Monday, June 27, 2011
I AM healthy, I AM an athlete and the last couple days were not the 'norm'.
I won't dwell because that never helps anything, but I will say that the last few days I enjoyed some food tremendously and other food I ate out of emotion.
However last night I made a great healthy chilli, and this morning I made my usual healthy breakfast. I had a great strength workout last night.
I have a problem, I am addicted to sympathy. I want people to walk by my desk and ask how my weekend was so I can proceed to berate my self (to them) about how bad I ate, how sad my weekend was because of whatever. Not today, everytime someone asks about my weekend I will remember and only talk about the positive. I got to spend time playing with my kids outside. I got to read to my 2 year old several times a day. I braided my 10 yr olds hair - I love her hair. I took all the kids for a walk on Sunday. I was able to be a supportive sister to my brother in a time of need. I told my DH I loved him and he said it back.
I guess the point is, I am here. I am healthy and able to love and show love to my family. I was so upset this Saturday after a funeral made me think about my childhood and how bad it was, but I need to remind myself that my life is different now. I am a great mom - not perfect but that's okay. I love my family and will always do my best for them. So when I'm not feeling so great I will fake it, because it's just a feeling, it's not reality.
Friday, June 24, 2011
I know I'm stress eating, but I can't seem to stop it. I just can't seem to clear my head of all this stuff. I'm worried about my toddlers today cause they're going on a field trip. I'm worried about a funeral I'm going to tomorrow - my mom might be there and I really, really don't want to see her. Long story but basically she's not 'well' and I can't have her in my life but I really wish I could - I really wish I had a mom. I know the food won't help or make me feel better, but it's just so easy.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Fathers day went well. I had a couple indulgences, but not too much. Spent most of the day in the pool with the kids which was nice. It was a little hard wearing a bathing suit in front of the family. I'm sure none of them really cares how much I weigh, but it still would be nice to feel good in what I'm wearing.
Monday DH and I went to the movies and went out to eat. I indulged a lot, but it was planned. It was nice to eat the sweets that I'd been craving, although I paid for it the next day. I was tired and had a headache.
I ate really well yesterday and today, and I got in my workouts both days. I feel really good now. My energy level is through the roof even though I had to come in to work 2 hours early and I've been doing manual labor almost all day (plus did a total body workout at lunch). I think it's because of cutting out the coffee - which is still super super hard - and the sugar.
PMS is over - thank the lord. I was really crabby this weekend - before eating the junk.
We have successfully cut out juice from the toddlers diet. I actually haven't had the full blown conversatoin with DH about everything, but I did talk to him about some. He was receptive. I offered a compromise because he would like them to have more than water and milk, so we got some sugar free beverages from Costco - Rain - that they can have once in a while. They eat plenty of fruit, so no need for juice. Next I will tackle the chocolate and strawberry syrups in their milk. Probably will be harder.
Friday, June 17, 2011
I'm not sure if it's PMS, which is highly likely, but I'm just in a funk today. It probably isn't helping that I'm really frustrated right now about my kids eating. I am planning on talking to my DH about it, but just haven't been able to make time. I'm nervous that the conversation won't go well. He never really sticks to these conversations - like we talked about not giving them candy for snacks last year and some how he started doing it again after a few months. I hate to be a nag about things that he does, but it's just so frustrating to me. I don't want my babies to have health problems down the road or be overweight. My 3 yr old is already a bit over weight and it's really bothering me. I know it's because of all the juice and the chocolate syrup in her milk. If I give her white milk and she complains, he gives in and gives her chocolate.
I hope to talk to him about it tonight finally because it's really bothering me. I know it's not all him, I am definately guilty recently of giving in to their demands for sweets and chocolate syrup to quiet their whining. I am willing to deal with the whining for a while so that they can be healthier - I just don't know if he is. He's extremely stressed out right now due to being unemployed for 2 years. I understand but I feel like we can't ignore what's best for the kids just because of that.
Also, my 10 yr old (from a previous relationship) is with her dad more than me, and he feeds her so bad. I have absolutely no control over what she eats with him. He works at night and rarely cooks for her. She eats mostly fast food and junk food. I'm trying to teach her about healthy foods and why they are important, but it feels like I'm losing this battle. She's overweight and she plays sports. As soon as this soccer season is over I am scared for how much weight she will gain being inactive over the summer and eatingso poorly. She already has body issues too. Her dad is extremely difficult to talk to. He only does what he wants, and infact goes out of his way to do the opposite of what people tell him - even if he knows it's right.
Anyway I just feel so out of control. I just want the best for my kids but I feel powerless to give it to them.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Wow. I forgot how hard it was to stop drinking coffee. The past three days have been totally dominated by my desire to have coffee and the inner argument between my brain and my body. I know how bad coffee makes me feel (tired, irritable) and that I feel energized and clear headed when I am not drinking it. Besides that, I am aware of the health risks associated with it for myself (lightheadedness, hunger, and possibly contributes to adrenal problems). Even knowing all that, my body convinced my brain that I should still drink coffee for a couple more days to 'test' whether it really causes me to be tired. Well, h*ll yes it does. I could barely keep my eyes open that last two nights.
Today is a new day. My brain has won today. ((Yay!!)) I am sipping on some unsweetened green tea right now. No coffee!
I have been successful since Saturday in completely avoiding sugar. I did have a little corn tortilla chip binge though. Maybe 2 - 3 servings. I was feeling crappy (coffee crash I think) and tired. These organic corn tortilla chips I got at Costco are awesome. I think I will need to practice some willpower and portion them out. Even though I'm not trying to stick to a particular calorie range right now, I don't want to eat mindlessly.
I am a little behind on tracking a couple things this week, and will catch up today.
I need to set a reminder for myself to write my to-do list for the weekend. I made that a goal for the week and I already forgot about it.
Going for a run this afternoon before lunch. I'm on week 3 day 2 of C25K and it feels great.
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