also, I followed the diet plan exactly for the first week, but this past week only did with some of the meals. I am sure if I ate exactly 1200 calories a day and only those meals I would lose weight faster, but I am not willing to eat a strict diet long term, so I am not doing it now for every meal, if that makes sense.
I am amazed at how different my body feels after 2 weeks of the workouts though. It may not be noticeable just by looking at me, but I can feel differences on my body when I am in the shower, like my hip bones sticking out more, and more definition in my shoulders and when I lie on my back to do certain things I can feel my shoulder blades digging into the floor, which before I never felt because of all the fat I guess. My stomach feels slightly different too, which is the area I really want to shrink. My body adapted well in that second week. I wasn't sore the next day and I could suddenly get my elbows to my knees in bicycle crunches, which I couldn't do the first week. Those damn running man exercises on the cardio dvd still suck though, but I do notice I can do them easier now.
I really need to make sure I keep up with running, but it's hard doing both. Every time I run lately I'm not able to go as fast. I think it's from the low carbs I was eating, and the fact that my muscles are just fatigued doing all these strength moves. My goal is to be as fit as possible, so as much as I love running and want to keep that up, I want to always try different things. I may take a week off from this, or a few days, to get in some good runs. I'll have to see. There are some races coming up I want to, and while I know I can do them, I want to do my best.
Hopefully by next week I'll be down another pound or so. I am going to continue to track the food and work hard this week. Honestly, I will be happy with losing a pound or 2 a week. I don't need to lose 4 or 5 pounds a week to feel like I am getting somewhere. There is something to losing it slowly, I think. I really think you are less likely to gain it back because you give yourself more time to adjust.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Back in the fall, my sister in law gave me a bag of clothes that a friend had given her. She is about a size 8, and all the clothes ranged in size from 12-18, so obviously she couldn't wear any of them. She thought I could use some of them, so I tried everything on, and a lot of them were too big. I immediately gave the too big clothes to Good Will. Once I can't wear a size any longer, I get rid of it, so I don't have it to fall back on.
There were a couple items in particular that I was hoping I'd be able to fit into by spring. One was a dress from Express that's for summer. It's a pink color and sleeveless, and the size is a medium. I didn't try that on today, but I did try on the other item I really wanted to wear: a skirt from Nautica. I tried it on months ago and could not get it zipped. I was hoping it would fit by spring, so it's been hanging in my closet.
Today I got the urge to try it on again. My jeans (size 14) are all getting loose, but not loose enough to get into a smaller size. The skirt is a 12. So, I tried it on, and could zip it, and it fit comfortably! I got my husband to take a couple pics of me!
There is nothing like trying on clothes that were once too small to find that they now fit! It really motivates you, and shows the proof of your hard work!
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