MOONANDSTARS77   1,970
SparkPoints
1,000-2,499 SparkPoints
 
 
MOONANDSTARS77's Recent Blog Entries

My thoughts while running...

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

I saw an interesting question on spark about thoughts while running, so I began to examine mine.

Recently, I have been realizing just how much I criticize myself. I apologize to people constantly, even if I am not at fault. I have done it all my life and it is a habit I would love to work on.

So, anyway, today I was doing my run and I was doing really well. The sun was out, I was keeping a good pace, I was just happy.

Then, I began to think back to other times when I walked slowly (30 minute mile, anyone?) and I began to feel down again.

Then I realized: I had to give myself permission to love myself. I needed to tell myself that it was OK, that I deserved to be happy. For so long, I put my life on hold trying to make others happy. My efforts only pushed them away and I was still miserable.

I picked up my pace and began to smile again. I ROCKED it today...I was pleased with my workout. I am allowing myself to bask in my victory.

Yes, I have faltered before...ran too slow, ate too much, just didn't really take it seriously.

But the beautiful and sad part about yesterday is that it's gone...the mistakes can't be fixed and the good times can't last forever.

But I can begin anew today...with a smile on my face.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEVEN2GO2 4/24/2013 12:07AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PLATINUM755 4/23/2013 9:38PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
AMBERZADE67 4/23/2013 7:08PM

    That's great .... !!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SWINKIE57 4/23/2013 3:49PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


I had a best friend once...for a little while:(

Saturday, March 23, 2013

My best BEST friend in the world was always my mom. I didn't really care about or have close friends my own age as my mom and I were inseperable.

When she died in 2008, I spent alot of time trying to form attatchments with others. Consequently, people would act like we were friends just to use me. However, there was this one girl at work that I began becoming close to. We did everything together, even though she was younger than me we had so much in common. I bared my soul to her and she did the same, even confiding she was bisexual, which not many knew.

She ended up moving in with me for a few months and I would drive her everywhere and she eventually just drove my car.

Even though she couldn't help me out like I could her, I was on top of the world. I thought I found that once in a lifetime friend some people have.

However, she moved in with her boyfriend whom we both worked with. She got a car. Her man didn't like me and the feeling was mutual.

Anyway, we started hanging out less and less. We started back up and I bought her a gold dog tag with a verse that meant something to both of us.

Then, all of a sudden, nothing. I was stranded with aflat tire months ago. She happened to ride by and she waved and drove on.

Then, yesterday, I saw her with her mom at wal-mart. Her mom said hello, but she kept walking. I looked back and she said something to her mom and they both just looked at me.

I always wondered what it was about me that made it impossible to stay close to people. Most of them I don't really mind if the friendship ends. But this one hurt :(

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSYGEEN 4/20/2013 3:23PM

    Interesting topic. I can relate. I am close to my family, my two best friends are my aunt and my sister. Growing up I would have one friend or another that I was really close with but eventually we would drift apart. Now I live in another state from the family that I grew up with. I am single and would like to have a girlfriend to hang I with. Last year I met a lady about the same age as me and we began to hang out, shopping, coffee and sitting around talking. I can be a bit of a loner sometimes and do not always call people. I explained this to her and when she doesn't hear from me she still make comments that make me feel uncomfortable. I try baking away from her but don't know how to tell her the truth since I've already explained to her more than once that I can be a loner sometimes. I've pushed her away before and am now ready to dissolve our friendship because it makes me uncomfortable.

I guess it gets harder as you get older to find genuine friendships. Perhaps if you(or should I say we) got more involved with things we find interesting we would meet people that we have things in common with.

I hope I am not stepping out of bounds by saying that you can not feel the void of your relationship with your mother. that was a genuine authentic relationship that can never be duplicated. Wrap it like a gift and appreciate it for what it was. Maybe your present and new relationships will have to be redefined.

I wish you all the best.
Missygeen

Report Inappropriate Comment
BRAVELUTE 3/24/2013 6:48PM

    GR8ERjoY has much wisdom. Reread the last paragraph once a day and decide what you are going to do to love you first. Then work on putting that new you out there, just starting out as a friendly person, brightening the lives of those people around you during your daily affairs. Relate. Don't expect permanent friendships to form. They will, but don't expect it.

And remember, no one is born knowing how to be a good friend. You are obviously not the only one who has to figure this out. So, you need to stop thinking that you are the problem. We all need to work on this, have room for improvement.

Many people are very happy, to have superficial relationships because they have gotten hurt in the past. Is that where you are in this?

It doesn't sound like it to me.

But knowing this, you should be able to acknowledge when someone else is "buying" your friendship in the future. And that is not your problem, it is theirs.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LADYIRISH317 3/23/2013 4:50PM

    There's nothing wrong with you. She's clearly a selfish user who hung out with you while she could get anything from you and kicked you to the curb when she couldn't. She was most certainly not a friend. I know how much it hurts (believe me -- I've been there myself). But you're so much better off without people like that in your life.

Report Inappropriate Comment
STEVEN2GO2 3/23/2013 3:58PM

    I have gone through the same thing. When I was in college I had a best friend. He and I did many things together. We rode bikes, played tennis, bowled together, worked out together, played racketball together, played golf together, played pinball and video games, shot pool, studied together and partied together. We were best friends for like three years.

But then all of a sudden he would not return my phone calls. I got no response. I wondered why? What did I do that he decided to end our relationship? Why was I cut from his life? I just wanted to know what I did that he decided to avoid me. I still to this day do not know what I did wrong and it still bugs me because I do not want to do whatever I did wrong (if antything) that he decided to end our friendship.

I understand your frustration and hurt. I do not have any advice to give you, I am just saying that I can relate. I do know that it is harder now to put myself into a new friendship because of this. You can get very hurt.



Report Inappropriate Comment
08ESCAPE 3/23/2013 2:53PM

    I can relate to how you feel... I really only have one true girlfriend. She been my friend for over 20 years. I am not close to my family so really to me she is more like my sister. We might go two weeks or even a month without talking, but I know she's always there if I need her.

When I was younger I tried to socialize more but I always felt like I didn't fit. I used to have lunch with a group of girls at work. We would also go out for dinner every couple of months to celebrate a birthday, or just to have a girls night out. It was great for awhile. But then a new girl was hired at work and she was somehow included in our group. She was a trouble marker...a gossiper. Her and I had a disagreement, and I felt the other girls in the group took her side. They said I took it to far. Maybe I did... I just think friends should be loyal. I was so hurt by their reactions. I realized my friendship didn't mean as much to them as it meant to me. That girl no longer works with us, but I will never get socially involved again with the group. They have asked me to join them but I always kindly say no.

I really have a hard time letting people in for fear of getting hurt. This is why I love SP... I can be social, and interact with other as much or as little as I want.

emoticon emoticon



Report Inappropriate Comment
GR8ERJOY 3/23/2013 2:22PM

    That seems very odd, as if the problem was hers, not yours and so now all pieces don't fit because there are some pieces you don't know about. No real and true person acts like that to someone they once called a friend without good cause (like if you tried to run her boyfriend over with your car or something - which I'm guessing you didn't).

I can say from experience, that if you don't feel good about yourself, that can be straining to relationships, all kinds, friendship included. Make sure you like and love yourself first, then worry about and work on relationships with others.

Report Inappropriate Comment


I want to get to the point where I am enough!!!!!

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Lately, I have been realizing that I constantly compare my weight/shape against other women. I always have a weight loss "model" in mind when I think about my weight.

The women are not actually models, just women I work with or see that I measure my weight up against theirs.

The current one is a woman at work who everyone says is so pretty. She used to be 200 or so pounds and now she goes on and on about weighing 130.

However, sometimes she will talk about exercise and she says she refuses to eat healthy or exercise.

I just want to get to the point where just being me is enough to reach for my goals.

I don't want to compare myself all the time to other women. What is even the point? I will never look like them....I should be comfortable in my own skin.

Hopefully I can turn my mind around!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEVEN2GO2 3/18/2013 10:08PM

    On one hand I say it is good to have that "model" in mind. It gives you inspiration towards your goals. If you have a picture in your mind, it reminds you of where you want to go and to use the tools needed to get there. Just one negative thought though, if your image is unattainable, you will become very frustrated. Enjoy your journey from when you started and keep your dream of the person you want to become.

One last note: in one of your previous blogs you came down to the conclusion that your body works very well. I think you said that your kidneys do their job. So remember along your journey you are already healthy you just want to fine tune what you got into that "model" you hope for. Respect yourself for all that your mind and body can do now!

Report Inappropriate Comment
08ESCAPE 3/18/2013 7:59AM

    I know it's hard not to compare yourself to others... I've done it myself. But I've learned over time that what works for you might not work for me...... Just do you!!

Be Yourself
Accept Yourself
Value Yourself
Bless Yourself
Express Yourself
Trust Yourself
Love Yourself
Empower Yourself!!

You have it in you to do it!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/18/2013 8:00:15 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
DAWNDMOORE40 3/17/2013 2:49PM

    emoticon You don't need to worry about what those other women say or what they look like! What is important is your success and how you feel about yourself. If you feel your doing your best, then just be you! Others will take notice that your not trying to be someone else. That is the most important! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JOHNMARTINMILES 3/17/2013 2:39PM

    Khalil Gibbron says that when you are called on to account for yourself you will only be asked if you we're the best you that you old be.

Report Inappropriate Comment


The title of this blog was going to be Back Fat!!!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

I was going to write a post about how even though I lost five pounds I looked in the mirror today and saw some gross back fat.

Yuck...two pieces of my back touching together. I paused in front of my mirror disgusted.

Then, I heard my mom's voice in my mind, even though she has been gone 5 years. She always used to say "if you've got your health, you've got gold."

My mind drifted back to the end of January, when at the same time I had an abnormal pap as well as breast pain that rendered me unable to move my arm and begging multiple doctors for a breast sonogram. Luckily, I had testing and things turned out ok.

Suddenly, the fat on my back looked beautiful. The kidneys it housed, the back without pain, unlike so many poor people.

I reached into my memory and recalled some of the stories I read while researching my symptoms on the internet. Women who were fighting breast cancer just to stay alive, who were begging on forums and blogs for just some more TIME, time to see their kids turn 1 or see their daughter get married.

Brave women who enrolled in clinical trial after trial after trial just to extend their time on this earth...to walk, to learn, to grow, to explore without illness, as I was able to do if I wasn't looking in my mirror at back fat.

Does my son care about my back fat? No, he just wants his mommy healthy and alive to be with him. As I, even though an adult, wanted my own mother who lost her leg to diabetes.

I realized that I want to do this mostly to get healthy. I'm not going to lie and say I wouldn't love to look better, but my main focus has to be on my health.

Part of our health is loving our body and taking care of it.

And, despite my being overweight, for the most part I am pretty healthy.

For this I am grateful.

So...instead of staring at my back fat, I said a silent thank you for my health, gave a silent respect and sorrow for those people fighting deadly illness or crippling pain and counted my blessing.

Then I pulled my shirt over my head and went for a walk.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEWMEN2013 3/16/2013 2:20PM

    What a health booster when we stop the negative thoughts and fill our hearts with gratitude! Even when we are feeling ill (personally battling a sore throat which I am GREATLY hoping isn't strep), we need to be grateful because it could be so much more [Reminder to self: this too shall pass!]
Thanks for a little healthy perspective to start the weekend! Your Mom would be proud!

Report Inappropriate Comment
HEALTHY-SPARK 3/16/2013 1:16PM

    Fantastic!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TIME2BLOOM4ME 3/16/2013 1:14PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
STEVEN2GO2 3/16/2013 5:02AM

    I am divorced now but when I was married I had the honor of being the step father of an awesome son. He was autistic and learning new ideas came hard to him. BUT one lesson I learned from him was "DON'T GIVE UP!". When he was frustrated with his learning he just kept on trying. I am now in my maintenance phase of my journey but along the way I had those days when I was disappointed in how I looked or that I was not dropping weight as fast as I hoped for. But then I would hear Dominic's voice saying to me "DON'T GIVE UP!". Your blog echoed in my mind that here is someone who says "DON'T GIVE UP!" May you continue to reach for the Moon and the Stars.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BMCOLLEY 3/14/2013 10:10PM

    This is an excellent blog. It is so wonderful to love the temple we were given. Although the temple is on loan, we still should return it in as good a condition as we received. I love your attitude.

Bettie

Report Inappropriate Comment
DRUIDPRINCESS 3/13/2013 5:47PM

    What a wonderfully positive attitude! With good health and determination you can make the changes you want to see in your life. And we are all here, cheering you on, while we take our own journeys.

I look forward to reading about your successes in your future blogs!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PLATINUM755 3/12/2013 9:36PM

    Nothing like an attitude of gratitude. Spend your time taking the next step in the right direction...it will all fall into place. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Please give Me Suggestions PLEASE!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

I weighed myself today and I gained! It was only a few ounces but I watched and exercised all week.

How does everyone handle this when it happens to you? I'm not giving up but it is discouraging.

Does it matter that I weighed myself at a different time? UGH!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEVEN2GO2 3/16/2013 8:24PM

    I am a scale junkie. My weight is the lowest when I first wake up and use the Men's room. But because of the amount of fluids I drink each day my weight will increase 4-5 pounds on most days. In the evening I stop drinking as much and the scale decreases. It does matter a lot the time of day that you weigh yourself. I notice you are on the coffee drinkers team and drinking a lot of coffee will increase your numbers.

Every ones advice about weighing in after waking up and using the bathroom is an excellent thought!

Keeping that number down,
Steven

Report Inappropriate Comment
CAMAEL100 3/16/2013 5:53PM

    Don't weigh at different times of the day. First thing in the morning in the nip seems to be the best time. Weight fluctuates throughout the day. Also as you get used to weighing, you will realise what makes you gain, like TOM, or maybe too much sodium the day before or even drinking too little water can make your body retain water.

Keep up what you are doing, you will get there and are getting healthier anyway!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SIMONEKP 3/6/2013 9:39AM

    If you honestly did not exceed your range and worked out then it's not a true gain. I am a daily weigher so I see it all the time. Try to weigh yourself at the same time and under the same conditions. Mornings work really well for this, wake up, pee, weigh. The amount of sodium or TOM or needing to poo can make a difference. Go by how you feel and how your clothes look and feel. You have to accept that it's not always going to be a linear journey.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MANDIETERRIER1 1/23/2013 10:57AM

    Same thing happened to me. I know it is so frustrating.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 1/22/2013 3:38PM

    For me, different time of day makes a huge difference. I always weigh first thing in the AM, and wearing nothing.

Also, time of month can make a difference, due to water retention and all that.

So don't stress, check again next week.

Report Inappropriate Comment
THEME33 1/22/2013 2:35PM

    I understand exactly how you are feeling. I weighted in today for my week 2 weigh in and much to my surprise, and dismay I gained .02 ounces. At first I was really frustrated, I worked so hard all week, and to gain versus lose was a disappointment to say the least. As I looked back over the week to see where I went wrong, I realized I didn't. I did exactly what I was supposed to do, and that is all I can ask of myself. I also I realized that even though my scale came back higher, my clothes are fitting better and I am feeling new muscle definition so I got out my trusty tape measure and low and behold I lost an entire inch off my waist and hips. In our journey to a healthier us it is easy to get lost in what our scales tell us, but at the end of the day that is not the most important thing, living healthy active lives is our goal, and we can do that now no matter what our scales may say. I hope this helps, I am very excited to walk beside you as we make our way toward happier healthy versions of ourselves. We can do this!! I have a feeling next week we are going to knock it out of the park and come in with 2 or 3 lbs :), but if we don't..well then we will keep moving, and feeding our bodies the healthy foods they crave. I am wishing you the very best and hope that knowing you are not alone can give you the positive ump to keep trucking! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SAM60SUMTHINK 1/22/2013 1:38PM

    If you are weighing yourself daily, this might be the time to toss the scale, and focus on what you are doing instead of how the numbers change! If you change diet and exercise you'll find that you can be doing everything 'right' and even losing inches...but gaining weight. (Muscle weighs more than fat) So. Stick to measuring, tracking foods to balance nutrients within your recommended calorie range; exercising in the way that you plan for yourself.

You should weigh yourself at the same time, and not following meals; that is why most people prefer to weigh themselves in the morning. Wear the same thing for weigh-ins, whether it's jeans and shirts or in the altogether. Clothes have weight and one part of pants can weigh more than another. Consistency of factors such as time, clothing, amount of time since last meal, time of month... can affect weight.

Focus on non-scale changes! They are incredible!!

Report Inappropriate Comment


1 2 Last Page