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Finding my way...

Friday, September 07, 2012

I am not an athlete. Never was. And in all honesty, probably never will be. I have NOT yet hit that place where I LOVE exercise. I dream of that day. I wonder if and when it will come. And I do, in fact, envy those people for whom exercise is like air. For them exercise is a necessity, it's a non-negotiable. If they miss their exercise session, they truly feel like something is missing. For them, a day without exercise feels wrong.

So what, I must ask, is the difference between them & me? Is it age? That can't be it. I could try it on for size. I could admit that when I was growing up, gym class was just that, a class. And further, most people hadn't embraced eating well & fitness as a "lifestyle". If we did know someone who ran, we called them a health nut. And it wasn't always meant with affection. However, as I look around in my exercise classes and in my support group & even at work, I see people who are 5, 10 even 15 years older than me & they make fitness part of their lives. My college roommate's parents are both very fit people. Her Dad started out as a fat smoker & ended up a very lean trim runner. And he's probably in his early 70s now. :)

Is it sex? Oh we KNOW that can't be it. All I have to do is turn on the TV to find some svelte, overly sexualized woman wanting to teach me her secrets to being thin. There's pretty much a yoga studio on every corner & a $10 gym on every other corner. And all of those places are filled with women's faces & bodies all in their quest for perfection.

OK...well I'm not a morning person. I don't jump out of bed the first time the alarm goes off to walk my morning walk & get in some strength training on alternating days. That just isn't me. But ya know what, one of my co-workers *IS* everything you would associate with being a morning person. And do you know when she works out? After work! LOL!

So how do I find my place? How do I find that balance? Is it simply an addiction to the endorphins that people get? If I keep exercising & continue to challenge myself & always push farther & faster & more...will I come to that place where I love exercise? Will a day without exercise ever feel odd to me? Will I have that "something is missing" feeling? I can't answer that. I'd like to say yes. Part of me definitely hopes that this theory works out as simply as an algebraic equation & yes, it is indeed true. If one exercises regularly, and then one misses his/her workout, one misses his/her workout. Sounds simple. Let's see if it holds true. As the answer unfolds...I shall truly let you know...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANCYSINATRA 9/13/2012 11:45AM

    OK Mo, this really got me thinking. Do I "enjoy" exercising? No. It is way too easy for me to skip that walk/jog today. Will I or wont I make it to the gym? If I LOVED it, then I wouldn't miss it. Yet my goal is 700 minutes a week. That is a LOT of fitness minutes. SO why do i do it, and where is my joy coming from? It's seeing how far I have come. I've shared my story of the first time I tried walking a quarter mile and broke down in tears. Then two years later, here I am walking/jogging through the woods for TEN miles!!! It's seeing that hill that I refused to go down because I didn't want to have to walk back up it, and now a year later, I take a different path because THAT hill is TOO easy. That or I just jog up it. :) It was taking my granddaughter to the Enchanted Forrest Amusement Park and actually bear crawling through the tunnels and doing more than I'd ever done with our girls, skipping through the park, and just having the energy to do these things.
The scale moving has helped a lot too, but even if I was at the same weight as I started out, but physically able to do all these things, that would have been reward enough. It's knowing I've added years to my life because my resting heart rate is now 55, not 90. So picture where you want to be in 6 months, and a year, and then do what you did the other day on your walk. Don't analyze it, just DO IT!! emoticon And send me your phone number so if you disappear again I can hunt you down and drag you back!!! emoticon

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NILLAPEPSI 9/7/2012 3:04PM

    My best advice to you is to keep trying different kinds of exercises to see if there is one you can enjoy. I've tried a lot of different kinds of exercise & with Zumba, I seem to have found my favorite. When I can't go, I do miss it. I feel elated when I finish -- that is the endorphin rush, I guess.

You'll find something, I'm sure. emoticon

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Breast Cancer...more than one month

Monday, June 04, 2012

No, it's not October. It's not the official Breast Cancer month. You might have a different month where you are, but here in the States we pretty much PINK-OUT the month of October. You can race for a cure. You can make strides. You can do any number of things to be honest. But for some of us, men and women alike, breast cancer doesn't only happen in October. That's not the only time we urge our friends, our family, hell...strangers on the street to PLEASE get mammograms, please do self-exams, please find breast cancer before breast cancer finds you.

I was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer in December of 2009. My oncologist is probably a very nice man, but he isn't the Saint we often hear depicted when we hear stories about cancer docs. I had a series of Oncology Nurses, but again, none of them are being nominated for Patron Angel of the year. They were efficient, they were helpful, they were kind & in some instances, they were informative. More often than not, they were over-worked & stressed & doing a job that pays their bills & gets them from 8 in the morning til 5 or 6 or 7 at night.

Diagnosis hit me like it does most people...a shock! But for me, the shock wore off to a type of realization. And then self doubt & blame. All of the statistics point to obesity being directly related to many types of cancer "including breast cancer". So did I do the most horrible of all things...did I bring this upon myself? I don't know the answer to that question 2&1/2 years post diagnosis & I probably never will. Some people will say yes, unequivally I did. Others will say no, let's not blame the victim. Most, like me...will wrestle with what happened & never really know.

I belong to a support group. In my group, I am the only person who has a significant weight issue. Many of the other women might claim they "need to lose weight". For some of them it is true. For others, it is our weight-obsessed society whispering lies in their ears which make them think they need to lose weight. I tell myself that based on the folks I personally know that if weight was truly THE leading factor for getting cancer that the health professionals & the media would lead us to believe, that every fat person I know would have cancer. Please don't misunderstand me. I am not saying that fat is healthy. But I am also not going to sign a blanket statement indicating that every thin person is healthy. It's simply not true. If you are on a quest to improve your health & reduce your cancer risk by eating better, exercising more & thus reducing your weight, then I applaud your efforts & I am right there with you. If you are obsessed simply with lowering the numbers on the scale by ANY means possible & you believe this will make you more healthy, I have to strongly disagree.

That's the intro...more to some point...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NESSIE-NUNU 6/24/2012 12:54PM

    Hey Monique, thank you for sharing. And congratulations on making changes in your life. That's all you can do.

My husband died from cancer last summer and I got into the "what was my fault, what was his fault, what could we have done differently" routine but a bereavement counselor made me realize that what's done is done and I can't change the past and simply acknowledge it and get on with living.

Much of our lives are factors in cancer and heart disease and diabetes. It doesn't mean we caused it or deserve it.

I try to be grateful for the life I still have to live and as my husband would say, "make it count."

Best wishes to you.

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    Wow! Thank you for an honest and energised blog. Perhaps each of us looks for the reason why we got breast cancer. And there are so many factors that contribute. But I think the main thing is that blame doesn't help us. It doesn't let us rewrite what has happened, or make the horrible diagnosis and treatment and better.

For me, I was within the right weight range, didn't smoke or drink, went to the gym every day, breast fed my children - and was only 41 when it hit me. I blamed the stress in my life (as this is also an indicating factor). Then I blamed myself for bringing this horrible disease into my children's and my sister's lives... and then I got even more depressed. But what got to me the most was that my disabled daughter heard me blaming stress, and then blamed herself for making me stressed and therefore she started blaming herself for my breast cancer. She still does. She lives with that grief every day, despite all my reassurances.

What I'm getting to is that I think we need to just say "it happened", do our best to overcome it and to be a good role model for those around us, love ourselves and look after ourselves, try to do what is good for ourselves, and keep moving forward with our lives, our goals and our dreams.

You are a beautiful person, who deserves a wonderful life. Give yourself permission to live.

Hugs and love to you!
from Lyn
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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The Journey of a Thousand Miles

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Begins with a Single Step.

That's it. Focus!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JLDACQ 4/25/2012 8:36AM

    You're right. And many will see that too.

Did you take that step today too?

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SETAGOAL1 4/24/2012 10:32PM

    You have not given up on yourself. You now know you are the only one that can make it happen for you.

You have the power to succeed or fail.

You have chosen to succeed.

Few baby steps complete a long journey

Writing is progress!!!

Janet- emoticon

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