MONICADEEX3   2,787
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MONICADEEX3's Recent Blog Entries

Sigh.

Friday, December 20, 2013

I gotta get my life together.

Lord, help me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MONICADEEX3 12/20/2013 5:01PM

    Thanks :) I really do just keep saying "Wow, I gotta change!" but not putting any goals to that realization. Thanks for the encouragement!

Monica

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SNS1968 12/20/2013 7:30AM

    Good luck.

If I may, I humbly suggest you think about your goals and how to obtain them. "Get you life together" doesn't really mean anything, but "lose weight" "get new job" "move to better place" etc. are all real goals that you can actually reach.

Best wishes.

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Insert Clever Blog Title Here... Teehee!

Friday, May 10, 2013

OKAY. So, here's what's new with me.

--I am officially a college graduate with a youth ministry degree.
(and nope... haven't found a job for that yet haha)

--I lost a dear friend of mine on the 27th of April. Josias Rodriguez died after slipping and falling off of a cliff at Hocking Hills while on a hiking trip with some of his peers at a leadership team building trip. He was an amazing man of God and only 19 years old. In that 19 years, he made such a tremendous impact on people that his funeral needed overflow rooms to make sure everyone could watch... it was already a large church, too! His death inspired many to rise up and become who they were meant to be in Jesus Christ... 20 people even gave their life to Christ in response to this call from his family.
--I am one of the inspired ones who decided to strive to be who I am meant to be in Christ. For once, it doesn't include the physical this time. I'm meant to take the spiritual gifts God has given me and USE them. I meant to be an encourager, a leader, a FRIEND to everyone I come across. I am meant to serve Jesus 100% and knock it off with the addictions in my life and the selfish attitudes. Believe it or not, I can be one of the most selfish people when I put my mind to it. I'm realizing that now and painfully finding my way out of it. Oh, pride, why must you exist?

-- I am ENGAGED! Brian, my wonderful fiancee and best friend, asked me to marry him on April 20th and I SAID YES! The wedding is in a year... guess what that means? I'm sweatin for a weddin! ;)

-- God called me to come back home for a year and minster to my father. I had many other plans lined up -- get a job in Grove City, maybe go to grad school in KY, maybe take an internship opportunity in Indianapolis with an amazing ministry there... but nope. God said "go home" and asked me to do the most painful thing: minister to my father and serve him with a love that only comes from Jesus. My father is 3/4 of the "cause" of all of my depression, over-eating, self-image issues. I have long forgiven him for leaving the family and choosing alcohol over us. I have long began the healing process. Something tells me, though, that seeing my father come to Jesus before he dies (which isn't expected to be long from now -- 2 years, tops.) will be the final healing that I need... and I will be able to move on with my life and have a healthy marriage with my future husband, Brian.

-- I am working on my goal list for the summer! Check back next week to see it! :) I am also working on starting a blog on blogspot... no, I'm not betraying SparkBlogs ;) I'm just "expanding my horizons" and enjoying the pretty decorating I can do on blogger haha.

-- Last but not least... I'm looking for a job right now. I'm not expecting it to be full time, but I'm praying if I get a part-time that it turns into a full time. Lately, though, it seems as if college graduates aren't highly demanded in the work force like they used to be... especially college graduates with a youth ministry degree ;)


Trusting in the Lord & preparing myself to move forward,
MonicaDee



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KARENCRANER 6/3/2013 11:07AM

    I'm so glad to hear the upbeat tone of this post! I'll pray for you and your dad.
emoticon

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JANTWO 5/11/2013 3:32AM

    I am sorry you lost a friend. So sad. emoticon

Congratulations on your engagement!!!! BEAUTIFUL RING!!!!! emoticon

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CRAFTINWIFE 5/11/2013 12:59AM

    emoticon on your graduation & engagement!! Sorry about the loss of your friend. emoticon

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PICKIE98 5/10/2013 4:40PM

    Your friend was put here to do just what he did:Bring more of us to the Savior. Now he is working with his Savior and you are making choices for your calling. HE will guide you.. Don't talk, LISTEN, and you will hear HIM...
God Bless your journey before and after your wedding dear.

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CBLENS 5/10/2013 4:19PM

    Congratulations on your graduation and engagement wonderful events, sorry about the passing of this young man. Follow your dreams and live each day with love.

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Going Wrong but Going On

Thursday, April 11, 2013

So. I fell. Hard. I have gone back and forth when it comes to being motivated for weight loss. I've watched Jillian Michaels' show, "Losing It" on YouTube for awhile now. So much emotional pain has driven their needs for food and satisfaction there. I see my patterns of going back and forth, back and forth, and I gotta come to the conclusion that there is something holding me back from moving completely forward with all motivation and heart put into it.

What if there's an emotional pain? One of the episodes of "Losing It" had a girl named Michelle, I believe, who was 260 pounds before she had a "tummy tuck" sort of thing -- a surgery to help her lose weight. She lost the weight, but she still had the "fat girl mentality" or whatever. She was so beautiful! In her mind, though, she was still fat and incapable of being fit or fine.

Jillian was asking her to do sit ups and she couldn't even do five. She is 160 pounds, I think, but couldn't do 5 sit ups. I was amazed! Thought all skinny girls could do those! (yeah, I know... I was mistaken haha) As she tried, she kept falling backwards and failing. Jillian looked at her and just spoke into her life like crazy! She said to her "Let go of the fat girl! Let her be happy!"

I started crying. It's not necessarily the "fat girl" I need to let go of. I'm still that fat girl right now! What I need to let go of is that "lonely girl" ... middle school was full of bullying and depression and suicidal thoughts and self-injury for me. I was lonely, afraid, and broken! I still have that mentality sometimes! And I think it holds me back in my life, my ministry, and my weight loss goals.

I'm not depressed anymore... I'm not suicidal or cutting anymore...

But my mentality is still in this "broken girl" point in my life.

I kept thinking I have to lose weight to get out of it... but maybe to lose weight, I need to get out of it....

All this doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying because I still have some emotional issues I need to work out. It means that I'm going to be more aware when I start to make excuses... maybe they're just reasons to not believe in myself instead of real, true excuses.

We'll see.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KARENCRANER 4/11/2013 5:26PM

    Again, you are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO worth the effort to get to a healthier you. You're right, too, that maybe you need to be healthy emotionally and intellectually in order to be committed. With me, it's been a yo-yo as well, but instead of quitting, I just look at it as the next hurdle to overcome to become healthier inside and out! As usual, hugs and prayers!

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Where'd I go?

Sunday, December 30, 2012

I miss you so!

Seems like it's been forever... since I've been gone.

(sung badly to the tune of an old song)

I miss you guys... I need SparkPeople back in my unhealthy, unfit, unmotivated life.

Lord Jesus, help me!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SCOTTCOGAL 1/14/2013 5:02PM

    Monica, glad you're back. I've not been posting because of some health issues, but I got a good report from the doctor today and I'm ready to get back on track. Let's encourage each other. Hope to see you on here often. Carlene

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MONICADEEX3 12/30/2012 9:53PM

    Thanks everyone :) I sure have missed this encouragement!!!

Monica

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HORSESHOEHONEY 12/30/2012 8:54AM

    emoticon

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KARENCRANER 12/30/2012 8:08AM

    It's good to hear from you, Sparksister! Happy new year, a great opportunity for new beginnings!

Comment edited on: 12/30/2012 8:09:44 AM

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JSTETSER 12/30/2012 6:57AM

    I agree with you! SparkPeople is such a life rope that keeps me moving higher.
http://www.sparkpeople.c
om/mypage_public_journal_indivi
dual.asp?blog_id=5180526

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LATTELEE 12/30/2012 5:46AM

  Good luck

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CLWALDRO 12/30/2012 5:33AM

    We want you to come back because you deserve a happy and healthy life. I know that God want us to honor him by taking care of the body he has blessed us with. It can start for you today. just begin logging your food and get active. Focus on just taking it one day at a time and you will be successful. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Desperate times call for drastic measures!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

I am a food addict... but only when I have the money to be one.

Over the summer? I was good! I didn't have money and I didn't have a car or access TO a car to run out for food runs...

But school has started, the boyfriend gave me a key to the DoleBaby (my name for his beautiful trailblazer), and I have money now...

I have been over eating like crazy. Last night, I pigged out like I have never pigged out before... on Taco Bell, of all things :'( And today, I pigged out because unfortunately, they have something at my school called "Blazer Bucks" and a cafe area that I can spend those "blazer bucks" at. Since the blazer bucks come with your meal plan, I always feel as if I am getting this stuff for free, so I "pig out" sometimes on a regular basis.

Something's gotta stop. So, I thought about it... and I decided that it was time for drastic measures! I have a wedding to be a maid of honor for in one month, eight days!

My drastic measures: Brian (my wonderful boyfriend whom I trust with my whole heart) will be getting my debit card. I will request only on an emergency basis (needing to buy something non food related, of course!). And I am going to stand beside the cafe counter tomorrow and pay the order of every student that comes by until I am out of blazer bucks for the semester...

Seriously. I'm that desperate.

Many of you may not like this approach -- saying I'm being too "all or nothing" ... but here's the thing. When I was in the "all" category, I did GREAT... then I tried to be in the "occasional, small moments of splurging" category, I did AWFUL...

So it's "all" for me now. I've got too much at stake!!!

I'll let you all know how it goes! emoticon
Monica

p.s. this is only snack related, so I will still be eating a balanced breakfast, lunch, and dinner ;) Do not fear! :P

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPIRIT42013 9/27/2012 8:55PM

    Ask Brian to chase you so you burn off that fast food! Either that, or he may have to have you run behind the Blazer! (Just kidding, kinda.) emoticon

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HOUNDLOVER1 9/27/2012 1:21AM

    You go girl! emoticon

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TIZSLIM 9/26/2012 7:33PM

  Sister - I like your style.

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