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I don't want to be Negative Nancy.

Friday, August 10, 2012

I feel like the last few blogs I've written have been sort of negative. For whatever reason, I often feel undeserving of compliments, even when I know I've worked hard or done something to the best of my ability. When someone tells me I look good or fit or that I am strong, half the time I have a hard time believing them. I am working on this! Really, I am. :) I've been complaining a lot about how hard things are, and I really try not to be whiner.

It is so true that changing your thoughts changes your actions. If you believe something strongly about your life or yourself, you often find a way of making it true, good or bad.

Losing weight has been a lot harder lately, and it's been no secret that I haven't found this easy. I am hopeful that when I step on the scale in the morning there will be some sort of loss. If not, I won't get upset, I'll just keep moving on in the direction I need to go. There seems to be a pattern with me where I'll lose nothing for weeks, and then all of a sudden I lose several pounds, seemingly overnight. Today I noticed in the mirror that my skin looks looser on my stomach (which it does the more weight I lose) so I am hoping that means a loss.

For so long I was unfit and so obese, and so to suddenly be in the realms of a somewhat normal weight range is strange for me. It seems to be hard for my brain to adjust to all this. When you are usually the biggest person around you feel like that is all people see-your fat. So, now when people refer to me as fit, I almost can't believe that I am. But, I know I am. I've worked out regularly with no break longer than 10 days (and that was for being sick) for almost the last 2.5 years. I've lost 140 pounds, or 43% of my starting weight. I am less than 20 pounds from being half my size.

Yesterday our kids had their yearly check up. The nurse took the kids' height, weight, blood pressure, and all that. She said as she wrote on their charts, "good healthy looking lean kids, just like their mom and dad." I was really shocked that a nurse would say I looked healthy (and lean), because while I know I am fit, I still feel sometimes that I look really big, and then I see a picture and realize how much smaller I am. That comment made me feel really good.

I also had another big thing happen yesterday-my longest run ever, 7 miles (finished in 1:23:00). That completed week 7 of half marathon training, and I still can't believe sometimes I am doing it. As much as it stinks getting up so early, I can't imagine not running. It has become part of who I am. Even though some days it's hard, I always feel so good and so accomplished when I am done.

Some other things I thought I'd share that have made me feel excited/proud lately are:

When I go to places with arms on the chairs, I no longer have to worry I won't fit. I always have plenty of room. The same with booths at restaurants.

I can feel all the bones in my body now! When I lie down my ribs actually stick up. I can feel my hip bones. When I lie on my side, the bones in my knees press together and it kind of hurts. It's so strange!

The other day I needed something in the garage, but didn't want to move the cars, and there was this little space between the door and the car, and I thought I wouldn't fit, but I could!

When I shave now I have to be careful, because my legs have so much muscle that I have all those indentations, so it's hard to not cut myself. Not sure if that makes sense or not.

I can actually use my laptop in my lap. When I was much bigger there wasn't enough room for it to sit comfortably in my lap.

The amount of energy I have most days is unreal. I owe that to eating well and exercising. Yesterday I ran 7 miles, took the kids to the Dr, went shopping at Costco, unloaded and put it away (hubby helped) did several loads of laundry and got it put away, vacuumed 2 rooms, cooked dinner, cleaned up from that and mopped the kitchen floor. I feel good when I can get a lot done in a day.

Reminding myself daily of how much better my life has become is what keeps me going. My life is much fuller, and I've learned that there is nothing as important as your health. The rest of my life is going to be the best of my life.





  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KBEAN77 8/23/2012 1:05PM

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I took some time to read blogs today and I tell ya I am glad I found this one so inspiring. In the beginning you sound just like me...I hope I can get where you are and I know I can. Thanks for sharing this made me smile:)

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SWEETPB731 8/20/2012 1:59PM

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Thanks for sharing your story.

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EMILYDOODLE 8/16/2012 3:19PM

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CICELY360 8/16/2012 2:57PM

  good blog

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DOTTY7267 8/16/2012 10:24AM

    nice blog

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NEWCHINELO 8/15/2012 2:54PM

    way to go . . . i hope i get there soon.

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MAMAWALMART 8/15/2012 3:23AM

    emoticon

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CATDUG19 8/14/2012 4:05PM

    Fantastic blog and congrats on this huge accomplishment. I loved the lists of things you have noticed about yourself. i just noticed a collarbone and a hip bone and it was so exciting. I really connected with the whole changing your thoughts about yourself. You look fantastic and I love your writing style.

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XHENA16 8/14/2012 12:47AM

  Really appreciated this article - very inspiring! Thank you!

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TANGOKATE 8/14/2012 12:19AM

    I like your blog. I have just lost about 10 lbs doing SparkPeople and I feel some of my confidence returning. I feel a little weird when people comment on it, saying I look good and I am afraid I will gain it back and then some which has been my pattern for a long time now.

Anyway, your blog was inspiring as I know that there are others who share similar feelings about their weight loss regardless of the amounts we all individually deal with.

I wrote a blog a week or so ago about being afraid to buy a smaller size piece of clothing in case the loss wasn't real or lasting. It's like I just couldn't wrap my head around the size as I hadn't been in that size for years.

Thanks again.

Comment edited on: 8/14/2012 12:20:41 AM

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CAROL494 8/13/2012 9:40PM

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CINEMAVEN 8/13/2012 9:06PM

  Loved reading this :)

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SLIMAGAIN88 8/13/2012 5:03PM

    Wow. Thanks for sharing. This is incredibly encouraging!

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GOSPARK45 8/13/2012 4:26PM

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You're doing great! Way to be. It's great to see all the wonderful changes you didn't think about before.

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LELERS 8/13/2012 2:59PM

    Nice! emoticon

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JUSGETTENBY42 8/13/2012 1:10PM

    emoticon

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ESME25 8/13/2012 11:59AM

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ZZZKATZZZZ 8/13/2012 11:48AM

    :) forgot yo subscribe to hour blot when I commented.

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ZZZKATZZZZ 8/13/2012 11:47AM

    Good thoughts yo be aware of. Thank you for sharing your struggles.

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SOON2BSMALL1313 8/13/2012 9:36AM

    that is amazing! You have come such a long way :) i only hope in a year I can say the same thing or at least something similar! emoticon

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JLEMUS1 8/13/2012 8:27AM

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FIFTYFOUR2 8/13/2012 7:48AM

    Congratulations on following through with all of your hard work!! You are an inspiration.

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PHATPAT18 8/13/2012 7:00AM

    Congrats

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NEWTINK 8/13/2012 12:00AM

    you are doing great ... it is hard by you can do it ... Hugs emoticon emoticon

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WOMANATWORK1 8/12/2012 9:08PM

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WOW! You're doing it -- you're making changes and understanding more and more what this journey is about. Congratulations to you!

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PAMATX 8/12/2012 9:08PM

    You are one inspirational lady! I hear it takes a while to get used to the changes, but you will. Just fantastic!

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BROWNIEISLANDER 8/12/2012 8:36PM

    You're done amazing for yourself..... emoticon..So keep on staying focused and be strong and healthy...for the kids as well emoticon emoticon

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VON_1962 8/12/2012 6:01PM

    How motivating and beautiful this blog is! What an inspiration and a reminder to me that I once felt this way and that I can do it again! Keep on moving forward! Congratulations on your run, 7 miles! Wow!! Super sparking!

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SERASARA 8/12/2012 3:11PM

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DONNA5281 8/12/2012 1:49PM

 

Keep up the good work. You are an amazing person!


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MAGGIEROSEBOWL 8/12/2012 12:28PM

    I could have written this blog only not as well as you did. When I went to see the nurse to schedule my surgery for a hysterectomy in April, the nurse said, "You shouldn't have any complications, since you are thin." It just feels strange when people say that kind of thing to me, and yet, like you, I liked it. It has stuck with me, so you know how much it meant to me. But like you too, I don't feel thin. I feel like a temporarily normal looking person hiding out in the real world, but inside I'm still that morbidly obese woman that I was for 30 years. Maybe this kind of thinking helps keep the weight off--I don't know.
You have gained so much by losing that weight--your life is FULL and you are involved with your kids and can be a much bigger part of their lives too, since you have the energy needed to be an active participant. Good Job!!!

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MAMA_CD 8/12/2012 12:21PM

    emoticonIt's a part of the journey to see ourselves as we really are. I can identify with the people saying, "your skinny" where I never thought of myself that way. You're a great encouragment emoticon

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LILSPARKIE85 8/12/2012 12:06PM

    emoticon

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VERIVEGI 8/12/2012 9:37AM

    I understand completely! When you have been used to being overweight for so long, it takes a shift in perception to see yourself differently when you lose weight. Keep up the good work, accept the compliments, look in the mirror and really see yourself!

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JSTETSER 8/12/2012 9:30AM

    You to girl

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SHUFFMAN126 8/12/2012 8:54AM

    Way to focus on your non-scale victories! There's an inspirational thingie on Sparkpeople that says something like "People quit because they look at how far they have to go rather than how far they've come" Look at how far you've come! I hope your family tells you at least every other day how proud they are of you.

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TRYINGHARD54 8/12/2012 8:47AM

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TATTER3 8/12/2012 7:14AM

    Keep Sparkin'!!!

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BLUEJEAN99 8/12/2012 5:18AM

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BEAUTY_WITHIN 8/11/2012 10:58PM

    That's wonderful! Keep up the wonderful work!

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JAMER123 8/11/2012 10:04PM

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You are an amazing person and should be congratulated!! CONGRATS!! emoticon

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PENOWOK 8/11/2012 8:55PM

    That's awesome!! You have done a great job...the trick is to get your head to match what's in the mirror....it's not easy when we have grown accustomed to the bigger person we used to see and now have to get our minds wrapped around the smaller me... You'll get it and maybe then feel so much better about the new you! Hang in there.

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SUSIEMT 8/11/2012 8:37PM

    Moonbird you go girl! I had a doctor say to me the other day that I was an every day athlete. He said we see the athletes at the Olympics and every other sport on TV, but we don't see them with their aches and pains etc. If ever there was an athlete here it is you girl! 7 miles in deed! OF COURSE you are an ATHLETE! You ROCK Moonbird!

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MISSLISA1973 8/11/2012 7:39PM

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WALLINMW 8/11/2012 6:52PM

  you are awesome, thank you for the inspiration to move forward in my journey, great blog

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JIBBIE49 8/11/2012 6:25PM

    emoticonHow wonderful to see your blog featured in the Spark Mail. What an honor. You certainly are an inspiration to others with 140# released and still going on to your goal. I know you will get there.

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MARYJEANSL 8/11/2012 4:57PM

  Wow! It is always good to look back and see how far one has come. Congrats - and keep it up!

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JBUG2012 8/11/2012 4:03PM

    Thank You! I have been in need of some inspiration lately I'm glad I read your blog! emoticon

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PATRICIAANN46 8/11/2012 2:25PM

  You are emoticon!!!!! emoticon for such an inspiring blog.

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MAMAOWLS 8/11/2012 2:23PM

    Great blog. Puts a lot of things into perspective. I've only lost about 60 pounds and have been at my present weight (give or take 5 pounds) for over a year but i still have trouble thinking of myself as a 12/14 not a 20/ 22. When I see a picture of me I'm always amazed and wonder who that person is. Keep it up you will reach your goal.

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At a loss (but not a weight one!)

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

No matter what I do lately my weight will not go down, and if it does it goes right back up a pound very quickly. Everyone is telling me to do different things, and I am trying them, but they are not working, at least not long term.

Lately I've been adding on mileage weekly for my half marathon training, and that makes me hungry. Everyone has been telling me that I am not eating enough and should eat more if I feel hungry. I was doing the calorie cycling and that week lost well, but not the next week. My weight went up. It seems if I eat over 1600 calories, even if it's only a couple hundred over once or twice a week, my weight goes up. How does that make sense if it's supposed to take 3500 calories for you to gain a pound?! This is with running 3 times a week (for miles each time) and I've been doing double work out days where I'll run in the morning and then later go to the gym and do weights and the treadmill, elliptical or arc. I workout 2 or 3 other days of the week doing various workout dvds or going to the gym. You would think that with last week me burning over 4500 calories I'd have a loss. Nope. My weight was down a few ounces and then this morning back up again to 186.8. It was exactly 186 a few days ago.

I am beyond frustrated. I am grouchy because my stomach is growling, and on one hand I know you're supposed to go bed somewhat hungry, but sometimes I can't even fall asleep. I've been adding in more strength training and doing new things each time I go to the gym and everyone is telling me that can affect my weight and I might not see a good loss for a bit.

All I know is I am working harder than ever, and the scale will not budge. For weeks now it's been between 185-187. I can eat perfectly all week and be within my calorie range and then if I have one bad meal (and we're not talking thousands of calories, just hundreds) it seems to mess me up for the whole next week or two.

This makes me think I will never be able to lose more weight. That I'll never get out of the 180s! There were 2 days in the last week where I exercised more than 2 hours, and I thought for sure it would make a big difference.

All of this is very discouraging. It's been a long hard road, and it never seems to get easier. It's enough to make you want to give up. Of course I won't. I will keep exercising and watching what I eat. I don't feel like I could live on eating less than 1500 calories a day. When I eat between 1600-1700 I feel satisfied. The days I eat less I find myself hungry and wanting to snack more. One would think that would be a reasonable amount of calories to eat when you work out as much as I do, but apparently my body will not let me lose more weight unless I eat less. I don't know.

Sometimes it's very hard to stay in a low calorie range and cook for my family. I end up eating different dinners a lot. Every single time I eat out or go to someone's house and eat food I didn't make, my weight is up. I try my best to track it, but I don't always know what is in it. I decline on going out to eat a lot of the time. It's hard. I feel like I'll never be able to just not think about what I am eating, like normal people do.

Soon I have a physical at the Dr and maybe there is something going on with me. Sometimes I am just so sick of working so hard for more than 2 years and still being fat! The only thing that comforts me is that at least I seem to be able to maintain a weight within a pound or two, but I still have a lot to lose and I want it gone.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATDUG19 8/14/2012 4:29PM

    I can feel your fustration!! I keep a journal of what I am doing and feeling, whenever I hit my "I will never lose another pound" moments I re-read my journey entries of the last itme this happened and it helps me keep it in prescpective. I would definately ask your doctor becasue it could have a lot to do with the amount of calories you are burning and your body could be in stravation mode.

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LOSE15YES 8/11/2012 3:47AM

    I totally understand. My scale keeps smirking at me. I just came back from my doc today and he gave me a clean bill of health. He said to stop being obsessed with the scale and to keep doing what I am doing. What really helped was reading all of the comments from your Sparky pals ! emoticon

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KDAILEY70 8/9/2012 6:49PM

    So, so sorry that the scale hasn't been kind to you. Don't give up, keep pushing forward. It has got to move sooner or later. Hang in there.

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JANIEWWJD 8/9/2012 12:44AM

    It would be wise to get a check-up. Talk to your doctor and let us know how you are doing. God bless you!!!
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BONOLICIOUS2 8/8/2012 9:15AM

    Definitely talk to that doc! Explain everything and see what they say. You definitely kick way more exercise butt than I do and I know that losing is a slow process but I'm thinking something should be happening by now. I have heard that you can plateau by not eating enough calories, maybe your doc can help you find a better balance?

You CAN make it girlfriend! You are AMAZING and do so many amazing things and inspire me! I still have your running quote right below this on my monitor at work. I believe in you, you should believe in you too! Don't let that snarky pound get you down!

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KEZRARAYNE 8/7/2012 9:31PM

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There are no words t hat will make this "better", so I'll give you what I can to help you however I can. :)
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MAWDOT35 8/7/2012 7:54PM

    I feel your pain! I hit a plateau and stayed there for 6 months, then the scale started to move, only it is moving in the wrong direction!!! I know what my trouble is: I haven't been exercising and I've been eating too much! I have to cut my calories below 1200 a day to lose even an ounce! I will start back when cool weather gets here, but until then, I'll just coast and hope to not gain too much.
You have been trying to lose for so long, maybe your body just wants a rest a while. I know it's great to have a loss every week but the closer to your goal you get, the slower you will lose. I'm pulling for you and hope you will break out of this pattern soon!
Love you!
Dorothy

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SEATTLE58 8/7/2012 7:48PM

    Oh so sorry that you feel so frustrated! How long have you not been moving down? Could it be a plateau? You now that horrible, nasty word that people talk about and then we'd never want?! Is your body just trying to teeter back and forth and balance on the balance scale? Maybe? I was thinking about your restaurant meals, you could look them up online beforehand, so you could track even before you leave. Also, I love the restaurants that have a good salad bar and I can control or a buffet. I love those Mongolian grills where you can pile the healthy stuff in a bowl and have them cook it up. Mmmm! I know it's hard when we go to people's houses. We don't do that much because of our dairy farm. Work so much all the time and around mealtime. That's when I'd try to eat even a light WW meal or something else light and then a person isn't so hungry and can control more when there. Well Sweetie, let's just hope that someone else can come up with a really good solution for you! I hate to see you stuck in a rut, but I do know that you've got the right mind-set and that's the best you can do! Hang in there! Your pile of gold is waiting for you and so is mine!! Today hasn't been that good for me, so I'm not that great at giving you advice, but I do know that I know what to do!!!! emoticon

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EMMANYC 8/7/2012 7:36PM

    I'm sorry that the god of the scale isn't showing you any love. All I can add is that I have gone through plateaus of as long as 8 weeks, when I've been exercising and watching what I eat, without seeing a loss - and then all of a sudden, pounds stop dropping off steadily.

Have you checked your measurements? Are you losing any inches, even if you're not losing pounds?

Is it possible that the hard training has led to some inflammation (and water weight gain)? That sometimes happens to me after long runs, races, or a significant increase in the intensity of my workouts.

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 8/7/2012 7:13PM

    OMG, I get it! I have ZERO advice for you, and I'm sorry about that. I'm just hoping tha if we keep plugging along, it really will work out in the end. hang in there, maybe the doc has some words of advice. *HUGS*

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Doubt

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I wish I could erase that word from my vocabulary, but it's always there, in the back of my mind, like a wound that won't heal and is often re-opened. Whenever I am going to do anything important, I doubt I can do it. The difference now is that is I don't let doubt stop me from trying, but I still always doubt myself and it makes me nervous to do something new or different.

I'm not sure exactly why (I mean, I have theories about why I am like this and some ideas from talking to a therapist) but I never feel that anything I do is good enough. When I accomplish something, I am proud that I've done it, but I always feel like I could/should have done better. When I bake something at home if it doesn't come out perfect I feel like I suck. I hate that I am like this, and I try so hard not to be so hard on myself, but sometimes I am. The thing is, I am not like this with other people. If they make a cake that is lopsided or imperfect, I don't care. If their house is a little untidy, I don't care. I know I can't be perfect and it's not even that I am trying to be, I just want to be good at something.

That's the thing, I guess. I have never felt that anything I've done is exceptional. There are a lot of things I am ok at, but not many that I feel I'm awesome at doing. I know people with so many different talents, and sometimes I wonder when I'll ever figure out what mine is. I have a lot of things I enjoy, but I don't feel I am really great at them.

Lately I've been doubting myself when it comes to the half marathon. I've completed 6 weeks of training, and I am proud of that. I've come to the point where the longest run I've done is 6 miles, which I did at the 10k in March, and now I am wondering...Can I really run 7 and 8, and 9 and 10 miles? I don't know. Lately I am feeling tired. Sometimes I just don't know if I am going to be able to do this, and then when people find out I am signed up for the half they even ask in an incredulous tone, "Are you going to try to run the WHOLE way?"

Running the whole way is my plan. I don't expect to finish it fast, and speed is not my goal. I just want to complete it, and enjoy it and not feel like I am dying. That is why I am working hard to be consistent with my training. I plan on slowing down and walking at the water stations, but I want to be able to run the whole way. If I have to walk some of it, so what. I'll still have ended up running most of it. It's just that now I am starting to get nervous before my long runs. I have no idea why, it's just a run, like I've done so many times, but I always have in the back of my mind that I will fail.

I've never been a very confident person. I was always the kid in class who was afraid to raise their hand and speak, even if I felt I had something good to say. Sometimes I just want to get over this and be more confident and feel like I am worthy of the praise that people are giving me. It's just hard. I have so many issues that I've had since childhood, and while I have gotten better, those insecurities are still there.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHERRY666 8/10/2012 7:29PM

    Wow. I can relate to what you wrote very well. Unfortunately, I don't have any advice, but you're definitely not alone. Especially what you wrote about being okay at a bunch of things, but never being exceptional at anything. . . I've been dealing with that very idea a lot lately, and it's so draining to feel that way. I wish I had something more positive to add, but, seriously, wow. This post really resonated with me and I'm glad you wrote it (though I'm not glad you feel the same way). Perhaps what we're good at is pushing on despite our (real or imagined) shortcomings. Doing it anyway. Running through the doubt, etc.

Good luck on your half, by the way! That's awesome you're doing that. I'm working on getting comfortable with a 10k distance for now, and then I want to work on a half-marathon distance.

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JANIEWWJD 8/9/2012 12:47AM

    Don't doubt yourself; just go out into the world and do what needs to be done!!!!
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1GR8FULWOMAN 8/1/2012 11:27AM

   

Such an articulate blog. Just look at what you've done, how you've recreated your own body. If that's not something, exceptional, I don't know what is !!! I do understand your feelings, though.

blessings, Brook

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GODIVADSG 7/31/2012 3:43PM

    This time my dear is precious... it is the special part of the journey that you only get to experience once... it is the time that you will prove yourself WRONG! I remember having a lot of anxiety as I increased my millage the first time I half marathon. I had so much self doubt when it came to increasing my distance, that I had to transcribe my miles into minutes. Like ,I would tell myself... I am going to run 6 miles and 11 minutes.... I can run for 11 more minutes.... I know I can do that! And I would trick myself into running 7 miles! And on and on I went like that. I remember being shocked that I could do it. Proud that someone like me could do it! And before you know it you will be at 13.1!! You can so do it IF you are consistent in your running. And you won't have to walk if you don't want to. I never wanted to walk .... I don't look down on people that do.... Just for me it was about running only. I also had people say, YOU run? I get this mostly from non runners who are clueless that runners these days come in all shapes and sizes. I actually was encouraged years ago by runners that were 250+ pounds... I knew if they could do it I could too. They will never know how they changed my life. Because, if you let it.... running does that. It changes us. I like who I am when I run, I feel pretty to ME when I run, I like to drink water and let it run down my chin without wiping it off. I like breathing and sweating hard.... and the list goes on. I have to tell you to challenge yourself.... I know about self doubt... just try 11 more minutes... You can do it. And the cool thing about it... is you get to strut yourself that you did it. I also clearly remember the most amazing thing for me was the journey of adding the miles itself not the half marathon . And then one day.... you will wake up just to go run.... and spend some quality time with the most amazing person on earth.... yourself! emoticon

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BECKYB73 7/31/2012 3:04PM

    You are exceptional and someday you will be able to recognize and accept that coming from ANYONE; but most importantly, YOURSELF.

I feel VERY much the same way. If I cook something and it's not PERFECT, I get down on myself. If I bring a dish to a potluck or party and it isn't like THE MOST popular item, I feel like a failure.

When I did the Warrior Dash and started talking about it, I did a lot of qualifying; like "Yes, I finished, but I skipped 4 obstacles." or "I didn't RUN the whole race"...I read some of those thoughts and saw the qualifiers and called bullsh!t on myself. I turned it around. I AM a Warrior Dash, FINISHER! I DID participate. I Did MOST of the obstacles. This way of thinking is brand new to me and I have to be aware of it and turn stuff around when it starts to go to the dark place...but I'm doing it. AND SO WILL YOU.

Remember how you're always telling me that you believe in me and how proud you are of my accomplishments? That's EXACTLY how I feel about you and yours. You are an inspiration to me and soooo many others. I can't wait until that finally clicks for you!

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KEZRARAYNE 7/31/2012 1:42PM

    When I start to feel down about things, in your case DOUBT, I try to break it down to make it more managable. Let's do that for DOUBTER, shall we?

DO U BTER
DO YOU BETTER.

When I look at it that way, it turns it into something a little more positive, non? WHen you can turn doubt into doing YOU the best way you can...which is what I personally feel you are doing....you're golden!

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 7/31/2012 1:17PM

    You're doing your training and you're building up your endurance putting you on the right track to your goal. If you run the whole way, great. If you don't, who gives a poo, it's about personal satisfaction and crossing the finish line. I find myself WAY more impressed with the people in Ironman's that are coming in from the middle of the pack to after the cut off time because they didn't give up. In the end, that's all that matters, puddin' pop!

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In one leg of my old jeans

Friday, July 20, 2012

I have kept a pair of size 24 jeans in my closet for a while now. These are not even the biggest jeans I ever owned (I wore a 26 or 28), but I must have accidentally given those away. I kept a few things, but as soon as clothes were way too big for me, I got rid of them so I knew I did not have them to go back to.



There used to be a time I'd see other people in photos like this and wish it could be me. Well, now it is! I still have quite a bit of weight to lose, but I am proud of every pound I've lost, every mile I've run, and every step I have taken towards good health.

Here is another before picture of me.



And here is a current one



I think it's true what they say about a picture being worth a thousand words.

It's my hope that someone just starting out will see these, and they will know that it is possible to do this. I remember exactly how it feels in the beginning, knowing you have to lose the weight of an entire person, and feeling like it's impossible. Just know that it IS possible, you CAN do it. I don't possess any special powers, I didn't have a trainer or even a gym membership for my first year of losing weight. There were no diet pills taken, and I did not have any kind of surgery or follow a specific diet.

Believe in yourself, work hard and don't give up, and it will happen. You will see yourself start to change. It's a long road, but it is worth it.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SMALLSTEPS4EVER 7/23/2012 7:46PM

    Thank you for your words. You are an inspiration and love the blog. Great pictures!

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PHOTOMUM 7/23/2012 5:34PM

    Yes you are very inspiring to others. Keep up the good work.

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TEXASKATEY 7/23/2012 9:38AM

    Congrats! Great progress, and a wonderful image to share!

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AMARILYNH 7/23/2012 9:27AM

    Yours is an amazing story - and you look FABULOUS!! I am so happy for you - what an inspiration you are!! emoticon emoticon

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SMILESHINE81 7/23/2012 8:40AM

    I love this blog! I'm so happy for you - you are definitely inspiring, and I know that you will lose the rest of the weight you want to!!

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GODIVADSG 7/23/2012 8:29AM

    Elizabeth you are truly amazing. Your story is not so different from my own. I was a size 24-26 at one time. I just am not computer picture savvy enough to know how to post them if they were not digital to start with! I lost almost 100 pounds with weight watchers in 2003. When I look at your progress I see myself too! Thanks!! I am thrilled for you as you get to run a half marathon! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MAPLECANDY3 7/22/2012 8:11PM

    beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!

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1DERLAND14 7/22/2012 7:59PM

    Thank you for sharing your journey and pictures! You were one of my first friends on Spark and you've inspired me SO much!!!!

You look stunning in your most recent pic! KUDOS! :)

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MAWDOT35 7/21/2012 10:46AM

    Elizabeth, you look amazing! You are doing such a good job and I'm so proud of you! I wonder why I'm not losing.......and then ...I know! I'm eating too much and not exercising enough! Duh!!! Keep up the good work!
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Dorothy

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HAPPYSOUL91 7/21/2012 9:35AM

    You are outstanding, what a wonderful gift you have given yourself. Those pictures really do say it all, it shows drive and determination to great health and taking care of yourself.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SCOUTMOM715 7/21/2012 9:10AM

    You look fantastic & should be very proud of yourself!! Love the orange dress, you look so beautiful!! emoticon emoticon

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FLEURGARDEN 7/21/2012 7:53AM

    Wow - Awesome progress!

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LINDYLIME 7/21/2012 7:22AM

    Thats a wonderful transformation into a beautiful butterfly. You are doing a great job. Keep up the good work - can't wait to see your photos when you reach goal. Its very motivating. Thanks.

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 7/21/2012 7:04AM

    AWESOME!!! You look AMAZING! LOVE the orange dress, it's great color on you. You've done such an incredible job and you've come so far. You should be SO proud of yourself. Congratulations, I'm so happy for you sister. *HUGS*

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LUVDOGZ 7/21/2012 7:03AM

    You are emoticon and so motivating! You look amazing and so healthy!!

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TORTILLAFLATS 7/21/2012 2:30AM

    Great job you are doing.

Gail

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FLFITBEE 7/20/2012 10:47PM

    You look so pretty in the orange dress! And I think you have beautiful collarbones.

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SEATTLE58 7/20/2012 10:44PM

    Oh wow, just look at you! What a miracle already. You could write your own bibliography! I should do that too, as far as the before and after pictures when I get closer I have about 35# left to lose! Good going, girl! I am so proud of you and you are an inspiraiton to me and thousands of others! emoticon

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MYLAUREN2 7/20/2012 10:23PM

    awesome job... emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JOYCE12356 7/20/2012 10:20PM

    emoticon emoticon
emoticon

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Comparison 325 pounds vs 189 pounds

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Lately losing weight has been hard. It seems the smaller you get the harder you work and the less you can eat, and it's like a slap in the face how easily a pound comes back on. One bad weekend, even when I workout consistently, causes a weight gain. It's very frustrating and sometimes I just need to put things in perspective and realize how far I've come.

I was looking at photos the other night and decided to make a comparison. The picture of me at around 325 pounds was taken at one of my favorite parks. That picture was what kick started me into doing something about my weight. I saw just how big I was.



Recently I did a 5k at that same park, and my husband had me stand in the field in that same pose (in the before pic I was holding a kite). Sometimes I forget how much weight I've lost, and I still feel huge. It's hard to explain, but losing weight is such a mental battle.

My life has changed so much since I decided to make my health a priority. I have a lot more energy and am able to get more done in a day without being completely exhausted. There aren't limits on doing things, and I enjoy doing things with my family more.

When I was 325 pounds I wore a size 28 jeans and 30 top. I fit in a 3 or 4x.

Now I am in a 14/16 and can wear a size large and I even bought some skirts at Old Navy that were a MEDIUM! Their clothes tend to run a little bigger, I think, but wow, I used to wear the 3 and 4x in their stuff and I ordered it online because they only carry up to 2x in the store.

I could never wear my husband's clothes before, and now I can fit in his shirts and his pants! A lot of his t-shirts are too big on me. Back before I lost weight there was never an option for me to wear his jacket if I got cold, and now I can. That just makes me happy.

For the first time in our entire relationship (we have been together since I was 16 and he was 17) I weigh less than him.

I went from barely being able to walk a mile without feeling really tired to now being able to RUN more than 6.

I can now do "man" push ups when before I might have been able to do a couple on my knees.

When I see the scale not moving much, it's aggravating, but I have to be positive and remind myself that it doesn't take away from how far I've come. It is only a number! I was in my friend's wedding in May and I had to get the dress altered because it was too big. Well, she made it kind of tight, which was fine, but I needed my husband to help zip it because it was so snug. I tried it on the other day just to see, and it was noticeably looser! So, I am smaller even though the scale has not moved much since then.

A few years ago I never thought this was possible. I thought I'd spend my whole life being morbidly obese and was just destined to die that way. It makes me sad that for so long I didn't think I deserved better. Believing in myself has changed everything, and I know if I want something bad enough, I can work for it and achieve it. I used to think I'd never be able to run a mile, and now I am training for a half marathon!

To everyone out there still on your journey, whether you have 10 pounds to lose, or 100 or more, just keep going and know you can do it. No matter how long it takes, keep working toward your goal. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PRINCIPALPOTTER 7/25/2012 10:19AM

    Wow! What a story! I am at the beginning of the journey and right now, cannot imagine what it would be like to weigh under 200 pounds. I keep looking for people that have achieved what I am trying to do. I know that if I don' t take off some weight my life will be shortened.

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SEATTLE58 7/22/2012 7:08PM

    This is truly so very awesome! What a true example you are of having your mind set that you could do it and I truly believe that you will continue until your goal and then for the rest of your life, I know that you'll keep having your mind set so that you'll maintain! Yes, I believe in you and yes, it does look like we have the same goal set. I see that we're about the same weight now too. Wow, you have lost so much! I admire you so much and will keep looking up to you for advice of a variety of way to get to goal, because I know we have to change up every now and then. I've gotten up to 30 min. on my recumbent bike and that's the most I've ever done since getting Rheumatoid Arthritis which makes it so difficult to walk, etc., because of pain. Thanks for all that you mean to me and good luck to you, Buddy! emoticon

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LORI1132 7/22/2012 1:40PM

    Thanks for such a beautiful post. You are gorgeous! And congrats on weighing less than your hubby. This is a goal of mine as well.

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JEZEBELSK 7/22/2012 1:53AM

    Just amazing! Bravo!

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JMMACKIE 7/21/2012 12:12PM

    Thanks for sharing! Sometimes it is so good to sit back and reflect!


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MINNA72 7/21/2012 11:17AM

    This is amazing! Congrats on everything you have achieved!

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 7/21/2012 11:06AM

    You have come such a LONG way! I can totally relate to a couple of things in your blog. My first goal was to weigh less than my husband and I finally do! Almost 50 POUNDS less, that is! Woo hoo! That's how it's supposed to be.

I also have the problem you do of seeing myself as bigger than I am. I haven't lost more than 5 pounds in an entire year but I've gone down TWO pants sizes so that says a lot.

You look FANTASTIC! Keep up the GREAT work. I can tell you that you CAN get where you want to be. I'm not quite there yet but almost there and still happy about it. Keep on sparking! :)

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SCOUTMOM715 7/21/2012 9:18AM

    Love this blog!! Keep up the great work!! You have done sparktacular!! emoticon

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GYMRAT_AT44 7/21/2012 8:40AM

    emoticon

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LINDYLIME 7/21/2012 7:28AM

    This is such an encouraging blog. Thanks so much for sharing your struggle and now success on your journey.

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ANNIESADVENTURE 7/20/2012 10:32PM

    I saw your post on a message board and was intrigured by the success shown on your ticker. You have come a long way. How wonderful to see the two pictures side by side. Way to go.
Annie

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.DUSTY. 7/20/2012 9:26PM

    Is that the photo you sent in? WOW! So amazing!

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FINCHFEEDER80 7/20/2012 11:29AM

    You know what's funny, is I look at the old pictures, and I never saw you like that. If that makes sense. Don't get me wrong, side by side like that, it's night and day. Maybe it's because I've known you for so long, or because I'm huge myself, but I never saw your "old" face the way it looks in comparision to your "new" face.

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FITFOODIE806 7/20/2012 8:21AM

    Wow! Your progress is incredible. You look amazing!

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GODIVADSG 7/20/2012 7:53AM

    You are so right! Love your blog. It is so challenging loosing the last bit of weight. I have struggled for a long time with it and the fact that I do need to eat a lot less. I think you are so smart to recognize that most of it is mental too. I have had and still have a lot of work to do in this area. You can do it and are doing it.... you are living a fulfilled life! Way to go on your running!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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YESCURLYCAN 7/19/2012 3:57AM

  You are absoultely right; we forget about how far we have come when the scale isn't singing our praises. You have made such great strides and your before and after pics are fantastic. You inspire me to keep sparking emoticon

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DENNETJ 7/19/2012 1:25AM

    You are doing an amazing job. Keep up the good work.

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BRENJET 7/18/2012 4:20PM

    Those pics are fantastic! You are amazing! Keep up the excellent work. So inspiring!


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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 7/18/2012 3:57PM

    Amen sister! Great blog, and I LOVE looking at before pics. I still can't believe it's you = )

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GRAMTOTWO 7/18/2012 3:46PM

    Thank you for the motivation and, by the way

emoticon to YOU!

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YOBETHIE 7/18/2012 3:00PM

    This is so encouraging - just what I needed to hear today!
THANK YOU!!

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 7/18/2012 2:59PM

    Excellent blog! Great comp pics!

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