MOM2ACAT   167,907
SparkPoints
150,000-199,999 SparkPoints
 
 
MOM2ACAT's Recent Blog Entries

First Christmas without my mom

Saturday, December 27, 2014

I made it through my first Christmas without my mom, but no matter how old you are, Christmas is just never the same once both of your parents are gone.

The last few years, after my dad passed away, I always went to church on Christmas Eve with my mom and sister. This year, I went to a family gathering at a cousin's house instead. My sister wasn't able to go because she came down with bronchitis, but I am glad I was able to go. I think it would have been hard being at church that first Christmas Eve without my mom, especially the part of the service where everyone sings Silent Night while holding a candle, I think I would have lost it then. But I think it was good for me to do something that night, and something that was different.

Several of my cousin's and their families were there, some that I hadn't seen in a few years, with the exception of my mom's funeral last month. I had tried taking a nap early that afternoon before I got ready to go, but I just couldn't sleep, and as a result, I tired out after 3 1/2 hours and had to go home. I felt like a party pooper, especially since a few more people were just getting there at that time, but everyone understood.

We had a "green" Christmas, unseasonably warm and the 40's; it rained almost night that night, and I had gotten chilled going out in it just the short time getting in and out of the car of one of my other cousins who gave me a ride home. As bad as I felt about having to leave the party, it did feel good to get into pajamas, and into bed with a book, my heating pad, and the two kitties.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

UNICORN212 12/27/2014 6:25PM

    Holidays are still difficult for me without my parents, and mine have been gone for a while. I am not sure it gets any easier. You do get more used to it though. I am glad you made it through. Keep smiling, and take one day at a time - one hour, if necessary.

By the way, I love your background image! Gorgeous!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRUISEGAL55 12/27/2014 6:18PM

    Shari, I am so glad to hear you spent time with your cousins. We all have to learn our way through the grieving process. It's different with each one we lose.
No surprise that you couldn't nap. Isn't that always the way? Your little kitties are your safe place. My favorite place is curled up with a good book, with my 3 fur balls snuggled in tight.
Next Christmas you will decide if it's time to return to church, with your sister.
Sending you prayers & positive energy.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GABY1948 12/27/2014 5:44PM

    Yes, that time of year is always hard when we have lost someone very near. The year my dad died, I thought I would die with him. HE was the LIGHT of my eye! He was the first really close person I had ever logs and I had spent two months praying so hard day and night that I just KNEW he would be healed. That was not in the plan (he died of colon cancer) and it was late November....I totally understand your feelings.

I also agree with you NOTHING feels as good as getting into night clothes and curling up and with any kind of animal, dog or cat. Glad it all was nice for you though in the end.

We have been having unseasonable weather also it was up to 49 today and outside now I hear the wind whipping really hard now!

Have a blessed evening and Sunday, Shari!

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SMILINGEYES2 12/27/2014 5:31PM

    Glad you got out of the house and was with family. Know what you mean about being emotional when a memory is triggered.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSAN-FIT-N-FAB 12/27/2014 4:41PM

    We are sort of discovering our own way and tryinh new things. It was good for you to be around others and also good to recognize your body's limitations and come home.



Report Inappropriate Comment
SLIMMERJESSE 12/27/2014 4:31PM

    I know it's tough, Shari. You did great lasting 3.5 hours considering you've been dealing with so much.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BERGBA7 12/27/2014 4:11PM

    I can relate to that - this was the second Christmas without my mother and it was hard too...and yes, I shed some tears during the service at Church while singing-but that's ok! Net year will be better - but her memory will probably still be very strong that time of the year, no matter how many years will pass!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LSDALOIA 12/27/2014 3:54PM

    That emotional stress can be really tiring. I'm glad you got through your first Christmas without your mom. Maybe you have some new traditions now?

Report Inappropriate Comment


Trying another drug for the cancer

Monday, December 22, 2014

I went to my appointment today with my oncologist feeling so sure that he was going to tell me I had no options left, but he decided to try something that is actually a very old treatment for metastatic breast cancer. It's a male hormone called Halotestin, a form of testosterone. Since my cancer is fueled by estrogen, this will counteract that estrogen. It is not a cure, but hopefully it will slow the cancer down. He also thinks it will help with my platelet count. (Which, by the way, went down again; from 91 last week, to 71 today.)

Some of the side effects include deepening of the voice, and excess hair growth, and possibly nausea. It's actually a drug that is sometimes used by body builders. I have to admit I'm a little nervous about the side effects. I'm also concerned about the possibility of it causing weight gain because of increased appetite, but I will just have to be vigilant about that. And if it improves my blood counts, hopefully, I will have more energy to enable me to increase my workout times and intensity.

I asked him how long I will have to be on it, and he said we'll see how it works, and we'll know in a month if it is. I won't be starting it right away; it has to be sent from a specialty pharmacy, so I will have to wait for them to call me and set up a delivery date, just like when I was on the Afinitor and Aromasin.

I also asked if I still have to blood counts checked every week, and he said I could go to just every other week for that; that will be nice to have a few less appointments per month, and it means that the week after Christmas, I actually will have an appointment-free week.

About my last blog about the patch; a few people suggested cutting it in half, but that cannot be done; in fact, the instructions say that any patch that has been cut or torn cannot be used. I will not be trying it again. I am not comfortable with using it and when I told my doctor about my experience with it, he agreed with me. Please be assured I am getting by just fine with the same oral pain meds I have been taking all along. They don't eliminate the pain, but they do take the edge off. I've been living with this chronic pain for quite a few years, and I am very comfortable with the way I am managing it at this time.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSAN-FIT-N-FAB 12/27/2014 11:44AM

    Hoping the new med arrives quickly and does the job it is intended to do. If it's used by body builders, maybe some increased muscle will be one of the side affects,which might also help with some of the pain.

emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUDITH316 12/27/2014 12:59AM

    I want you to know Shari my prayers are with you trusting this new drug will work for you, sending you BIG HUGS and heaps of LOVE... emoticon emoticon

Also praying there will be no side affects from this new drug that there will be positive results and a good report coming!...

Report Inappropriate Comment
SLAYINGDRAGONS 12/26/2014 7:30AM

    Hi Shari. I had you on my mind this morning and wanted to drop over to greet you with a "Merry Christmas" and "May your New Year be blessed with peace of heart and mind!"

Before I got here though, I saw that another SPFriend had posted in regard to her mother's recent passing. I read through some of the comments and was delighted to see yours! I have been very lax this year about getting to my SPFriends' pages and so was surprised to hear about your mother's death. How very sad. I want you to know that I do think of you often and have prayed for your strength and courage. You are a modern-day hero to me!

I pray that this new approach makes a difference for you. Hugs from Brazil!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 12/25/2014 8:04AM

    Merry Christmas Shari. I wish you a relaxing pain-free
day. Thanks for visiting my blog. You are emoticon
emoticon emoticon emoticon
emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BETHGILLIGAN 12/25/2014 7:32AM

    We'll keep our fingers crossed that the new meds are effective and don't give you side effects!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BUNNONE 12/23/2014 2:36PM

    Merry Christmas, Shari. I know it will be difficult for you this year. You have so many people thinking of you and sending prayers your way. Blessings to you.
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
HANOVERLADY 12/23/2014 1:46PM

    Keeping my fingers crossed for you! I'm checking out, in terms of computer use, in a few hours until Monday so I want to wish you a Merry Christmas. "See" you next week.

emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/23/2014 1:47:06 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRUISEGAL55 12/23/2014 11:55AM

    Shari, I've been praying for a MIRACLE for you. Hoping the new course of meds is your Silver Bullet. I will continue praying for your Miracle.
OXOX.... Have a Peaceful & Joyous Holiday!

Report Inappropriate Comment
RYDERSAUNT14 12/23/2014 8:40AM

    My thoughts are with you Shari. I hope you have a great Christmas in spite of the cancer. I hope the medication will help. Will continue to pray for you. God bless! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JANET552 12/23/2014 7:14AM

    I hope the new treatment helps with minimal to no side effects. Prayers!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PIMPINELLAN50 12/23/2014 3:09AM

    I am so pleased to hear that your doctor had found another treatment for you.Hoping that
this one will work and give you none or very few side effects.
May you have a blessed Christmas with your family and friends.
And as always; emoticon and prayers.
Marianne. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
WESTERNSAGE 12/23/2014 12:44AM

    I'm really glad to hear you have found another treatment option. It also strikes me that some weight gain on this new medication could actually be muscle instead of fat or water. You might want to try tracking with a body fat monitor if the weight starts coming on. Muscle burns more calories than fat so there could be a balance to be found on any weight gain. Don't know for sure, but it's a possibility. Best wishes to you always!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JANIEWWJD 12/23/2014 12:08AM

    I am praying for you daily!!! You are one of the bravest women I know!!! God bless you and have a Merry Christmas!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/23/2014 12:09:11 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOVINGME1966 12/22/2014 11:32PM

    Praying that this treatment works for you! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANGELBELIEVER 12/22/2014 11:16PM

    I am so pleased that your Dr. has another option for you to try. I pray it'll work and that you will have minimal side affects. Glad you'll have some time off over Christmas week. May it be a peaceful time for you. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
RAESUN54 12/22/2014 9:15PM

    Praying that this new so to speak medicine works for you. It will be nice I am for you to be free of doctor appointments next week. Praying you have a relaxing Christmas and a good New year. emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALLENJOSEPH 12/22/2014 9:03PM

    You are so good at knowing what you should or shouldn't do, Shari.
Wishing you God's blessings always.
With love & prayers, Janis emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LUCYCAN7 12/22/2014 8:53PM

  So glad to hear Shari they are going to give you a different treatment!
Praying it WILL work for you.Hugs and Blessings! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CASSIECAT 12/22/2014 8:35PM

    I hope this option will slow the cancer down and that you won't have any side effects at all! I'm glad there is another option to try.


Report Inappropriate Comment
SMILINGEYES2 12/22/2014 8:33PM

    Glad to hear the doctor had a card up his sleeve. It makes since. Hope the med does what it is intended to do with minimal problems.

Report Inappropriate Comment
YELLOW09RED 12/22/2014 7:42PM

    emoticon I hope the treatment works with little side effects. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CELLOPLAYER1 12/22/2014 7:20PM

    I hope this will work for you.
emoticon


Report Inappropriate Comment
LIVINGLOVINLIFE 12/22/2014 7:18PM

    A new option of chemo therapy. I'm so glad and glad also that you get a break on the weekly lab draws. Have a blessed Christmas with family and friends. Hugs Pat

Report Inappropriate Comment
MISSM66 12/22/2014 7:17PM

    Keeping you in my prayers,and hope you have a good night sleep, emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ICECUB 12/22/2014 7:16PM

    I AM SO GLAD YOU HAVE ANOTHER OPTION. HOPE YOU HAVE NO SIDE EFFECTS AND PLATELETS GO UP. KEEPING YOU IN MY PRAYERS.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SIMPLELIFE4REAL 12/22/2014 7:11PM

    I already posted a response on the Breast Cancer team, but I also wanted to post one here. I bet you were surprised when your MO said there was something else he could try. I'm really happy for you that he came up with another option.

I'm sorry to hear that your platelet count has dropped again. I was hoping it would go the other way now that you are off chemo.

I'm hoping the SE's won't be too bad and it slows that stupid cancer down to a crawl.

Having another treatment option was a wonderful early Christmas present. That's so nice that you won't have to get your blood tested so often too.

I'm hoping you are able to get a good night's sleep tonight.

Hugs....
Kay

Report Inappropriate Comment
PICKIE98 12/22/2014 6:21PM

    Oh Shari, I am so happy your doc has an option for you. If the side effects do not outweigh the desired outcome for your treatment, so be it. I see you have light hair, so maybe that part will not be so noticeable like it might on a very dark person..

Deepening voice is not life-threatening nor painful... the nausea can be dealt with ..you have your tools to counteract that. as well as the doc..

For my Christmas gift, I am praying that He will bring you this gift of successful treatment, pain reduction and heartfelt love from your friends and family Shari. I could never unwrap a better present!
May HE lay His healing hands on you and send His spirit through you...

Report Inappropriate Comment
ICEDEMETER 12/22/2014 6:18PM

    So glad to hear that your onc has another option for you - and I'm afraid that I giggled that you are somewhat concerned about it causing weight gain. After all that you've been through --- well, dear Shari, you truly are a SparkPerson through and through!

I hope that you're pleasantly surprised at the extra energy, and that you at least eat enough extra to fuel the additional activity. Just something to watch for, though - you may find that the extra energy makes it hard to sleep, so I hope that you have some meds for that on hand in case you need them.

I hear ya on the pain patch not being worth the side-effects, but I hope that you and your team keep searching for something that will help you with the break-through times. The chronic level is one thing to live with, but those spikes.... sigh. Yeah. They're tough.

Sending you strong platelet-growing thoughts (just how low do you have to go before an infusion?!), gentle hugs, and wishes for you to keep being able to find the little joys in each and every day...

Report Inappropriate Comment
GABY1948 12/22/2014 6:06PM

    Oh, I am Praising the Lord with you and FOR you! I pray this works for you and that you will escape the major side-effects, in fact, ALL the side effects! I was holding my breath as I clicked the link for your blog but this IS good news....for now Keep positive that is a big part of it!

And I did know about the patch not being able to be cut. None of them are supposed to be. It's a shame that you couldn't tolerate it!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

and think VICTORY!

emoticon
Gaye

Report Inappropriate Comment
SLIMMERJESSE 12/22/2014 6:01PM

    I hope this works for you and not severe side effects.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHOENIX1949 12/22/2014 5:24PM

    emoticon emoticon for sharing your journey with many teachable moments.

Report Inappropriate Comment


Pain patch did not work for me, bad side effects

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Rite Aid finally got the pain patch in stock that my PA at the pain clinic wanted me to try, and I picked it up Thursday morning while I was out shopping. My biggest concern was that it would make me feel sleepy, so I thought if I put it on at bedtime, I could sleep through the worst of the side effects. I put it on at 9:30pm Thursday night.

I really didn't notice it making me drowsy or anything. When I got up yesterday morning, I didn't have the usual pain in my legs and shoulders. I did feel light headed though, but at the time, I thought that would gradually wear off as I got use to it. The patch I was prescribed was the lowest dose available, and it's suppose to last 72 hours. As the day wore on though, I just got more lightheaded, and also nauseous. I really tried to tough it out until my body could get use to it, but finally, around 5pm last night, I could not tolerate feeling that way any longer, so I took the patch off.

I really did not feel comfortable with trying to stay on my feet any longer that day, so I went to bed at 6:15pm, read for awhile, and at 7:30pm, I turned off the lamp and went to sleep. I woke up a few times during the night, and got up around 7am, but I think in total, I did get 7-8 hours of good sleep.

I woke up with achy legs this morning, but overall, felt so much better without the nausea and light headedness. After getting up and moving around a bit, and taking my usual pain meds, I'm doing ok today; still have the pain but it is on the milder side today. I decided that I can tolerate the pain much better than the side effects of the patch.

I have some weakness in my legs that is from the cancer, where the bones have been damaged by the bone mets, and nerve damage from the radiation I've had in my left hip. I had noticed yesterday that even though the pain patch relieved that pain, it did not help my legs to feel any stronger. (For those that don't usually read my blog, I have metastatic breast cancer; it is in my bones, liver and lungs.)

I did some research online and found some leg strengthening exercises I can do. They are really for the elderly, and I'm only 51, but I have "old bones" because of the cancer, and I figured they were safe enough for me to do. I tried them out this morning; the whole routine took me 10 minutes, but I really felt it when I was done. I think if I do them regularly, they will help to make my legs stronger. I already have to use a cane when I am outside of my house, but I want to stay walking on my own power as long as possible.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HANOVERLADY 12/22/2014 2:39PM

    I'm sorry that pain patch didn't work but pleased that you found some leg exercises that are helping. I hope that your cats are being "furry little nurses". Mine always are very comforting when I'm not feeling well.

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BETHGILLIGAN 12/22/2014 8:44AM

    Aww, so sorry the pain patch was not a good match for you. I agree, though; I'd rather have the pain than those side effects!! Hopefully, the exercises will help!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JANET552 12/22/2014 7:47AM

    So sorry to hear the patch did not work out. Hope the leg exercises do.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALLENJOSEPH 12/21/2014 11:57PM

    Thank you for keeping us informed , Shari. You gave the medicine a try, and it definitely wasn't good for you.
I hope you had a good day , Always be assured of my prayers.
emoticon Janis

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALLENJOSEPH 12/21/2014 11:57PM

    Thank you for keeping us informed , Shari. You gave the medicine a try, and it definitely wasn't good for you.
I hope you had a good day , Always be assured of my prayers.
emoticon Janis

Report Inappropriate Comment
GABY1948 12/21/2014 3:08PM

    I am so sorry the patch did not work! Those patches are awesome IF they work. Be sure to speak to your PA about it when you go again. Perhaps some tweaking or something.

Like Linda, I would absolutely try anything and everything until you can go. God Bless you and keep you!

emoticon
Gaye

Report Inappropriate Comment
PICKIE98 12/21/2014 2:05PM

    SO sorry that long-awaited patch was a no-go. You are wise to rip it off.
As far as the leg pain, did they check your calcium levels? I know that your bones are different because of the CA, but maybe if the levels are optimum, it may lessen? Am I way off base?

Warm moist soaks with a heating pad and warm moist towel for a few times a day?

I am grasping at straws to think of things I have used or they did in hospital when I worked there.. I do not know how any of this affects you with your Dx and meds.

the exercises sound like they may help build you up.... hugs sweetie!!Linda



Report Inappropriate Comment
SIMPLELIFE4REAL 12/21/2014 7:21AM

    I'm sorry the pain patch had such hard side effects for you.

That was so smart of you to find some exercises you can do for your legs to build up strength. They sound like they will be very useful.

I have been rereading Life Over Cancer this week. The author really emphasises how important it is to keep exercising for good quality of life. You are a perfect example of how to keep doing it even as the disease progresses which is exactly what he writes about.

Is your appointment with your MO tomorrow? Wishing you the best.

Hugs,
Kay

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOONGLOWSNANA 12/21/2014 2:27AM

  You could check with the doctor to see if you can cut the pain patch in half... Having half the nausea still would be better and perhaps tolerable if it helps with the pain, and maybe the half dose wouldn't give you so many other side effects. Exercise is also a good idea to stay as strong as you can and exercise can help alleviate pain. You have caring and supportive doctors and friends, and you still have choices. Live everyday your own way. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHOENIX1949 12/21/2014 2:19AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JANIEWWJD 12/21/2014 12:30AM

    The blessing in all of this is that God has given you the strength of ten women!!! God bless you, my friend! Stay safe, stay strong, and most of all stay positive!!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
1STATEOFDENIAL 12/20/2014 11:45PM

    I wonder if you could cut the patch in half or if you could wear it for 24 hours then go without for 24-48 hours. If it helps for awhile before the effects get difficult, if you could wear them for the relief then remove it before the effects get bad, perhaps it could be useful? I'm sure you'll talk to your doctor to see what options you have.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CARRAND 12/20/2014 11:24PM

    Talk to your doctor about the side effects. Would half a patch work?
I'm praying you will feel better & have a Happy Christmas.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRUISEGAL55 12/20/2014 10:39PM

    Shari, glad the patch gave you some much needed sleep, if nothing else. You are such a fighter.
Can I offer you a personal story, to give you a chuckle??
I went out to pick up a few last minute gifts for some teens (children of friends). After shopping, I stopped at a restaurant, outside bar. I've been there occasionally, good food,live music, nice bartender.... Here's the chuckle part- A man tried to pick me up. Came sat next to me, bought me a glass of wine. Now, I am 59, single for 10 years... This is the 1st time any man has ever tried to pick me up. I gave him my #. We'll see if he calls. I'm still chuckling. I will let you know if I ever get the call.
emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSAN-FIT-N-FAB 12/20/2014 10:06PM

    It does sound like it helped the pain though. I wonder if the side effects are something that go away with time, if you were to walk for just the first day or two with a walker for safety inside the house, or if you only used the pain patch when the pain was really bad?

You know your own body better than many doctors do though, so I am sure you will do what is best for you.



Report Inappropriate Comment
LUCYCAN7 12/20/2014 8:01PM

  So sorry to hear Shari the patch made you sick.Hope they give you a
different kind,glad to hear you got some good rest.Good luck with the
exercises praying they will strengthen your legs.Hugs and Blessings. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CELLOPLAYER1 12/20/2014 7:53PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ICECUB 12/20/2014 6:28PM

    MAYBE YOU HAVE TO GET USE TO THE PATCH LITTLE BIT AT A TIME. IF NOT MAYBE DR CAN GIVE YOU ANOTHER PRESCRIPTION. I AM GLAD YOU GOT A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP. HOPING THE EXERCISES WILL MAKE YOU STRONGER. SHARI WHEN YOU ARE OUTSIDE BECAREFUL IF YOU ARE HAVING BAD WEATHER. HOPE YOU HAVE A PAIN FREE SUNDAY.

Report Inappropriate Comment
UNICORN212 12/20/2014 4:37PM

    A different patch might bring better results. Good job on finding the exercises. I hope they bring great improvement!


Report Inappropriate Comment
SMILINGEYES2 12/20/2014 4:19PM

    At least you have a back up for pain if needed. A cane or walker might be wise if you use the patch again to avoid a fall since you felt dizzy and that could lead to a fall. Hope you keep a cell phone with you if you needed to call for help. Cuddling up with a good book is always a good way to spend an evening.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LIVINGLOVINLIFE 12/20/2014 2:56PM

    Sorry the patch did not work out. Maybe the Dr. can recommend something else to accompany your routine med without the side effects. Hope the new exercises help strengthen muscles in your legs. Hugs.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SLIMMERJESSE 12/20/2014 2:25PM

    Glad you took off the patch and felt better afterwards. Wishing you a good day, Shari.

Report Inappropriate Comment
WIFE49 12/20/2014 1:09PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Just checking in, I'm doing ok

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Just checking in to let everyone know I am doing ok, after the news I received on Monday from my oncologist.

I slept surprisingly well Monday night; I think I was just plain exhausted, from the time I had to get up so early Friday morning to drink the first barium shake for the CT scan, then my anxiety over waiting for my report to be posted online, and once I had that report, waiting and wondering until my appointment later that afternoon to hear what my doctor had to say. I just felt kind of like I was running on adrenaline that whole weekend, and that night, my body was finally able to relax and let go.

I've had lots of time to think since then, and I've decided to put my worries and fears into God's hands. Easier said than done at times, but for the most part, I am feeling at peace. I feel like now, I am ready to handle whatever my doctor will tell me on Monday when I see him again, when I will find out how he wants to proceed.

The worst part of all this is knowing how sad this news is making my friends and family feel. There is no "good" time to have to share that kind of news, but it's especially hard so close to Christmas, and with the loss of my mom so recently.

Other than my usual chronic pain issues, and being tired from my blood counts being low, I really don't feel "sick" or anything like that. The mets in the lungs and liver are causing any physical symptoms at this time, so I take that as a good sign.

In the meantime, life goes on as usual, as much as I can make it possible. I got out early this morning for my grocery shopping, before the store got crowded and busy. I like to shop when it's quiet, and with my immune system not up to par right now, it also limits my exposure to people with colds or the flu. I am stocked up enough on the things I need so that I should not have to shop next week for anything.

I want to concentrate my energy next week on getting through Monday with getting my blood counts checked again, and my oncologist appointment. Wednesday evening is a family get together with extended family, and the day before that I am going to make some fudge to bring. If my doctor decides to proceed with chemo, that will be on Friday, the 26th.

I also was able to finally pick up my prescription for my new pain med this morning; I am waiting until close to bedtime tonight to start it; that way, if it makes me sleepy, I can just go to bed. I'm really hoping this one will provide longer lasting pain relief, but without making me too sleepy during the day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANET552 12/22/2014 7:45AM

    Thinking of you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SNUZSUZ 12/19/2014 10:14AM

    I hope the new meds work well and don't make you too sleepy! I'm glad you were able to 'give it God' and let your mind rest. I hope you got a good night's sleep.
You are amazing with all you are going through, you still have such a wonderful attitude!
God bless you, Shari!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FORZACHANDMATT 12/19/2014 8:18AM

    Thinking about you at such a difficult time

Report Inappropriate Comment
MEWHENRYSMAMA 12/19/2014 5:06AM

    Shari,
So good to hear from you and you were able to rest! I think to try to Let Go & Let God is a good choice. I pray for Devine order for you...I will be thinking of you on Monday as you see your doctor. I pray you get relief from your new pain meds, too!
You are a warrior...a true woman of courage!
Love & Hugs,
Mary

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALLENJOSEPH 12/18/2014 11:54PM

    Dear Shari,
Again I want to say what a beautiful, dear & remarkable person you are. You are a shining example to others. I can always feel in what you write and seeing in pictures of you, what a special woman you are, and that you walk very close with our Lord.
You are truly very special, Shari. May God continue to shine in you as you, as you radiate His love in all you do.
My love and prayers to you, Janis emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JANIEWWJD 12/18/2014 11:45PM

    Our God is an "Awesome God, and you have put your life in His hands now!!! Rest easy and know that He will never fail you!!! Have a good day tomorrow and look forward to the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ!!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/18/2014 11:46:35 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
RENATA144 12/18/2014 11:29PM

  My Dear Friend, I will pray that you get the Happy news that you desire. You are an Amazing Woman. You were such comfort to me when I when through my Breast Cancer ordeal. I will pray that you will experience a complete Healing of Mind , Body & Soul.
God Bless you Sister.
You will get through this tribulation.
Love , Renata emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANGELBELIEVER 12/18/2014 11:27PM

    Dear Shari,
It's a balancing act, isn't it? I will continue to pray for you and your doctor to feel at peace with what ever decision you make as far as your treatment is concerned. Our good friend just found out he has adrenal Ca, which is a rare form of Ca. They too are deciding which way to proceed. Like so many times, there is no cure, but there is treatment. But again, quality vs quantity...that is the question he is wrestling with.

Remember you are loved by so many here on Spark. You are not alone..ever. emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SMILINGEYES2 12/18/2014 9:07PM

    You are in so any folks thoughts and prayer. Wise watching busy times in stores, especially before the holidays.

Report Inappropriate Comment
YELLOW09RED 12/18/2014 7:37PM

    Have a peaceful night's sleep.
Sending you my hugs and prayers for your journey.
God bless you.
Debbie


Report Inappropriate Comment
ICECUB 12/18/2014 7:33PM

    SHARI I AM GLAD YOU FOUND PEACE. THANK YOU FOR LETTING US KNOW. I HOPE THE KNEW PAIN MEDS WORK. I WILL KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LUCYCAN7 12/18/2014 7:03PM

  Thanks Shari for letting everyone know how you are doing.So glad you
finally got some good rest.Very wise decision you are putting your fears
and worries in Gods hands!Rest well. emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 12/18/2014 6:44PM

    You are in my prayers Shari. I am glad you are
feeling a little better. Sleep well my friend. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SLIMMERJESSE 12/18/2014 6:36PM

    I have a special candle I light to accompany my prayers. You, my friend, are in those prayers.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CELLOPLAYER1 12/18/2014 6:18PM

    Take care! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PICKIE98 12/18/2014 6:13PM

    A wise woman.. since He was always in control anyway, your mature and point of faith is to let go and let Him, you will rest and be rested.
If we worry, why pray? If we pray, why worry?

Report Inappropriate Comment
JENNY888 12/18/2014 6:07PM

    Putting your worries and fears in God's hand is an excellent move. It won't do any good to worry about it and who better to be in than God's hands.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRUISEGAL55 12/18/2014 5:48PM

    Shari, I'm glad you let us know how you are doing. Like all of your SP friends, I think we are all happy to hear you got some sleep. I want to cheer you up. I wish I had a good joke to make you laugh. I'm terrible at jokes.
I know positive visualization is good for you. Here is your visual.
All of your family, friends & Sparks friends (1000's of us) holding hands,wearing Ugly Christmas Sweaters, singing your favorite Christmas Carols.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LIVINGLOVINLIFE 12/18/2014 5:28PM

    It is good that you have come to peace with your situation. I hope you are able to rest and have enough energy to spend time with your family next week. Hugs and take care.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MISSM66 12/18/2014 5:23PM

    Glad you are doing okay,I am keeping you in my prayers,have a good night, emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SIMPLELIFE4REAL 12/18/2014 4:58PM

    I'm glad you are feeling some peace about things. Like you said, it is easier said than done at times, but it's exhausting to live in fear. I hope those times (of fear or anxiety) are few and far between for you. I remember how well I slept the night I got the call from Vandy telling me my orginal biopsy results. I slept like a rock. I had been in such high anxiety for days that when I finally got the news that I had cancer I actually felt some relief. The waiting was over.

That's great you have no physical symptoms from the liver or lung mets. I hope it stays that way for a long time. I'm also hoping your new pain med works well for you without much in the way of SE's. I hope it helps you sleep good tonight!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


CT scan results; not good news

Monday, December 15, 2014

My CT scan that I had on Friday shows that 3 lesions that were on my liver in July have grown a little bit; they are growing slower, but they have grown, and there a few new ones too. The cancer has also now spread to my lungs; those spots are very tiny right now though, and also slow growing.

I wasn't expecting a "clean" scan, especially since I have had to postpone my chemo for over a month now due to the low platelet counts. (Which, by the way, when my CBC was done this morning, rose up to 91 from being 75 last week, a much bigger increase than I was expecting, but still too low to have chemo.) But what was hardest for me to hear, was being told that we may be running out of options with things to try. I knew that someday I would eventually get to that point with this disease, but to me, that "someday" was still quite a ways down the road.

The problem is that my bone marrow is just "worn out" from all the chemo I've had over the years, so that is what is limiting my options when it comes to treatment. He wants some time to do a little more research though, so I am going to go back to see him on Monday and I will found out then how we will proceed from there. If he does decide to continue with the chemo, I will have that the Friday after Christmas.

One of my cousin's was with me today, so at least I was not alone. It was very hard to hold back the tears and not cry until I had left the building. It's going to take me some time for all this to sink in, it still feels like a shock to me.

It's so hard to tell my close friends and my family about this, so soon after losing my mom. I know it's nothing I can control, and it's not my fault, but I can't help but feel that I am letting everyone down.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALLENJOSEPH 12/18/2014 11:40PM

    Dearest Shari,
I had not seen this post until now. I began reading the one from today, and as soon as I saw where you mentioned Monday, I left today's blog and came to this one. I'm so sorry to hear of all that you've been going through.
You are such a remarkable woman, who definitely shines as a role model. I feel so blessed to have met you here, on Spark People.
Please know, Shari, you are always in my prayers.

Love & Prayers emoticon Janis

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANGELN325 12/17/2014 6:23AM

    I'm so sorry to hear this. That is such a setback and I understand why you may feel why you are letting everyone down, but you are not. You are a wonderful, caring person who even with everything she is going through, took a few moments of her time to respond to my blog and you do that consistently. I'm praying for a miracle for you. One good thing about this site is that it teaches us to eat healthier and I know of at least one person who stopped her cancer in her tracks by eating lots of green foods and there are other anti-cancerous foods out there too. Not saying it will work, but it may be worth a shot.

I believe knowledge is power so here's a link for you to look at so you are ready for a real discussion with your doctor: http://www.webmd.com/breast-cancer/
stage-4-treatment-options.

Report Inappropriate Comment
FORZACHANDMATT 12/16/2014 10:18PM

    My heart and thoughts go out to you

Report Inappropriate Comment
YELLOW09RED 12/16/2014 9:22AM

    Oh Shari,
You are the strongest person I know. You encourage me. I'm sad to read your news this morning. I know everyone of us here on Spark LOVES you and we will be here for you. I know everyone in your family will Hug you.
I also wish I lived closer to you so I could help you daily.
emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CASSIECAT 12/16/2014 9:04AM

    emoticon
There's no good time to get this kind of news, and you are definitely not letting anyone down.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BETHGILLIGAN 12/16/2014 8:35AM

    Shari, I am so sorry to hear this news. You're right--this is not YOUR fault. You have been and still are such a fighter (and an upbeat one at that!). Allow your friends and family to lift you up! You have disappointed no one. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JANET552 12/16/2014 7:46AM

    I am sorry to hear your news and it does come at an especially bad time, in many ways. I am sending extra prayers. I hope your doctor has some new thoughts for you on Monday.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 12/16/2014 6:46AM

    Shari, I am so sorry to hear the CT scan results.
You are such a brave lady and a real fighter. Hang
in there and hopefully the doctor can find something
in the new research that might be worth a try.
Thinking of you and sending prayers to you. No, you
are not letting anyone down. You are amazing!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PIMPINELLAN50 12/16/2014 4:16AM

    Shari,
I am so sorry about the CT Scan results.You are most definitely not letting anyone down
Shari.You have faced every obstacle put in your path with incredible inner strenght and grace.Hopefully the platelet count will continue to rise so that you can resume the chemo.Or the doctor will find another treatment for you.The love,concern and admiration so many of us have for you is easy to see on every blog that you have posted.
You are in my heart, thoughts and prayers every day. emoticon emoticon emoticon
emoticon
Marianne emoticon



Report Inappropriate Comment
JANIEWWJD 12/16/2014 12:27AM

    Do not feel like you are letting anybody down!!! You are such a warrior, a fighter with a wonderful spirit!!! All is not lost, and there are still options out there!!! The most important one is prayer and giving God control over your life!!! May His will be done!!! I am praying very hard for you!!! God bless you, my friend, and never, ever give up!!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHOENIX1949 12/15/2014 10:52PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
You have let NO ONE down. Your bravery is admirable. Hopefully your doctor can come up with something to help you. My best friend from high school fought the good fight for 17 years, many of the last ones in experimental treatment programs that she knew would help others, if not help her. Her doctors were amazed at the number of times she rallied from hospice care. Take care.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANGELBELIEVER 12/15/2014 9:46PM

    Shari, My heart goes out to you at this very difficult and challenging time in your life. You have no let anyone down my sweet friend. No one at all. You have been nothing but courageous, strong, positive and heroic as far as I am concerned. That is how I see you. I will continue to pray that God will help your Dr. find a good treatment option for you. Love you dear friend. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LUCYCAN7 12/15/2014 9:40PM

  PRAYERS,HUGS AND FAITH,SHARI emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHERYLE51 12/15/2014 8:41PM

    I am so sorry to hear about the cancer. It's a very hard time right now for a lot of people. I have added you as a spark friend. Please take care.


Report Inappropriate Comment
IAM_HIS 12/15/2014 8:31PM

    Shari, you are not letting anyone down. You are showing all of us just how strong and courageous you are. I will keep praying for you and having faith that the doctors will find a way to help you. God is in control and I am so very grateful for this.

Never, never give up and know that you are not alone in this journey. Please keep posting and taking care of yourself.

Lord, I trust in you to take care of my beautiful friend Shari. Guide her doctors to help her get better.

Report Inappropriate Comment
IMAVISION 12/15/2014 7:34PM

    You are not letting anyone down, Shari. When we just don't have it in us to be strong, it is a blessing to have family & friends to lean on. Let them be strong for you this time around.

I will continue in prayer for our Creator's perfect will to unfold for you, as He walks you through each day. And, I will share your need for prayer covering with other prayer warriors.

May our Creator give His wisdom to your physician in all matters concerning your health & healing needs!

God bless you, Shari!

Ima


Report Inappropriate Comment
RAESUN54 12/15/2014 7:15PM

    Shari,

I too am sorry you received such shocking and disappointing news. Especially so soon after your mom passing. I somewhat can relate what has happened in my family this year.
You are such a very strong and inspiring lady. It is hard to tell family and friends especially when you have not quite absorbed what has been happening.
Please know you have lots of friends here that care a lot about you and We all are praying for you.

You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NOMIS1 12/15/2014 7:14PM

    Oh Shari -
Letting anyone down? You are the bravest, strongest person I know. I know sitting from here it is easy to say don't go down that road, but please try not to.

I am so sad to hear this news and will praying for the best.

Please, please keep in mind all the lives you are touching in such a positive way.



Report Inappropriate Comment
MEWHENRYSMAMA 12/15/2014 6:51PM

    Oh, dear friend, I hated reading the title of your blog...I am so sorry it was not better news! I am glad you were with your cousin, but it is still is not the news you wanted and of course shocking! You have not let anyone down! You have been brave and
handled this with such courage! Please see yourself surrounded by love, prayers and
Wishes for an answer. I hope your Dr can be touched by our love and find something to try to help you! We are here, my friend...know we care and will be keeping you in our daily thoughts and prayers!
Healing Hugs,
Mary
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SIMPLELIFE4REAL 12/15/2014 6:37PM

    Shari,

I'm so sorry to hear this. I have been thinking about you all day and even checked earlier to see if you had posted. I was afraid the scan would show some growth since you hadn't been able to get chemo on a regular basis and that you might be running out of treatment options.

I hate that you have to be dealing with this so shortly after your mom died and right before Christmas. Horrible timing...but, I don't know if there is such a thing as good timing when it comes to stuff like this.

They just had the annual Breast Cancer symposium in San Antonio. I wonder if your MO is going to be looking at the published presentations from that to see if there is anything new that might work. I've been reading about things for triple negative bc because that's my kind. I'm not up on treatments for the other types of bc.

I wish there was some sort of immunotherapy that was available to you that wasn't so hard on your bone marrow. That seems to be the direction a lot of research is taking....it just takes so darn long for it to become available to patients.

I'm heartbroken this is happening to you. I know you still have some time. You have fought a long hard battle and it is NOT over. I wish I lived closer so I could actually help you. You are in my thoughts.

Hugs,
Kay

Report Inappropriate Comment
ICECUB 12/15/2014 6:33PM

    I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR THIS SAD NEWS. YOU HAVE NOT LET ANYONE DOWN. YOU HAVE BEEN VERY BRAVE MY FRIEND. I WILL KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS. PRAYING FOR A MIRACLE AND FOR GOD TO SURROUND YOU WITH HIS HEALING POWER AND LOVE.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CELLOPLAYER1 12/15/2014 6:30PM

    I will keep you in my prayers.

You are not letting anybody down, we are all here for you.

emoticon

Julie

Report Inappropriate Comment
LIVINGLOVINLIFE 12/15/2014 6:28PM

    Such sad news at this time of the year. I was concerned because of the low platelet levels. Prayers for comfort and peace. Prayers that the supreme healer will step in and find a way for your physician to help you. Try to find strength. You have been so strong and an inspiration. Know that we are here for you. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SLIMMERJESSE 12/15/2014 6:26PM

    Reading this through tears; I am so fond of you as a dear SPfriend and feel as though I know you. Very saddened by this news. You remain in my prayers.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SMILINGEYES2 12/15/2014 6:16PM

    I am saddened by the report--not what we had hoped to hear. Cuddle with your prescious kitties and you have every right to let the tears flow. Please call on us for what support we can give. Will continue to lift you up in prayer. Wish could hug you and just be there in person for you. Know how hard it was for my dh husband and I got the news nothing could be done. Those next days were so sweet and tender; will always treasure them. It was not a journey we would have chosen but one we had to travel. emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRUISEGAL55 12/15/2014 6:16PM

    Shari,I am glad your cousin was with you, when you got the results.Please, know how you are loved & how many of us are praying for you. Praying for a miracle. From all the emoticon on this blog, we need to be careful not to squeeze you too tight.
Are you allowed to drink? Break open a bottle of Red(or White), Make a toast & write in your gratitude journal.

OXOXOX emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MISSM66 12/15/2014 6:14PM

    Keeping you in my prayers my friend, emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DAISYBELLEKIA 12/15/2014 6:03PM

    You are in my prayers...I wish I could give you this hug in person emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PICKIE98 12/15/2014 5:53PM

    As you already know the stages of grief, you know that deep down, you have done nothing wrong, have let NOBODY down, and will weigh options yourself as yo go along. Attitude, support, and faith are the strongest medicines a can administer to themselves.

I want to reach through my monitor and squeeze you until the hugs make you feel better.

Nobody here could do anything more than you have over the course of this trial of challenges you have had.

None of us can change what is, but we can be here for you, your vent, your support from afar. Any healing, anything you feel you need to try, go for it.
I love you sweetie and will help you in any way I am able to help.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JENNY888 12/15/2014 5:43PM

    Reading your blog I was ready to share a couple of tears myself for you. Hopefully your doctor will find something that will help you. In the meanwhile enjoy every minute you can of the holiday season. We all leave this world some time and I am sure there is something around the corner at that time. If you need anyone to talk to during this difficult time know I am here for talking. I have added you as a Spark Friend so I can keep track of what is happening. I hope you don't mind.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MABRYSMOMMA0329 12/15/2014 5:39PM

    i will keep you in my prayers that the dr will have something new for you the next time you see him emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360 Last Page