MONTANA_ED   35,713
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MONTANA_ED's Recent Blog Entries

Self Interview

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Gee- Marcyna has so many great blog ideas! I guess when we swap blog ideas, we are sharing our own little "sparks" and that is cool!

- How long have you been on SP ?
I started in February after seeing a news report on CNN, so it's been 6 months.

- What are you specifically doing ?
I track everything! I have upped my exercise and changed up my eating habits. I still struggle with splurges on the wrong foods, but I'm getting better at that.

- What did you find most difficult on SP?
Actually, I found SP easy to use. I guess there are parts of it that I'm still learning about. It's HUGE! As for something that I am still working on, that is drinking enough water!

- How do you feel now?
I feel fantastic! Getting out of the "diet" mindset and into the "Healthy Lifestyle" mindset has helped me SO much! I still have a long ways to go, but I KNOW that I am stronger and healthier than I was even just a year ago.

- Is your weigh loss normal?
I don't know what normal is for me. I guess it's normal but I hit these plateaus that frustrated me the first time it happened but now I just take it all in stride. I usually lose between a pound and two pounds a week.

- Do you think you'll stay longer in this plateau?
I don't know, but I know that my body does it's own thing. I just don't stress about it anymore.

- Would you recommend SP to anyone?
No - I wouldn't recommend it to anyone - I would recommend it to EVERYONE! There are so many things on this site that are helpful to people out there even if they are at goal weight! Heck, just the "feel good" affect is enough to be here. Unlike some other social sites that I've been on, SP is one that is always there is a good word or a "help up" when you are down. The people here are fantastic!

- Is there anything you would change? (I added this one)
I guess SP has already been changing things up and adding apps for new cells phones and such. That is awesome! I WOULD like to see SP expand as Marcyna mentioned into versions with different languages. The influence of this site expands ever farther and it would be nice to see it worldwide!

Thanks to Everyone out there!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PANFRIEDTROUT 7/18/2010 1:06AM

    what a clever post & inspiring to boot! and you're right ~ i've only been a "Sparker" for 2 weeks & everyday, i discover something new on the site & always useful.

good work on the weight loss & attitude too emoticon


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REBECCA180 7/13/2010 10:51PM

    People here are so friendly!
I wish I'd found this sight ages ago. I stumbled upon it. I hope traditional media plugs Sparks more often. I also think It could be used in schools!
Anyway, Ed, thanks for the post. I like your steady determination.

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JAY75REY 7/13/2010 3:00PM

    Nice work!

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MARCYNA 7/13/2010 4:56AM

    Oh My!!!!Ed this is so rewarding, actually I thought about an interview that showed to 'beginners' what to do on SP and what they could realistically expect. I discovered SP tools many many months after logging in for the 1st time.
Anyway your attitude is so healthy and I know you are consistent, which is perfect.
You now deserve virtual homemade tomato sauce, with lots of basil and fresh virgin olive oil...we used to prepare it at home.
So good so healthy. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/13/2010 4:59:10 AM

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SPARKENISTA 7/12/2010 5:10PM

    Love this blog. Not only is it enthusiastic but it's good to know that men hit plateaus, too.

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1DEBIE1 7/12/2010 4:25PM

    I'm loving your's infectious!!!

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MT-MOONCHASER 7/11/2010 12:08AM

    Hey, Ed --

Spark IS already all around the world. Of course, users have to have some use of the English language to participate, but I follow blogs from South Africa, Scotland, England, Canada, Australia and who knows where else. I have seen several comments on Spark Pages in German and French, so it is widespread now. You are right, though, in that it would be nice if people who don't use English could use it and we could understand their blogs.

I do see some weights in kilos on the trackers.

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PJGABRIEL 7/10/2010 11:31PM

    Like your answers, and good concept.

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LOOKY-LOU 7/10/2010 3:28PM

    Good thoughts....

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SLY_REDUX 7/10/2010 1:50PM

    The cell phone app is convenient, but all it contains is trackers. I would love to read my friends' blogs and updates too, and participate in group activities when I'm not home on my PC. I suppose, sooner or later, I'd better spring for a notebook computer.

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ONECOOKIETWO 7/10/2010 10:52AM

    Thanks Ed! Seems right on to me.

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LOSINGITALL4ME 7/10/2010 10:04AM

    This was very informative. Thanks for sharing.

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MINAMURO 7/10/2010 10:01AM

    Right on ED!

Marcyna, thank you for interviewing yourself and ED thanks for replicating.

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This is funny

Friday, July 09, 2010

Just a quick blog entry tonight - but I thought this was funny as heck.

So - yours truly goes to the gym and runs through his regime and I'm on my final 20 minutes on the exercise bike. (BTW - I'm able to do 20 min at 5% incline VERY well now on the treadmill).

ANYWAY - when I ride the exercise bike, I tend to sit straight up. I don't hang on to the handlebars. Well, here I am - Um, well - SWEATY - and plugging along at a good clip on this bike that goes no where.

And then I felt something on my fingers. I look down an they are wet! What the heck I think? And then I look at the back sides of my arms. The sweat is actually running down my arm and on to my fingertips. (BTW - if you are grossed out by this admission of free sweating, you need to work out harder).

After I realized what was going on - I just started grinning like the Cheshire cat. I couldn't help it! I thought it was SO funny! I'm SO glad that people don't pay me no never mind when I work out.

I just had to report that. I thought it was funny for some reason! I never had that happen, but I don't usually work out in such hot weather. Um - let me revise that in the fact that up to THIS point I hadn't worked out in such heat. The YMCA is not your pristine AC cooled gym. It is cooler than outside - but still has windows open. It makes a lot of sense when you think about it. It's OK if you run a fan, but AC? It's like the escalator to the gym that I saw a picture of.

HOWEVER - I will admit one thing. Montana has 100+ days, but is IS a dry heat. We joke about it, but it's true. I mean like right now it's 87 degrees outside, but the humidity is 27%. I know that makes a lot of difference.

That being said - sweat on your fingertips. Now THAT is working out, right?


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REBECCA180 7/13/2010 11:29PM

    Now that's a proud sweat!

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REBECCA180 7/13/2010 10:54PM

    Now that's a proud sweat!

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KAREN19682 7/12/2010 12:39PM


That is funny ed lol I use to belong to the ymca befor i joined planet fitness. It got so hot in the ymca that it wasent funny they had the fans going but it stil felt like a sauna in there lol I feel like if you dont swet you arnt working out hard enough . you are doing so good ed you will be at your goal befor you know it .

emoticon karen

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JULIE2719 7/12/2010 9:56AM

    Love to hear about the sweat - I am sometimes surprised about the dripping too ... emoticon

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LUCYSUNFLOWER 7/10/2010 12:58PM

    Okay, that's funny! I really think body chemistry changes as we make positive changes to our health, so maybe we'll all keep noticing weird little things as we go. Laughing on the bike is good - now if you start having full, two-sided converstations while on the bike, some of us are going to get a big net and quietly get you some help...!

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MINAMURO 7/10/2010 10:06AM

    Too funny ED!

I pictured these two pails by your bike collecting sweat as it dripped from your finger/handlebars into the pails.

Good on you! I am a sweat freak myself which is why I get the "newer" workout clothes that wick it away from my body.

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WIGIME 7/10/2010 3:51AM

    You got that right! Sweating is a good thing when it comes to working out and if you were able to sweat in the low humidity, well - GOOD FOR YOU!


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MARCYNA 7/10/2010 3:32AM

    I love sweating when I'm in the gym- I always use an anti-perspirant deodorant - I just love the Adidas range.
Sometimes I see people sweating in funny places .. I'm not telling you where exactly.... emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/10/2010 3:34:18 AM

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G.I.JANE 7/10/2010 2:18AM

    Sweat is good! Feeling good is great! emoticon You Rock!

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LILABE11 7/10/2010 1:19AM

    Working out and smiling....two good things. I'm trying to improve my attitude about the gym, and it is always the little things that get me laughing, too. For example, I constantly accidentally pull the iPod ear buds out of my ears and look ridiculous and no one notices.

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MONTANAMEL 7/10/2010 12:45AM

    Very funny! Way to work out as well!

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CARTOONB 7/10/2010 12:34AM

    That IS quite a workout!! And funny! Way to go Water Man!!! Or is it Sweat Man? Or something much more clever than I could ever make up! LOL!

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PSALM34V7 7/9/2010 11:54PM

    That is intense and I know the feeling. Its pretty strange, but well worth it!

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PJGABRIEL 7/9/2010 11:43PM

    When I use the treadmill that is how I always am with the sweat rolling down, and actually it feels great.
emoticon emoticon

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ROBERTAGW 7/9/2010 11:35PM

    I love this! Thanks for the visual of you on the bike laughing to yourself! That's one way that I get a wide berth for myself. Works every time!


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NANASAMM 7/9/2010 11:35PM

    Well, I'm not grossed out by sweat unless it's MY sweat! That's why I'm a water aerobics girl. If I sweat I sure don't know about it. I don't like feeling icky and sticky.


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SLY_REDUX 7/9/2010 11:21PM

    I've sweated in some pretty odd places lately too.

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My ten little things.

Thursday, July 08, 2010

My SP buddy Marcyna got me to thinking about MY ten little things about a "wish list". So without further adieu, I give you my list of when I reach my goal weight ( in reverse order):

10 - Shopping for clothes that are not XXXL, or XXL or even XL....
9.- Being able to go 3 flights of stairs and not be winded.
8. - To do those three flights - two stairs at a time.
7. - To go swimming without feeling self conscience.
6. - Go on a date without thinking "Gawd, I'm fat".
5. - To Do Zumba and not feel like I shouldn't belong. (Heck - to even DO Zumba!)
4. - To learn Polish (the language of my grandfather)
3. - To get all my finances in order (just like my weight loss)
2. - To not question my reason for being.
1. - To be the person that my dogs think I am.

There you go. My top 10 according to me..

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1DEBIE1 7/9/2010 5:41PM

    Wonderful goals to work towards. You will conquer them all. Good luck to you on your NEW Lifestyle Journey.

Pssst....don't worry about what others think, it's really ok to go on a date now and not think you're the fat person...just enjoy...ok?

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MARYBERT 7/9/2010 11:00AM

    Loved your list Ed...God bless

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MARCYNA 7/9/2010 9:20AM

    WOW. Thanks Ed for quoting me,,,now I feel like a celebrity...actually if you don't mind I'll post my worst fears, sooner or later. As far as your wish list is concerned, you'll get there in less than no time - dating in particular emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/9/2010 9:22:36 AM

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CHERIRIDDELL 7/9/2010 1:23AM

    Great list but I think you have the number 1 spot aced already , you are a great person !Your dogs and all of us can't be wrong!!!

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GRITS46 7/8/2010 10:40PM

    I love your list! I especially like the one about your dogs. We have a cat and I think that's where I'd put that thought on my list. In fact, maybe I need to make a list. Look what you've started now!

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  I loved the comment about the dogs. Keep it up. Onwards emoticon

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GRIMMIE2 7/8/2010 6:26PM

    I love your number 1 reason! Aren't dogs wise? And I think Lucysunflower is right about you being the man your dogs I said, dogs are wise.

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    Nice list! However, I think you are already the man your dogs love! They see, know, and love the best in you already!

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    Great list, emoticon emoticon

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CARRIEMT 7/8/2010 2:18PM

    I'm swimming now- that way people will be nothing but impressed if I look better later. emoticon

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GOOFYGIRL48 7/8/2010 1:48PM

    Great List Ed! Good luck with all of it! I know you can do it!

I have a co-worker from Poland, and he is (half-hearted, and occasionally)teaching me Polish words.....ha,ha,ha - I only have a few so far ... emoticon

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BIZZYBRITT 7/8/2010 12:29PM

    GREAT List! I love #10, it would be so nice to unconditionally love ourselves like our animals do!
emoticon emoticon

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JULIE2719 7/8/2010 11:48AM

    Love the list - I think I could say many of the same things are on my list - maybe not learning Polish - I am not so good with languages!

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KAREN19682 7/8/2010 11:29AM


Great list Ed ;-) I want to try zomba so bad. alot of my friends on facebook do it and they say its so much fun .I went to go visit my sister in maryland and when i came back my cat acted like i never left :-) Have a good day ed



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IUHRYTR 7/8/2010 10:10AM

    Like them all, especially number 10. Oh, if we were as much like royalty as our pets think we are. emoticon Hope you have a terrific day. -- Lou

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MINENA1 7/8/2010 10:09AM

    Great list!! emoticon emoticon

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KAHOLLIDAY 7/8/2010 9:59AM

  emoticon!! Love reading your blogs!!

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    Nice blog! And great goals...I love #1.


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250STRONG 7/8/2010 9:31AM

    I love it! Have you heard of Dave Ramsey? He's a financial guy and I think he makes a lot of sense. He has also talked about the link between getting your health and your finances in order. They both boil down to some similar things - like the ability to delay gratification and make responsible choices. Cheers!

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JOKNOWS 7/8/2010 9:26AM

    All great goals/rewards. #4, learning Polish, sounds like a lot of fun too! Good Luck! emoticon

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DHSPARK 7/8/2010 7:29AM

    I totally relate to the 'dog' one! So loyal, easy to please, and so happy to see us...even if we're only gone for 5 minutes!

emoticon emoticon emoticon
(We have 3 Boston Terriers)

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SUGIRL06 7/8/2010 7:27AM

    Oh I love #1. Its so true because to him you are perfect! I love all your goals!

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BEANZFRD 7/8/2010 6:09AM

    Love it! emoticon

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PJGABRIEL 7/8/2010 4:55AM

    Nice list, and great goals, our pets always see who we are because they love us no matter.
emoticon emoticon

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JAY75REY 7/8/2010 2:41AM

    I like #4, to learn the language of your grandfather. When I learned Spanish (the language of my four grandparents), I felt like I found a lost soul inside myself, and I understood the grandparents' struggles and triumphs coming to the U.S. being poor and without knowing English.

It took me years to gain some modicum of fluency, of course, and it's something I'm proud of, because it was very difficult for me to do and I persisted. Sort of like losing a lot of weight and keeping it off!

share a few Polish phrases with us if you do decide to pursue it!


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NANASAMM 7/8/2010 2:16AM

    Great post! I should do one as well.

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2TIGRE 7/8/2010 12:38AM

    Ed - I really liked this; what a great list. Goals are wonderful to have and they need to be really personal and meaningful. I've seen quite a few of these posts and they must be really empowering. I should do one.

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REVJVH 7/8/2010 12:35AM

    Thanks so much for your honesty!

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DEVORA4 7/8/2010 12:28AM

  emoticonthis gives me a new project. Since I am a dog lover, I especially liked your first wish, GO FOR IT

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CARTOONB 7/8/2010 12:16AM

    Love it! Especially #1. Good luck on getting them all accomplished!

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Monday, July 05, 2010

Today just struck me and I had to write about it.

I got back into the swing of things and went back into the gym. I did my exercises downstairs in the weight room and then came upstairs for the treadmill and my last of the exercise bike.

I have to tell you - the treadmills look out windows into the day. Today was an especially beautiful day so let me describe it to you.

As I started up the treadmill, I looked out and right outside the windows is a flower garden. The YMCA had planted many different flowers so there were reds and yellows and blues all lit up by the bright rays of the sun. Beyond that was the parking lot and then a vast field. The sun and the wind had manged to turn this area from green to a slight brown, but that only offset the hills farther on.

Up past the field were some small hills that lead to the college campus. I could see glints of brightness as it reflected off the odd car parked here and there. Around the majestic red buildings were the tendered greens of the grass.

Farther out still were the rolling hills that lead into the mountains. They are mottled with greens and browns and grays . Even more into the distance is the outline of the mountains. They were just a pale blue outline that only hinted at their size and strength.

And finally it was the sky. Ah - the vast Montana blue sky. Across this ocean of blue there were cloud ships that sailed along in all their splendor. Little boats and huge cloud ocean liners, plying there way to places I know not where.

Across all of this was the kiss of sunshine and the caress of the breezes that seem to just calm the soul.

It was awesome! I'm SO happy that I got back into my routine. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BESTSUSIEYET 7/9/2010 7:55PM

    Love it! God Bless You on your Journey to Health!

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HAWAIILINDA 7/7/2010 7:05PM

    Ed, I enjoyed your view. Thank you for sharing it with us.

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MARCYNA 7/7/2010 3:55AM

    WoW... Appreciating nature around us is a byproduct of a healthier frame of mind...It's happening to me as well. I feel better with my body and people. Nature is such a beautiful scenery for this awakening - it's a bit like being born again emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/7/2010 3:57:08 AM

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REBECCA180 7/6/2010 11:41PM

    Well that sounds glorious!
My old gym only looked out onto a bank of TV's. The gym I'm in now looks out over the pool, which is much more interesting.

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JACKSMIMI2 7/6/2010 7:44PM

    Wow! Maybe we should organize a road trip to visit you and your gym... loved the 'cloud ships'... made me think of being young and laying on the grass for hours to decipher cloud shapes... I'll have to try it this w/e!!!

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KAREN19682 7/6/2010 5:49PM

I'm glad that you had a good day ed .I started to get back in the gym too .I returned to planet fitness yesterday .I havet set foot in there in three monthes because i was in Maryland spending some time with my older sister and her family . I misset going to the gym so much i never thought that i would never say that lol.Another good blog ed thank you for sharing with us how your day went .



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  Sounds like a gorgeous day. I had the extreme pleasure of working on a ranch near McLeod, MT one summer just after college. I really miss the gorgeous Montana skies and beautiful mountains. The lovely hills and sunny days here in Ohio just don't quite compare. Enjoy!!!! Happy day. emoticon emoticon

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JDROHAN 7/6/2010 2:31PM

  Ed; you did it again. When is the book coming out?

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250STRONG 7/6/2010 9:38AM

    Sounds wonderful. I love those days where the day just matches your mood.

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LOPEYP 7/6/2010 5:36AM

    Lovely motivation to go to the gym.

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MEGANC1988 7/6/2010 1:27AM


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PJGABRIEL 7/6/2010 12:02AM

    That sounds so beautiful and jealous that you get to see that anytime you want.
emoticon emoticon

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DEVORA4 7/5/2010 11:34PM

  I felt as if I was there with you seeing the view, Glad you are back in the swing of things

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CATHEITE 7/5/2010 11:20PM

    Wow, I love your description of the landscape! Very poetic. I feel like I can "see" it for myself. You're lucky to have such a beautiful view to keep you company on your workouts.

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CATHYCOUNTS 7/5/2010 11:12PM

    Ed that was a beautiful picture. I believe you looked out and saw the handy work of our creator in all it's glory. That's what I like about riding my motorcycle and kayaking. Just being out and feeling the wind and sun you experience creation in a totally different way.

Thanks for sharing. You leave me in awe!

Comment edited on: 7/5/2010 11:18:28 PM

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BLESSED2BEME 7/5/2010 11:09PM

    Hurray that you are back in the thick of things and the beautiful view from the treadmill!

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GRITS46 7/5/2010 10:18PM

    You couldn't have painted a more beautiful picture if you'd had a palette in one hand and a brush in the other! Thanks for sharing your day.

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1DEBIE1 7/5/2010 9:48PM

    Your description of your day, made me feel as if I too were right there grazing upon the great outdoors.
Thank you for taking the time to share your day!

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BRENDY_28 7/5/2010 9:44PM

    lovely description :)

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LILABE11 7/5/2010 9:42PM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing the sunshine and flowers! What a good way to find healthy, non-food motivation!

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JAY75REY 7/5/2010 9:28PM


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SLEEPYDEAN 7/5/2010 9:25PM

    Sounds lovely. Ahhh that Montana sky - pictures of it online had me contemplating moving there during my "quarter life crisis" haha. I will definitely have to visit Montana someday to check it out for myself.

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DESERT_BIRD 7/5/2010 9:24PM

    I love Montana, and your description is beautiful.

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IUHRYTR 7/5/2010 9:00PM

    What a terrific sight that must have been. Glad you experienced it. May you have many more like it. -- Lou

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What are you afraid of?

Monday, July 05, 2010

I was doing some reading this weekend about some other things and it struck me - what am I afraid of? What is it that has made me scared enough that I thought I had to add this extra layer of "me" to "protect" me.

- Was I afraid that I would get hurt physically? Was it something that I thought that if I started to exercise I might hurt myself? Maybe I thought that my body just couldn't do it. NO - that wasn't it. I checked with my doctor first and he gave me the go ahead and even gave me inspiration.

- Was I afraid of looking stupid? Would people point and laugh at me? This was an issue for me when I was little. You see, I was born with two of my ribs fused together on my right side. When I was little, this bump was very noticeable and that made me feel different. I even stopped going to swim lessons because I felt "weird". Maybe I didn't go to the gym because I would be that fat man sweating in the corner that other people would look at in disgust. NO - that wasn't it. It may have affected me earlier but as I got older, I seriously couldn't care what others thought. Once I got to the gym, I found that there were others JUST LIKE ME that were there working out. As for those ribs... I WISH I could see them now!

- Was it a matter of money? Did I not eat well and skip the gym because of the cost? Mmm - possibly. I mean, gym membership isn't inexpensive. Buying junk food is (I'm afraid to say) cheap and easy. By not going to the gym and getting fast food I could just save tons of cash. NO - that wasn't it. It occurred to me that despite the money I thought I was saving, a stay in the hospital after recovering from a heart attack wasn't worth it. Finding recipes on the Internet, Spark, South Beach, and others - I found that I could cook up healthier alternatives to that fast food. I bought small containers to keep my meals ready to grab and heat up to eat. The best part is that my office offered gym membership as a deduction from my paycheck. I never even see the money!

- Was I afraid of a relationship? Oh, this might be it. If I "padded" myself, then I wouldn't be attractive. I could just be comfortable being with myself and not have to try to be with someone else. Of course there were some that I was with and even then I might have thought that this extra protection would keep my heart safe. Alas, NO - that wasn't it. The heart can be hurt no matter what you do to try and protect it. The only way to not get hurt is to be totally alone and that isn't what I want. Granted, I have made the decision to not pursue any relationships or even to date at this time until I lose weight. Yes, part of it is vanity - but the other part is that I want to be healthy for whomever may enter my life. I guess it's a guy thing - but I don't want to be a burden to anyone because I am not healthy.

- Maybe I was afraid of change. I know that change can be scary. When things change in my life, I know that I would have to look at things differently. The friends that I had before may not like me any more. I wouldn't be "fat and happy" Ed. I would need to buy new clothes (hmm, another item for above and the matter of money?). I might have to go new places and do different things. NO - that wasn't it. I have learned a long time ago to embrace change. True - I get into my own personal groove, but I'm not afraid to try different things or go different places. Learning that change is good was a huge epiphany within myself and I will be scared for a bit - but know that in the end it's not all that bad.

- Maybe I was afraid that it would just take too much time. Ah, this is a good point. Time... It seems that there isn't enough time in a day. I have to work - I have to sleep - I have to eat. When is there time to exercise? When is there time to cook? This just may be it! Hmm, NO - this isn't it. Along with that matter of money - I thought just how much time does it take to recover from a heart attack? How much time would I lose doing the things I want? I listened to an audio book called "How to live on 24 hours a day" (From Granted, it was written some time ago, but it made a good point that each and every one of us has the gift of 24 hours. It is how we utilize this time is what is going to make all the difference. I stopped bemoaning the fact that I don't have enough time and just made a point to do things. I learned to just leave work and go directly to the gym. I learned to cook on the weekends so I had things to eat throughout the week. I learned to buy healthy foods so I could snack better and not want fast food.

The more I thought about it - I just couldn't pin point what my fear was. To be honest, I still don't know. All I know is that I just made the conscience decision to do something about my life. I wanted to live longer. I wanted that person that I am inside to be reflected on the outside. I know that this isn't an easy task and I will have times that I just want to give it up and let go. I didn't get fat over night and I'm not going to lose it over night. Only one day at a time and an inner determination not to give up.

If you are in an empty room and the light goes out so that it is so black that you cannot see your hand in front if your face. Are you afraid? What if you sit in that same room and close your eyes. The same thing is going on. You cannot see. The difference is external vs internal. If the light goes out - you didn't have control of it. If you close your eyes, you can open them again. It is a mind set. If you have the strength and faith in yourself, you can be unafraid of the external influences just as you can be unafraid of the internal.

We all have more strength within each and every one of us. It may not seem like it at times - but it's there. You just need a little faith in yourself, your friends, even a high power.

With that, we are always moving forwards to a better, healthier, enjoyable life.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARCYNA 7/7/2010 4:04AM

    To me, my worst fears were related to my dropping out of dance classes due to a dance teacher who offended me. I was 12, no idea of what to fear of being offended is top of my list. I did not date as a teen-ager, I simply avoided all the occasions as I was too scared. Tapestry was my best friend....and the couch too, I'm afraid.
Oh my what a disaster,luckily I went out of my teen years emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/7/2010 4:05:57 AM

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REBECCA180 7/7/2010 12:01AM

    Fear of success.
Food addiction.
Not caring.

Now, I'm caring enough about myself. I'm creating a new relationship with food and with myself. I'm not going to quit. I'm not going to beat myself up anymore. I'm way too curious to see how much more confidant I'm going to be. How much more physically comfortable I will be. If I don't quit, It will be impossible not to reach my goal!

Thanks Ed.
PS the soul shines through, fat or thin. I'm glad my boyfriend and I didn't both wait until we were both thin, before deciding to date, or we wouldn't be together! I have about 30 more lbs to loose. ( he could probably loose that as well, but I think he's relatively healthy at his weight, and I'm fine with how he looks) My healthier choices have been rubbing off on him, so who knows....

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GRAMMAELLEN 7/6/2010 8:13PM

    Thanks Ed. I do know what I am afraid of. However, holding on to my excess weight is not the answer. I realize that now. And I'm workin' on it. Thanks Ed! Always good to acknowledge and own these issues.

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JACKSMIMI2 7/6/2010 7:53PM

    I need another word besides WOW! for your blogs... This one is full of a week's worth of 'stuff' to chew on...

As for the fact that you are going to the gym... I'm glad you made the decision that you are worth the price and the time, etc.

I am also so grateful that you have such an ability to put the deep-down thoughts into words...really thought-provoking stuff... don't you just wish we could all have a pajama party and talk about some of this stuff for hours on end...of course, with only healthy snacks :)

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KAREN19682 7/6/2010 5:35PM

I enjoy reading you'r blogs so much ed .You have givin me so much to think about .I Think that i am going to write a blog on what i am afraide of also are a very smart man ed .Thank you so much for writing a blog about this .



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GRIMMIE2 7/5/2010 9:59PM

    You are right about change. Change is hard--fear of the unknown. I, for one, have a very hard time with change. Change takes one into unfamiliar territory and sets up one to be vulnerable. I found this out 3 years ago when I left my full time job that I had worked at for 17 years to switch to another place full time. I won't lie and say the change was easy--for me it was extremely difficult leaving my comfort zone. What I didn't know at the time of that change is that as difficult as that decision was for me to make (I agonized about it for weeks), it also ended being one of the best decisions I ever made for myself. So, while being "fat" can have a certain comfort, choosing to live a healthy life and getting to a reasonable weight can be difficult, but it can also end up being one of the best decisions a person ever makes in their life.

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    Very interesting blog. Fear and anxiety is something I have thought a lot about the last couple of years. I think my deepest fear is that I will become far more successful in life than I think I can handle. Having not been there (thin, visible, active, etc.) I don't know how it looks or feels.

When I lost a lot of weight two years ago, two men at work targeted me with inappropriate attention. I do not lack a brain - or a mouth to back it up - but these two men somehow shut me down. (One was the general manager and the was his favorite toady.) In looking back now I can see that I gained weight again to become less visible to them. I did not know how to handle extremes of positive or extremes of negative attention.

I don't work there anymore so that particular threat is gone. My response was tied into fear and it is probably something I'll keep exploring for a long time. We can only move forward in life by facing it - together and one step at a time! Thanks so much for posting this blog!

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BRENDY_28 7/5/2010 9:54PM

    we all have fears to conquer... very thought provoking...

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CARRIEMT 7/5/2010 7:54PM

    I think it's a combination of experiences from the past influencing our fear of the future, unknown. Fear that we can't be the person we want to be or do the things we so desperately and secretly want to do.
I'm still afraid, but the more I do, the more I feel I can do in the future.

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250STRONG 7/5/2010 7:36PM

    I so relate to this! Thanks.

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MAMADWARF 7/5/2010 5:48PM

    Thank you Ed for putting that into words and inspiring us to look at things we prefer not to. I have noticed on this journey things I didnt realize were helping to keep me heavy.

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    Thank you for sharing your thought provoking blog!! I'm not sure what I'm exactly afraid of either-- definitely something worth thinking about!!

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    My fears in the past have stopped my progress because I allowed them to. They became excuses to indulge in my favorite pass time and that was eating junk food. But like you I have decided to look past the fears to a better goal and it is in a Higher power that I have been able to keep my focus on the positive instead of the negative and in so doing I am making progress. I am no longer stymied.

Thank you for your introspection and inspiration which speaks to me as well as others. Great blog.

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GAYLE-G-63 7/5/2010 4:55PM

    HI Ed,

I always enjoy your blogs. This one in particular 'spoke' to me.

I keep trying to discover what I'm afraid of too. You've made me see something in myself I never examined before. I think I may be afraid of a real relationship. My parents marriage wasn't that great and I can remember as a kid when the fought saying to myself I'll never get married. Now that I'm older and set in my ways, I don't give a fig!

You've given me something to seriously consider. Thank you.


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GRITS46 7/5/2010 4:11PM

    What a thought provoking, inspirational blog! You've given me lots to think about and sort out, but I'm not sure I can answer any of those questions either. BUT I need to think about them. Ed, you always write beautiful blogs that make me stop and ponder lots of things about life, health and fitness. Can't say thank you enough!

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MARCYNA 7/5/2010 3:07PM

    WoW..How inspiring!!!You're great and I appreciate your preoccupation on dating only when you're healthier, that's cool for the person you'll meet and shows your respect!!!
Btw, I went to the gym wearing a new tanktop and I thought about your goodie 'new workout clothes' , I was giggling all the time, and survived the class, it was really hard and I'm all sore now...thanks for making my class more lively!!!
PS Sure you can use my self-interview....I'm looking forward to reading yours!!!

Comment edited on: 7/5/2010 3:20:46 PM

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    What a thought provoking blog.

I guess we all have fear within us but it's what we do with it that shapes our lives.

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ONECOOKIETWO 7/5/2010 2:16PM

    Weight. Wait, perhaps it's not fear...
Could it be some other emotion?
Just sayin'...

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    Hey Ed, thanks as always for sharing your inspirational thoughts. Keep up the great work!!

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MINAMURO 7/5/2010 1:12PM

    FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real

We all have our set that is unique to us. I know I have caught myself arguing about weight loss "Well if my size went down so much, I'd need a whole new wardrobe... money I don't have." I have shied away from this aspect of myself... afraid of what else I would find out.

Great blog, ED.


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GOSPELCLOWN 7/5/2010 1:07PM

    Not all our action is fear driven. Sometimes we opt for comfort over health. We are like a rivulet of water finding the easiest track to follow... then it gets habitual.

Thanks for blogging, Ed. May you find strength, happiness and fulfillment in this fresh and healthy journey!!

Karen in BC

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SLY_REDUX 7/5/2010 1:03PM

    If I were to ask these questions of myself, I don't think I'd be able to answer them either. Truth is, I don't think my overeating was due to any kind of fear. It can just as easily be attibuted to sensuality out of control - and if you ARE going to let your sensuality spin out of control, eating is a relatively innocuous, from the standpoint of social mores, to do so. I loved the flavors, the fragrances, the textures, I loved it all. And the inactivity was self-indulgence as well.

Where these things are concerned, one size does not fit all. But it's something to consider.

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IUHRYTR 7/5/2010 12:48PM

    Many years ago when I was running a lot, I played a game where, if I was jogging past the track's half-way line, then I had to keep jogging to the finish line. If I didn't think I could make it, then I walked before the half-way line. A great many times not only did I finish the last half jogging but kept going, often in a sprint. We don't know the strength inside of us until we push ourselves to a limit and beyond. Thank you for a good message. emoticon -- Lou

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DEVORA4 7/5/2010 12:46PM

  You have given me a lot to think about. Human nature is strange and when people get into a niche they just don't want to change. I have spoken to at least 25 people about the spark and told them it costs nothing, None of them joined,

I believe that I was afraid that I would not succeed. emoticon emoticondebby

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DREMARGRL 7/5/2010 12:43PM

    This is a thought provoking, excellent blog, my friend. I enjoyed your insight and feel that it was probably cathartic for you to put those thoughts into words. I'm sure that you will succeed and along your journey you are learning more about yourself than you would ever imagined. Good for you...Many go through life kidding themselves....thus, not living life in their own skin. I don't even know you, but I am very proud of your progress!! Go ED!
Wishing you an amazing day....You are on your way...
Your friendly cheerleader, emoticon emoticon
Mary Ann
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    Great, great blog. We're all afraid of something! I still haven't figured my issues out (lol) but someday. Until then, as you say, onwards ...

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