Monday, January 21, 2013
I was very pleased to see the scale go down 2 pounds today. It's only been one week since I started to change my eating habits, but I already am starting to feel the benefits already. A couple of years ago, had I done this, I probably would have been dissappointed in losing only 2 pounds the first week.
Dieting for a short while and then rebounding has pretty much been the story of my life. It can't be anymore. I feel like I've matured enough to finally be able to handle some serious lifestyle changes now. For the first time ever, I can sincerely say that it's not just about losing weight anymore. It's about my quality of life. It's not just me wanting to be around for my son - but also to have the energy required to have fun and do things with him.
Over the past 10 years I've suffered from chronic chest pain. I've been to several different doctors and spent hundreds of dollars on tests without any answers to my problem. Some mornings, I just wouldn't want to get out of bed, I'd feel so miserable. Over the years, I just learned to deal with it. For the past year or two now, it seems the pain has been spreading to the upper left side of my stomach. I would always feel bloated and sick to my stomach, yet I would continue in my unhealthy ways. Then, one night I got just wasted drunk. I'm sure I made an ass out of myself at a party. I woke up the next morning ashamed of the person I had become. I wasn't just having fun with friends. I was drowning my sorrows. I was so sick for a week after that, and had some time to re-examine my life. I was not the person I wanted to be - constantly sick and without the mental focus required to raise a kid. I remembered being told once that the way of becoming the person you want to be is by doing the things that that person would do each day until you are that person. So, that's what I'm attempting to do now. I'm choosing to exercise and eat right TODAY so that one day I'll be able to say to myself without hesitation - "I'm healthy" - because THAT is what I want to be. All I can do is take it one day at a time. Nowhere in my mind do I delude myself to think that I'm "there" yet. I have a long way to go. But I have to say I'm feeling a million times better than I was even a week ago. I got so used to feeling sick, I didn't even realize how bad off I actually was. I've had very little problems with chest pain this week, and no migraines. To me, regardless of the number on the scale - That's progress! What's a bigger motivating factor than simply feeling good when you're so used to feeling miserable?
Monday, January 14, 2013
It seems like every time I get back on this website I'm fatter than I was before! Yikes.. So, here's the deal - I have about 20 pounds to lose if I wanna get back to my "skinny" weight. It's not gonna be easy, but it's about damn time I do something about this before it becomes an even bigger issue! It's not just about ME anymore. I have a three-year-old son, who I'm afraid is already developing poor eating habits because of me, and... don't even get me started on my husband. I worry so much about them both. I just want us to be a healthy and happy family, but that's sooo far from the direction we're headed right now. I feel like such a terrible mom for not teaching my son better at a young age and for not setting a better example for him. It's time to change course.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I don't know why, but I just feel like crying today. I feel like no matter what I do, it's never enough. I've been trying to lose my pregnancy weight ever since October. Now, here it's January, and all I've lost in 2 1/2 months is 5 pounds!! I'm starting to feel like something is wrong with me. Like I just can't lose the weight. I honestly feel as though I've given it a really good effort. I eat healthy, for the most part. I was exercising dilligently up until I started having problems with my knee. So what's wrong with me??? I just feel like I've lost hope. Every time I do anything to exercise, I end up hurting my knee again. Then I can't exercise again for 2-5 days. I won't even attempt jogging at this point, because the last time I did that, I couldn't even walk down the stairs for 3 days.
A month after I had the baby, I thought, "Well, I only have like 20 more pounds to lose. That's only 5 pounds a month for 4 months, then it'll be all good again." I thought that by February, or March at the latest, I'd be feeling pretty good about myself... but I don't. I try to tell myself that I'm doing this for health reasons. And that's partially true... but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that, yeah, I want to fit in a size 8 pair of jeans. I want to not feel self-conscious in a swimsuit. I want to be able to wear whatever it is I feel like wearing at the time! So, maybe those are the wrong reasons. But, if doing things right for the right reasons isn't going to help me, then what is?
I realize the redundancy of this post. I guess it just needed to come out sooner or later. I'm tired of pretending that I'm happy with myself when I'm not. Tired of being so optimistic about losing the weight when I've hardly made any progress in months.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
So, I've decided to become a vegetarian...... if not vegan (which would be much harder). I have read up enough about it to believe that this will be a great health decision that I won't regret.
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