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need to pick me up

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

well it's been 9 months since I wrote a blog, and I jut felt the need to vent a bit today, things have been pretty rough the last 2 months, I put my back out 4/18/12 again, and couldn't bounce back, as a person who has had back surgery it is just as physically painful as it is mentally, I instantly reverted back into the afraid to do anything, in fear if I move just so it will lock up again... it's a horrid way to feel let me tell ya. I just had my second mri since this happened this time with contrast and I am waiting to hear from the surgeon to see what we need to do next. in the meantime I have been having these bad headache issue I went to the dr and found out my blood pressure was high and she said I am pre diabetic, as someone who grew up thin and athletic and healthy hearing all this just set me in to a deep depression last week, I thought there's just nothing I can do I need to loose weight to work on this but I cant loose weight in this much pain... I don't feel like what I do at the gym is enough but yet I cant do more... it's such a mind bother right now to know I have lost 44 lbs from my heaviest and now have all these issues, I don't feel like I have lost anything... and my husband is about to cross 100 lbs lost since Nov. it's hard to live with I am so happy for him, but yet it makes me feel like I'm not good enough like left behind I guess... I just need to pick myself up and keep moving... and I just needed to get all this negative feeling out... I always say I am fine with slow and steady I know my battle isn't easy with all the meds I take for my thyroid and back problems, but weeks and weeks of zeros need to change :) I need to get a handle on my stress and sleeping and know I haven't given up and I am still trying I will get there

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOBOBOBBI 8/3/2013 11:29AM

    1) You are AMAZING and should be SO PROUD of how far you have come!
2) As happy as I am for Jake-- he SUCKS! lol
3) Get in that pool girly! It burns so much more calories than you realize! I have taken a few water classes if you would like suggestions on work-out ideas!
4) Miss you bunches!

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KBLASEN 6/20/2013 4:43PM

    You can do this! You are doing great! Have you tried swimming for exercise? You can start slow and build up with laps or water classes...it won't hurt your back or cause more than minor soreness (& if there is you can combat it between the hot tub and sauna)...that's what I mostly do for exercise...

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PERFECTVELVET 6/12/2013 11:47AM

    You're in a rough spot. With chronic pain and thyroid issues to boot, it's no wonder you are stressed out. But look at what you've accomplished already. You've lost 44 pounds! Do you know how many people on here would kill to lose 44 pounds? Raise your head high!

I developed hypothyroidism after giving birth, so I understand the struggle. You're definitely not alone.

Exercise is good for you, but remember it's only 20% of the journey. 80% is what you put in your mouth. I strongly suggest you start tracking every BLT (bite, lick, taste). If you're like me, I think you'll be surprised at how much you're eating without even realizing it! Try it for a week. Maybe you're not losing the way you want because you're not counteracting the calories in.

Weight loss is so, so hard, but please don't give up. It's also very rewarding in the end. You can do it!

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my first blog about me

Friday, September 21, 2012

I was so inspired/happy when I got such uplifting words of help today when i introduced myself in some message boards that I thought I would write my first blog... my weight today is 264, I need to start to get my head right to motivate me to want to be at a healthier weight. I struggle in so many areas I need to just focus and start little. I know my overall goal is to fist be under 200 lbs again but I will start with getting in the 250's. I need to commit to this because I am so over feeling angry and depressed all the time. and uncomfortable just being me now. I was always athletic build and very active in sports it wasn't until after my 2nd child that I kept weight on then after baby #3 and having back surgery I just gained and gained. I want to be a better mom and wife but I know I have to start for me, so I am really going to try to use my resources; spark people, fit pal, and talk more openly for help. I will strive to drink more soda and wean off diet MT dew, and walk more, try to forget what I think people will view me as, and work out more at home. I want to stay up earlier and be more productive. I had chronic pain for years and even tho I had surgery almost a year ago I always have that fear that I will do something and the pain will come flooding back and I know those thoughts have held me back. On the other hand in my mind I still see the athletic person I was and dont want to recognise that I wouldnt be able to do what I use to. I know slow and steady steps, it's just more hard mentally on me then anything else. hopefully this is a start to a better me, thanks for listening, this really did feel like some pressure off just to write out my feelings :) emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KBLASEN 6/20/2013 4:49PM

    How is it going with cutting the diet soda? The chemicals in diet soda make us crave more food in general and fats. Aside from the addiction part of it...I battle with regular soda...I'll have none for months on end and then something from my old habits happens like a few weeks ago, we were going out on the boat and stopped at Subway and all the sudden all I wanted was soda (they had one of those fountain machines inside)..I had it...and noticed I was hungrier and craving it for a week after! It's hard I know, but worth it! I'm not a big plain water drinker...it has to be very cold with a ton of ice and even then it is hard...I've found though that I love to juice...watermelon juice especially which helps...it is sweet so then I don't crave the caffeine/sugar at all. I just watch my juicing calories to make sure I don't go over.

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BOBOBOBBI 4/25/2013 6:30PM

    Look how far you have come!!! :)

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PLANTAGO 9/22/2012 9:34PM

    Congrats on your first blog entry! Keep them coming. You are on the right track. It 's great that you still think of yourself as an athletic person - you still are this strong and fit person.
Best,
Marta

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POSEY440 9/22/2012 6:54PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IAMAGEMLOVER 9/22/2012 3:51PM

    I was a Mt. Dew addict. It was not diet either. It will be a year on 10/30 since I quit. I had one in May with a pizza and didn't even enjoy it. I would have rather had a water with Mio in it. I lost 10 pounds just stopping soda. I think I've had that one Mt Dew and 2 or 3 root beers in a year, and that is one thing I don't miss. Do you have a Y near where you live. Water work outs are easy on your joints and back. I have OA and degenerative disc disease. I work out in the water 3x a week and it feels so good.

Good luck on your journey. I am sure that you can do it.

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VINTAGEPAGE 9/21/2012 9:20PM

  Positivity and motivation are key and the support and resources on this wonderful site will help you along your journey. Small steps and goal lead to permanent sustainable changes and that is how you'll win! Best wishes on your journey towards health!

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KNIBARG 9/21/2012 9:07PM

    You are exactly right -- starting with small step still take you in the right direction. You can do this! emoticon

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COURTNEY055 9/21/2012 8:12PM

    Great start! Doesn't it feel great to get it out there?! I have osteoarthritis and degenerative disc disease. At my heaviest I was 252lbs. I thought I couldn't lose weight cuz of the pain. I was also (and am still) on meds that are notorious for weight gain. BUT, I started walking. I started off slow..I started doing about 1/2 mile a day. Slowly...now I'm down to 216lbs. and I do anywhere from 2-4 miles per day. It is possible, girl, emoticon ...Getting started is always the tought part..Just like u said,, you have to believe in yourself. It's ok to remember the person u "were" but u need to learn to love the person u "are"..You are amazing and special and you are building a healthy lifestyle that you can live with day in and day out. It's about better food choices, better lifestyle choices, and lots of exercise...a whole new world just for you. You've got great plans..and the best part is that you've got a whole community on here that's right here with u. We're all doing it, girl! Set some mini goals..reward yourself for your efforts. Learn your "weaknesses" (mine are carbs..yikes) and learn how to adapt to them..don't deprive yourself..learn moderation..You can do this! Keep me posted on your progress and remember if u need a "cheerleader" let me know...I believe in paying it forward..So many awesome Sparkers were there for me when I first joined now I wanna be there for you!! emoticon



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