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Negative feelings and darkness

Friday, April 29, 2011

Today I read the article "Surround yourself with the Positve."

What a great article.
In Texas we have a test for students in Grades 3-12 called the TAKS.
This test is to assess how well the students are doing in school.

In reality it tests how well the teachers are teaching in school. So if the students are failing it means the teachers are not doing their jobs and the teachers are failing. Negative! Negative!
"Surrounding yourself with negativity will drain the energy, life and hope right out of you like a leech. Seems pretty obvious, but too often, we allow these negative messages to seep through."

This is a quote from the article. It is so true. Since January I have been tutoring a few students to try to get them to understand the basics Math, basic writing and basic Reading.

Why can they not remember I just went over it? Why can they not focus? Why can third graders not tell time??? Why I am not a good teacher? Why I have not found the way to teach them so they will remember I am not good? They are failing. I have failed them. ect, ect ect. Everyday these are the thoughts I have. Every night this is what I am thinking. I am looking and listening to other teachers say the same thing and feel the same way.

The Government is saying the teachers/librarians and our schools are no good. That means I am not good. My job may be cut because librarians are not needed to help students learn. Teachers/librarians pay is being cut. I went to college got a degree but I am not important enough to get paid even $1 dollar per hour per student I work with. According to society as an adult my worth is with my pay how much money I make. I do not even get $25 per hour for 8 hours of work and some nights 13 hours of work. Even a babysitter gets more than $1 an hour.

"Everyone runs into a wall at some point. You’re not alone if you feel discouraged. " says Mike Kramer in his article Surround Yourself with the Positve.


I hear a song on the radio that says if people really knew the true me would want me. I think no. No I am not worth it.
I am glad I have a God who does know the real me. He knows my darkest thoughts and he knows how I feel. He died because he felt I am worth it. I am important in God eyes. Society is wrong. I am worth it.

I have time now to listen to the voice that will say I am an important person. I am a important member of society. I do a good job. I need to tell myself that every day. I was important enough for someone to die for me.

I asked the kids when they were finished with the test was it worth it. (I am talking about third graders) Was it worth staying late until 5:00pm at night. Was it worth all the homework, coming to school on Saturday, being scolded my me for not listening, not going out to play ect ect ect. The group I was with all said yes. It was worth it.

I do not know. I do not think the stress of the test is worth it but I do know the kids are worth the time I spent with them. They are worth it.


I am not going to listen to the negative voice. I am going to surround myself with the positive. I will listen to the voice of God saying I am worth it. I am going to be a positive person and not the negative one. I need to remember to help shine the light that is in me cause I have a God that knows I am important.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATIATM 5/8/2011 8:04AM

    Negativity is a real joy killer, but it's all around us and tough to ignore. Good for you!

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PHIL_4-13 5/4/2011 5:04PM

    Amen! God did not make junk, then die for it! He makes us all new creations. You are pouring love into your students. Well done, thou Good & Faithful servant! Amen!
Dorothea

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DEELYNNE1 5/1/2011 9:34PM

    Our society is so warped. We pay football and baseball players gazillions and pay our teachers and librarians and others who teach our children nowhere near what they are worth. You are all worth WAY more than you get paid! Hope you can stay positive and know that despite what "society" says, many of us do value you and salute you for what you do.

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DIDMIS 5/1/2011 8:30PM

    Becky I know you and Marcy both personally and know you both have been stressed out. Now it is over.
You are both great, talented people. Now relax and let that peace of God flow over you.
Your friend,
Irene

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MNNSAIDE 4/30/2011 9:51AM

    Good blog my friend - from a school in the next district!
Test are done and now I (the Specialty) will get the saying from up high
(office) let them be, they are tired - don't be so strict with them - they are burnt out - EXCUSE ME now they want to let them play? and on my time?

NOPE my teaching remains as tough as every - I won't stop teaching the 5th graders because they have finished all the school's testing and will be leaving our school.

Fun? My kids always have fun in my very strict military classrooms - because I teach different - and they learn. So is that why as a Music Teacher, 5 years ago I was hit with a bomb that I (and my co-worker music teacher) was told to teach Science in the same class time for all students: K-5th?

Scores were low - below the 5th grade Science TAKS scores ... BUT.... after Mr. Rodriguez and I taught the scores climbed over 30 pts to a 99%.

So my friend - yes we are worth it even though we will never receive the credit due - as in my case for example: when the scores came out the 5th grade teachers, TAKS teachers and Resource Teachers were all given a gift and treated to eat....us two? Nothing - Nada - just a little pat on the back.

But in our hearts that God gave us - we have been a well deserved servant in the eyes of our Lord.

We emoticon your for all your hard work.
Give you a emoticon for all your emoticon time.
And praise God for your talent well shared. emoticon
From one emoticon to another emoticon emoticonand emoticon

(I'm an Ex-Band Director of 6th -12th and now have been teaching K-5th Music with the added Science and Art - yes Art too!!!)

Sorry so long everyone!

Comment edited on: 4/30/2011 9:54:53 AM

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HEALTHYME47 4/29/2011 4:54PM

    State testing is soooo stressful and I think the TAKS in Texas may be the worst of them all. Those students DID benefit from your attention and care, whether or not it shows up in their test results. I do think that the pendulum in education swings back and forth and right now the pendulum has swung extremely far to the right with "accountability"....to the point that everyone is losing sleep over these tests, kids don't get to go out and have recess, etc. Hopefully at some point someone up high will say enough is enough.

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STEVESTARR1 4/29/2011 10:42AM

    this is GREAT!!!! emoticon

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RAKYM1 4/29/2011 9:51AM

    You are so correct! God did die for us to have salvation and he loves us all unconditionally. Those test are designed to measure a lot of things, but to measure our worth it is NOT. Some children have test anxiety as do I and I HATE testing. Keep up the good work those children need more teachers like YOU!!!!!!!!

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IDLETYME 4/29/2011 9:27AM

    I really enjoyed your blog. Lots to think about. Maybe because of my age and how I was brought up, I really don't sweat the small stuff. Always rely on your faith and do the best you can. It will work out!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KATYBUG13 4/29/2011 9:26AM

    I am a teacher as well. I understand the pressure you feel about student performance reflecting upon you. But you know in your heart if you are doing a good job. The old saying, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink" holds true here. The parents and the STUDENTS have to take some responsibility in the process as well.


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SONYALATRECE 4/29/2011 9:07AM

    Amen in EVERY since! Keep on striving for the best in your students and hold on to God's unchanging hand. He always sustains us as teachers.
No matter how unappreciated we are, WE are the backbone of education.
Stay positive and focused on a job MANY could not handle.
We are the professions that started all other professions.
WE RAWK!!!!!
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NIKKIPAL2003 4/29/2011 3:57AM

    God does love you and You should surround yourself with positive thoughts and not negative. I graduated from high school in 2007 and unfortunately had to take the TAKS...its tough. I think the students can feel the pressure of the teachers wanting them to pass. Its too much pressure for young kid to go through. I don't think this test should define how good of a teacher you are. Keep on teaching the best you can and you'll see God will help you with the rest. God will never leave you nor forsake you! emoticon

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Shortcuts

Monday, April 11, 2011

"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."
Healthy reflection

I want to be thin.
I will do anything to be skinny.

Really what will I do.
Will I be willing to take drugs that will damage other organs in my body to be thin. Will I take a drug that can damage my heart. Will I take drugs that make me move fast and feel like I can do anything.
How about the drug that forces me not to eat fats. If I eat fats I pay the price at the stool.
How about all those other quick weight loss machines.
In just 5 mins a day I can lose 50 lbs. (right)

Will I have a medical procedure to change my stomach so I am forced to eat less. I can lose weight fast.

Will I go on fad diets that promise weight to fall off.
What shortcuts really am I willing to take just to be thin.

Instead of taking the quick way. I am going slow. I am learning how to change my attitude about food and how I feel about what I eat.
I am learning to love to exercise.
I am taking the hard way so I can learn that being skinny will not make me happy. I need to be happy and then I can become thin. Being thin and unhealthy will not make me happy.

Ok so I am going to take the hard way.
Write in a journal, weigh my food, exercise daily and eat under 1500 cals.
God gave me a wonderful body. He promised me a wonderful life.
He did not promise me shortcuts. He did not say that my life would be easy.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATIATM 4/16/2011 12:51PM

    Good for you! Stay strong and steady on the course! emoticon

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HEALTHYME47 4/13/2011 11:50AM

    SO TRUE! What is the point of being skinny if a person isn't healthy. I'd rather be healthy and feel good along the way.

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RAKYM1 4/12/2011 9:28AM

    God did not give us the "Spirit of fear", so I right there with you ready to take the HARD WAY.

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SUNNYWBL 4/12/2011 1:01AM

    I think the hard way is the only way for us that take it!
You and I will just keep on, keeping on! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DIDMIS 4/11/2011 11:22PM

    Good blog Becky with a lot of truth in it.
Irene

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Is my body a temple or a prison?

Saturday, April 09, 2011

"A healthy body is a guest-chamber for the soul; a sick body is a prison."
- Francis Bacon

This was today's healthy reflection quote. I really like these quotes. Along with Irene's daily devotions the quotes really get me thinking about myself and how I look at my world.

When I am not physically feeling well it is hard to stay on a healthy diet. So I eat the wrong food and I feel worse.

2 years ago I started to take allergy shots. I was always sick with a head cold, congestion and sinus infections. I did not physically feel well. My body truly felt like a prison. When I was overweight I felt like a prisoner. I did not want to leave the house. I did not want to go to parties. I did not want anything. I was a prisoner.

I started to change by taking allergy shots. It took a few months for my body to feel better. Then I could focus on my eating and exercise. That is when I made a change. A change for the better.
I need to care for this body so it will not become a prison.
I need to care for God's Temple.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEALTHYME47 4/13/2011 11:52AM

    That is such a great analogy - body or prison. You know what, I'm feeling like I've been let out of prison too. Yours started with allergy shots, mine started with getting out of the house to walk.

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RAKYM1 4/11/2011 12:27PM

    AMEN AMEN AMEN!!!! I too believe that this body that was loaned to me is a TEMPLE and i refuse to be a prisoner.

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STRINGI719 4/11/2011 8:45AM

    AMEN! You are so right - God gave us this precious gift, this amazing, miraculous creation that even the sharpest human minds simply cannot figure out! We need to treat is with the reverence it deserves - it's just so hard to do that when a donut is calling my name!
emoticon

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PHIL_4-13 4/10/2011 3:07PM

    Amen!

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CJJANISS 4/10/2011 2:55PM

    emoticon

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FERRETLOVER1 4/10/2011 7:32AM

    So true - when you feel sick, you tend to think you "deserve" to eat things you know aren't really good for you. But, when you are feeling great, you also eat great!!

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SUNNYWBL 4/10/2011 12:28AM

    What kind of allergy shots did you take? As a child, I was given several sets of allergy shots that were made just for me. One was from a collection of house dust, dander, etc. that my Mom had to gather from our house - attic to cellar.

The second set was collected by obtaining scrapings from my windpipe. As a result, I survived my childhood asthma. Although I still have asthma, it no longer threadens my life on a regular basis. I very rarely get colds, either. emoticon

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DIDMIS 4/9/2011 11:54PM

    That is so true Becky. emoticon

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April's Fool

Monday, April 04, 2011

Well I fell off the wagon.
I just read the article about food addiction. To many of us Science has finally confirmed what we already knew. Food is addictive. Food can give a person a high just like a drugs.
I am a food addict. Or more I am a sugar addict. I can not eat just one cookie, cake, m&m or anything. If I start I will eat until I am crazy. F
Finally Science has told me what I already knew I am an addict.

So do I give up and just resign myself to the fact that I can not help myself.

NO NO No

But just like anything addiction I have the power of God to help me.
I have the power of my friends to help me.
I have the power to help myself.
I will stumble along the way. I will get mad at myself and I will fall but I have the power to change myself.

My tools are my journal, my calorie book, my food scale, my measuring cups, my weight scale, my computer (sparkfriends), my treadmill, my TOPS friends and my Bible. These are the things that will help me stay strong.

I can do this.
I have fallen but I am getting up and dusting myself off and trying again.

I will not be an April Fool.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KLABELL 4/9/2011 6:59AM

    Where did you find the article on food addiction?

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KLABELL 4/9/2011 6:58AM

    It's good that you are aware of it, and can take the necessary steps to deal with it. You will figure out along the way what works for you,
and we are here to help.


emoticon emoticon

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HEALTHYME47 4/7/2011 8:34AM

    I thought that was a great article, too, and I totally believe that certain foods trigger an addiction for me (primarily sweets). Your tools will work for you. Great blog entry.

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CATIATM 4/6/2011 6:53AM

    I know what you mean. I think food addiction is way worse. We don't ever need to drink alcohol, smoke, or take drugs, but food addicts need to face food multiple times every day. I believe we can do this, though. emoticon

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PHIL_4-13 4/5/2011 2:50PM

    I love this entry and all the responses! Even when I am only maintaining, not tracking, I still come here to SP because I have friends here. Friends who are WINNING this battle, even if they are "stumbling" or "chasing after their horse." (Great images, ladies!)

Once we know food is the "drug of choice," what do we do? We cannot stop eating.

Johnny Cash, after giving up alcohol and drugs, said that dieting was even harder because you cannot abstain from food.

And I must really be hooked, because I do not want to give up my trigger foods, like chocolate. Please encourage and advise me, ladies!
Dorothea

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SUNNYWBL 4/5/2011 1:53PM

    Rather than thinking - 'fallen', think stumbled. We all trip ourselves on this journey, but we just keep on, keepin on..............

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RIVERWRITER 4/5/2011 1:52PM

    What ParkerCM said: ditto! You're no April Fool, and I too thank you for getting up and trying again. It inspires me to do the same.

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STRINGI719 4/5/2011 8:47AM

    You are so right - it cracks me up every time I see research confirming what I've KNOWN for a very long time!

I watched an episode of Oprah last year where she spent the hour talking with author Geneen Roth, who'd written a book called "Women, Food and God". She mentioned some things about how food is simply the drug of choice for some of us, but that we abuse it the same way other people abuse alcohol and drugs. We use it to numb ourselves and to not deal with our emotions. BINGO!

I love seeing your resolve and YES, you can do it!

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DIDMIS 4/4/2011 11:13PM

    emoticon emoticonYou did it before and you can do it again.
Get that pretty picture out when you became a KOPS and look at it.
We all fall off the wagon sometimes and if the horse isn't going too fast we can catch up and get back on.
Irene

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PARKERCM 4/4/2011 10:44PM

  I am a fellow sugar addict. I too, cannot eat just 1 cookie. I always thought it was just a lack of discipline--and to some degree, it is.

Thanks for getting up and trying again. I am following in your footsteps.

Happy April.
You are no fool.

Chris emoticon

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Back in the day.

Monday, March 28, 2011

A friend of mine has been writing blogs about how life was different back in the day. She is just a little older than me but back in my day exercise was fun tooo.

I grew up with TV. We had a TV but could only watch it at night. On Saturday Morning we could see cartoons. Sunday the Wonderful World of Disney.

A friend of mine asked me if I was athletic when I was younger. I quickly told her no. I loved to read a good book. On Saturdays and almost everyday in the summer I would ride my bike to the library it was about 1 mile from my house. I would get a book and read it. I was not exercising I was having fun.

I walking to school a mile every morning and home in the afternoon rain or snow I walked, I was not exercise it was just the way it was.
Riding your bike all afternoon up and down the street or to the swimming pool 5 miles away was not exercise it was fun.
Climbing trees was not exercise.
As I got older I was a swimming teacher. I would swim and tread water for at least 15 mins every hour. I would also swim laps as I swam beside my students. I was not exercise it was a job.

Now I think back. Yes, I was active. I did walk, bike and swim.
I would not call it exercise but I had fun.
Today kids can not walk to school. There are no sidewalks.
There is no place safe to ride a bike.

I was behind a bus. It came out of the school driveway and stopped across the street to drop the kids off. Yes across the street.
How sad the kids can not even walk across the street?

Me I have to drive 15 miles to a safe place to ride my bike. I drive to the park to walk. I can not walk around my area there are no sidewalks. My kids did not walk 1 mile to school there are no sidewalks. I When I first moved to my house 25 years ago I would ride my bike to town 3 miles away. But now there is just tooo much traffic.

I used to walk down my road where I live. Now there are tooo many cars. No shoulder on the road it is just too dangerous. So instead I park my car at the end of the parking lot and walk a little farther to the store. I try to get up and walk around during the day instead of just sitting at my desk.

Now I try not to just sit and watch TV. I try to only watch when I am on the treadmill. As for the computer well I will admit Sparkpeople has become addictive and I can not walk and Spark at the same time. Maybe one day I will have the computer I can talk to and it will type for me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TXDREAMSPINNER 3/28/2011 3:24PM

    I have always thought that it is sad that my children cannot do the things I did. I rode my bike around my neighborhood when I lived in town and when we moved to the country, I would spend the whole day walking in the woods and riding up and down our 1/4 mile driveway. Now I am afraid to let my children take off, even down our dead-end road. There is too much traffic for them to walk to school or even to the convenience store that is a half mile away. We drive to the park to walk and they can only ride their bikes when one of us can be outside to watch them.

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SUNNYWBL 3/28/2011 2:47PM

    I'm so glad I live in a town where I can walk safely, even after dark, and my teenagers had to walk to school!

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DIDMIS 3/28/2011 11:35AM

    Am I the friend who is just a LITTLE older than you writing blogs abouthow things used to be? I know Ihave been.
Now Becky you want a computer that will type for you therefore not even exercising your fingers.
LOL

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STRINGI719 3/28/2011 10:55AM

    So much truth to all of this!!! I don't remember even liking to watch TV when I was a kid - now I'm addicted, and my kids are too! There are positives to all the educational shows available on PBS, Disney, Nick, and Noggin nowadays, but there are HUGE drawbacks to having special kids shows on ALL DAY LONG too!

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HEALTHYME47 3/28/2011 8:34AM

    It is harder now with all of the traffic!

I found out that they sell these "treadmill desks" which set on your treadmill so that you can put a laptop there...making it possible to walk and Spark at the same time.

You are so right. We need to try to think of all the activities we did when we were young and figure out how to fit them in again!

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MNNSAIDE 3/28/2011 6:44AM

    Good memories and true my friend.

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TECAVINESS 3/28/2011 12:32AM

    Little things we used to do everyday are now chores for kids today.

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