MOLLYVD   34,572
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Starting over

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Just read my last blog from October. My daughter's cancer spread so quickly. In early November we were told there was nothing more medically that could be done for Karen. I started sleeping at her house & taking care of my grandkids. Family & friends helped out, so I could get to my house each day. About a week before Thanksgiving, we put her in the hospital for some IV fluids. She remained there until her death on Dec. 18. My husband, an RN, was able to take time off from work and stay with Karen during her time in the hospital. We have spent the first months of 2013 taking care of her affairs. Our grandchildren have moved into our home & are with us most of the time.

Around Thanksgiving, I gave up trying to keep up with SparkPeople (& a lot of other things), but as we adjust to the "new normal" it is time to pick-up the pieces of my life. So here I am but not really needing to start over completely. I have some life foundations that are still in place and just need to do some rebuilding and repair.

My faith...I still believe in God's goodness, love, & plans for our lives. I believe in Jesus' death, resurrection, & the promise of eternal life. (I will see Karen again!) I believe in the Holy Spirit & His guidance & comfort. Some other beliefs I am rebuilding: Do I hear God correctly? What about healing? Do I understand His promises or do I try to make them fit my wants?

My SparkPeople foundations...I have learned what to do for my own health & now must actively start doing. I first need to review my goals...what is important. Then revamp my daily activities so I can reach the goals. This is where I am now...looking at what works for me.

With 2 teenagers in the house, life has changed so much, but they give me incentive to live well. We are going through our year of "firsts" without Karen. It isn't easy, but I have wonderful friends & family to just be there. The Holy Spirit has also been the comforter Jesus promised He would be. So I am on with the business of just living.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DMC10241 5/28/2013 8:20AM

    You have an amazing outlook. I don't know if I could handle it as well as you seem to be. I'll continue to ask God to give you strength.

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WILDFLOWERR_ 5/25/2013 6:34PM

    I admire your strength. I pray that the Holy Spirit continues to comfort and guide you. I pray for those to children who lost their Mom at such a vital time in their young lives!
I'm here for you if you need me.
Blessings and emoticon

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MAGGIEVAN 5/25/2013 5:13PM

    Hugs my friend. I don't have words to console you as you have strong faith and find your consolation there. Life is pushing us on and yes, every moment should be our best.

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3G1RLS4ME 5/25/2013 2:23PM

    Sorry for your daughters death mine is in heaven as well except she was only 2 months 19 days when she went home to god. It's been 7 long yrs, but I have two other beautiful children alive and mostly healthy. So I am grateful that god gave me the opportunity to still be a mother to them.
Anyhow it's great that you took your grandchildren in it must be a blessing indeed and you can share happy memories of your daughter onto them so they don't ever forget her.
Blessings for you

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KADULAC 5/25/2013 1:09PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine. I'm glad to see you back. I have missed you and thought about you a lot. I understand the "new normal". I was just telling another Sparkfriend yesterday about how we are finally getting into a "new normal" with DH's surgey complications. I'm glad you are able to be there for your grandkids. God bless and comfort you. emoticon

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CMCGRUN 5/25/2013 11:58AM

    I saw your blog this morning and even though we don't know each other, I just wanted to welcome you back and say how sorry I am to read what you've been through. I am new to SP and everyone here has been so helpful to me. Take care and know you are in my thoughts and prayers. emoticon

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The worse spring, summer, fall...ever

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

The blog title is from my grandson, but he has a good reason...his mother (my daughter) has Stage 4 cancer (melanoma). She first noticed a lump in February & it was confirmed as cancer in late spring. Since then life seems to revolve around doctor appointments &, radiation, chemo...& difficult news. First the lump on the CAT scan showed a 2nd on the back...a scan of the head revealed 3 more...radiation...then a chemo treatment that she violently reacted 4 days in the hospital & a couple months just trying to recover from the treatment...more scans showing more tumors...a change in treatment plan...severe pain because the tumors push against the wait to see if the treatments will shrink the tumors.

How does someone cope during such a time of high stress & do the lessons learned through Spark People help?

Trusting God is my "first line of defense." His grace is getting my family through each day. We are praying for Karen's complete healing, and even though that hasn't happened yet, everyday I feel God's love, compassion, comfort, & peace that He is holding us in His hands.

I am also trying to practice some of the major themes of SP to maintain my health...drink water, 7-8 hours of sleep, eat fruits & veggies, find support through friends & family, exercise.

1. Log-in streak...a 300 day streak...there's something about just logging into SP that gives me a feeling of "normal" during chaotic days.
2. Watching my health by drinking water, getting my sleep, and making sure I have fruits & veggies during the day. I'm not logging this information, but I understand its importance. Before SP I probably wouldn't have even been thinking of these.
3. No weight gain...I'm not stressing about losing weight, instead I'm working on not gaining any.
4. Although my exercise plan is inconsistent, I walk when I does help.
5. Allow friends & family to "be there" for us. A huge "silver lining" has been supportive people. Karen has friends clean house for her, contribute sick time at work, give money to help with expenses, supply meals, & just be there for her.

Karen is a single mom with 2 kids (15 & 12). I spend my afternoons/evenings at her house trying to help manage her, supervising kids, dealing with paperwork, cooking. Some days it feels overwhelming to deal with 2 houses, but I remember that little steps forward are better than not moving at all.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PENNEYV 10/31/2012 8:10AM

    Thanks for the update. Will continue to pray for your family and you. Only God has the answers and only He can give the strength necessary for this time. emoticon

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KADULAC 10/25/2012 9:16PM

    Your daughter and you are always in my prayers. I'm glad she has you there to help her; that must be a great blessing for her. I understand what you mean about just logging in to SP making you feel normal. There have been days that was almost all I could do while taking care of DH during his recovery from surgery. God bless you. emoticon

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WILDFLOWERR_ 10/25/2012 2:41AM

    MY thoughts and prayers are with you.
John 14:14-If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.

Complete healing for Karen, in the precious name of our Savior, Christ Jesus!
Isaiah 53:5 But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.
I pray the "rest" that only the Lord can give over you! Complete and total, rest.
Hebrews 4:9 --There remains therefore a rest for the people of God.
FAITH: 1 John 5:4--For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith.
STRENGTH: Isaiah 26:4 --4 Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength
COMFORT: 2 Cor 1: 3-4- Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
Lastly, I pray JOY over you in Jesus’ name!
Proverbs 17:22--A joyful heart is good medicine,
But a broken spirit dries up the bones.

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KKKAREN 10/24/2012 10:10AM

    You're on a hard road but it sounds like you are following it well. I'll be thinking of your daughter and wishing her a full recovery.

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PJ2222 10/24/2012 9:46AM

    I'll be praying for you and your family! Trusting in God!
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My first 10K

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Last Saturday I walked/jogged my 1st 10K. I am slow, so my goal was to do it in under 2 hours. In training, I had done the distance but at a slower pace, however I know that on an official run, I go faster. My son & daughter-in-law did a 1/2 marathon so we were running at the same time although they started 1/2 hour earlier.
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I had my plan...start with a brisk 1 min. walk then a 4 min. jog...repeat. Well, everyone else started with a brisk jog & I yielded to peer pressure & started jogging. Of course, I tired too quickly & there was still 5 1/2 miles to go. Back to the plan...walk...jog...walk...jog. There was also a 2 mile run so for the first mile there were plenty of people on the course.
At the first mile the course turned a corner then about 1/4 mile further there was another turn. I made that first turn & there were no other runners ahead of me! That was such a lonely feeling, everyone else was fast enough that I could no longer see them...I was all alone...I wanted to turn around! Then I realized that there were a couple walkers behind me, so I kept going. Around the next turn & I could see other runners again. In fact, I passed my DS & DIL as they were on the return stretch.
I will admit, I had a mental battle going on. Did a mention that it was raining...just a drizzle but enough to soak through the clothes. At least the air temperture was okay, so it wasn't cold. But back to the mental battle. The 10K is a challenge for me, so I keep telling myself that I could turn around at any point & head back. As I got tired, I seriously considered turning around & not completing the run, but at the 2 mile marker I checked my time & I was doing an okay speed. So on to the 3 mile marker & the turn around point.
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I'm jogging along & I realize that one of the walkers is catching up. A WALKER is going to pass me...that's just not fair. As he catches up, we start the usual little chit-chat. He is walking as therapy for an injured back & we continue the run together. His wife & daughter are further back...walking the 10K as a PE make-up for the daughter. I have not tried to find a jogging partner...I'm too slow, so this was a new experience to have someone alongside encouraging me on. This gentleman became my pace setter. (He said I was going at a good pace for him too!)
This 10K was one of the best runs ever. Even tho my DS & DIL were running a longer course, we were still having the experience together (we finished within minutes of each other). I had a pace-setter & encourager that helped me complete the run & not give up. AND, I finished in 1 hour 40 minutes...20 minutes faster than my goal!
Maybe I will try another 10K.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

INSHAPE2011 7/11/2012 12:50PM

    What a great great story!! Well done, Molly... for winning the mental battle, for not giving up, for making 10K, for making 10k in 1 hour and 40 min, for having fun and thank you for sharing!

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PENNEYV 6/21/2012 10:53AM

    emoticon I think that it iawesome that you even tried a 10K. These
" runs" can be habit forming. Great job! A partner does make the entire distance go better. emoticon

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SKUNKY4 6/20/2012 8:02AM

    emoticon accomplishment. You did it! emoticon
The hardest part of almost anything is the "Battle in the Mind". Very proud of you for not giving up. I see you going on to bigger and better things.

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WILDFLOWERR_ 6/20/2012 1:04AM

    That is emoticon emoticon emoticon
The same thing happened to me at a 5K race. It was a woman, and we became each others "Angels!" emoticon

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KADULAC 6/20/2012 12:24AM

    That is great!! Congratulations. I'm so proud of you for sticking it out and finishing it.

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_RACHEL 6/19/2012 12:05PM

    Molly! Molly! I am so proud of you!!!! You did it and....... 20 minutes faster than what you had plan?! Now that is impressive!!! Great job! Walking and running is a great way to do races!!! Just ask "Jeff Galloway", famous for the "run walk method" He was a runner, before running became popular! His website is I have a few of his books if you wish to borrow them but it looks as though you are doing just fine without! Congratulations!!! emoticon

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MSCHIEF18TH 6/19/2012 11:51AM

    Congratulations on NOT giving up and continuing to move forward even though what was behind you seemed to be the easier route! Congratulations on finishing too!!!! wooo hoooo!!!

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Tuesday, May 01, 2012

GMINYARD posted a message on Wildflowerr's Live-It Team discussion board asking for advice on finishing projects. Made me stop and think about how often I start something and then don't see it to the end. My craft room is full of projects in various stages of completion. I've been known to wash all the dishes except one last pan. I started 3 SP 5K walking/running training programs without completing any. I have participated in 5K's, just didn't finish the training program.
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So, I am on a mission in 2012 to complete projects, which is very similar to setting goals. I've made my list of things to do, decided priorities, and broken the projects into reasonable daily and weekly pieces. Now I am posting about this so I have some accountability.
First 3 projects:
1. Finish a quilt for my granddaughter before her birthday on May 8. (I've been at this for 5 years & she keeps asking when it will be done. emoticon)
2. Finish the bedroom closet. (We are remodeling.)
3. Complete the 5K training programs.

Last week:
1. Decided how much I needed to sew each day, got the room set-up to sew, actually followed my plan & did some extra. It'll be a bonus if I have the quilt done several days before her birthday so there's no last minute rush.
2. Finished the 1st sanding. DH needs to check it & do more mudding.
3. Completed the 1st walking-a-5K training program. Got the trophy!

This week:
1. Continue the plan to complete the quilt.
2. Have to wait on DH, so I will concentrate on the other 2 projects.
3. Do 3 days of training suggested by the training program.

Now that I've "told everyone" my plan, it won't be so easy to put it aside & say, "Maybe tomorrow." emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PSALM34V7 5/9/2012 2:46PM

    Very courageous of you to put this out into the open! Sadly I think there's so many of us who start but don't finish.
It sounds like your projects are going well. Congratulations on your granddaughter's B-day. Hope she liked her quilt :-)

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PENNEYV 5/1/2012 2:04PM

    Wonderful idea, but I have so many unfinished things that I am not sure where to start. Thanks for the motivation to define some of the things I really want to finish. emoticon

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KADULAC 5/1/2012 11:21AM

    Great plan. I have things I need to finish too. Time to get to work. Thank you for the motivation.

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Mindless Eating

Thursday, April 05, 2012

I had quite a shock on Tuesday. I had made brownies for a potluck and there were some left. After my walk on Tuesday I thought that the last brownie would taste good, so I headed for the kitchen. Guess what, the pan was EMPTY. Normally I would blame my DH, but he wasn't home! I have not considered myself a mindless eater, especially after starting with SP, so it was a very sobering moment to realize mindless eating was staring me in the face.
I read an article recently that said logging what you eat, even if you don't count calories, can help in weight loss. Now I really know why!
Well, I pulled out my food journal, have it handy, & am writing down everything that I eat even if I don't always count the calories. Goal...stop the mindless eating and (from past experience) lose weight in the process.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_RACHEL 4/7/2012 3:09PM

    I appreciate your blog Molly.....then I wonder why I've been fluctuating with last 5 pounds. Mindless eating! Thanks for encouraging me to start writing down what I eat once again! emoticon

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GLITTER60 4/6/2012 12:01AM

    i know how you feel. i do fine most of the time.

THEN the cravings hit at 10pm. sometimes i have hot air popcorn. but it is so tough.

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WILDFLOWERR_ 4/5/2012 10:40PM

    Maybe the dog at them? emoticon

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NEWKATHYNOW 4/5/2012 9:39PM

    That is so true and so easy to do! Good for you for breaking it now!

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JOANNS4 4/5/2012 8:05PM

    Tracking is a good idea. You recognized what you did. It's interesting how easy it is to fall back. Been there done that.

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PINK4YOUTOO 4/5/2012 10:25AM

Why is it everytime I pass thru the kitchen I grab something to eat?? A hard habit to break!!

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