Saturday, March 12, 2011
This morning I got up just after 5 am so I could participate in this 5k which benefits lung cancer research. While browsing the cool running website yesterday, I found it and decided I was going to do it. I regularly walk 4 miles (and those of you who read my blogs know I can now run a mile, well, more like jog), so I knew I could do it with no problem, and it's for a good cause.
I got there a little after 6:30 this morning. It was so cold, probably in the 30s! I was one of the first people there, and they had a same day sign up table. Everyone there was really nice and I was talking to one of the ladies and weight loss came up and I mentioned I'd lost some weight and was surprised how everyone freaked out. They had other people coming over saying, "Look at this girl, she has lost almost 80 lbs." It kind of embarrassed me a little bit, but they were nice. I got a t-shirt for signing up and paying the $35 and it's an extra large (yes, I know that ain't small, but when you used to wear a 3X it is) and it fits! They had a table where you could get a sign to pin on you that said I am walking in honor of____, so I filled one out for my dad and pinned it on. It was very emotional doing that and I almost teared up a little.
Around 8:00 the lady who heads it up gave a little speech and then some doctors talked about lung cancer prevention. My toes were almost numb by this point because it was so cold and I was anxious to get started so I could warm myself up. They had a guy from American Family Fitness there to warm us up, and everyone in the crowd was groaning because he had us do jumping jacks (over 40 of them!) high knees, running in place, and other stretches. I had no problem doing any of it, and that made me feel awesome. :) Then it was about time to go over and get in the line to start the race. They had runners up front and walkers at the back. I got myself somewhere in the middle because I planned to do both. Just before it started, a lady came over and said, "Hi. I'm from the Richmond Times Dispatch, and we got some photos of you stretching. Can I get your name?" So, of course I gave it to her. It would be cool to be in the newspaper, I'm just hoping these photos aren't unflattering, if you know what I mean. lol
It was time to start and I was ready to run (or jog, whatever) and it felt good. I had a hard time the first minute or two just trying to maneuver through the crowd until everyone dispersed a little and I could get ahead of some of the people. I ran for as long as I could and then walked, then ran again. I did this the whole time and spent most of it jogging. I couldn't believe how many people I was passing. It was around a huge mall, and so some cars would come in (they had cops directing them) and I'd have to slow down and wait and so I think that really took time away, which annoyed me! Anyways..
As I was going through this race, I thought a lot about why I was there. Part of it was because I'd wanted to do a 5k now that I am able to do it. I wanted to see how much of it I could run and see if I could get a decent time. Also, part of it was because as soon as I read that the walk benefited lung cancer research, I thought of my dad. He died in early 2006 from lung cancer that spread to his liver, pancreas and finally his brain. He smoked for over 40 years and had quit a few years before, but unfortunately still ended up with cancer. As I walked and ran, I thought about him, and health, and all the reasons I have changed my life. I couldn't help but think if he'd taken better care of himself, that he might still be here today. He was only 61 when he died. He never met my daughter, and my son will never remember him because he was so young when he died. That makes me very sad every time I think about it, because he would have been a great grandpa.
Since I've become healthier, my entire perspective on life has changed. I can't even explain it in words. I used to think that people who said they craved exercise were full of crap, but now I understand why. You feel alive when you work your body and push yourself. I do not want to die early in life like many members of my family. I want to live to old age and see my grandchildren and great grandchildren be born. I want to grow old in a healthy way so that I am strong and capable and not a burden to anyone. For so long I neglected myself because I felt I wasn't worth it. I thought everything and everyone else was more important and that there was no way I could ever change, since I had always been that way (fat). I will never make that mistake again. I will not rob myself or my family of a happy future. Before this last year I didn't even realize how unhappy I was.
The whole way I just kept thinking of how fortunate I am to be healthy and able to be out there doing this. My body has taken the abuse I've put it through, and it has forgiven me, at least I hope so. :) Along the route people were cheering us on and it felt really great. At the end there was a line of people who would slap your hand as you went through the finish line, and as I was coming up running as fast as I could for that last bit, they looked at the time and said, "Wow, she's a walker and did it in under 45 minutes." It felt great. I got some water and they had tables with all sorts of food. I got half a bagel and an apple that was ginormous! Seriously, it was like the size of a newborn's head. It was delicious! I hung around the mall for a bit and looked in a few stores, then headed out.
About 40 minutes later, I was at Dutch Gap Conservation. I went to bird watch there. It was my first time there, and it's really pretty. I saw several new birds, which I was excited about. It felt good to just walk around leisurely and enjoy the scenery. Though I would have liked to stay longer, I needed some lunch! I was starving after all that working out. So, I headed home, and on the way got some frozen yogurt. :)
I really hope that all of you reading this will understand where I am coming from. I'm not trying to be preachy at all when I say what I am about to say, I just genuinely understand the struggles with losing weight and want to help people do what's worked for me. Think about the things in your own life that could be affecting your health and think of how you can change them. Do you smoke, drink too much, eat too much fast food, never get enough sleep? We only get one body, and so it's important we take care of it. Don't take your life for granted. You are the only YOU that exists and you are important to someone whether you believe it or not. Love yourself first, and you can love everyone else even better.
Sorry this is so long. I just wanted to share my amazing day with everyone.
Oh, and my time for the 5k was 43 mins, 10 secs. :)
HUGS to all.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Today I weighed 249.2 lbs! I am under 250 now! I'd set 250 as my goal weight on my ticker because I hadn't weighed under it in a decade and I wanted to just get there first. Completely elated describes how I feel right now!
I have lost 76 lbs! My daughter weighs 35 lbs, so that is more than twice her weight. When I pick her up, she feels so heavy and I can't even believe I was carrying that much extra weight on me.
There was a time I thought I could never even lose 50 lbs. It just seemed so daunting and impossible, but I have surpassed that, and I will keep on going. My next goal is to get under 200 lbs, and I haven't weighed there since my senior year of high school, which was over 12 years ago.
This has been a big week for me. I ran a mile the other day (well, more like jogged, but I did it without stopping to walk) and I had been dreaming of doing that for a long time, and honestly never thought I'd be able to again.
Each time I meet a goal I have set for myself, it makes me want to keep going and push even harder. I realize that I CAN do it, and the only thing stopping me, and the only thing that has ever stopped me, is me. For so long I doubted myself because I was scared to fail and scared to succeed and couldn't seem to believe in myself enough.
To all of you working toward a goal, keep going. You can do it! You WILL do it. Believe it. Take this one day at a time and soon you'll be sitting there a few months or a year from now bursting with pride and happiness, with the realization that you've changed your life.
This hasn't been easy, but really, most things in life that are worth it are not. Other than raising my kids, this is the most challenging thing I have ever done, and like raising my kids, it will be something I do for my lifetime. It's also brought me more happiness than anything else in my life (other than having my family).
Thanks for reading. :)
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Today I met a goal I set for myself. I ran a mile without stopping! I have not been able to do this since I was in high school, more than 12 years ago!!
Back in the fall I started the C25K program and did well. I got through week 4, then some things interfered. First of all, the shoes I was using were not meant for running. They were walking shoes I'd bought at the end of 2009 so I could start walking and lose weight. My ankles and knees were bothering me a lot, which was annoying because I wanted to run. I had gotten to the point where walking briskly just didn't feel like I was working myself hard enough and it was as if my body wanted to run. The next thing that happened was that I got sick and my kids were sick, my husband wasn't home much and then we got snow and ice off and on. It was hard to find time to go out for walking/running, and with Christmas coming I hadn't wanted to spend the money on shoes just yet.
A month or so ago, I was talking to my husband's grandmother and she was telling me how impressed she was that I'd lost so much weight. I told her all the things I've been doing and how I had a goal to run, and as soon as we had the extra money I was going to get fitted for the proper shoes so I could do it. Last week I got a card from her in the mail. It was addressed only to me and it was congratulating me on my weight loss and she sent me a check so I'd have the money to get the shoes! I was crying and just couldn't believe it. People don't do things like that for me very often, so I was so surprised and grateful that she thought about me in that way.
Friday I went out to a place called Runner Bill's to get my shoes. It was recommended to me by a friend who runs half marathons. I am so glad I went. The guy was awesome! He looked at my old shoes to check their wear and he had me squat and walk around and he looked at my ankles and then he picked out a pair that fit me perfectly! I have wide feet, so sometimes it's hard to find shoes that fit well. I tried them on and ran down the aisle and couldn't believe how much easier it was to run with the proper shoes. I tried on others, but the first were the best, so I got those. They were $90, and for me that is a lot of money to spend on shoes or clothes, but they are well worth the money!
On Saturday I decided to try them out while my mother in law took my kids to lunch. I figured since I hadn't run in a while if I could run for 5 minutes I'd be thrilled. I walked for a few minutes to warm up and then just ran. I ran until I felt like I couldn't anymore, and looked at the clock on my mp3 player and it had been somewhere between 11-12 minutes. I was astounded! When I got home I tracked it on the map and it was .86 miles. I couldn't believe I'd done almost a mile! I knew if I had gone that far that I would be able to do a mile soon.
Today I decided I was going to do it. I got my son's lunch ready and the kids fed and my husband got him to the bus while I went and dressed. I had a piece of whole wheat toast with some peanut butter and honey on it. I let that settle for a bit and then went out. It was cold this morning but sunny and it felt great to be outside. I did my warm up walk and when I got back to my house I started to run. After a few minutes, I felt winded and my muscles were aching some, but I just focused on my breathing and kept going. We have a lot of hills in our neighborhood, so it's not easy, but I knew where I needed to make it to in order to reach a mile. Once I got almost there I felt so awesome, and I kept going just a bit more, so I ended up doing 1.02 miles according to the tracker. I checked the time and it was somewhere between 13-14 mins. I know that isn't fast, but for me it is because a year ago it was taking me 20 minutes or so to walk a mile and I seriously couldn't run for more than 20 seconds.
This is a big day for me! I did something I've wanted to do for years and thought I'd never be able to do again. I can run! I feel like I am more fit and healthy than I have been in my whole life. I recently had blood work done at the Dr and my LDL and HDL cholesterol are perfect, my triglycerides are down, and my vitamin D is finally normal (I had been on supplements because it was low). I have great blood pressure now, and no signs of diabetes. I've caught up on all my Dr. appointments (even the dentist!) and I am taking care of myself better than I ever have. For so long I didn't feel like I was worth taking care of myself, so I didn't. I spent all my time taking care of everyone else and put myself aside because I felt I was a lost cause and truly believed I was meant to be a fat person. I quit doing that and thinking that way, and I am happier than I have been in a long time. I feel like I have my life back and it's only going to get better. I can do this and nothing will stop me!!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Ok, so lately I am struggling for a myriad of reasons. I am not trying to make excuses, just trying to say how I'm feeling.
For whatever reason, I feel like I am always hungry lately. And it's not just because I want to eat, I will be lying in bed reading before bed and my stomach just growls and growls. I can't even get to sleep sometimes because of it. I am eating around 1700-1800 calories a day and I work out 4-5 days a week, some weeks more. I started doing those Biggest Loser dvds which are very hard, and my muscles have been aching a lot lately. I just feel tired, and stressed because of some other issues, so I don't know if that is making me feel more hungry or what.
I get frustrated because I'll have this awesome week working out and eating really healthy, but then I'll think, "Oh, I can have a few cookies and go over my calories by a couple hundred this one day. That won't make me gain weight." Well, apparently for me it is enough to make me gain weight. There is no way in a week that I am eating 3500 calories over, especially considering I burn that every week, according to the tracker (this is another reason I want a HR monitor) I don't understand it. People around me can literally eat an entire pizza for dinner and not gain an ounce, but I eat a few cookies or something and the next week I am up 1.5 or 2 lbs when I weigh. Does that seem normal?
I normally plan things like that in so I don't go over my calories, but I feel like I can never just slip up without paying for it big time. Sometimes I just want to be able to go out with someone for impromptu ice cream and not worry I'll gain weight from it when I've done a great job every other day that week. My kids once in a while ask me to make them something, like cookies, and I hate always saying no, or when I do make then worrying that eating a few is going to ruin that week.
So, I don't know if extra strength training is making me hold water and if that is the cause of my random ups in weight lately, or if I just have to be perfect in my eating or what. I didn't want to completely deny myself treats because in the past when I've done that, I end up gorging on all the cookies and ice cream I can eat, and I never do that now. I have not seriously overeaten in a loooong time. I track pretty much every single day, drink my water, take vitamins, and make exercise a priority. So, I am disappointed in my weight loss lately. I have lost a lot of weight in the last year, and I am proud of that, but if I can't figure out why I am losing 2 lbs, then gaining 1, I feel like I'll never get to my goal if this keeps on.
I'm just frustrated. I feel like I work so hard and I know we aren't supposed to measure success by only looking at the scale, but it's hard not to sometimes.
It's also frustrating to not be able to buy clothes that fit me. Every couple months things no longer fit and I can't afford to buy a lot right now. I feel like a frump wearing the same things over and over. I thought I'd look a lot better, but naked, I look worse. I have a lot of loose skin already (especially in my inner thighs) and something is telling me it's not going to go away. It just depresses me sometimes to think of how I didn't take care of myself for a long time and even after this is said and done, I'll still not even have an average body. I know being healthy is the most important thing, and it is to me, that is why I am doing this, but it still sucks. Being Barbie is not important to me, but I just want to look normal, if that makes any sense.
Sorry for the complaining. It's just hard, and I'm tired, and even though there are nights I get 4 hours of sleep or my muscles ache like hell, I still make myself work out and plan meals and try to make sure my family gets everything from me they need. This balancing act is so hard sometimes, and I wonder how others seem to do it so effortlessly.
Thursday, February 03, 2011
A week ago today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. That went really well, even though I was nervous about it. After it was done, I came home and was sleepy and numb, and as the anesthesia wore off, I didn't even have any pain. My husband was home to take care of me, and he did a good job.
For a few days, I felt fine. I was taking the pain medication they gave me every 6 hours and never really felt any pain, just some very mild discomfort. I had feared it would be horribly painful from what I'd heard from other people. I mostly felt bad from being so tired. Although the meds made me sleepy, I was not sleeping for more than a few hours at a time, so I felt awful from that and was so sluggish. I also wasn't eating much. My diet consisted of V8 juice, greek yogurt, smoothies, pudding and frozen yogurt.
Ok, this is where my blog is going to get really gross, so if you are grossed out easily, please don't keep reading. This has to do with bathroom issues, ie pooping. :/
By Sunday I was horribly constipated. I never get constipated, and didn't know what to do. I took some miralax which we give to my son (he's had issues with constipation from holding it in), and I started having horrible stomach pains. I kept trying to go to the bathroom and I couldn't. I had my husband get me an enema and suppositories. Neither worked. By this time, which was Sunday evening, I was doubled over in pain. It was even getting hard to urinate and it said on the package of suppositories that if you still can't go to the bathroom to see a Dr. I knew I couldn't make it till morning. I was in agony and couldn't even sit I was in so much pain.
So, at 11 that night, he took me to the ER. We had to wake our kids, who are 7 and 4, and I felt so bad. I told my husband to take them home (we live about 9 or 10 mins from the hospital), and I'd call him later, so they would not be sitting there. It took more than an hour before they got me a room. It was awful waiting all that time, feeling sick and not being able to lie down.
The Dr. came in and I told her what was going on, and she said I should have been on a stool softener while I was on that medication. I was not told that, I had read the meds could cause it, but I thought since I was eating healthy things like fruit and veg juice that it wouldn't be a problem. She said that didn't matter, and that those meds cause the stool to get very hard and sometimes impassible. Then, she proceeded to shove what felt like her entire hand up my butt. It was extremely painful. She said I had impacted stool and they send the nurse in with an enema. I told her I'd tried that at home, and it didn't work. Well, they wanted to try it anyway. So, after 4 enemas and a lot of pain, I still could not go to the bathroom. I didn't even have a bathroom in my room and had to keep going out to the hall where all that would come out was the water from the enema. I pushed so hard at one point I thought I was going to pass out. I was lying there crying it hurt so bad and getting up was getting difficult. I was weak and tired and by this time it was almost 4 in the morning and I hadn't slept.
So, at this time they decided to give me this stuff to drink that tasted like acid. I had to drink a 12 oz bottle of it, and about half way through started to feel really sick. It made my insides feel like they were on fire! After trying to go to the bathroom a few more times, I was making some progress, but it still felt like something was stuck. Then I started to throw up from that crap. One time I couldn't even make it to the toilet. I just kept throwing up and throwing up. I was starting to wish I would just die I felt so awful and weak. They told me I could go home and would still continue to use the bathroom. I got a prescription for some pills that were supposed to help with the awful stomach cramps I was having and for miralax which they want me to take for a couple weeks.
I called my husband to come get me and I threw up again while on the way out. We got home just before 7 am, and all went to bed. I have never been so glad to lie down in my own bed. I had a restless sleep from the stomach pains and having to keep going to the bathroom. My butt was hurting so bad that I couldn't sit. For the next 2 days I spent all my time either sleeping or lying on the couch because sitting up was too painful.
By Tuesday night I was feeling a little better and went to bed. About a half hour after that my daughter woke us up because she was sick. She'd thrown up all over the place and I had to clean that up and wash all her bedding and change her bed. She kept throwing up and was up all night, and so was I. I did not sleep at all that night and all day yesterday I dozed off some in the morning and afternoon while my son was at school. She's been running a fever, and has some sort of stomach bug, which I am hoping I will not get. I can't take anymore, and I feel so wiped out.
She seems to be doing better today. My husband was at work yesterday, but is home today and he let me sleep in this morning. I just feel so worn out, and just want to feel like myself again so I can work out and get back into my regular routine.
So, that has been my week. It has not been fun, and I am hopeful things will get better. I lost over 3 lbs this week because I haven't been eating much. I am starting to feel hungry again, so I guess that's a sign I am getting better. I will hopefully only need a few more days of resting and then I'll be all better so I can get back into things.
Just wanted to update everyone, and warn you if you are ever on pain meds, take a stool softener! I will never ever make that mistake again. I have given birth to 2 children, and even after those births I was not in as much pain as I was after this ordeal!
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