Tuesday, October 25, 2011
So I was going down my checklist of posts I need to make and check-ins I need to write but I got on the 20 something page and I just wanted to post a message on how I'm not so focused on the scale anymore... but then I realized something... I'm completely focused on the scale and how people react to my weight loss, so this is my message
I know I'm participating in BLC #12 and I'm doing pretty good about just registering the number on the scale and logging it in (so far I've done nothing but loose weight)
I think I'm making progress but I'm still indulging (unrestrained action) with my eating! Yeah I'm still loosing weight (not much) but I'm just not satisfied!
You know what, I think I'm finally taking steps in the right direction but the enemy is coming at me hard core! I've had so many temptations road blocks coming up in the just the past couple weeks.
I think I might have just had a revelation, I didn't type it all down but you know what, I think I'm finally making peace with my weight and why I'm loosing the weight. I'll drift off in dream land throughout the day and just think about how my family is going to react when skinny me walks through the door on Thanksgiving, I'm so wrapped up in what my family is going to say when I eat and I just went out to dinner with my grandparents Sunday and was super careful about what I ate but as soon as they left I got a baked potato with all the fixings! (yeah it was a sweet potato) but I put a tablespoon of butter, sour cream, chives, bacon bits! (I don't even like bacon bits all the much!!!) OMG I'm still loosing the weight for the wrong reasons, I have shallow desires and I'm getting shallow results! I just realized it but in the back of my mind I've been planning how I'll eat when I get together with family this holiday and how I'll binge on the food I really want when I leave.
I have not been capturing my thoughts at all these past couple weeks!
I'm sorry this went so long, I just meant it to be a short message but I'm so glad I started to post this I've learned a lot about me in just the past couple minutes!
Thank you for letting me share!
My husband asked me, "why do you want to loose weight"
because I want people to ogle at me, I want to hear how awesome I am! If I'm being 100% honest that's why I'm loosing the weight
I'm taking the right steps to figuring out that I need to be eating healthy (weight loss or not!) for God! Because for so long eating was my comfort, my friend, I put food on a pedestal. I ran to food all the time, but I should be running to God all the time! Food may comfort me for a second or two with a delicious bite but it doesn't give me lasting comfort in fact all it does is give me lasting cellulite, stretch marks, and guilt. And I wont swing the pendulum in the opposite direction and hate food because God gave me food to nourish my body to do his work, that's it.
I have a lot to think about!