Saturday, August 24, 2013
I seem to have fallen into the trap of putting everyone elses needs and wants ahead of myself. I am trying to make some changes! Yesterday I made myself an appointment at a spa to get my hair cut. ( It has been almost a year since having even a trim)
I am realizing some new things about myself. The stylist yesterday cut my bangs a bit shorter than she meant to, she began to panic. I said I'm sure they're fine, don't call it a mistake call it Vouge! I found my self cheering her on, comforting her. I thought to myself something is wrong with me! She chopped my bangs and yet I am comforting her. I always seem to do this. I put myself last. Really the bangs are no big deal, I didn't really care. I left the salon feeling beautiful and pampered!
The realization is sparking some change in me. I am asking myself why do I volunteer so much? What's my gain? Why do I need to be so busy to feel valuable? If Gary asks "how was your day?" I get defensive and start naming all my accomplishments of the day. Really the poor man just wants to know about my day. He is not judging how I spent my time. He actually sugggests I just chill.
I found myself binge eatting this week. The boys are all back in school, I had the days to myself. I guess the change left me feeling lonely and useless. I know this is terribly wrong! There is nothing wrong with having some down time infact it is healthy, right? LOL!
In the next few months we plan on opening our home to 1 or 2 more foster sons(hopefully to adopt) . I plan on making a list of things I want to accomplish around the house. I think having the list will help me be focused and not wondering around lost and lonely. I have been reading some motivartional books helping me to see my worth in who I am created to be rather than what I am doing. I also plan on tracking my food, and being nice to myself:)